by Hilary Wynne
I check the time on my phone and make sure my mom hasn’t called. There are no messages, which is a big relief. The time stresses me out though. It’s still so early, about eight, and I have no clue how I’m going to be able to take this much longer. I send a quick text to Marissa.
Alexa: I hate you. This was not a good idea.
Marissa: Stop it. I’m sure he’s happy you’re there.
Alexa: He’s thrilled I’m here. It gives him more of an opportunity to ignore me.
Marissa: Hang in there. It’ll be okay.
I’m about to reply when I hear voices outside the bathroom. I throw my phone in my purse, stand up, and head toward the door. I’m pushing the door open as the person on the other side is pulling and the result is a bit of a collision. I’m absolutely freaked out when I get my bearings and see it’s Alejandra and Serena on the other side. Fuck.
“Watch where you’re going, Alexa!” Serena is glaring at me as she collects herself. She’s the one I ran into. Too bad I didn’t knock her on her ass.
I don’t say anything and step to the side, thinking my silence is the best thing I can give at the moment. In a move that takes me by total surprise, Alejandra steps in front of me and blocks my way. She cocks her head to the side and offers up a totally fake smile full of straight white teeth. “I’m so surprised to see you here. I thought you wouldn’t dare show up after last night.”
The voicemail message pops right into my mind and I can’t even think of a witty retort. I try and step around her, but the bitch moves with me. Are you kidding me?
“What, you don’t have anything to say? Serena told me you can’t stop running your mouth.” I remain quiet which eggs her on even more. “I guess you know I’m right and have nothing to say for yourself.” She shakes her head like I’m pathetic. It takes everything I have not to tell her what I think of her. This isn’t the place or the time to get into it. I try and move again, but Serena steps in front of me this time. We’re outside of the bathroom and a few other people are milling about. I’m trying to avoid making a scene, but if they don’t get out of my way, I swear I’m going to get physical and kick both of their asses.
“You’re kind of pathetic, you know. Always with your drama. I haven’t felt this way before, but right now I feel a little sorry for you. Don’t you know nobody wants you here? This wedding is for friends and family, and you aren’t either. It’s typical Julian just trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings, but you’re ruining the night for him. He looks miserable.” She walks around me and into the bathroom, her nose in the air.
I think they’re done, but Alejandra has more. “You don’t make him happy. You know that, right? I’ve known him forever and it’s painfully obvious you’re not meant to be together, especially after what you did to him. I saw it last night when I was with him. Why don’t you do him and yourself a favor and leave.” She smiles and waves her hand as if to send me on my way.
I just step around her without saying a word and this time she doesn’t try and stop me. I need to get away before she sees the tears that are threatening to fall. Those two just hit all of my buttons in a big way. I need to get out of here. I need fresh air and distance.
I think I’m home free with my escape when I feel a strong hand grab my elbow from behind. I spin around fully expecting to see Julian standing there. It’s not Julian. It’s the man from earlier, the one who was staring at me during dinner. I yank my arm away so forcefully I stumble in my five-inch heels. I right myself and glare at him.
“I’m so sorry to startle you. Alexa, right?
I nod and try to remember if I’ve met this person before. I never forget such good looking guys so I doubt it, but he knows who I am which confuses me. “Yes. Who are you?”
“Mateo.” He says his name like it should mean something to me. It doesn’t.
“I overheard your conversation with Serena and Alejandra and I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t listen to a word they said. They’re wrong, and I’m assuming very jealous of you.” I have no clue why this total stranger is following me and trying to make me feel better. He has no idea what he’s talking about anyway. They weren’t totally wrong, but I’m not going to discuss that with him.
He doesn’t seem interested in telling me who he is and I’m on a mission to get the hell out of here, so I end the conversation as abruptly as it started. “Thanks. I’ve gotta go.” I turn and walk as quickly as I can toward the door.
I hear his words over my shoulder and they stop me in my tracks. “He never looked at her the way he looks at you. Never. That’s why she’s being so nasty. She saw you on the dance floor. We all did. She came to find you after.”
I spin back around and face him. “Who are you?”
He’s about to answer when Julian appears out of nowhere and answers the question for him. “This is Mateo, Alexa. You remember me telling you about my best friend who slept with Alejandra, right? I see some things never change. Can’t find your own woman, Teo?”
Oh no. So this is Mateo. This night just keeps getting better. I fully expect Mateo to say something to Julian, but he doesn’t. Instead, he gets a sad look on his face and starts to walk away. He stops briefly and looks directly at me. “I’m telling you the truth, Alexa.”
I look at Julian, whose eyes are dark with anger. “What the hell was that about? What did he tell you that was the truth? I can’t wait to hear this.”
I feel defeated and don’t have the energy or desire to get into another argument with anyone. “It doesn’t matter because he has no idea who I even am. I’m going to go, Julian. This, me coming here, was a worse idea than I even thought it would be. Your family saw me; I’ve done my part. Now you can tell them I had to go be with my dad. Nobody will care at this point.”
My calm demeanor isn’t doing anything to help Julian’s mood. He’s pissed. “I’m not going to ask you again. Tell me what he said or I’ll go talk to him about it. You want to know what would be a really bad idea, Alexa? That; me talking to him.”
He isn’t kidding. The last thing I want to be held accountable for is a fight between Julian and Mateo. “Serena and Alejandra cornered me outside the bathroom and went off on me. I guess he overheard and felt bad for me. That’s all. I have no idea why he felt the need to say something to me, but it’s over, and I’d like to go now.” I spin toward the door and Julian grabs my hand to stop me. I keep looking down. I don’t want to start crying in front of him and I know the minute he looks in my eyes, he’ll see my broken heart.
“Look at me please.” His voice is softer, but I keep my head down and shake it.
“Por favor, Lexie.”
I slowly meet his gaze and can see he’s concerned. “What did they say to you?”
“It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. Serena is always nasty to me and it shouldn’t come as any surprise Alejandra wishes I wasn’t here, especially after last night. I’m tired and stressed out about my dad. It’s not a big deal, Julian.”
Oh shit. No sooner have the words left my mouth when Julian’s expression changes. “What does that mean? What about last night?”
Damn it. I lie through a forced smile. “She commented about me not showing up at the rehearsal dinner. They probably didn’t expect me to come tonight either. They don’t like me and would rather I not be here.”
Julian shakes his head in frustration. “I don’t know why you don’t already know I can tell when you aren’t telling me something. I don’t want to stand here all night doing this, so please stop playing games. Be a grown-up and tell me what the hell is going on. You owe me that at the very least.”
Hmm. Be a grown-up, huh? That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do and it has gotten me fucking nowhere. I feel my pulse start to race as I lose the grip on my calmness. Fine, if he wants to hear it, I’ll just say it and get it over with so I can fucking leave already! I put my hands on my hips.
“I’m not sure where to start, but you’re right as usual, Julian. Th
ere’s much more to the story. I was trying to be a grown-up and not let our incessant drama ruin this night, but seeing as you won’t let me leave until I tell you, here it goes. Serena and Alejandra cornered me outside the bathroom and told me all the reasons why I should leave you alone. Please allow me to provide the highlights. They pointed out how upset you were last night and how unhappy you look tonight, which is true, by the way. You look fucking miserable!”
Julian opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. I’m not finished. “They also told me nobody wants me here, but you were too nice to un-invite me. Alejandra also told me it’s painfully obvious to everyone but me that I make you miserable and that she has no idea why you stay. They called me pathetic. And because I’m trying to be a grown-up, I said nothing. Not a word. I just listened. I mean, how could I argue after your and Alejandra’s night together last night.”
Julian’s mouth drops. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I can’t keep the sarcasm at bay. “You were drinking so don’t feel stupid, but you need to make sure you disconnect a call before you start talking about the person on the other end. I heard your conversation with Alejandra. The one where you said you were sick of all my drama and that you were done. I know you were with her and that’s why I wasn’t ready when you showed up today.”
“You think I slept with her?” Julian swallows hard and shakes his head in disbelief.
“The thought has crossed my mind, yes.” About a hundred times, I might add. “I also have questions about your overnight in Sanibel with Kelsey. You can spare me the details though. I, unlike you, do not want to hear them.”
“You’ve been thinking I slept with Kelsey and Alejandra and you’re just now saying something? Why?”
Why doesn’t he get it? I want to yell at him, but we’re not alone and people keep walking by looking at us. “For starters, Julian, you seem to have conveniently forgotten you aren’t talking to me. So, I’m not sure when I would’ve been able to share my thoughts with you. Secondly, like I said, I was trying to be a grown-up, like you suggested. This isn’t the time or place to discuss whether or not you fucked your ex-fiancée or one of your employees. We’re at a wedding where happy stuff takes place, I have a lot on my mind with my dad and to be perfectly honest, why would I bother saying anything at all? I’m sure you’ll explain it by using my actions as a justification and tell me I have no right to be upset.”
Suddenly it hits me why I haven’t wanted to say anything. Deep down I believe I deserve it and that Julian can justify sleeping with another woman because I slept with Luke. The revelation stings.
“I can’t believe you think I’d sleep with Alejandra. I can barely stand to be in the same room as her. And as far as Kelsey goes, I don’t sleep with my employees, Alexa. Ever. You know that.”
I’m focusing in on Alejandra right now because that wound is very fresh, but I’m glad he said what he did about Kelsey. I’m not totally convinced about anything and I know I’ll want to discuss that situation more, but right now I’ve got more than I can handle on my plate with Alejandra. “I heard the message. I can play it for you. I saved it. You were with her so please stop trying to convince me otherwise.”
“I was with her, but not with her. She followed me outside. I was drinking and I was worried about you, and in a bad mood that you weren’t with me. Danny took me home after that call, by myself. I was saying ‘let’s go’ to him.”
I can hear in his voice he’s telling me the truth, but it doesn’t make me feel much better. “Okay. I guess I believe you, about that part anyway. I also believe you about the part where you said you were done and over the drama, and to be honest, I don’t blame you. I’m pretty over it too.” I look at Julian and see the man I love. I also see all of the problems we’ve faced and continue to face. I spent so much time in a dysfunctional relationship with Brady and have been clawing my way out of that dark past. I just want to be happy with him and have a healthy relationship. I’m having a difficult time convincing myself that we are, or I am capable of it.
Julian takes a step toward me so we’re only a few inches apart. His voice quiets to just above a whisper. “Do you think this has been easy for me?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think dealing with what I did is easy for you.”
“Dios mio, Alexa. That’s not even what I’m talking about. I’m talking about being mad at you. It’s so fucking hard for me to even be mad at you. It’s hard for me to keep my distance and not be with you. I don’t know how to not be with you anymore.”
His words make my pulse quicken, but I’m living in a different reality right now. “Well, you’re doing a great job at it because we’re a million miles away from each other.”
He sighs but doesn’t disagree. “Are you going to tell me what Mateo was referring to now?”
So we’re back here. I thought we’d moved past Mateo onto other fun topics. “It really doesn’t matter, Julian. I know you hate him, but he wasn’t hitting on me. He was being nice to me.”
“Lexie …”
Ugh. He’s not going to let this go. “He told me not to listen to her because she was just jealous of me. He said you never looked at her like you look at me and everyone who was watching us on the dance floor could see it, including Alejandra. I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about and that’s when you walked up.” I shrug my shoulders. “See, no big deal.”
I can almost see the wheels turning in his head as my words sink in. I know he believes me when he takes my hand and looks me up and down very slowly. “You look so beautiful tonight. I love your dress, and your shoes are sexy as hell. I’m not sure I told you that. I’m sorry if I didn’t.”
He doesn’t address Mateo’s comment, but it’s something positive. It’s an olive branch of sorts and I grab onto it.
“Thank you. You look fantastic as well.”
It probably isn’t a good skill to have acquired in such a short amount of time, because it means we fight a lot, but Julian and I both know when we need to step back and take a time out. He knows he’s pushed me somewhere I didn’t want to go tonight and finally stops. “Will you please come back inside with me?”
I look him straight in the eyes. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“Which Julian is going to be with me? I can’t handle you ignoring me in this situation. I can barely deal with it when it’s just us, but it’s too much to deal with in front of your friends and family. They all see it, you know.”
“Sí, yo se. I was told.”
“By whom?”
“Danny. My mom. Rafi. My dad.”
His dad? I’m surprised he noticed. He hasn’t spent much time around us and Julian is always guarded when Antonio is around. My surprise shows up on my face. “Yes, my dad. He told me to stop acting like a macho asshole, in Spanish of course, before I ruin the best thing in my life because of my pride.”
He’s still holding my hand and he squeezes it. “I’m trying. It may not seem like it, but I am. Like I said earlier, this is very hard for me to deal with and even that’s hard to admit. You’ve come into my life and made me feel every emotion there is. I’m not used to any of it.”
I smile thinly. I get it. “Right back atcha, Bauer.”
“Will you come back into the wedding with me, for a little while longer at least? We can leave early.”
“I don’t want you to have to leave because of me. I can meet you at your condo if you want. We can talk more?” I pose it like a question because I’m hoping this talking to me thing will continue past this moment.
“If you leave, they win.” He puts his hand under my chin and looks at me intimately. “I have your back, Corazón. I promise you.”
I needed to hear him say that. He’s touching me and talking to me and using his nickname for me. “Okay. I’ll stay.”
He leans over and places a small, soft kiss just above my lips. I want to pull him to me and kiss him with everything I have, but I
don’t. He’s so hesitant to touch me. I’m grateful for the baby steps we have taken tonight and don’t want to ruin anything.
“Gracias.” Julian threads his fingers through mine. I follow him back into the ballroom and as he promised, he doesn’t leave me for the rest of the evening. We dance, eat cake and talk to other guests, and although he’s acting way more like the old Julian, his walls are still up. He passes on joining in on the garter toss, and I do the same for the bouquet toss. It would just be so awkward if either one of us caught it.
Throughout the evening I see him glaring at both Serena and Alejandra a few times, and each time I squeeze his hand and ask him not to say anything to them about what happened. It’ll only make things worse. I also catch him stealing a glance at Mateo and what I see speaks volumes. The look on his face isn’t one of anger. It’s wistful and it tugs at my heartstrings. He misses his friend and it’s clear. It’s been ten years, and Julian hasn’t dealt with it. It’s so very typical of him. I bet he just cut him off and never talked to him again. If I didn’t have my own issues right now, I would make this a project, but my plate is currently overflowing and there’s no room to add any other drama.
We stay until about midnight and when the party looks like it’s winding down, Julian suggests we sneak out without saying goodbye. I have no issues leaving, but I need to do something first. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Yvette at all tonight because each time I thought about it, she was around Serena or Alejandra. They are nowhere to be seen right now so I make my way towards her. She smiles at me as I walk up, which is a warmer greeting than I expected.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you earlier, but I wanted to offer my congratulations. Everything was so beautiful, especially you, and I’m glad I got to be a part of it.”
Yvette reaches over and hugs me, which floors me. “Thank you. I’m glad you were able to come to the reception at least. I heard about your dad, and I’m sorry.”
