by Anita Lesko
Temple went on to share this sad story, “In the movie, there was a horse that died, and that really happened. The reason it happened was because the school had bought oat straw instead of hay. I said to the riding instructor that it didn’t look like hay, and asked if it was safe to feed to them. He said to go ahead and feed it to them. The biggest horse got colic from it and died. I can remember when the vet came, and asked me what I’d been feeding them. I showed him the horse feed, which was fine, but when I showed him the oat straw he had a fit! I told him that was what Mr. Davis told me to feed them. Shortly thereafter, they got regular hay again. Mr. Patey made it very clear that it was not my fault that this had happened—I did question the oat straw. I knew it didn’t look like regular hay.”
Temple knows that all her early days learning to work is what helped her later in life. She didn’t have to transition to work as an adult because it happened gradually along the way, as it should for everyone. “I was very proud of the fact that I ran the horse barn. I was in charge of eight horses and the donkey, Jerry. So that was nine stalls. I did all the feeding; now, I didn’t do any of the financials, but I did everything else. I’d hold each horse when the farrier came to do their feet, and help the vet when they came, just like in the movie when the big chestnut horse named Circus got sick. When I came down to the barn and found Circus leaning up against the wall in his stall, I went and found the riding instructor, Mr. Davis, and told him something was wrong. They called the vet to come out. Of course, there wasn’t any internet back then that I could use to look up oat straw and see if it was safe for feeding. I felt really bad about the horse dying, but I was relieved that it wasn’t my fault. They bought that because it was cheap. I did not choose that, that wasn’t what I did at the barn. My job was to clean the stalls, bed the stalls, feed, put the horses out in the pasture, and when the farrier came, hold the horses for him. I pretty much did all that by myself.”
Now picture Temple doing this: “We had a dairy barn at the school, and I learned how to milk cows by hand! It was a twelve-cow dairy, and we used those old-fashioned milk cans. We’d first clean the udders, then put the machine on them, and it would milk the cow. The milk would go into the milking machine, and we’d pour it into an old-fashioned milk jug. I remember once the power went out and we had to manually milk each cow. I really loved all the farm work.”
Temple told me, “The other kids teased me, and they’d call me ‘work horse’ because I worked so hard. I’d be wearing my old jeans that had a patch on them. In the winter I’d be wearing a turtleneck, in the summer, shorts. Some of the other kids worked in the dairy barn, but when it came to those horse stalls, I was pretty much it! One of the things that made it really hard to bed the stalls was that I had to fill a bushel basket with the sawdust and carry it up the stairs, one bushel basket for each stall. It was a lot of work. Finally, we got a pully system so I could bring the sawdust up from the basement much easier.” One question immediately came to mind, so I asked, “Did you design that pully system?” Temple replied, “Yes, I was involved in designing that!”
Temple realized that the other kids were not very interested in working hard like she did. “The other students did plenty of riding. My roommate did a lot of riding, we’d ride together, but she didn’t do any of the stalls. None of the other students did any of the work, but they were right there to ride every day. I did everything. One thing I was always very careful to do was keep the lid closed on the grain bin. I was very, very careful to lock it and turn the latch.” That way, in case a horse got loose during the night, they wouldn’t be able to eat all the grain and get sick.
Even though Temple didn’t study for those first three years at the boarding school, she was learning an even better skill that would take her very far. The skill of working hard. To this day, she still goes non-stop.
CHAPTER 9
Dating!
I’m quite sure that many people have wondered if Temple has ever had a boyfriend, or dated. Temple shared something with me that she’s never told anyone. I guess she just felt comfortable to tell me.
“Temple, people want to know this: have you ever had a boyfriend, or dated anyone?” I asked. “Yes, there was one boy that I dated briefly while I was in college,” she replied. “He was just a really nice guy, and we went out to Windows on the World at the World Trade Center. Everything was very nice, and we kissed once and that was it. I met him at college … I don’t exactly remember if he was in a class, or what. He was about the same age as me. I can remember having a caesar salad up there at the top of the World Trade Tower in Windows on the World restaurant.” That was one of the greatest restaurants New York City had ever seen. It was located on the one hundred and seventh floor of the World Trade Center, and it offered guests soaring views not only of Manhattan, but also Brooklyn and New Jersey. “I remember I wore a pretty dress, and he took me on our lovely evening for dinner,” Temple stated. It’s kind of like Temple Grandin à la reality TV!
“What a coincidence!” I told her, “I was up to that very restaurant back in my early twenties, around the same age as you were when you went there. I can remember I wanted to get right up near the windows and look out. How about you?” Temple gushed, “I loved looking out of the windows. That was the only guy I ever had an interest in or dated. I think he became a doctor, but I’m not sure. He was very nice, and very well-mannered. That was at Franklin Pierce College. It ended when I moved to Arizona.”
I tried to delve deeper into the topic of when she dated the guy while at college. She declined any further discussion, stating that it wasn’t a very deep relationship and it wasn’t an important part of her life. Temple further added, “People are always looking for stuff that isn’t important.” I realize that to many people it is important. However, Temple is, without a doubt in my mind, a genius. A typical, mundane life certainly wouldn’t suit someone of this magnitude. Temple had a bigger calling in life, one that ultimately helps millions of people around the globe. People might mistake her not pursuing such a relationship as a lack of caring or feeling. It’s quite the opposite. Temple does a tremendous amount for others, and clearly demonstrates her depth of caring.
I’ll share this with you. The other day I was talking to Temple’s good friend Rosalie Winard, an author and Temple’s photographer. I happened to mention this topic to Rosalie, and she was pretty surprised. She told me that Temple never told her about that guy she briefly dated in college. Then Rosalie said, “I remember something Temple once told me long ago regarding dating. She told me that when she was in college she saw her roommate fall for a guy, and her grades went from straight A’s to rock bottom. The girl became obsessed with the guy and totally emotional, and couldn’t focus on her studies any more. Temple said that when she saw that, she promised to herself that she’d never allow that to happen to her.” I can easily see logical Temple stating that to herself.
I have my opinion about this topic. I’ve just got to say it. Temple has done great things with her life. She’s helped millions of people, she loves what she does every day, and she has a sense of fulfilment most people will never know. She’s experienced many exciting things. Had she gotten involved in a relationship, her life probably would not have gone where it did. I’m simply saying that relationships and marriage are not for everyone—on the spectrum, or neurotypical. I am extremely lucky for the great marriage I have, but I don’t see that as the norm. With the divorce rate as high as it is, relationships can be either wonderful, or they can take a toll on a person. Temple has a number of individuals with whom she is very close, most of them for decades. They are there for her, and she shares her life with them. She leads a fulfilling life with a circle of close friends. That rocks! Way to go, Temple!
CHAPTER 10
Sports & Outdoor Activities
Temple participated in quite a number of sports in her younger days. For an individual with autism, that’s very commendable. She was always out there doing something!
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sp; I found the following conversation pretty entertaining, as I was fascinated by ski jumping and always watch it during the winter Olympics. “What sports did you do, Temple?” Her response was, “There was the ski jump that the boys used in the winter time. I really wanted to do ski jumping, but I was too scared to try it. I just didn’t have the balance. Even with simply skiing, I didn’t have enough balance to stay upright and keep my feet together to do a nice ‘christie.’ But I could ski well enough that I enjoyed it, had fun, and at least I got out there and did it. I always watched ski jumping on the Olympics, and I wished I could do that.”
Temple would have made a great ski jumper with her long legs!
“Do you enjoy being in snow?” I inquired.
“Oh yes, I loved being in the snow. I liked to ski, but I just couldn’t get very far with it. I used to get so frustrated because no matter how many lessons I had, I just didn’t get better. By the end of the winter, the other kids were skiing twice as well as me. There was a ski jump that people would use in the winter; they’d go on it and go about twenty feet up in the air! I really wanted to try it, so I did once, and I fell. I just didn’t have the balance. But at least I did try it.”
I don’t think I’d have had the courage to even try doing it.
Temple shared, “I actually did a lot of sports. I was always a strong player—I could throw a ball really hard, I could kick hard. We played soccer in elementary school. Skiing, tennis, swimming, oh yes, I was out there doing it, and enjoying it all. I like to watch ski jumping during the winter Olympics, as well as gymnastics and extreme skateboarding. They go high up in the air! Some of that stuff I wouldn’t be caught dead doing, but I like to watch it.”
Still reminiscing about her younger days, Temple said “One of the things I loved to do as a kid was go skating on the pond. We played this game called ‘crack the whip,’ which you’d need about ten kids to do. There, again, I could only get to skate well enough to skate in a straight line, I couldn’t do a figure eight or anything fancy. I was just too clumsy. But we also did a lot of sledding and toboggining, and had a really good time doing all kinds of outdoor activities.”
Oh, how fun! She continued, “We had a big box filled with scarves, bottle caps, hats, an old pipe, just old junk to decorate a snowman with, and that was our ‘snowman box.’ We had a system, where we’d each take turns. First, my sister would pick out a scarf, then I’d pick out a hat, then she’d pick out the eyes, and I’d pick out something for the mouth. That taught us turn taking.” I just love it!
Temple enjoyed so many sports! Here’s more. “I used to play a lot of softball. I really liked that; back in elementary school, and the school in New Hampshire, we played it a lot. I could hit a ball hard and I had a strong arm, so I really enjoyed softball. The great thing was that there wasn’t a lot of competition, we were just playing for fun and enjoying ourselves. Now, all the sports kids play are so competitive. That just wasn’t the case back then.”
All these things that Temple did, fun, child-like activities outdoors, were so critical in her development. All kids need to be out doing this kind of thing, but even more importantly, ASD kids need to be out there. These are the things that get them ready for their future. Temple said, “I really liked playing hopscotch on the pavement. We’d do that all the time, and draw the hopscotch board on the pavement with colored chalk. These were fun things we did with other kids. You simply had to do it with other kids, we didn’t have the things to do by yourself like video games. You had to play with other kids!”
Like Temple and I always say, kids need to be outside just “doing stuff!” Temple was always outdoors. “We liked doing everything outside. We’d take the pods you get from a maple tree and make spinners out of them, or open the up at one end and stick it on your nose. We loved to play hide and seek. Everything was always outside.”
Did you do stuff like this, too?
Making “Lots of Stuff”
Temple loved building and flying kites! She’ll be the first one to tell you that. “Another thing I did as a young kid was making the kites and flying them. There was a small farm across the street that had a big field, it was called Kennedy’s field, and we’d go there to fly the kites. It was those fifties-style kites, and it was a dime for the kite and a dime for the string. I got fifty cents a week for allowance. I spent a lot of time making my own kites, figuring out how to make them fly, then flying them as I rode my bicycle. I spent a lot of time making things. Kids don’t make things anymore, which I think is very bad.”
“Yes,” I said, “all kids, not just those with autism, need to get out there and do active play. Just like kids used to do in the ‘old days.’”
Learning to Ride a Bicycle
I asked her about learning to ride a bicycle, something quite daunting for most individuals with autism. “Temple, I’m curious about learning to ride a bicycle. It took me a very long time to get off the three-wheeler. How about you?” Her reply was, “That was pretty difficult for me because of my lack of balance. I was the last kid in the neighborhood to get off the trike. Then I got a small bike, and I’d try riding it across the lawn. I fell off of it plenty. I was slow to learn to ride it, but eventually I did. I initially had training wheels on it, but then those were taken off.”
“One of the things that motivated me to learn to ride the bike was this group of kids, who were mentored by some parents. There was a trip to the soda bottling company, and it was a bike trip. I couldn’t go because I couldn’t ride my bike. Mother wouldn’t take me there; she said I would have to learn to ride a bike. That was my biggest motivating factor. It was a year before I learned to ride my bike, because I just didn’t have good balance. Eventually, once I was very proficient at bike riding, we’d do things like put play cards in the spokes to make a lot of noise as you pedal along. We would have bike races, and I’d be pedaling really fast, making a really loud noise, but then I suddenly realized that those cards were actually slowing me down. I also loved to fly a kite behind my bicycle as I went along really fast—I loved to do that!”
Once Temple learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping her. “We did a lot on our bikes. Long bike rides, racing them … in fact, I can remember just riding my bike to the pond, looking for flat stones, and skipping them on the pond. Just simple stuff like that. That’s what kids did in the fifties. Another fun thing we did was get a bunch of empty tin cans and tie them on a string to the back of our bicycles, then ride all around the neighborhood. It made a racket!”
CHAPTER 11
Mother Nature
Temple loves the outdoors and beautiful scenery. She spent her whole youth outside, and her career choice takes her outdoors as well. I happened to think of the northern lights, and figured she would enjoy that as much as I do, so I asked her about it one day.
“Temple, have you ever seen the northern lights?”
“Yes, I saw the northern lights one time. We were driving in a car at night up in Canada, going to a cattle meeting. It was like seeing shimmering curtains moving. I’m pretty sure we were up in Alberta, traveling along a desolate country road. I could see them so clearly, and it was absolutely beautiful. I like to look at them online, as well.” We continued talking about this for a while.
She went on, “I love being outside, especially in a huge pen with cattle. I like to sit down on the ground and have them all come up to me. They will come and surround you. It’s really very peaceful. Just don’t do it with bulls!” I had to ask, “Weren’t you ever afraid that something would spook those cattle and they’d run you over?” “No, I never felt scared,” Temple responded. Anyone who keeps up with Temple has probably seen the photos of her laying on the ground, surrounded by cattle. Those photos of Temple were taken by her friend Rosalie, who I mentioned earlier.
CHAPTER 12
Driving Miss Temple
The topic of driving related to those on the autism spectrum is a very serious one. It is not uncommon for individuals with autism to hav
e great difficulty in learning to drive. They may take much longer to learn compared with their peers, or may never learn to drive at all. Temple pointed out that had she not learned to drive, she could not have pursued her career in the cattle industry. How would she have gotten around to all the cattle ranches and feed yards? Even if there was public transportation then like there is now, it still wouldn’t have gotten her where she needed to go.
Parents need to understand that their ASD child will probably need a much longer period of time to master driving a vehicle. Even if it takes a year for them to learn to handle a car and feel comfortable and confident behind the wheel, safety is paramount. We simply learn differently than others.
“How old were you when you started learning to drive, Temple?” I asked. She replied, “I was about seventeen. My aunt Ann taught me how to drive on her ranch. It was three miles to the mailbox, and three miles back. By the end of the summer I had done over two hundred miles of driving before I went near any traffic. What I tell people at conferences about driving is that you need to burn up an entire tank of gas driving somewhere safe, where there’s no traffic, before you go near any busy areas. Driver’s education chucks them into it way too quickly. You need to learn how to operate the car first. I didn’t realize how many miles I had driven—six miles a day, six days a week, that’s thirty-six miles a week! Then, we started doing some real driving. We had to go through an old army fort to get into town. They didn’t have learner’s permits back then; I failed my first driver’s test, but I passed my second one. Fortunately, on the army base, there wasn’t any freeway driving or scary stuff like that. I went another year of driving before I was ready to drive on freeways. So, when I returned to college, I could drive around there because it was just easy roads with only a small amount of traffic. I can remember my first trip driving to New York. I planned a route that would be longer but have less traffic.”
