Tiga took him out and went to hand him to Norma Milton.
‘TIGA, I’VE FOUND IT!’ she heard Peggy yell, and she slipped Sluggfrey back in her pocket. She was too distracted to notice Norma Milton scrunch up her fists and whisper, ‘RATS.’
20
Pineapple Face
Back in Brollywood, lights flashed, glittery dust exploded everywhere, the camera zoomed in on Fran.
‘HELLO, WITCHES! And welcome to Cooking for Tiny People with ME, Fabulous Fran. Today we have a special show that I’ve just decided to make up myself right now!’
Crispy was behind the camera, smacking her head on it in frustration. The shows were always a disaster when Fran went off script.
‘Today … we are going to be cooking a … pineapple. Yes, a pineapple, um, face.’
She flew over to the cupboard and pulled a pineapple out of it.
‘First we add some evil eyes.’
She stuck on two grapes, and on to them she put two chocolate buttons.
‘Scary eyes!’ she said, wiggling about and shaking glittery dust down on to it.
‘And a pointy banana nose …’
Crispy was still banging her head on the camera.
‘Some fang teeth! I like to use some cut-up bits of apple. But you can use anything as long as you shape it into spiky fangs.’
She flew around the room, ducking in and out of cupboards and chucking things on the floor.
‘I’m going to stick some blueberries to the pineapple spikes, so it almost looks like a crown. You know, like old rulers used to wear. And what other kinds of rulers are there? Top Witches. And this pineapple is a bit evil-looking, isn’t it, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? Some might say I’m trying to give you a message. Who else gives messages? WARWOP witches, if you know what I mean –’
‘What are you talking about?’ Crispy hissed.
Fran stared at the camera blankly and then held the pineapple high in the air.
‘I hope you like this Celia Pineapple, a very excellent BUT DEADLY DANGEROUS recipe that’s definitely back in town,’ Fran concluded.
‘It’s not even a recipe!’ Crispy said, throwing her hands in the air. ‘It’s a fruit version of a Mr Potato Head.’
The banana nose fell off.
‘And cut,’ Crispy said faintly.
21
Mrs Brew Does Crafting
Mrs Brew chuckled as she watched Fran hold up the pineapple on the screen. She was watching Cooking for Tiny People on a large silver spoon.
She looked around her to check no one was there and then flicked her finger. A pineapple appeared, and all the things she needed to make a face. She had almost finished attaching the banana nose when she realised something.
She got to her feet and peered outside. She was sure she spotted something blue and witch-shaped drop from one of the pipes. She rubbed her eyes and looked again. Nothing.
‘How peculiar …’ Mrs Brew said to the pineapple face. ‘You look very familiar …’
She waved a hand and a telephone covered in glittery spiders appeared with a bang. ‘Mavis,’ she said, holding the phone to her ear.
‘Hello, Jam Stall 9, we’re here for all your jam, cat and WARWOP needs. Mavis speaking.’
‘Mavis,’ Mrs Brew said urgently. ‘Did you watch Cooking for Tiny People today?’
‘No, one of the cats ran off with the spoon I like to watch TV on,’ Mavis said with a tut.
‘Well, I think you should watch it. Mavis, I have a funny feeling Fran was trying to send Sinkville a message …’
22
Gretal Green’s Office
‘This is it,’ Tiga said.
‘I thought that was going to be much harder,’ Peggy muttered.
There the four of them stood, in front of a sparkling oval door. Above, glowing bold letters spelled out GRETAL GREEN, INVENTOR.
‘This is so cool!’ Peggy squealed. ‘Tiga, isn’t this cool?! It’s your mum’s office!’
Tiga took a step closer to the door and placed a hand on it. She swiftly turned and quickly said, ‘I’m not ready to go in there.’
She put her hand in her pocket and felt Sluggfrey snuggle into it.
Peggy patted her on the shoulder. ‘There’s no rush.’
‘Yeah,’ Fluffanora said, putting a hand on her other shoulder. ‘We have all the time in the world.’
‘FEL-FEL, LOOK AT THIS PIPE – IT’S GOT A FAKE WITCH IN IT AND SHE’S GOING ALL WARTY! LOOK!’
‘Ssssh, you idiot!’
Tiga, Peggy and Fluffanora stared at each other.
‘Who is that?’ Norma Milton whispered.
‘FEL-FEL, I BET THEY’RE DOWN HERE!’
‘You don’t want to know!’ Tiga said, grabbing Norma Milton’s arm and dragging her down the corridor. ‘Quick! We have to hide!’
WARWOP!
* * *
We imagine you’ve been too busy panicking to watch Cooking for Tiny People, but Mavis of Jam Stall 9 has just been alerted to the fact that Fran has sent us a very important message:
YOU CAN MAKE FACES WITH FRUIT.
Isn’t the world amazing?!
Now, back to panicking.
23
Amateurs
Fran finished reading the WARWOP! article and took a deep breath. ‘I am dealing with amateurs,’ she said to cat number four. ‘I NEED TIGA. Or I need to send a more obvious message …’
24
Invisible Inventions
‘OOOH, FEL-FEL, MAYBE THEY’RE HIDING FROM US IN HERE,’ Aggie Hoof said, again, TOO LOUDLY.
Felicity Bat shoved her out of the way and read the sign on the door.
‘And why, if they were hiding, would they be in the INVISIBLE INVENTIONS ROOM? If they were, then we WOULD SEE THEM BECAUSE THEY’D BE THE ONLY THINGS THAT WEREN’T INVISIBLE!’
‘Unless they found an invention in there that made them invisible, Fel-Fel.’
Felicity Bat was flummoxed. Aggie Hoof had made a good point. She had just been outsmarted by Aggie Hoof …
‘Fel-Fel? What is happening to your face?’
Felicity Bat held her hands over her ears to stop the steam.
She marched towards Gretal Green’s office.
‘But that’s the most obvious room of them all, Fel-Fel! They wouldn’t hide in there. They would know that’s where we would look!’
Felicity Bat ignored her and marched on in. Finding Tiga wasn’t the reason they were there. Her gran had sent her to fetch something, and that was exactly what she was going to do.
Felicity Bat stopped dead in her tracks.
‘Fel-Fel, are you OK?’ Aggie Hoof asked.
‘Do you think Gran is right? I mean about older people ruling Sinkville, not young witches like us?’
Aggie Hoof stood blinking at her. Felicity Bat never asked her opinion on anything.
‘Well?’ Felicity Bat snapped.
Aggie Hoof thought really hard. ‘I don’t think it matters if she’s right. She’s evil and that’s all that we care about … isn’t it?’
Felicity Bat picked at one of her nails nervously. ‘But what she’s saying is young witches aren’t good enough. She thinks we’re too stupid to rule Sinkville. Do you believe that?’
Aggie Hoof nodded enthusiastically.
Felicity Bat sighed as she flicked her finger and the door to Gretal Green’s office turned to dust.
25
Fran Sending an Obvious
Message
‘SHEEEEEE’SSSSSS BAAAAAACCCCCCCCCK! BAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKKKK! SHEEEEEE’SSSSS BACCCCCCK! SAW IT WITH MY OWN FABULOUS EYEBALLS. SHEEEEE’SSSS BAAAACCCCK!’ Fran squealed as she shot through the town.
‘Where?’ Mrs Brew yelled after the fretting fairy.
‘GULL & CHIP TAVERN, MRS BREW. I LOVE YOU, MRS BREW!’
Mrs Brew charged down the road and straight into the Gull & Chip Tavern.
‘OUT,’ Nasty Nancy said before Mrs Brew had one full foot through the door. She peered around the room. No Celia C
rayfish.
‘Is Celia Crayfish back?’ Mrs Brew demanded.
Nasty Nancy cackled. ‘Oh, you’ve fallen for the craziness of the WARWOP witches,’ she said as she stirred some gloopy Crubbly juice. ‘And that hysteri-cal fairy.’
Fran zoomed past the window, doing her professional screaming.
Mrs Brew didn’t believe Nasty Nancy for a second. In large part because Nasty Nancy had once written a book called How to Lie. She clenched her fists and marched down the road. If those evil witches were back, she was going to find them.
WARWOP!
* * *
We’re pretty sure she’s back, everyone. Mainly because Fran has been screaming for hours about it now. So to mark the occasion, we took a break from panicking to compile Celia Crayfish’s TOP FIVE BEST MOMENTS from when she was last in Sinkville!
FIVE: That time she turned lots of witches into dolls, which we only actually discovered recently. That’s impressively sneaky.
FOUR: That time she started wearing snakes on her waist to look extra terrifying.
THREE: When she appeared on Fran’s first ever episode of Cooking for Tiny People and actually made a really nice loaf of bread.
TWO: That spell she invented to freeze people and erase their memories. That had lasting damage for a lot of the witches she hit with it.
TWO: That spell she invented to freeze people and erase their memories. That had lasting damage for a lot of the witches she hit with it.
ONE: Winning Witch Wars when she was nine and then being the worst ruler Sinkville has ever known.
WE MUST HIDE FROM HER. Especially if she still has that snake …
Correction: This article has been amended, as since we wrote it, we have been informed that it wasn’t actually a snake – it was simply an elaborate belt. Still, it was a scary belt.
26
Norma Milton Steps Up
‘They’re going into my mum’s office,’ Tiga whispered as she peeked along the quiet corridor.
Peggy, Fluffanora and Norma Milton peeked too.
‘What are they doing?’ Peggy said. ‘Are they looking for us?’
‘Those meddling pests,’ Fluffanora said.
Norma Milton straightened her hat and started walking confidently down the corridor.
‘Don’t!’ Tiga hissed.
‘Tiga, it’s fine,’ Norma said with a reassuring smile. ‘They don’t know who I am. I’ll handle this.’
Tiga looked at Fluffanora, who was shaking her head.
‘Don’t, Norma!’ Peggy said, but it was too late, Norma Milton was already at the doorway.
‘Who are you?’ they heard Felicity Bat snap.
BANG!
WALLOP!
CRASH!
‘She’s gone into that room!’ they heard Aggie Hoof shout.
‘Get her!’ Felicity Bat commanded.
‘They’re chasing Norma down the corridor,’ Tiga said, peering around the corner.
‘We should get in there while we can!’ Fluffanora cried, as the three of them raced to Gretal Green’s office.
‘And we should save Norma!’ Peggy added.
‘At some point!’ Fluffanora shouted.
‘WHOA!’ Tiga said when they saw inside the room.
‘FROGTOES!’ Peggy squealed. ‘LOOK AT IT!’
Gretal Green’s office was INCREDIBLE. All the walls were covered in weird buttons and levers and a large window wrapped around one side with screens dotted along it. But they weren’t blank. When Tiga moved closer, she could see they were moving images. One looked like a beach, with lots of huge feet stomping past. There was one that showed a beautiful iron bridge – Tiga was sure she’d seen it before.
‘The Ha’penny Bridge in Dublin!’ she cried. ‘That’s above the pipes.’
‘Look!’ Peggy cried, wiping some dust off the top of the screen. A little plaque read AILBHE.
Tiga wiped the dust from the beach screen. LILY-SUE.
‘I know what it is, it’s the slugs!’ Fluffanora cheered. ‘This must be a live feed of what they can see right now!’
One of the screens was completely blank. It read SLUGGFREY.
Tiga pulled the slug out of her pocket, and just like that, the image in the frame changed to them all standing in the room!
‘Cool,’ Fluffanora said, moving so close to the slug her face was all smooshed on the screen.
‘So at least we know your slug is definitely Gretal Green’s slug now!’ Peggy said, squeezing Tiga’s arm.
Tiga looked around the room in amazement. There were weird machines everywhere. One had lots of umbrellas stuck in it, like a large umbrella hedgehog. Tiga flicked a switch and they all shot into the air and began floating around.
Another was a jumble of twisted tubes. When Tiga pressed the big button on the side, it rattled, and out shot what looked like a black-and-white-striped sweet.
‘ “The Honesty Sweet”,’ Tiga read. ‘ “This sweet will always make the eater tell the truth”.’
Peggy licked it. ‘I’m NICE,’ she said.
At the other side of the room, past all the machines and pipes, was a large, messy desk, next to a wall covered in hundreds of levers and buttons. Tiga walked towards it.
The large black chair with glittery silver cushions that sat behind the desk was covered in a thin film of dust. A set of black papers was piled up at one side, and as Tiga got closer, she could see a tipped-over teacup; its spilled liquid had left a ghostly stain on the dark wood.
Peggy and Fluffanora followed behind her.
Tiga slowly picked up a picture on the desk. It was Gretal Green cuddling a baby. They were standing on a platform outside a beautiful silver house that looked out on to the swirling water that surrounded the city. Gretal Green had her face nuzzled into the baby’s tiny face and the baby was giggling.
‘It’s you!’ Peggy said, tapping the photo. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘I think so …’ Tiga said, staring at it. She’d never seen a picture of herself as a baby. Miss Heks didn’t have any photos of her at all.
On the floor next to the desk was a dusty old hat. Tiga picked it up and shook it. There was a thin bow tied around it and it had a sparkly grey edge.
‘This must be her hat,’ Tiga said, taking off her own and putting her mum’s hat on. ‘It’s the same one she’s wearing in the photo.’
Fluffanora gasped. ‘And look over here!’
Tiga ran over. Next to the screens mounted on the windows was a board with various pamphlets and papers pinned to it.
HOW TO EXTRACT INFORMATION FROM THE SLUGS, read a bit of paper. But the bottom half had been completely torn off.
Tiga studied it closely. The dust on it had been disturbed. ‘This was recently torn off,’ she said. ‘That evil rat Felicity Bat must’ve got it! We have to get that piece of paper. Sluggfrey might have important information in him! He might know exactly what happened to my mum …’
27
Oh, Hello
‘WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!’
‘Stop saying “warning”, you idiot!’ Felicity Bat snapped, hitting Aggie Hoof with the mop.
Norma Milton had somehow managed to suspend them in the air, and they were floating slowly into the office.
‘Whoa,’ Peggy whispered. ‘Norma is better at magic than Felicity Bat …’
‘Where did you say you were from again, Norma?’ Fluffanora asked, but Norma was too busy concentrating on keeping the two evil witches afloat.
Tiga just stood with her mouth open.
‘Yeah, yeah, enjoy it while you can,’ Felicity Bat said.
‘Put us down!’ Aggie Hoof demanded. ‘Please?’
Norma cackled.
Tiga pointed at the wall and the torn bit of paper about the slugs. ‘Hand it over, Felicity, right now!’
Felicity Bat gasped and shook her head. ‘No, it can’t be! It can’t be!’ she cried. ‘It was there a minute ago. Do you have it?’ she growled, staring at Aggie Hoof.
Aggie Hoof
shook her head madly.
Felicity Bat swivelled around, flicked her finger and broke Norma Milton’s spell. She grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and lifted her into the air. ‘Well, then you must have it!’
Norma Milton smiled. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘AAAAAAARGH!’ Felicity Bat cried, swirling around the room and knocking over inventions left, right and centre.
‘Be careful!’ Tiga cried. ‘And stop lying, we know you have it, Felicity! … Unless you do, Norma?’ she whispered.
Norma Milton shook her head. ‘I honestly don’t.’
Felicity Bat shot out of the window.
‘Oh no you don’t!’ Tiga cried, grabbing a broom and shooting after her.
The cool air outside battered against her face as she tore through the clouds after the evil witch.
Felicity Bat glanced back, saw Tiga and sighed. ‘Really, Tiga? You want to fight me?’
‘Just give me the piece of paper and I won’t attack.’
Felicity Bat let out a cackle that echoed throughout the deserted city.
Tiga just stared at her.
The sound of the swirling silver river was the only thing that filled the silence, and the occasional shout from Aggie Hoof, who was at the NAPA window with Fluffanora, Norma and Peggy, shouting, ‘WIN, FEL-FEL! WIIIIIN!’
‘Let’s not be silly, Tiga,’ Felicity Bat finally said. ‘I don’t have the piece of paper, but neither do you, so I have sort of succeeded in my mission.’
‘Your mission?’ Tiga asked. ‘Did someone send you to get that piece of paper?’
‘No,’ Felicity Bat said quickly.
Tiga raised an eyebrow and flew around Felicity Bat. ‘Who would send you to get that piece of paper, I wonder …’
‘No one,’ Felicity Bat said. ‘I told you, no one sent me.’
Tiga came to a halt and sighed. ‘Look, we don’t agree on anything. You are a complete pain, but please, all I want is to know where my mum is, and that slug might know, so I need to know how to get the information out of him, you understand?’
Witch Watch Page 5
