He sat her on the edge of a bed, and she finally opened her eyes. Vaguely she was aware that the room was small, but clean, and even ten minutes ago she would have appreciated the tidy space. Vaguely she was aware of the large stone hearth with a roaring fire, and the four-poster bed that took up much of the chamber.
But it was the steaming tub Nate must have ordered for her while she’d waited in the courtyard with the boys that caught her attention. In that moment she realized she’d been so very wrong. Nate had cared. He cared too much. He wasn’t like her husband in the least. Nate was honorable, kind, and he didn’t deserve to be caught up in the mess that was her life.
“You will have more children, Beth,” he whispered softly, his voice so kind and compassionate that it almost hurt.
She shook her head. “I can’t.”
Startled, he glanced up at her. “You were injured that severely?”
She nodded, horrified and embarrassed to be admitting as much, but she couldn’t lie to him. He deserved the truth, as much as she could give.
His lashes lowered, his jaw clenched. He looked almost angry. He knelt before her, reaching for the strings of her boots, and only then did she scrape together enough common sense to react. “What are you doing?”
He shouldn’t be in her chamber, and he most certainly shouldn’t be undressing her. Somehow, she managed to lean forward, and brushed his hands away. But he wouldn’t relent. Instead, he gripped her boot more tightly.
“What happened?” Nate asked softly.
She tried to focus on Nate and his handsome, concerned face. The way his dark hair shifted and glistened under the lantern light. Instead, the face of her child flashed to mind. Her only child. Gone.
Beth had been hearty and the child had been so well…thriving and kicking and moving within her womb. One day she’d been alive, and then… She shook her head, unable to look Nate in the eyes. He was a mere breath away, kneeling before her as he took off her muddy boots. She didn’t want him to know her horrible, dark secrets, yet she had a terrible feeling he wasn’t going to leave her alone until she told him everything.
Her stockings and boots were gone when his large hand rested boldly upon her knee. “Beth.”
She shook her head and closed her eyes. No more questions. She could answer no more. His warm fingers brushed up her thighs to her waist. Gently, he helped her stand. She thought he intended to hug her when his arms wrapped around her hips. She shivered. So warm. He was so very warm. She focused on his touch, his heat. But no, he found the buttons of her skirts and before she could protest, the material fell down around her ankles.
“You can’t—”
“Beth, do you honestly believe I’m here to take advantage of you?”
She didn’t know. She didn’t trust her own instincts when near him. Every man she’d ever known had been selfish, putting his own needs above his families, including her father and brother.
“Tell me what happened,” he whispered softly, his voice so kind, so concerned.
Before she could stop them, the words tumbled from her lips. “She was alive in my belly. She was alive and beautiful. And then…she stopped moving.”
He reached for the buttons on her bodice. For one breathless moment they merely stood close together. So very close that his warm breath stirred her lose tendrils. She thought he might kiss her, prayed he would so she could forget. He didn’t.
Who was the real Nate? Monster, or caring man? Slowly, his hands moved down the buttons of her bodice. She was mad, utterly insane. How else could she explain her ease with the very man currently undressing her? He pushed the sodden material from her arms, then moved to her corset. There was nothing erotic in the movements, nothing sexual in his touch, and mayhap that was the reason why she felt so comfortable.
“How?” he asked softly.
“I fell,” she admitted, as the corset came loose and Nate tossed it to the chair near the window. The lack of pressure helped her breathing, but it wasn’t enough. She suddenly felt as if she must tell him her entire past or she would never feel normal again. “Tumbled down the steps in our home.”
“How?” he asked again, studying her, waiting as she stood there in her shift. Although she was practically naked, it didn’t make her feel vulnerable. No. It was the way he looked at her, the way he demanded the truth that made her uneasy.
“The fall killed the baby.” She stood there telling a man she barely knew the secret she’d told only one other person…her best friend Meg. Perhaps she felt comfortable with Nate, or mayhap she just didn’t care who knew anymore.
He reached up, brushing a loose lock of hair behind her ear, his fingertips resting at the side of her face. “How Beth? How did you fall?”
She couldn’t look at him, but she couldn’t stop the words either. For some reason she couldn’t stop the memory from tumbling from her lips and out into the open where anyone could hear. “He hit me. He hit me and I fell.”
Perhaps it was the kindness of fate that he should fall down the same steps he had pushed her down. Nate didn’t say a word. She thought he found her story boring, or at the least a lie, for he seemed completely indifferent. Or maybe he’d already guessed the truth and merely wanted her to admit it.
Yet, as he reached for the ribbon at the neckline of her shift, she noticed his hands trembling. Not indifferent after all. What was the unidentifiable emotion that tightened his jaw?
“Well then,” Nate said. “He deserved to die.”
Before she could respond, he pulled the shift up over her head. She stood naked in front of the man, a man she’d known for barely two months, yet she was more concerned with his response than her state of undress.
Startled, Beth met his gaze. It was the first time anyone had ever said the words she so longed to say. But she couldn’t…she couldn’t because it wasn’t godly. She couldn’t because deep down there were times she wondered if maybe she deserved what had happened. Maybe she wasn’t fit to raise a child.
The constable knew her husband had abused her. He knew. Her family knew. Others in her town suspected. No one but Meg had tried to help her. No one, because they all assumed it was her fault, she deserved it. Her husband continued to be invited to balls, invited to dinners, invited to socialize unpunished for what he’d done.
As Nate scooped her up into his arms as if she weighed no more than a feather, as he settled her into the tub and the warm water penetrated her frozen bones, the tears started. Warm trails of salt water that pooled in her eyes, blurring Nate’s face and the room before her.
Nate…Nate was the only man with a title who had voiced the same beliefs that deep down, she carried. The only one who didn’t seem to blame her for her husband’s indiscretions.
Beth brought her knees to her chest as she settled in the tub. It had been so very long since she’d cried. “He said I had annoyed him.”
Nate reached for a washing cloth and bar of soap that rested on the small chair. “That’s shite and you know it.”
It was shite. Complete and utter shite. Beth had the sudden urge to laugh even as the tears trailed down her cheeks and splashed into the water. As Nate washed her back and neck, she had the insane desire to laugh…or maybe sob. Maybe both. His hand came increasingly close to the side of her breast. Suddenly, she was completely and utterly aware of the impropriety of her situation.
“You shouldn’t be in here,” she whispered.
“No, I shouldn’t,” he said, as he trailed the washing cloth down her arms. The heat of his fingertips scorched her skin even through the material. “It’s completely inappropriate.”
She laughed when she shouldn’t.
Nate shifted toward the front of the tub and kneeling, he reached into the water, lifting her leg. Beth’s amusement fell. He’d rolled up his sleeves and his sinewy muscles flexed as he slowly dragged the washing cloth over her foot. Her breath hitched. A warm heat traveled up her limbs and to her very core, a heat that had nothing to do with the water. When wa
s the last time anyone had taken care of her so thoroughly? Yes, she’d had maids, but they’d been paid to be of service. Not Nate…he owed her nothing.
He lifted her other leg and washed. “What sort of man harms a woman so badly she loses her babe, and merely because she annoyed him? A man who can’t control himself. A mere child.”
He was right. The warmth that had been seeping up her limbs shot straight to her chest. In that moment, if she would have allowed herself, she could have loved him. It scared her like nothing else could. Nate set the washing cloth on the edge of the tub, then reached for a folded blanket resting on the chair.
“Your husband was an arse.” He stood and held the blanket open. “In bed before you catch a cold.”
Suddenly she was very, very much aware that she was naked. “But—”
“Now.”
She didn’t argue, but boldly stood. Water slipped down her body, caressing her skin and dripping into the tub. Nate’s gaze didn’t waver from her face as he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. This was not sexual for him, he was merely taking care of the one woman who could stand the antics of his sons. So why couldn’t she ignore the heat of attraction that pulsed through her body? She wanted him to kiss her, to help her forget. Perhaps that’s why she’d let him carry her into the room.
“Your husband, Beth, was an arse and a coward.”
“Yes,” she whispered, nodding.
Yes, he was. Lord, it was good to get the words out. Good to hear someone else say the same thoughts she’d been thinking for years. Nate lifted her and carried her to the bed. Perhaps he didn’t truly care about her, but was merely making sure his children’s governess was well. But he said all the right words, what she needed to hear, and for that she would be eternally grateful.
“Never, ever feel guilt about his death,” he demanded.
She nodded, but wondered if he would feel the same if he knew what had truly happened to her husband? Nate lay her upon the bed, then moved to the fireplace. The tension that had been building in her chest since the carriage ride eased. Perhaps, just perhaps, there were good, decent men out there after all. He knelt by the hearth and stoked the flames.
“In my experience, some men deserve to die.”
She shivered over the harshness of his tone.
The light from the flames lit his body, highlighting his broad shoulders, muscled thighs. She should have looked away, should have thanked him kindly, but told him to leave. She couldn’t…she couldn’t because he was too bloody beautiful, too damn honorable, and because all she wanted to do was beg him to hold her. Nate might look like an angel, but there was a danger to the man. A danger and hardness that could destroy her, if she allowed herself to fall for him.
He turned toward her, his gaze practically glowing under the firelight. There was something between them then and there…something that hung heavy in the air. Something she’d never experienced before with anyone, male or female. It was almost as if they understood each other completely and utterly. They had found a common connection, a tenacious thread that bonded them. She knew his secrets, and he knew hers. Some, anyway.
Slowly, he stood and made his way to her side. He pushed her gently back onto the bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin. “Sleep well, Beth.” He trailed his fingertips down the side of her face, a soft and gentle touch that belied the strength coursing through him. “You are safe.”
She watched him leave, still stared at the door moments later when he was long since gone. Even though she was alone in the room, she swore his very essence lingered.
Safe?
Safe wasn’t the word she would use to describe her time with Nate. Beth nestled into the covers, staring moodily toward the hearth, her thoughts a roiling sea of turmoil.
How could she possibly be safe when once again she was falling for a man who could very well ruin her, if not break her heart?
Chapter 12
It had taken all the power Nate possessed to leave Beth’s room. Not that it mattered. In his own chamber he couldn’t sleep, and found himself pacing until the wee hours of the morning. The creaking of the floorboards had probably kept half the inn awake. Not that it was his fault. No, the fault lay entirely at the feet of his charming, stubborn, beautiful governess.
Beth.
The woman who confused and surprised him at every step. The woman who made him eager to get up in the morning. Made him believe that maybe, just maybe, there was more to life than pain.
She’d been naked. Completely without clothing. Ripe for his advance. And the beast within had roared to life, demanding he take her fully, completely. Yet the human inside him knew she needed so much more than a tumble. She needed someone to take over, to take care. And to do that, he had to leave her, no matter how hard it had been.
And so as the hours went by he attempted to think of things other than the fact that Beth lay naked in her bed, only next door. He tried to worry about Allen’s death, but couldn’t seem to care. He tried to feel guilt about his wife’s untimely demise, but for the first time since it had happened, he felt nothing. Finally he thought about Beth’s husband…in fact, the only subject that did evoke some emotion. If the man hadn’t died, Nate would have killed the bastard himself.
But then Beth cried out in her sleep. A soft sound no human would have heard. But he did. The urge to comfort her overwhelmed him. He gritted his teeth, pressing his hands to the wall that separated their rooms. He couldn’t go to her. If he went into that room he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from taking her completely.
She cried out again, this time louder.
Nate’s hands curled against the plaster. “Damnation!”
He shoved away from the wall and started toward the door, his feet bare, only trousers and a shirt covering is overly heated body. If he didn’t stop her from crying out in her sleep, someone would hear, be worried, and damn it all, someone else would offer her comfort when it should be him. At least that’s what he told himself as he reached her room and used the key the inn keeper had given him.
She didn’t wake as he opened the door. Didn’t even stir when he closed it behind him and moved across the room, the floorboards underfoot creaking as loudly as they had in his own chamber. Although only the dim light of a lantern lit the dark room, he could see clearly. She was stunning in her innocence. An angel spread across white sheets. He moved toward her as if in a trance.
“Please,” Beth murmured in her sleep. The blanket had fallen down around her shoulders, her smooth, creamy skin gleaming under the low light of the lantern. Hell, he wanted to kiss that skin, to drag his tongue down her body and show her exactly what pleasure could be had between the two of them.
She gasped, her lips parting seductively. “Please.”
“Beth,” Nate said softly, settling on the edge of the bed. “Beth, wake up.”
Startled, she gasped, her eyes opening wide. It took a moment for her gaze to clear as she focused on him. She’d be soft and pliant, just waking from slumber. He knew if he leaned forward and kissed her, she wouldn’t fight him.
“Nate?”
His hands curled into the bed sheets as he resisted the urge to reach out to her. That glorious hair was spread out across her pillow in silky, tempting waves. How he wanted to wrap those strands around his hands, breathe in the flowery scent clinging to her hair. “You were crying out in your sleep.”
She gripped the edge of her blanket and pulled it up to her chin, as if he hadn’t seen her completely and utterly naked only hours ago. “Oh.”
The beast inside him pounded, demanding he take her. He could barely hear over the roar of blood to his ears. “Are you well?”
She nodded, flushing. “Yes. Just…a dream.”
He didn’t ask for more. No, she’d given him enough already, told him things he knew she’d told no one else. She’d trusted him, and the realization warmed his cold, stone heart. Unable to help himself, he brushed the loose hair from her forehead. “Sleep. It will be mor
ning soon.”
Dredging up what little self-control remained, he stood and started toward the door, forcing his feet to move, step by step. She’d trusted him and because of that trust, he would not take advantage of her no matter how much the beast demanded it.
“Nate,” she called out, her voice still husky with sleep.
He froze.
“Don’t go.”
He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. Dear God, what did she want from him? Did she not understand that he was trying to be the gentleman?
“Stay.”
He swayed on his feet, fighting the urge.
“Please.”
Slowly, he turned.
She sat up in bed, the blanket clutched to her chest, her brilliant auburn hair hanging in shimmering, sun-lit rays down around her shoulders. A temptation from the heavens, she looked like an angel come to test him. A test he was sure to fail.
She held out her hand. “I don’t want to be alone.”
Just to sleep. Merely to lay together so they wouldn’t be alone. Nothing more. But even he didn’t believe that lie. Blood pounding through his veins, he relented. The beast took control. In only his shirt-sleeves and trousers, he stalked toward her and slid under the blankets. When he caught a peek of her naked body, the beast roared his approval. He could no better leave the room than he could stop breathing.
Beth didn’t shy away when he drew her up against him, even though he’d grown hard and desperate, and surely she noticed. She tucked her head under his chin and cuddled her warm body up against him. He held her close, reveling in the essence of her very being.
She’d grown lush and soft since coming to his home and it only added to her appeal. Nate breathed in deeply her scent. It was a bloody dream, being with her. A dream he didn’t want to end. Hell, when was the last time he had merely held a woman?
A Night of Redemption (The Night Series Book 2) Page 16
