by Hilary Wynne
“Hola, Mr. Bauer.”
“Hola, soon to be Mrs. Bauer.”
“Mmm. I like the sound of that.”
“Me too. Where are you? I’m home and I can’t find you.”
“I’m down at the beach. Come join me.”
Fifteen minutes later, he sits down at my side. He shakes his head at me. “Your tits are falling out of that top, Alexa. You’re giving the guys down here quite a show.”
I look down. He’s kind of right. My boobs are falling out a little. I adjust the straps. “Please. Most of these men are gay and aren’t looking at my tits, Julian. You just notice them because you’re looking.”
He looks down again and smiles. “True. But do you blame me? You have beautiful breasts.”
I look him up and down. He’s changed into a pair of white swim trunks. “Thank you. You may look whenever you’d like. I will point out though that every woman and gay man on this beach is going to be staring at you. You’re hot.”
“Well, let them stare, Corazón. I only have eyes for you.”
“So sweet. What are you doing here anyway? I thought I was going to meet you at the hotel later.”
“Ruben is back, he told me to leave. I agreed. I wanted to be here with you.”
“Well, remind me to thank him when I see him. I’m glad you’re here.”
Julian pulls a lounger over and lies down next to me. We talk some more about the wedding and he lets me know that he told his parents and Danny we’re re-engaged.
“Re-engaged? That sounds so bad.”
He smiles encouragingly. “It is what it is. No looking back remember? My parents invited us to dinner tomorrow night and I said yes. I hope that’s okay?”
“It’s fine. My parents did the same, so let me know when you can next week.” He nods and tells me he’ll check his schedule later.
“So, were your parents happy with the news?”
He flashes me a smile. “Very. They know I love you, Lexie. They want us to make this work.”
I exhale. That makes four of us. I want this to work. It has to work.
We spend the next few hours at the beach enjoying the weather and each other’s company. We both decide we aren’t up for a big night out, so we order dinner in and rent a movie on Netflix. After all of the drama and big events of the last few weekends, this night is just what the doctor ordered for both of us. We snuggle together on the couch and laugh at the comedy we’re watching. It’s perfect.
I’m on the schedule to work on Sunday, so I plan on just meeting Julian at his parent’s house when I get off. When I show up at around six, Julian greets me with a big smile and kiss. Smiles and hugs from the rest of the Bauers follow. Marisol’s hug lasts longer than the others, and when I take a step back and look at her, I see the tears in her eyes.
“I’m so happy for you two. Felicidades!”
Antonio is a little more reserved and when he asks Julian and me to come sit with him in his study, I understand why. For the next hour it’s explained to me in great detail what will be in the pre-nup agreement I’ll be asked to sign prior to marrying Julian. I look at Julian from time to time and he smiles at me and squeezes my hand. I know he knew this was coming and I’m a little pissed he didn’t give me some warning. I’ve had about five minutes to enjoy the thought of marrying him and here we are talking about what would happen in case we get divorced. I’m a smart girl and know how things work, but this seems like it could’ve waited a few days. When Antonio finishes explaining the details he asks me if I have any questions. I do, but I’m going to save them for Julian, for when we’re alone. I want the freedom to ask what I need to and don’t feel comfortable doing that with his dad.
“No. I understand everything you said and don’t have any objections to what you’re asking from me. I’m not with Julian because of his money.”
There is a bit of tension in the room when I say that, and Antonio leans forward in his chair to respond. “Nobody thinks you are, Alexa. This isn’t about that. The rules for Bywater were designed by my grandparents. Marisol signed something similar. So did Esteven when Yvette married him. It’s not personal, so please don’t take it as so.”
The whole conversation has made me uncomfortable to the point where I have an upset stomach. I smile and nod. “We’re all good.” I look at Julian and offer the same fake smile. “Just let me know when it’s ready and I’ll sign it. And if we’re done talking about that, I’d like to go get some fresh air.”
They both stand up when I do and Julian follows me outside onto the patio. “Are you okay?”
I look up at him. “Not really. If you knew that was going to happen you could’ve told me so I could mentally prepare. I always feel a little off around your dad and this doesn’t help. I don’t care about the pre-nup or signing it, but I would’ve liked a few minutes to enjoy our ‘re-engagement’ before I had to talk about what will happen if we get divorced.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure it would come up tonight but I did know it would come up soon. We’re talking about getting married in the very near future and this is something that needed to be discussed right away. I told my parents what we were thinking about in terms of a timeframe, and my dad mentioned this. I figured if I called and told you to expect this you would’ve bailed or freaked out. I’m here to answer any questions you have.”
“Later. Let’s just enjoy the rest of the night with your family. We can talk about it when we get home.”
A big smile crosses Julian’s face.
“What?”
“That’s the first time you’ve called the condo home.”
“No it’s not.”
“Sí. It’s always your condo or the condo. Never home. I like the way that sounds.”
I give him a hug. “You might not like it so much when I take over your closet.”
He laughs. “We’ll figure it out, baby. We’ll figure it out.”
After a nice dinner we leave and get back to the condo a little after ten. When we get into bed, Julian reiterates some of the things his dad said and explains in more detail how things are separated.
“All controlling interest in Bywater has to remain in the hands of a biological Bauer. But that only pertains to Bywater owned properties. The hotel doesn’t apply because I’m the majority stockholder there. What’s mine in regards to the hotel and to this condo is going to be yours as well. I’m not interested in having you sign anything to the contrary.”
“Your dad seemed to have a little issue with that too. It got a little tense when you mentioned the hotel not being included.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It has nothing to do with you though. There is still some bitterness about how I went around him to buy the hotel.”
“I know. And Julian, I’m fine with whatever you want me to sign. I’m really not with you for your money.”
That makes him laugh. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“I’m with you for your body. If anybody places restrictions on that I’d have an issue.”
Julian reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I’m all yours baby, and so is my body. Feel free to take advantage of it whenever the mood strikes you.”
I honestly have no problem signing a pre-nup so I’m not sure what’s causing me to feel so off. Antonio was nice about it and Julian truly seems like he doesn’t even care if it happens or not. The papers will be drawn up by the end of the week, and I can sign and we can move forward with planning the wedding. I’m anxious for that to happen. Last time it all ended as soon as it got started. I could also be feeling off because of the few glasses of wine I had with dinner. I didn’t eat much and my stomach is in knots as it is. The alcohol just makes it worse.
The minute I get out of bed the next morning, my nausea gets worse and as I hurry into the bathroom, I worry I’m going to throw up. Splashing some cold water on my face makes me feel a little better, but when I start to brush my teeth I gag and eventually do throw up.
When I fini
sh, I stare in the mirror and give myself a little lecture about drinking on an empty stomach. I know better. I have a busy day today and I don’t have time to be hung-over. I brush my teeth again and then open the drawer to take out my birth control pills. I flip the case open and instantly start to freak out. Oh my God! I should have my period right now and I don’t. I also don’t have any PMS symptoms. All I have is … morning sickness?
I sit on the toilet and look at the pill pack. How did I not even notice this? This can’t be right. I always take my pill at the same time every day. Did I miss one? I’ve been so stressed out about everything that’s been going on with my dad and Julian. Maybe that’s what this is about. I’m just stressed. That’s it. My body is just out of whack.
I hop in the shower and try to think about the last time I got my period. I’m so regular I don’t even think about it. I just go by the calendar on the pills. Was it before or after I got the flu? The minute the word flu pops into my head I start to shake. I was out of it for two days and I didn’t take my pills. Or at least I don’t think I did! And Julian and I had sex right after and didn’t use anything and, oh my God, I could be pregnant! I’m so lost in my thoughts and panic I barely notice the shower door open and Julian step inside. He comes up behind me and holds me.
“Buenos dias, mi amor. Why didn’t you come and tell me you were up?”
Julian has one hand placed innocently on my stomach and it amplifies my panic. I can feel myself start to tremble more and I know he’s going to notice. I turn around and face him.
“I’m not feeling good this morning. Guess I’m a tiny bit hung-over. I thought a quick shower would help. You plus me in the shower never equals quick.” I stand on my toes and kiss him softly. “So don’t get any crazy ideas, Bauer. This is all about getting clean.”
“I see. Well then let me help clean you.” Julian puts some body wash in his hands and begins to run them over my body. When he swipes them across my belly I feel weak in the knees and lean into him.
“Are you okay? You don’t look good.”
“I told you, I’m hung-over, and as good as that feels, I’m not up to playing this morning. I’m sorry.”
“Okay. I’ll leave you alone.”
Before I can respond, he’s out of the shower and drying off. I can hear the disappointment in his voice and I feel bad, but I’m freaking out here and not in a position to fake it at the moment.
I get out of the shower, towel dry my hair, and apply a little makeup. I still feel sick to my stomach and hope I can get out of the condo without throwing up again. I find Julian in the kitchen dressed and ready to go to work.
After he drops me off, I wait in the lobby a few minutes until I’m sure he’s gone and then I head back out and walk quickly to the drugstore that’s located a few blocks away on Collins. There’s no way I can make it through the day with this question hanging over my head. I have to know now. As I pay for the pregnancy test, I keep telling myself I’m wasting my money because there’s no way I really could be pregnant, but as I walk the few blocks back, I think about how crazy this is. First it was Brady and finding out he had a baby. Then it was the whole Caroline baby drama that blew up my relationship. To this day I’m not sure Julian ever dealt with all of that. He just stopped talking about it and I don’t ever bring it up. We haven’t talked about kids since the one night so long ago when he told me we’d make beautiful babies. This isn’t the right time for this. I might get a promotion and he’s so busy with work too. We’re going to start planning a wedding for some time in the next few months which is a crazy plan as it is. Nowhere in any of this does a baby fit. I fight back tears as I walk into the building and into the bathroom.
The directions on the box say it takes three minutes for a result to appear. For me it happens the moment I pee on the stick. The two pink lines appear instantly indicating I’m pregnant. I sit down on the toilet in the stall and start my deep breathing exercises to ward off the panic attack that’s stirring. This isn’t good. Julian is going to freak out. We just got back on track.
I sit there until I feel like I’ll be able to go out and face my day without falling apart. My mind is racing and the competing thoughts running through it are intense. On the one hand, I think about having a baby, Julian’s baby, and I get a warm, happy feeling inside. I love him in the real ‘we’re going to be together forever because we were born to be’ way. He’d be an incredible father. He’s so loving and so patient and very capable of supporting and nurturing a child. I think about how I’m twenty-six and at a great age to start a family. I think about how my family would love and welcome a baby.
Then I think about how Julian and I have only been together for such a short period of time. We have gone through so much and we finally have an opportunity to enjoy each other without the drama that has surrounded us from day one. I know a lot of people are going to think I got pregnant on purpose to keep him this time. I think about my career and how it’s really starting to ramp up. All of those things make this an unwelcome situation. I just feel so torn.
Luckily for me, the minute I step into my office my day blows up with things to do and I’m able to focus on some other things besides the fact I’m pregnant. I’m even able to avoid talking to Lauren because I’m so busy. I’m sitting at my desk in between clients when Evelyn pops her head into my office.
“Julian is in the lobby. Can I send him in?”
Julian is here? I open my drawer and look at my phone and see he has called and texted a few times. It’s after three and I never responded. “Of course.”
I stand up and walk toward the door. I see Julian walking across the lobby and my heart skips a beat. He’s so beautiful and his smile makes me melt. That is until I remember why I’m kind of avoiding him at the moment. He walks past me and turns around.
“What’s up, Lexie?”
I move closer and give him a quick hug. “Just working. It’s been super busy today.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Why?” The words come out defensively and I want to kick myself.
“Because you told me you didn’t feel well this morning and thwarted my advances. You haven’t returned my phone calls all day and you’re very tense and defensive right now. So I’ll ask again, what’s going on?”
The look in his eyes bothers me. He looks frustrated and I imagine he feels something bad is about to happen because when I start acting this way, it means there’s a problem. I decided the second I saw the pregnancy test results I’d tell him right away. I just figured I’d be able to get through the day and back to the condo before I had to say anything. I can’t discuss this with him here.
I shut the door and turn to hug him. “I’m sorry I made you come over here. I have been busy today and I don’t feel well. I have something on my mind I’d like to talk to you about, but I’d rather not do it here or now.”
Julian pulls back and I can sense a little fear. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t get into anything right now. I have a client coming in any minute. I’ll leave as soon as I’m done and we can talk then, okay.”
“You’re freaking me out, Lexie.”
I tilt my face up and smile. “I love you. Everything is okay.”
I hear the buzz of my intercom and Evelyn announcing my client is here. “I have to go. I’ll see you back at the condo, okay? I’ll call you when I’m done.”
“It has to be okay, right?”
I kiss him softly and repeat myself. “I love you, Julian.”
He turns and opens the door, and the look on his face when he turns back around to say goodbye makes me sad. He thinks something is really wrong, and maybe it is. I have no idea what his reaction is going to be and I’m scared to death to find out. “Call me as soon as you’re done, please.”
My appointment doesn’t last very long. This is a repeat client and he’s ready to sign a contract. This is definitely a bright spot on a very stressful day. I don’t text Julian until I get back to the
condo and change. I grab a blanket and head down to the beach and ask him to meet me out there. I’m feeling very nauseous and the breeze and smell of the ocean makes me feel better. I keep running through what I want to say to him, but I don’t have the right words. I don’t know how I even feel about any of this because it hasn’t even sunk in that this is real. I’m there for about thirty minutes when I hear him behind me.
“This isn’t a good sign?” He sits down next to me. “This is where we promised to come when things got to be too much.”
Oh no. It never occurred to me he would think that when I asked him to come here. I turn to face him and am shocked by how tense he looks. I start to talk, but he cuts me off before I get a word out. “I have been thinking about this all day. You were fine yesterday until we had the meeting with my dad. I know you say you’re okay with the whole pre-nup thing, but clearly that’s the issue here. It must suck to go into a marriage thinking people think it’s going to fail, but that’s not the case, Corazón. I know you aren’t after my money and so does my family. This isn’t about you, or about anything that’s happened between us. My family would do this with anyone and whoever Danny marries will have to do the same thing. And it’s only about Bywater. Anything that has to do with the hotels and businesses I’m personally involved in are ours. So please, please don’t let this become an issue. You can bring the papers to a lawyer and make sure you’re happy with what it all says before you sign them.”
By the time Julian spits all of that out, he’s out of breath. Literally. I’m stunned. I guess it makes sense he thinks I’m upset about the pre-nup, but I thought I had convinced him none of that really mattered to me. I turn my body all the way and position myself so I’m between his legs. I take both of his hands in mine and take a deep breath. “Thank you for saying all of that, again, but like I told you last night, I’m totally fine with what we talked about with your dad. I truly am.”
“Then what’s this about? Have you changed your mind about getting married? “
