Once they were alone, Conrad mentioned casually, “I think maybe you should stay here for a while.”
“I’m just tired. I’ll be okay.”
“Julia was up a lot last night, wasn’t she?”
Rachel nodded.
“She needs her big sister more than I need a babysitter.”
“Is that what I am – a babysitter?” She could have sworn she heard her heart crack a little.
“I didn’t mean it like that, but I can go to Louisiana alone. Better yet, I can skip the cabin altogether and go meet up with Rick and Veronica. Maybe they’ll let me knock a few of those bastards’ heads together.”
Rachel dropped the plate she was washing back into the suds and shoved Conrad in the chest. “You stubborn ox. You might look okay, but you have lung damage, and you’re still recovering from being poisoned, in case you’ve forgotten.”
Conrad chuckled and caught her sudsy hands in his, refusing to let go when she tried to pull them free. He blew at the pile of bubbles on her fingers playfully, seductively. She watched his mouth as he did, nearly turning into a puddle at his feet.
Beau, the Russells’ golden retriever, tore through the kitchen with a trail of giggling kids behind him. A chicken wandered through at the end of the processional, pausing to glance at the amused couple at the sink. Rachel used the diversion to reclaim her hand.
“Give yourself at least a couple of weeks before you go charging back into the fight,” she suggested. “Besides, I thought you were supposed to lie low until Rick and Ronnie could assess the situation.”
“I’m too restless to go hide for even a week. I want to do something. I’m just ready for this whole mess to be over so I can go back to my nice, quiet life.”
“Oh.” Rachel emotionally withdrew at his words. “Well, I’m a woman of my word. I said I’d help you get your life back, and I will. Then you can go back to being a recluse.”
“Would you stop saying you owe me?” Conrad threw his dish towel on the counter. “I’m tired of hearing it.”
“I do owe you. You saved my sister’s life.”
“After putting your whole family in danger.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“When will you stop arguing with me?” he demanded, retrieving the dish towel to fold it neatly.
“When you stop being wrong,” she retorted tartly, taking the dish towel to dry her hands before handing it back to him. With that, she turned on heel and left him to stand alone in the kitchen, mouth agape.
She didn’t see Conrad again before he left. She’d gone for a walk to cool her head, and by the time she returned, he’d gone. She understood he was as jumbled inside as she, but that didn’t make it any more palatable that he’d up and left. His absence left a gaping void. His lack of goodbye made her want to cry all over again. The combination of the two infuriated her. She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw a good old-fashioned temper tantrum.
Only that was the last thing in the world Julia needed at the moment. Conrad was her knight in shining armor – she didn’t need to see his armor tarnished. And she didn’t need an overly emotional sister.
Desperate to purge some of her pent-up emotion before she exploded, Rachel threw herself into cleaning. Neena looked a little surprised when she first stumbled across Rachel frantically scrubbing the baseboards in her bathroom, but she didn’t say anything. Rachel wondered if Neena’s choice to turn and walk away without a peep was made out of understanding or if she simply wanted her baseboards cleaned.
Either way, Rachel made her way through every menial task she could think of that afternoon, emerging only to check on Julia several times. The young girl spent most of the afternoon curled up in a bay window, reading. Rosemary spent her day in the hammock, watching the chickens play keep-away with the occasional treat she’d throw their direction. That evening, Rachel cleaned up in time to make dinner for the family.
The next several days blended into a similar pattern. Rachel spent her nights comforting Julia and her days working her fingers to the bone. By the third day, Rachel was no closer to sorting through the pain and rage that had tangled themselves around her heart.
Hiding out waiting for the other guy to strike had never been Rachel’s style, and it irked her to be doing so now. She was scared for her sister and Conrad if they did more than hide, though – that wasn’t a feeling she was accustomed to either. The helplessness of it all gnawed at her. There was also the futility of finally admitting her feelings for Conrad only for him to run away to the bayou before she had a chance to talk to him. And she had no idea how to help Julia or what to do about her mother, who was sinking deeper and deeper into depression.
Rachel had scrubbed every inch of Neena’s house and spent countless hours chasing it all round and round in her mind, but the only thing she’d gained for her trouble was a set of dark circles under her eyes.
“As thrilled as I am to have you muck my stalls – and in truth, as amusing as it is to watch a city girl try to muck stalls – I think it’s about time you and I have a talk.” Neena surprised Rachel. She hadn’t realized she was no longer alone in the stable.
“Don’t laugh. I’m trying.”
“I am too.” A giggle escaped Neena’s lips before she clapped a hand over her mouth.
“Fine. I’ll do something else.” Rachel scowled, moving past Neena to hang the rake where she’d found it.
“Why don’t you get a shower and go into town with Julia and me?”
“Is that safe?”
“Wear a ball cap. No one in town will recognize you.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows skeptically. It had been two years since the last time she and Conrad had visited Neena. That visit, she’d wound up signing autographs at the local diner for an hour.
“They’ll keep their mouths shut if they do.”
Rachel’s expression didn’t change. Small towns were infamous for gossip, and this one excelled in the arena.
“Most of them don’t even know how to log onto the Internet. Those who do wouldn’t dream of saying anything. If it will make you feel better, I’ll call Rick first.”
“It would make me feel better. I don’t want to get my sister killed because I couldn’t sit still like I was told.”
“But you also stayed behind to spend time with your sister, and instead you’ve spent it attacking the mildew in my grout to keep your mind off my brother.”
Rachel frowned. “That hurt a little.”
“Am I wrong?”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t true; I just said it hurt a little.” Rachel’s frown deepened to a scowl. “You know, prison made you mean.”
“Actually, it mellowed me in many respects. I was pretty scrappy before.”
“That’s a terrifying prospect.”
“Now who’s being mean?” Neena smiled and reached a hand out to Rachel. “Come on. Let’s stop sparring and go shopping instead. There’s a great vintage shop in town.”
“You mean the secondhand store on the square?”
“I thought it might sound trendier if I called it vintage.”
Rachel smiled at that one and had to concede that Neena had a point. “I’ll go clean up.”
The outing did her some good. She found a couple of cute outfits that were outdated enough to be in fashion again, which probably did qualify them as vintage. She also noticed that Julia was thawing a little around the edges. She seemed to jump less and smile a little more. Maybe all the quiet hours spent reading had done her some good. Still, Rachel knew that by being so wrapped up in her own emotional tumult, she’d been neglecting her real reason for being there.
“I’m the worst sister on the planet,” she blurted over lunch.
“I’ve been telling you that for years,” Julia replied without missing a beat, showing the first real spark of her old self Rachel had seen.
“What brought that on?” Neena prompted.
“I’m just realizing that you were right, Neena. I’ve spent m
ore time with your grout than I have Julia.”
Julia frowned at that. “Don’t be stupid, Rachel. I know you were figuring out the whole Conrad thing. And you’ve checked on me lots.”
“You knew?”
“I’m not stupid.” Julia stopped eating her pancakes long enough to peer up at Rachel from under the brim of her hat.
Neena smiled sympathetically. “Sweetie, everyone knows. Benjamin asked if you were mad at his Uncle Conrad.”
“He did not.” Rachel was horrified.
“Okay, maybe not. But I could tell he was thinking it, and he did mention the two of you in the same sentence,” Neena amended.
“So, have you figured it out yet?” Julia asked.
“I’m no closer than when I started.”
Julia shrugged. “For what it’s worth, I’ve always liked him.”
“I’ve always liked him too,” Neena added.
“That’s helpful. Can we talk about something else?”
“Charlie texted earlier to say your cat was dropped off today,” Neena offered.
“Darcy’s here?” Rachel perked up immediately. “Why didn’t you say so sooner?”
“Because I wanted to finish my cheeseburger.”
Rachel gave Neena a pleading look. Neena popped the last of her sandwich in her mouth and held her hands up. Rachel took that as a sign and snagged the bill off the table to go pay while the other two finished their drinks.
When they arrived at Neena’s, it was evident Darcy had missed Rachel as much as she had him. He yowled until she picked him up, and then he purred just as loudly. He followed her through the house without fail.
“You know, when you close the door, that cat sits just on the other side of it and stares at the door until you come out,” Charlie observed over dinner. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“He’s my baby,” Rachel sighed. “I missed him so stupidly much. Thanks for letting him stay here.”
“We’re happy to help,” Charlie responded in his typical easy manner.
“He’s pretty. Where’d you get him?” Neena asked.
“Conrad gave him to me for my birthday, oh wow, three years ago already.”
“I promise I didn’t bring him up on purpose.” Neena threw her hands up innocently.
“No worries.” Rachel waved off her concern, not at all eager to jump into that conversation with her mother present, even if she was being uncharacteristically quiet lately.
“I want a cat, but Mom keeps telling me no,” Gabrielle interjected.
“I don’t see how you can take care of a cat with everything else you have going on. You’re out as much as you’re home lately, sweetie.”
“I could do it, Mom; you just won’t give me a chance.”
Rachel saw a train wreck getting ready to happen, so she made a mental note to ask Neena later if Gabrielle could test-drive cat ownership on Darcy. Then she made an effort to steer the conversation onto another path. “So, Charlie, how do you like your new gig?”
“I think I like it. It’s been a little stressful getting settled in, but I think it’s going to be a good thing. Lord knows the pay raise helps.”
“I don’t know. I liked the idea of you being the scrappy small-town lawyer, fighting injustice and all that.” Rachel mulled it over. “I’m not sure I’m used to you being the Honorable Charles Russell yet.”
Charlie smiled as if amused by the notion. “Neena does her best to be sure nobody sees me as honorable.”
With that, the conversation moved into safer territory. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief and went on autopilot. Now that she’d stopped working herself to death, she was beginning to realize just how tired she really was. When her eyelids became so heavy she was in danger of embarrassing herself by snoring at the dinner table, she excused herself.
She was so exhausted she almost slept through Julia’s first nightmare. She might have anyway if the girl hadn’t punched her while fighting off the demons in her mind.
“Holy crap, that hurt!” Rachel shrieked before she could catch herself.
“What?” Julia shot straight up in bed.
“Nothing. I’m sorry, baby doll. Go back to sleep.” Rachel curled up with her sister, stroking her hair.
“I was having a horrible dream. I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“I’m so sorry. It was just a dream; you’re safe now.”
“Do you think they’ll ever be out of my head?” Julia’s voice sounded very small in that moment.
“It will fade with time,” Rachel promised. “This will always be a part of who you are, but no, they won’t haunt you forever.”
“I wish I could make it go away, like it never happened.”
“I do, too. But if you can’t do that, you can decide what you do with it.”
“It?”
“The pain, the anger, the whole ugly situation, what it’s done to you,” Rachel explained. “You can’t undo it, but you get to decide if it will make you bitter or if it’ll teach you to love better. Will it break you or forge you into something stronger? I can’t undo what’s happened any more than you can, but I will promise you that you won’t walk through this alone.”
“Thank you,” Julia whispered, curling her arms around Rachel’s, holding them closer to her.
“Go back to sleep, love. Have happy dreams. It’s your head; you decide what you want to dream – don’t let the demons in.” Rachel didn’t know if her words would help, but she sensed that a large part of Julia’s current struggle was with the loss of control. She was operating solely on gut instinct, though, and hoped she wasn’t saying completely the wrong thing. She wished Conrad were here. Even if he was as clueless as she was, his presence would reassure her.
Even if not present in person, Conrad permeated her dreams that night. His rich laughter floated all around her. His fingers twirled her hair absentmindedly as they lay stretched out in the sand, sunshine bathing them and the cool water of the Atlantic Ocean tickling their toes.
When her eyelids fluttered open the next morning, she took a moment to relish the remnant of the dream. She took another moment to relish the fact that she’d had more than two hours of sleep in the same stretch. Julia was in the shower. The smell of waffles and coffee wafted through the house. Rachel sighed deeply and stretched, wishing she could sleep for about twenty more hours but still feeling better than she had in weeks.
The next thing she realized was that her eye was throbbing. She brought her hand to it, gently touching the offending spot and wincing once her fingers made contact. Her stomach tightened with dread as she sat up to peek in the mirror. Her sweet little sister had given her a fairly decent shiner.
Rachel braced herself to be teased mercilessly over her new look. She tried to lie to Julia and say she did it to herself, but she was busted when Julia asked how and she couldn’t answer fast enough.
Veronica called to check on them, which brought about more teasing about the eye. She also passed along well-wishes from Rachel’s colleagues back at the station.
It was a little unnerving to Rachel how little she’d thought about work over the past week. All those years of living for the next story, and then one catastrophic event flipped a switch inside her. Suddenly, the office didn’t matter so much. More than that – it didn’t even cross her mind. She wondered if it was a permanent change or if her sudden indifference would pass.
Worries swirled around her mind, like what would happen if she never cared about her job again and what that would leave her with. Something nagged inside her, making her wonder if she was drawn back to Conrad only because of the current situation. That was the thought that sent her back into a cleaning frenzy.
“Alright, come on.” Neena confiscated Rachel’s scrub brush. “As much as it pains me to stop you from cleaning my toilet, I think you’re more likely to find your answer outside.”
“What’s outside?”
“Dirt.”
“You truly confound me sometimes, you know
that?” Rachel followed Neena outside nonetheless.
“There is just something about sinking your hands in good dirt that frees up your brain.”
“Your garden needs weeding, doesn’t it?” Rachel accused.
“Yes, but that’s beside the point. You’re going to get high breathing bleach fumes. Come outside and spend some time in the dirt with the sunshine on your face. I promise it will be good for you.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Rachel accepted the garden tools Neena handed her.
“I feel a little guilty here,” Neena admitted. “Either you and Conrad figure this thing out and I get a sister-in-law, which makes me happy, or you keep butting heads and my chores keep magically doing themselves. I win either way. It hardly seems fair.”
“You’ve probably earned at least one situation in life that’s a win-win. You have my permission to enjoy this.”
“Please tell Charlie that. He thinks I’m exploiting you.”
Rachel laughed at that. “I’ll let him know.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
AS IT TURNED OUT, NEENA HAD BEEN RIGHT: Rachel enjoyed working the earth more than she thought possible. She may have picked as many of Neena’s flowers as she did weeds, but she didn’t let her ineptitude in the garden dampen her enjoyment. Just to be safe, she made sure to stash the plants she’d pulled in the yard waste bin before Neena came to check on her progress.
By the end of the day, she was a happy kind of tired, her skin had darkened to a pretty shade of brown, and the morning’s panic had passed. She might not have solved any of the problems looming over her, but they didn’t seem so insurmountable.
That night, Julia only woke up once. Rachel considered it a victory. But her joy was diminished when Neena wouldn’t let her weed the vegetable garden. Instead, she gave Rachel a wheelbarrow full of shade plants, showed her a patch of ground under their oak tree, and told her to plant a garden. While Rachel didn’t mind the new task, she had a sneaking suspicion Neena didn’t trust her with their food plants. It irked Rachel to not be good at something.
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