by Hilary Wynne
“You promise? Good. Porque te necesito en mi vida, mi amor.”
“I promise, Julian. I need you in my life too.”
Chapter 2
As the warm water runs over my tired body, I think about the last twenty-four hours. Wow. I think I may have experienced every emotion there is. I concentrate on the happy ones, and how I felt ten minutes ago when Julian took me in his arms, kissed me passionately, and told me he’d see me later. Could it really be this simple? Can we really just pick up where we left off before the big baby announcement? It would be amazing if we could, but deep down I know we can’t. Reality smacks me in the face when I look down at my hand. There’s no beautiful ring on my finger, we’re not making plans for anything past dinner tonight, and if Julian was to find out about what happened with Luke, it’d be worse than ever. Oh. My. God. He’s going to hate me when I tell him. Yes, I am going to tell him. I have to. Not telling him will tear me up inside and ruin any chance I have at convincing him I made the biggest mistake of my life. Now I just need to figure out when the right time to tell him is. I get out of the shower, dry myself off, and start combing my hair. As I look in the mirror at my own reflection, there is nowhere to hide. Who am I kidding? There’s never going to be a right time to tell him this.
I push down the uneasy feelings coursing through my body and head into my closet to pick out something to wear. The weather has been brutally hot lately, even for Florida, but they keep the air so cold in the building that I’m usually freezing by lunchtime. I choose a silk, jersey wrap dress with a funky, colorful print and three-quarter-length sleeve. I’m hoping it might keep me a little warmer. I take a pair of taupe, Stuart Weitzman peep-toed wedges with a braided rope trim and buckle ankle straps out of a box and slide them on. I pull my hair into a loose braid, add some chunky multi-colored bangles, and head into the kitchen.
Marissa is sitting at the table eating breakfast, and when I sit down with a yogurt and cup of coffee, I can’t help but notice the smirk on her face.
“What’s up Mari? Something on your mind?” I smile at her and take a sip of my coffee. I know she’s dying to know what happened with Julian last night, and I can’t wait to tell her.
“Well, it’s nice to see you eating something for breakfast. That hasn’t happened in months. Did you work up an appetite last night?”
Come to think of it, I am hungry, which isn’t the norm for me lately. “I did work up an appetite last night. Thanks for asking.”
“Oh my God, Lex, would you tell me what happened already? I needed to leave twenty minutes ago and I couldn’t.”
Marissa’s mouth literally hangs open as I recount the night’s events. When I tell her the baby is Jordan’s, she immediately thinks the same thing I did when Julian told me.
“Do you think Luke knew? There’s no way, right? He wouldn’t do that, would he?” Her question is more rhetorical than actual, but I answer it anyway.
“I thought the same thing, Mari.” I share the details of the ‘what if the baby thing was not an issue’ conversation that Luke and I had.
“I just can’t see him doing something like that, Lexie. Julian said Caroline lied to everyone. I’m sure nobody else knew the baby was Jordan’s.”
“He might not have really known, but if he knew that Jordan and Caroline were sleeping together at that time, he might’ve suspected something.”
She shakes her head again indicating that she refuses to accept it. My doubts linger. Actually, they grow when I think about how Marissa immediately thought the same thing.
I can’t help but think about Luke and the baby business all the way to work. The last thing I want to think about is Luke, yet I can’t get him out of my mind. I’m no psych major, but even I know that until I clear my conscious, I’ll be haunted by memories of that night.
I get into work a little after nine and find a client I sold a unit to at The Towers waiting for me in the lobby. I don’t even have a chance to turn my computer on before I’m caught up in my day of back-to-back appointments, and it’s after two before I even get a chance to sit down at my desk. I grab my phone out of my purse and fully expect to see a call or text from Julian. There aren’t any. I’m instantly disappointed and worried. I can’t help myself from thinking he must’ve changed his mind about getting back together after he left my house this morning. I’ve been thinking about him all day despite how busy I’ve been, and am hurt that he obviously doesn’t feel the same. I remind myself he had issues to deal with, and I try to convince myself that his lack of communication isn’t about me at all. I’m staring at my phone when Lauren plops down on the chair in front of me.
“What’s the matter, Lexie? You look so sad.”
It occurs to me that nobody except Marissa and Danny know that Julian and I were together last night. I woke up wanting to shout it from the rooftops, and now that I’m doubting Julian’s feelings again, I want to keep it to myself. With Serena lurking about watching my every move, I don’t want to give anything away.
“Nothing is wrong. My phone is dead.” I throw it back into my purse, turn, and force a smile. I feel bad lying to her, but I can’t get into this right now. Luckily I’m saved when Diego walks into my office.
“Alexa, I just got off the phone with Andrea, and she wanted me to let you know that she’s approving the contract for the Varelas. I’m not sure how that one is going through, but congratulations.”
“Seriously? That’s awesome Diego!” The Varelas are buying a very expensive high-end unit. They’re also one of the most difficult clients I’ve ever worked with, and I worked hard for this sale. They came into The Promenade for the first time about a month ago. I finally got them to sign a contract last week, but it only happened after a visit almost every day for three weeks, five phone calls a day, and about four serious arguments between them. They’re a couple in their late forties, and I have no idea how they’ve been married for twenty years. In the time I’ve been working with them, I’ve never heard them agree on anything, and they don’t even seem to like each other. I had to get Diego involved a few times because they had some ridiculous requests and ideas of what they could have. I didn’t want to lose the sale, so I’ve been as patient as possible, doing whatever I could to make it happen. I turned the contract into Andrea two days ago, and I’m more than a little surprised it came back approved with no changes. Money talks, and all I’m hearing right now is cha-ching!
Lauren and Diego stay in my office for a little bit longer, and I feel myself getting anxious as I wait for them to leave. I want to reach out to Julian, and I need the privacy. When they’re gone, I fish my phone out of my purse and start to dial Julian’s number. I’m about to hit send when I see his sexy face appear on my screen. Yeah!
“Hey, you. I was hoping to hear from you.”
“Hi, Alexa. It’s been a crazy day and it’s not over yet. I’m not going to be able to meet for dinner. Actually, I’m not sure when I’m going to get out of here tonight.”
Okaaay. I’m not sure how to respond to that. All I know is my happy face and warm fuzzy feelings are fading away as quickly as they appeared. “That’s okay. I figured you’d have a crazy day. I’ve had one myself.”
I pause for a moment and begin to sink in the awkward silence. I have no idea what he’s really trying to say. Does he not want to see me? Does he want me to go to his place? I can’t invite myself, or can I? This sucks. How is it possible to be so confused? This man loves me. I know that, or don’t I? Am I his girlfriend again? Do I get girlfriend rights back? Damn.
He seems to be waiting for me to say something, and when I don’t, he wraps things up. “Well, okay. I guess I’ll talk to you later?” He says it like a question, and it hits me like a ton of bricks that he also has doubts. Of course he does. I left him. I walked away, ended our engagement, and hurt him deeply. Plus, I slept with Luke. I forget for a minute that he doesn’t know that, and factor it into the reason he seems so uncomfortable. I quickly come to my senses and think t
hat when he does find out about Luke, uncomfortable isn’t an adjective that will be used to describe how he feels.
When my mind starts working like this, I freak myself out. I have all these thoughts in a matter of a few seconds, and they’re a big jumbled mess.
“I can come over and wait for you if you want Julian. But if you—”
“I’d like that, but it might be late and I don’t want you driving home late.”
Driving home? I didn’t even consider going back to my house. Ouch. “Um, okay. I guess we can talk later. Call me if you want.”
He sighs loudly and I can hear his frustration through the phone. “Do I need to spell it out for you, Alexa? Yes, I want you there when I get home. You have no clothes at my place, which makes spending the night problematic for you.”
I exhale loudly and I swear I hear a soft chuckle. How did we go from the couple who knew each other’s thoughts to the couple tip-toeing around each other’s feelings? “I have no way to get in either. Tell someone at the desk to let me in and I’ll be there when you get home, Julian.”
This time I hear him exhale. “Sí, Corazón. Hasta luego.”
“Hasta luego.”
My heart swells when he calls me Corazón. It’s pretty much been ‘Alexa’ since yesterday, and I know what that means. He’s not happy with me. Can’t say I blame him either.
I kick myself when I think about how easy it would’ve been to have packed something for tomorrow and have it in my car just in case. I look at my phone. It’s after three now. I shouldn’t leave before five-thirty and if I leave any later, I probably won’t get back to the beach until close to eight. Julian didn’t say when he would get home, but I want to make sure I’m there when he does. He said he wanted me to be there, and the last thing I’m going to do is let him down. As I sit thinking about the best way to get home and back, it occurs to me that there are stores with everything I need right around the corner from here. There’s no reason I can’t just go buy whatever I need for tomorrow. Shopping isn’t a chore for me, and I start to feel a little giddy at the prospect of my impending impromptu shopping trip.
My afternoon ends up being quiet, and I’m able to leave a little after five. I head over to Collins Ave. My first stop is the Nicole Miller store where I fall in love with a cute black and white, sleeveless, tank dress with a crosshatch print. It’s on the clearance rack and in my size. It’s so meant to be mine. I try it on and am thrilled with the fit. While the salesgirl is ringing it up, I think about the other stuff I need to buy. Of course I need a new pair of shoes, underwear, and a toothbrush. I have my makeup in my purse already, and I know Julian has a blow-dryer at his house I can use.
I score big when I go into the Nine West store and find a pair of black lace up, peep-toe booties with cut-out patterns and four-inch heels. They go great with my new dress. The best thing is that they’re also on sale. My next stop is H&M, where I grab a few pairs of panties and a pair of striped-pink PJ boxer shorts and a white cami. I also pop into Walgreens and grab a toothbrush and some magazines to read while I wait for Julian to get home.
My stomach starts to turn on my way to the Bellavista. I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t eaten anything since this morning, or if it’s all nerves. I know the code to the garage so I have no trouble getting in. When I park next to Julian’s Jeep, in what used to be my spot, I feel sad. The feelings deepen when I walk into the building and see that there’s someone at the desk who doesn’t know me. Things have changed since the last time I was here, and I feel like a new visitor instead of someone who was practically living here a month ago. My stomach is in knots as I smile uncomfortably at this new person who needs to grant me entry back into Julian’s condo. I’m just about to tell the guard who I am when I hear my name. I spin on my heel and am met with Danny’s sincere and dazzling smile. He walks over and envelopes me in a warm hug.
“I can let her in Clayton,” he says to the guard. He takes my hand to lead me toward the elevators. He glances down at the bags I’m holding, but doesn’t say anything.
He just keeps smiling all the way to the elevator and when we’re inside, he finally lets go of my hand. “I’m so fucking happy to see you here, Lexie!”
God, I love Danny. He’s always been so supportive of mine and Julian’s relationship, and I realize right now how much I missed him. I don’t have a brother, and this easy relationship feels good. “Thank you. It’s good to be here, I guess.”
A small frown flashes across his face. “You guess?”
“It’s weird. I feel a little out of place, and it feels odd to be here without Julian.”
He reaches out and squeezes my hand again. These Bauer boys are very affectionate. “It’ll be okay. You belong here. Give it a little time. You can hang out with me if you want. I talked to Julian a little while ago, and I don’t think you should expect him for a few more hours.”
I take Danny up on his offer and get off on the third floor with him. I’ve been in his condo a few other times, and each time I can’t help but notice how different it is from Julian’s. It’s a one bedroom and doesn’t have the same terrace set-up, but that’s not all. Danny’s condo very much reflects his personality. There is color everywhere, a direct contrast to Julian’s bland palette, and Danny has pictures of his friends and family everywhere. You can tell someone really lives here. My heart hurts for Julian when I think about how he just can’t let people see who he is. He presents this façade to the world, and I know it’s just that, a façade. He opened up to me and let me see all of his ‘colors’ and flaws and edges, and I walked away. He trusted me, and I broke it.
Danny notices the look on my face as I think about these things. “Are you okay? Your face just got so serious and sad.”
I want to tell him that nothing is wrong, and that I’m just tired and hungry. I want to pretend, but something inside me tells me I shouldn’t do that anymore. “I am sad. Like I said, it feels strange to be here in this building and back in this world, and that makes me sad. This was going to be my home, and I screwed everything up so badly. You know your brother and I know him too. It’s going to be a long time before things are normal again. I’m not sure how to act or feel.”
“He loves you, Lexie. Give him some time. It’ll be okay,” Danny says, but I sense he wants to say more than he does.
Without meaning to, Danny just confirmed my fears that Julian isn’t ready to just forgive and forget and move on. It’s not a conversation either of us wants to continue, so we don’t. He offers to feed me instead, and I’m so glad because I’m starving. He has some arroz con pollo that Marisol dropped off earlier, and I eat more than I have in weeks. It’s so good. He also pours me a glass of wine, and after dinner we go sit in the living room. We’d been chatting about nothing important while we ate, and now the uncomfortable silence is back. It occurs to me Danny may not even know everything that happened with Caroline and the baby the other night. If Julian was so busy today then they might not have talked in depth yet. I’m certainly not going to share anything with him, so I let him take the lead on what we’re going to talk about.
“So, how’s Lauren?”
Lauren, huh? “She’s good. How’s Gabby?”
Danny chuckles and shakes his head. “Gabby is good. I talked to her the other day. We aren’t back together, and I think it may be for good this time.”
I nod my head. Julian once told me the reason they break-up all the time is because Danny can’t make a serious commitment. I’m not sure I’m the right person for him to be having this conversation with. He clearly doesn’t feel the same because he keeps the conversation going. “She wants to get married and I understand why she’s tired of waiting for me to ask. But, I can’t.”
“Do you really want to talk about this with me? Because we don’t have to.”
He chuckles again. “We are talking about it, Lexie.”
I can’t help but laugh out loud. “I guess we are. Okay then, why don’t you want to marry her? She
seems like a great girl, and she’s obviously in love with you.”
Danny’s face turns stone serious, and I’m taken aback by his response. “I can live without her. I miss her when we aren’t together, but overall, I’m fine. The person I’m going to marry is someone I can’t live without.”
The air just got a little thick with tension, and I’m not sure what to say to his declaration. I’m the last person who should be giving any relationship advice anyway. I simply smile at him and take a drink of my wine.
His mood is still very serious. “That’s how Julian feels about you. You know that, right?”
I can’t answer the question. I don’t want to talk about how I screwed Julian over and how much pain I’ve caused him. “We have a long way back to where we were. I’m not sure how he feels about me or what happened between us. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since we took our first steps toward being together again, and I don’t want to make any assumptions.”
Danny ponders my words for a few moments and doesn’t comment. I guess we have reached the threshold for personal admissions. When I look at my watch, I notice it’s already after nine. I ask Danny to let me into Julian’s condo. I’m anxious to see him, and I can’t help but notice the absence of his texts or calls. Pre-baby business, he would’ve let me know what was going on and when to expect him. I know I could call him, but it just doesn’t feel right. Actually, nothing feels right.
Danny lets me in and gives me a hug before he leaves. I guess the look on my face says it all. I so appreciate his attempt at making me feel better. “If he didn’t want you here, you wouldn’t be here. Relax. It’s going to be okay. Really.” He kisses me on the cheek, and after I shut the door behind me, I slide down and sit on the floor. The marble is cool against my bare legs and feels oddly calming. I’m actually not okay with being here and I feel very anxious. When I walked out of this door about six weeks ago, I never thought I’d be back. I have no idea why I thought that either, because as I think about what Danny said earlier, I know I wouldn’t have been able to live without Julian in my life. I just existed. I wasn’t living. I just want to go back to the night in Sanibel when he asked me to be his forever. So I go there in my mind, and let the feelings of love that existed caress me and calm my nerves. I sit there for a little while longer before I pull myself up and head into the condo.
