‘Fel-Fel, do you think it’s true what those WARWOP witches say about your gran coming back? Maybe she’s coming back because we’ve been rubbish at being evil!’
Felicity Bat threw her glass across the room. It smashed against a large portrait of Celia Crayfish herself.
‘We are excellently evil,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘I’m the best at being the worst. Everyone is terrified of me.’
Aggie Hoof shook her head and tossed her Frock magazine over her shoulder. ‘Not since you unsuccessfully tried to take over Linden House. And yesterday, when you levitated into that lamp post … and then there was that time you –’
‘QUUUUUIIIIIEEEEEETTTTTT!’ Felicity Bat screeched.
Nasty Nancy, the owner of the Gull & Chip Tavern, stared at them from the bar with a disapproving gaze.
‘I think we need to rethink our image,’ Aggie Hoof said.
‘WILL YOU BE QUIET, I’M THINKING!’ Felicity Bat snapped. She spun around and her long plait got caught in her mouth. She spat it out and stood very still.
‘What, Fel-Fel?’
Felicity Bat grinned, flicked her finger and a pair of scissors appeared.
She began chopping.
‘Um, Fel-Fel?’
Within seconds Felicity Bat’s hair was short and spiky.
Aggie Hoof held up the limp long plait that had been attached to Felicity Bat’s head. And then she threw it across the room because it freaked her out.
‘We need to do something evil. We need to fix this. I mean, look at us all,’ Felicity Bat said as she pointed around the room at all the hunched and mean and terrifying witches that littered the place. ‘We’re the best-worst Sinkville has to offer and we’re huddled away in this tiny tavern doing nothing.’
‘Well, Fel-Fel, not nothing – you did just cut your hair …’
Felicity Bat ignored her. ‘We need to get out there and make this place evil agai–’
Before she could finish, there was a loud bang and smoke filled the room.
‘I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO ANY SPELLS USING OLD FINGERS!’ they heard Nasty Nancy yell. ‘THEY ALWAYS SMOKE THE PLACE OUT!’
But it wasn’t anyone using old fingers for spells. As the smoke cleared, Felicity Bat could make out a message floating in the air.
BE HERE, JUST BEFORE DAWN.
OH, EVIL WILL BE BACK ALL RIGHT.
‘Who’s doing that writing, Fel-Fel?’
Nasty Nancy clutched her heart and grinned.
‘Fel-Fel, answer me, who is doing that writing?’
Felicity Bat stared at it in disbelief. She recognised the writing. She knew exactly who had sent the message.
Aggie Hoof stroked her chin. ‘And who is Dawn?’
6
Norma Milton
Tiga sat across from Miss Heks as she picked at a pie in Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really, the baker’s.
Every witch in the place was staring at the old bat in her luminous orange dress, their mouths open.
‘Well, this is nice!’ Miss Heks said, picking some pie out of her teeth and flicking it across the room.
Tiga couldn’t resist. ‘Why are you really here?’
‘To see you, of course!’
Tiga looked to the window, where Fluffanora and Peggy were standing outside, holding Toad magazines up to their faces. They had cut eyeholes in them so it looked like they were reading but really they were spying. Fluffanora’s one was convincing, but Peggy had made the eyeholes too big, so you could see most of her face …
‘But you hate me,’ Tiga went on. ‘You left me in the shed with only a slug to play with.’
‘You don’t still have that slug, do you?’ Miss Heks asked casually. Almost too casually.
Tiga thought for a moment. ‘No,’ she lied. ‘It died.’
Miss Heks smiled. ‘Oh well, they do that sometimes.’
A young witch waitress who looked about Tiga’s age strolled over. ‘Can I get you anything else?’
Tiga shook her head. ‘No, thanks.’
‘I’m Norma Milton, by the way,’ the witch waitress said. Tiga noticed the edge of her dress was purple. A couple of the cake stands in Cakes, Pies and That’s About It Really had started to get their colour back too and were turning pink.
‘Hello, Norma Milton,’ Miss Heks replied.
Norma Milton pulled up a chair and sat down with them. A witch at the next table threw her hands in the air and shouted, ‘Oi! We’re ready to order!’ But Norma Milton didn’t seem to care.
‘It’s great to meet you, Tiga. I watched Witch Wars and you were excellent.’
‘Wasn’t she?!’ Miss Heks said with a forced smile.
Tiga shifted awkwardly in her chair. ‘Are you new to Ritzy City?’ she asked Norma. ‘I haven’t seen you in here before.’
Norma Milton nodded enthusiastically. ‘I’m from the Towers. Actually, you ran past my tower when you were in Witch Wars. It was very exciting! Oh, and is that Peggy out there? And Fluffanora!’ She stood up and gestured for them to come in.
Peggy dropped her magazine and looked shocked, as Fluffanora rolled up hers and hit Peggy with it. ‘I told you you made the eyeholes too big!’ Tiga heard her say as they stumbled through the door.
‘Wow, all three of you in one place,’ Norma Milton said as she introduced herself to Fluffanora and Peggy. Tiga watched her intently as she smiled sweetly and told Peggy what a wonderful ruling witch she was, and how much she loved Fluffanora’s hat.
Peggy grinned. ‘You must come over sometime soon and I can show you around Linden House!’
‘Oh, I’d love that!’ Norma Milton said with a squeal.
Miss Heks snorted. She’d fallen asleep.
‘Niceness bores her,’ Tiga whispered as she slowly tried to get up.
The chair squeaked and Miss Heks jolted awake. ‘CRIME!’ she sleepily shouted.
‘Would you like some tea?’ Norma Milton asked.
‘You should try one of the tarts,’ Miss Heks said, blowing her nose on Norma Milton’s apron.
‘So sorry,’ Tiga mouthed.
Norma Milton smiled awkwardly.
‘Girls!’ Mrs Brew cried as she shot through the door, followed by Fran. She was clutching a large black rag covered in gloop, her hair was uncharacteristically ALL OVER THE PLACE and she was in a little nightdress. ‘I have been looking everywhere for you. There’s a lopsided old house next to ours. Do you have any idea why it’s –’
She stopped. Her face crumpled. ‘Miss Heks?’
‘Mum, what are you doing?!’ Fluffanora snapped. ‘Get back home to bed right now. You’re not well.’
‘You’re back?’ Mrs Brew said, sneezing all over Miss Heks.
Fran was busily hovering behind her, sneakily trying to rearrange her hair.
‘I just wanted to see Tiga,’ Miss Heks said. ‘She has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to come and live with me, so I decided to move back. I put my house next to yours – we’re neighbours!’
Mrs Brew raised an eyebrow. ‘You just decided to come back?’
‘That must be why the apple was green,’ Peggy said. ‘Miss Heks, being a Big Exit witch and everything, has brought some of the colour back with her. Look at the cake stands, and Norma’s dress.’
Fran sneezed.
‘Oh, Fran, you must be ill too,’ Mrs Brew said.
Fran thought for a moment. ‘I’m not going to die, am I? Because I’m very important. There will be no one to present Cooking for Tiny People!’
She flew about the room in a fluster, screeching, ‘I MUST GO OOOOOOON!’ then smacked into a wall and slid to the ground.
‘Well, I’d better be off too. I don’t want to get sick!’ Norma Milton chirped.
She hugged Peggy goodbye and headed out of the door.
‘She’s great!’ Peggy said.
‘Um … I thought she was the waitress … ?’ Fluffanora said to no one in particular, but none of them were listening.
‘Come on, girls,’ Mrs Brew said, ushering them
away from Miss Heks. ‘Time to go home.’
Tiga felt Mrs Brew’s arm wrapped tightly around her. She looked back before she stepped out of the door. Miss Heks was grinning and waving, her spindly fingers wiggling slowly like old worms.
Tiga shivered.
‘Something is not right here,’ Mrs Brew whispered in Tiga’s ear.
7
Brooms
Later that evening, Mrs Brew sat down with them and sneezed her way through all the reasons why Miss Heks might be back. She was more worried than anyone. They had been discussing it for so long, it was now the middle of the night.
‘She could SNEEZE genuinely miss you … Or SNEEZE have gone a bit mad – perhaps all the SNEEZE cheese water has turned her good? I bet she’s up to something. She SNEEZE must be.’
‘I don’t want her to get in the way of our trip to Silver City. We have to keep looking for my mum,’ Tiga said, stroking the slug. ‘You know, Miss Heks was asking me about my slug,’ she added.
‘She’s going to notice if we trot off down the road to Silver City; her crumbly old house is just next door,’ Fluffanora said, pulling back the curtain to reveal Miss Heks’s house. A crooked nose was poking out of the window.
‘See,’ Fluffanora said. ‘She’s watching.’
The slug buried its beehive of hair under Tiga’s thumb.
‘She’s going to hold everything up,’ Tiga moaned. ‘I want to go to Silver City now.’
Peggy patted her on the back.
‘I have an idea SNEEZE!’ Mrs Brew said, leaping to her feet and waving her hands in the air.
‘I’m worried about her sanity …’ Fluffanora mumbled.
Mrs Brew continued to wave her arms as Tiga looked on.
‘Bristles and bush and three seats smoosh,’ Mrs Brew mumbled. ‘Here in three, two, one … WHOOSH.’
Peggy dived under the bed!
Fluffanora ducked.
And Tiga … well, she was knocked to the ground by the bristly, bushy broom that came careering into the room.
She leapt back up, raised an arm in the air and shouted, ‘I’M FINE!’
Mrs Brew grabbed the broom and held it steady. ‘You can take it to the attic window and sail out high above the houses. That old bat Miss Heks will never see you. I’ll distract her tomorrow morning – say you’re all in bed with the flu. That’ll buy you some time.’
‘Will we all fit?’ Fluffanora asked as she eyed the broom wiggling in front of her.
‘It’s a three-seater broom, Fluffanora,’ Mrs Brew said. ‘There’s plenty of room.’
Tiga took hold of the broom and with her other hand she slipped the slug into her pocket.
Mrs Pumpkin, the cat, growled from under the bed.
‘Bye, Pumpkin Head!’ Fluffanora said.
‘You know she hates being called that,’ Mrs Brew said, as Mrs Pumpkin produced a single claw and waved it in Fluffanora’s direction.
Peggy grabbed hold of the broom too. And then Fluffanora.
‘Follow the floating lanterns west,’ Mrs Brew said. ‘All the way, you hear, past the perfect line of trees until you see the silver stilts of Silver City sticking through the clouds. You should be there before morning.’
Tiga lifted the broom meaningfully in the air, ‘This is the start of our epic jour–’
SMACK!
She hit Peggy in the face with the handle.
‘Oh, frogcrutches, so sorry, Peggy!’
Peggy held her nose. ‘Nope, it’s fine, just my nose … Who needs a nose! I can, I don’t know, breathe through my mouth …’
8
Linden House Light
It was a cool, clear night and Tiga could hear the distant sound of clinking glasses from Clutterbucks and witches chattering in the near darkness on their way home. It was late and most of Ritzy City was tucked up in bed. Lights flickered behind bedroom curtains and one by one went out. Miss Heks’s house was completely dark now.
‘Wait for it,’ Fluffanora said as the lanterns that lined the streets were extinguished at once.
‘Go!’ she whispered as the three of them shot out of the attic window of 99 Ritzy Avenue and soared high above the rooftops.
‘Hey!’ Peggy shouted. ‘Look over there at Linden House – the sitting-room light is on!’
‘Maybe you left it on,’ Fluffanora shouted back to Peggy.
‘Or maybe it’s your glowing apple?’ Tiga said.
Peggy stared down at the huge building, her nose wrinkled – partly because she was thinking and partly because she still had some broom bristles stuck in it.
And then the most peculiar thing happened.
‘Hey! The light went out!’ Peggy cried. ‘Who switched it on? And who just switched it off?’
Tiga and Fluffanora glanced back at Linden House.
Tiga tried to focus her eyes as they whizzed through the air. She twisted around on the broom for a better look. She was sure she could see a figure climbing out of the back window! She squinted and turned again as the figure scuttled through the garden.
‘There’s someone there!’ Tiga shouted.
‘Where?’ Fluffanora demanded.
Tiga pointed but the others couldn’t see anything.
‘Oh, it’s probably nothing,’ Peggy said. ‘Or it’s Pat the chef.’
Tiga nodded even though she wasn’t convinced. She leaned back further on the broom and watched as Linden House and all of Ritzy City faded into the distance.
9
The Watch
Felicity Bat paced back and forth in the Gull & Chip Tavern.
Every pair of eyes in the place followed her.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
The doors had been bolted by Nasty Nancy.
In the middle stood a terrifying figure clad in a bright purple dress.
‘CELIA CRAYFISH,’ Nasty Nancy oozed as Felicity Bat tried to hug her gran.
‘I really thought you were gone above the pipes for ever,’ Felicity Bat rambled.
Celia Crayfish flicked a finger and sent her flying. ‘No hugging, Felicity,’ she said coldly. ‘I’ve been hearing all about you. What a ghastly disappointment you are.’
Only those in her inner circle had been allowed inside. That included Miss Heks, who had scuttled along to say hi to her friend. She’d brought stinking cheese, so everyone hated her. Then there was Nasty Nancy, who was whipping up drinks for everyone; Felicity, who Celia Crayfish seemed determined to insult every couple of seconds; and Aggie Hoof, who, frankly, was close to being killed by the recently returned witch.
‘Ooooh, I like your evil shoes, Celia Crayfish,’ Aggie Hoof said.
‘What did you say?’ Celia Crayfish snapped, her face scrunched up and shaking in fury. She looked like a paper bag that had just eaten a squirrel.
Felicity Bat nudged Aggie Hoof and urgently shook her head.
‘Um …’ Aggie Hoof said, looking from Felicity Bat to Celia Crayfish. ‘… Nothing. I said nothing.’
Celia Crayfish growled and carried on pacing the room. It was beginning to grow light outside.
‘Witches, this is a crucial moment in the history of Sinkville,’ she said, her voice crackling like an old radio. ‘This is the moment when we take over Sinkville once and for all.’
‘But there’s only about two of us!’ Aggie Hoof said.
‘There’s five,’ Celia Crayfish said with a sigh. ‘Really, Felicity, you couldn’t even get a decent sidekick.’
Felicity Bat stared at her feet and then up at Miss Heks, who – arguably – was a worse sidekick.
‘I have spent years above the pipes,’ Celia Crayfish went on, ‘studying how they do things. Some of the things they do are really bad. Children up there are terrified of us! Terrified! They see us coming and they cross the street. They don’t have magic, you see! They are powerless. Not like the kids down here, with all their power, ruling the place! Children,’ she spat. ‘RULING THE PLACE!’
‘But you ruled the place
when you were a child,’ Felicity Bat pointed out.
Celia Crayfish sighed. ‘And I deserved to rule because I was special, but then I had to stop because I got older and this stupid little world only lets young people rule! I left this place – it’s no good for old people. But up there, in the world above the pipes, being old is wonderful! People think you know everything, and children have to do what you say! It’s HEAVEN.’
Aggie Hoof looked confused. ‘You mean children don’t get to make the laws?’
Celia Crayfish cackled so loudly the roof of the tavern shook. ‘No! They think it’s –’ she paused and grinned a fang-ridden grin – ‘ridiculous! They think it’s ridiculous to trust kids with things like laws. Oh, it’s just a magical world up there!’
She took a seat. ‘But now I’m back. And it’s time we made Sinkville like the world up there. I’m going to make this place evil again, and I’m going to put young witches in their rightful place! I AM GOING TO RULE THIS LAND WITH MY WRINKLY HANDS! I WILL TERRIFY CHILDREN! I WILL WIN.’
‘But you’re not a child,’ Aggie Hoof said.
Celia Crayfish cackled. ‘EXACTLY.’
‘You don’t think children are good enough?’ Felicity Bat asked.
‘NEVER!’ Celia Crayfish roared. ‘In a couple of days this place will be under my control once again!’
‘How are you going to do it, Granny? How will you take over?’ Felicity Bat asked.
‘IT’S CELIA CRAYFISH TO YOU,’ she snapped. ‘Until you can prove your worth.’
She rolled back her sleeve to reveal a large watch.
It was huge and beautiful, with sculpted edges that looked like twisted thorny branches. Felicity Bat stared at it in amazement. She had studied everything about her gran, and her watch was the best bit!
Celia Crayfish cackled. ‘Before we sent Tiga down for Witch Wars, we bewitched her, so with this watch we could see whatever she saw. It was like having a little roving camera moving around the place. I saw your pathetic battle scene at the end of Witch Wars, Felicity. I saw it.’
‘Why didn’t you just sneak back and see what was going on?’ Aggie Hoof asked.
Witch Watch Page 2
