The day ended in a less upbeat fashion than it started. They started the day joking, making out and smiling and by the time they climbed into the SUV to head home again, Raiden felt like a moron and Rochelle remained silent. They drove through the surprisingly empty streets home and while Rochelle prepared dinner, Raiden locked himself away to do work. At least that was his intention to take his mind off the fact the woman he was falling for no longer wanted to try anymore. Instead, he spent the first hour staring out the window at the falling snow. He so desperately wanted to stay with Rochelle in order to see where their romance would lead but he couldn’t simply leave Japan all together. He knew she wouldn’t give up her world for his and he wasn’t sure he was ready to do that for her. All he could promise her was regular visits and he thought she deserved more. She deserved to be held every night and kissed good morning. She deserved a present lover—not one halfway across the world.
With an uneasy sigh, he sat on his knees with a sketching pencil and began working. He couldn’t concentrate. He kept thinking that perhaps their conversation at the office had ended too quickly. What more could be said? They were in a relationship that was heading no where fast. It had started out like a run-a-way freight train atop a hill. Someone had given it a gentle push and all of a sudden it was speeding downward. There is no way to stop it safely. Similar to the train, Raiden knew if he and Rochelle got any deeper involved, it would only end in disaster. He pulled himself from his thoughts and peered down at the board. He drew Rochelle’s face the way he saw it last. Her big, brown eyes were sad and he felt like a murderer. Her eyes used to gleam before and he somehow in the space of days managed to kill what life she had inside.
He finally gave up on getting any work down and simply shoved the boards beneath his bed. He exited the room with every intention of helping Rochelle with dinner but when he walked into the kitchen she wasn’t there. The stove was off and the dinner partially cooked. Arching a brow, he searched and found her sobbing in the den.
“Koibito? Tell me what’s wrong?”
“You know what’s wrong,” Rochelle sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I deserve this in a way—I do because I do this all the time. I fall for men who can’t fall back or won’t fall back. Which one are you, Raiden?”
“Rochelle, please…”
He stepped forward to pull her into his arms but she jerked back and held out a hand stopping him. He felt horrible.
“I just wanted to hold you.”
“It’s not about what you want, Raiden. It’s about what my body can take and right now another rejection is not something it can take. So if you don’t mind...”
“Sure.” He stood there, helpless as she cried. It broke his heart into a million different pieces and all he could do was shove his hands into his pocket and hang his head.
“What would you say?”
“No more suggestions, Zero. Every suggestion in this whole torrid affair, made by you or me, has ended in one big, fat mess. I don’t think I can take any more ideas right now.”
“You wouldn’t give up your world for me and I don’t think I’m strong enough to do that for you. I think it’s best if I left.”
“You can’t leave. Your boss and I had a deal. One of my workers for one of theirs.”
Raiden felt even worse. “We can send you someone else,” he whispered. “Our deal will still be in effect.”
“I don’t want someone else and you can’t speak for Emiko-San Ai.”
“Yes I can.” Raiden swallowed and met her teary gaze. “I own it.”
Something died inside her eyes and replaced with anger. He knew why she was angry he just didn’t understand. He stepped toward her, but she backed away again leaving him feeling empty and alone.
“You’re the boss?” she questioned softly, feeling for a chair. “You own the company—why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“The truth—I didn’t think it was important…”
She nodded sadly. “You’re right. I think it’s best if you leave.”
“Is that what you want?” he questioned softly.
“Yes.”
“Very well, then. As you wish.” He turned and left her sitting there alone. Normally he would stay and fight but in this case he knew it would be selfish. If their relationship would eventually crash and burn it might as well be now rather than later. She wanted him gone and if it would stop her heart from breaking he would do anything. He hauled his suitcase free and opened it. Glancing at the clock he frowned. He did the math mentally just to figure out the time in Japan to know where to call his brother. With Osaka approximately fourteen hours ahead, it should be well into tomorrow night there. He rubbed his temples before dialing Daitaro’s cell.
“Moshimoshi?”
His brother sounded sleepy.
“Dai, did I wake you?”
“Rai? Ogenki desu ka?”
“I don’t know how I’m feeling right now, Dai. I’m heading home.”
“Sumimasen?”
“You heard right, big brother. I’m coming home.”
“You’re not due back for a few weeks. What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Get someone else ready to take my place in the exchange. It’s not fair to leave the space empty.”
“Want me to send the jet?”
Raiden shook his head. “No. It will not get here on time. I’ll grab a plane from here. Look, don’t tell anyone anything about this.”
“I won’t. You sure you’re all right?”
“I’ll explain more when I get home. I have to call the airport now but I’ll let you know what time I’m coming in so you can either send a car or come get me.”
“All right.”
The conversation ended as abruptly as it began. He didn’t mean to be rude—he just didn’t know what else to say to Daitaro. He really didn’t want to explain over the phone. He felt horrible enough without rehashing everything. He picked up the picture they took at the CN Tower and smirked at it briefly. They had taken it before their day went to hell with their arguing. But making up was so damn good.
While shoving his last things into his bag and zipping it up, he called the airport. They told him if he arrived in the next three hours they could get him, in first class, on his way home. With his calls finished, he stopped long enough to write a note, draw something and left both on the bed. He stared down at the drawing for a bit with unbelievable sadness. He could have saved them both a lot of heartache, not allowing himself to taste her. But he truly believed where they lived didn’t matter. Raiden swore under his breath and yanked out his cell phone once more and dialled the operator to get him a cab. He descended the steps and stopped to look at her back in the dark room. Raiden stood there a moment not knowing what to say.
“Rochelle? Please look at me.”
When she didn’t turn to face him, he accepted with a nod. “Good-bye, Rochelle.”
He exited the doors and stood in the cold awaiting his taxi.
He thought—hoped she would rush out and stop him. Even as the taxi arrived and the burly man tossed the suitcase into the trunk causing the car to bounce, Raiden stood at the door staring at the house. He hesitated, waiting for her but she didn’t come. She did not rush into his arms. As he sped away in the yellow car, he realized things like that only happened in the movies. He settled silently in the back seat and inhaled deeply.
“This is for the best,” he whispered.
“Did you say something, buddy?”
Raiden lifted his head and tried for a smile. “No. Nothing.”
The cab driver nodded and turned his attention back to the road. Raiden stared out the side window at the snow crew clearing the other side of the highway. He kept repeating it over and over in his head—there had to be a better way. But long after the cab dropped him off, he checked in and waiting in the VIP lounge for his plane to board, no better way came to him. When they finally called for him to make his way to his seat on the plane he felt miser
able. If he could have his way, he would have turned back and return to her. But it isn’t up to him. With a frown, he drained his whiskey glass, grabbed his carry on and made his way toward the gates.
* * * *
Rochelle’s head snapped up when the engine stopped in her driveway, then disappeared in the distance. She flew from her seat and rushed out the door barefoot and without her jacket in time to see the tail end of the taxi speeding away. She bit down hard against her lower lip, desperately trying to stop the tears from falling down her face. She wouldn’t be sad—he’d lied to her. Let him go.
Will that make you sleep tonight, Rochelle?
Cursing under her breath she rushed back inside and slammed the door. She pressed her back against it and slid down to the ground wrapping her arms around herself.
He actually left.
For almost three hours, she sat there simply staring into space. The phone rang a few times but she ignored it. She attempted to pull herself together but so many hours later she realized she had failed miserably. Finally, she got up from where she sat on the floor and walked into the living room. She meant to sit down on the sofa but memories of what happened on that couch pulled her away from it. She passed into the den instead and grabbed the phone. Her hands shook uncontrollably while she dialled. Finally she had to give up and use speaker phone.
“Hello?” Maylee sounded as though she had already gone to bed.
“May?” she sniffled.
“Sweetie what’s wrong?”
“He’s gone.”
“Wait...who’s gone.”
“Raiden—Raiden’s gone.”
“I’m coming over there!” Maylee hung up before Rochelle could say anything else. Rochelle turned the speaker phone off and made her way into the kitchen. As she reached for a bottle of red wine and a glass the bottle slipped and smashed into the ground. When she looked down, wine was splattered all over her wall and cupboards. She made a helpless sound in her throat and walked away to sit watching the front door waiting for Maylee. When the knock finally came, Rochelle flew from her seat, ripped the door opened and all but tackled her best friend. The two walked in, closing the door and Maylee headed for the living room before Rochelle stopped her.
“Don’t…”
“What? What’s wrong with the living room?”
“That’s where we…”
“Oh!” Maylee’s cheeks flushed and Rochelle led her friend into the den. They sat down and Rochelle curled her body into her seat.
“Okay, tell me everything.”
“Well...we decided—actually I decided we should try something. I mean he was sitting there and just looked so good. Then he walked away—trying to avoid us getting involved because of what I told him before about us not getting intimate. But I told him I am ready. I told him I could do it.” Rochelle trailed off and shivered. Maylee tossed the nearby Afghan over her shoulders and she continued. “We made love—well it started out here and Lord knows that man knows what he’s doing...but then my brain started working—”
“Oi vey,” Maylee muttered.
“Then he told me he owns Emiko-San Ai.”
“Wait, he’s the boss at the Emiko-San Ai? Okay, so how did that lead to him leaving?”
“I realized that we could never be anything. I mean he lives in Japan, and I live here and then he lied to me.”
“You’re kidding me right? He didn’t lie to you, Rochelle. He simply didn’t tell you—he probably thought you knew or that it wasn’t important.”
“That’s not the point—”
“Then what is the point?”
Rochelle sighed in frustration. She dropped the Afghan to the chair and stood up. She paced the room like a caged cat, fury and sadness dancing through her. “He should have told me.”
“So you asked him to leave.”
“Of course!”
“Is that why you’re really angry—that he didn’t tell you he owned such a large company? Or are you mad as hell because he lives all the way in Japan?”
Rochelle stopped for a brief moment to look at her friend but that didn’t last long. She crossed the floor again with her arms folded behind her back. She ran Maylee’s question through her head but couldn’t come to the conclusion she desired. She inhaled deeply.
“All right. So he is gone—now what?”
“What do you mean now what? There’s nothing I can do about it. He’s gone. I just have to gather my shit and move on. That’s all I can do—I was fine before he showed up. I was perfectly happy being alone. Why should I let him ruin that?”
“You trying to convince me, or yourself? Let me get you a drink.”
“Watch out for the broken glass.”
Maylee arched a brow at her as if wanting to ask a question but didn’t. She left the room and Rochelle knew exactly when Maylee got there.
“Holy hell!” she cried.
Soon Maylee returned with two glasses of white wine and forced Rochelle to sit down.
“Okay.” Maylee rested her glass against the desk. “So he’s gone and you’re moving on. If I was to believe that it means I’m going to have to go back to dragging you out on Saturday nights. Rochelle, you’re not an island. You deserve a good man and if it’s not Raiden it’s someone else. Do you think it was an accident he left his country and came here?”
“I don’t believe in kismet, May. You know that. He came here because he had a job to do, an obligation, nothing more, nothing less.”
Rochelle took a sip from her glass and crossed her legs. Sometimes it hurt to speak to Maylee but the woman knew her things. It hurt so much because after a while of speaking to Maylee, Rochelle realized what an absolute moron she’d been. She did not want to realize she hurt Raiden more than she thought he hurt her.
“If you believe that, then what the two of you shared wasn’t real and if it wasn’t real then you shouldn’t be this hurt about him being gone.”
“Jeesh, May! Don’t stop there. Tell me how you really feel.”
“All right. If you thought he just came here to do a job, your pain right now wouldn’t exist. Actually, if you believed that then you’d have to believe you were nothing but a booty call for him. Is that what you want to think?”
“Of course not! What woman wants to be someone’s booty call?”
“Then stop bitching, stop moping and call him.”
For the first time, Rochelle realized she had no way of getting in touch with Raiden. She had no way of calling him or writing him or even email. She would have to go down to the legal department and ask them for his contact or ask Kelly. Then she would have to explain to them what happened and she really didn’t want to do that. She sighed and rested her head against the back of the plush seat.
“Why is everything so complicated?”
Maylee laughed. “Simple answer?”
“Don’t think my brain can handle a complicated answer right now.”
“You make it complicated. You jump to conclusions, Chelle. You accuse without thinking. You let your heart lead you in times when it shouldn’t and let your fear lead you when your heart should. You’re run by your fear and if you want life simpler, you’re gonna have to tell fear to kiss your black ass and go for things.”
“Thanks for sugar coating that.”
“That’s not my job.” Maylee shrugged and sipped her wine. “If you want to find him I got some contacts in Japan. I can make a few calls and get back to you probably tomorrow night. It’s like fourteen hours time difference so calling them too early or too late is a tad rude.”
“You’d do that for me? Even after the shit I put you through the other day?”
“You’re my sister. I can choose my friends but sisters I’m kinda stuck with.” Maylee smirked.
Rochelle laughed despite her feelings. They didn’t look anything like sisters. Rochelle had dark skin with big, brown eyes and extensions in her hair. In the black community she would be called a thick sista. Maylee on the other hand had long, flowing, rea
l black hair down her back, almond shaped brown eyes and petite body that most men yearned for.
Placing her wine down, Rochelle leaned across the space to hug Maylee tightly. “Thanks, baby sis,” she whispered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Rochelle asked Maylee to sleep-over that night, after they cleaned up the wine mess. They made a light snack and long after Maylee fell asleep, Rochelle lay awake. She couldn’t fall asleep and not for lack of trying. Finally she climbed out of bed and made her way down the hall to what used to be Raiden’s room. Instantly, her gaze landed on the bed to the drawing that lay there. She stared at the brilliant picture and realized what it was; a self portrait of Raiden, done in Manga style but he was missing something. Where his heart should be a gaping, black hole replaced it. His eyes looked like haunted, dark holes without light and she reached forward with a finger as though touching the board would soothe him. She blinked, fighting back her tears. She managed to stave them off but once she opened the letter she could not stop the tears from tumbling freely down her cheeks.
Koibito,
I’m sorry for any wrong I may have done to you. It was never my intention to arrive in your life and ruin it. The truth is, when I realised I was the one going on the exchange, I had every intent on coming, doing my best work then returning to Japan. Meeting you and falling for you weren’t in the plans at all. But plans be damned for I did meet you and I did know you in ways that I am sure most others will never know you. I know you said that I wasn’t to give you any more suggestions but please, forgive me for I have one final suggestion I wanted to run by you. Permit me to give it to you in this letter when I wasn’t permitted to by words. I wanted to get to know you further. I know I couldn’t simply give up my life for yours and neither could you. I was going to suggest a compromise. Neither of us has to give up our lives, but we could meet half way. Half our lives could be in your world and half could be in mine. But obviously I have caused irreparable harm to you and your heart. I made you cry and the truth, Koibito, is that I would rather cut my right arm off than see you cry anymore. Gomennasai, Koibito— I am sorry. I have one final wish for you, Wagakokoro, my heart—if you could see what is inside my soul it would be that I wish that you find someone who understands you and cherishes you the way I so desperately yearned to. I pray that you have all the happiness in the world and should it be required that I trade mine in order for you to smile again, then so be it. I wish you lasting love, Koibito, and all the pleasures the world has to offer.
For the Love of Rei Page 10
