by Ella Brooke
"Come to the city with me," he said. "Remind me of what my heart should be."
In the end, there was no answer that she could make to that beyond a soft yes. He needed her, he needed Marissa, and of course they would be there for him.
Even as he smiled and led her inside to tell Marissa about the news, however, she wondered what this would do to them. What this would do to all of them.
Chapter Fifteen
The lights of Sakhi were brilliant, spreading below her like a blanket of diamonds. Despite their beauty, Annabel could not resist looking up into the sky, searching for the stars that she knew were there. The light of the city turned the sky to reddish purple, however, and the stars were invisible.
"Mama, I'm waiting for my story!" called Marissa from her new bedroom. Annabel tore herself away from the window and went to her daughter.
The new room at the penthouse was really a guest room, but Adil had called on his assistant in the city and had a child's furnishings brought in. They were perfect, but there was a new shine on them that made Annabel wistful for the hacienda.
"What do you say?" she asked, and to her surprise, Marissa rolled her eyes as if to say her mother was so silly, and drawled out a long please.
Well, she is growing up, and children can be sarcastic at times, but isn't that a bit early?
She ignored it, however, in favor if sitting down next to Marissa's bed and opening a book to read from. They had had a long day, first in the plane and then getting used to the penthouse, so she was prepared to be a bit forgiving.
When Marissa started drowsing off, she thanked her mother for the story and squeezed her hand, so much herself that Annabel decided that the sarcasm earlier must have been in her imagination. She kissed her daughter's forehead and tiptoed out when Marissa's breathing slowed down. She shut the door quietly behind her, and then went to find Adil.
He was in his study, a room that she found surprisingly dark and imposing in the midst of all the brightness of the penthouse.
For a moment, she hovered in the doorway, unsure, as awkward and shy as she had been when she was a teenage girl hiding behind her hair. For that moment, she wondered in her weariness whether Adil was actively ignoring her, whether she was going to stand, shame-faced, in the doorway until common sense got the better of her and she slunk away.
Then to Annabel's obscure relief, Adil looked up from his work and smiled at her. His smile still felt like warmth and goodness, like the heat of the desert they had all left that morning.
"How did she settle in?" He pushed his chair away from the desk, gesturing her over to him.
"Well enough, I think. She might need a quiet day tomorrow to really adjust and to find her feet, but after that I think she will be fine. She's resilient, after all. Though I might set some time aside to talk about manners and to do a quick refresher course. I think she's been forgetting her pleases and thank you's lately..."
Adil grinned a little.
"Acting like royalty already, I suppose..."
Annabel couldn't quite say why that bothered her, but it did give her an idea of who might have been encouraging the bad behavior. She started to tell Adil about why it was important to her that Marissa be well-behaved, but then he spoke again.
"She seems a bit calmer now than she was earlier at least. And you, how are you settling in?"
Annabel walked around the edge of the desk to come stand in front of him. He made a slight impatient noise at the distance that separated them and lifted her up to sit on the desk itself, facing them. Her feet dangled above the floor, and she could look down on Adil, a new perspective.
"I think I'm still a little stunned," she said honestly. "Everything's moving so fast, and I do think that in a while, this will be a good thing. I just... need to spend some time getting used to it."
"Good, I know that it will turn out to be a wonderful thing for all of it. I will have just a small taste of the desert here with me, and I am sure that you and Marissa will simply love it here as well. There is a great deal to see and to do, of course, plenty of shops for you to explore."
Annabel blinked, because while she occasionally liked to browse and window-shop, she had never been a great one for shopping as a real activity. She opened her mouth to say so, but then Adil had stood, pushing closer to stand between her knees. now he was the taller one, and he tilted her head back for a deep kiss.
"I cannot tell you how happy I am that you are here," he said softly.
There was something dark and sincere in his eyes, and she reached for the comfort she found there as well as the kiss.
This will be fine, she thought to herself. Of course this will be fine. We're in a new place, but we are here with Adil.
She told herself that he was the same person whether he was in the desert or in the city. He was the same man no matter what he wore, and that at the end of the day, he was a man that she was growing to love. That was the important thing.
***
For the first few days, it wasn't all that different from being back at the hacienda. She did managed to have a good talk with Marissa about manners, and the little girl agreed to do better. Adil occasionally disappeared into his study to do his work, but the rest of the time, he seemed entirely content to spend his time with Annabel and Marissa. He was as kind and patient as he ever was, and Annabel could feel herself relaxing into things.
See? He's fine. He's the same man, all is well.
On the surface, things were fine for Marissa as well, but Annabel could tell that there was something brewing. There were times when her young daughter looked too strained, too nervous and slightly crabby. Annabel was on the alert for any kind of relapse, but Marissa's recovery seemed to be unequivocal. Even if she did occasionally get moody, she still had plenty of energy and plenty of appetite.
"She's fine," Adil said with a shrug when Annabel brought it up one night. "She'll get over it."
Annabel blinked at his careless words, drawing back slightly from him. They had been sitting on the couch, her reading on a tablet and him working, but now she felt a little strange being so close to him.
"Well, the thing about little children is that they often don't know the best way to describe what is happening to them," she said cautiously. "If a little girl is grumpy and fractious, it often means that something is up. She might say that she has a tummy ache when she's upset or angry about something. That's something that's very common to little kids; they just lack the vocabulary..."
Adil never took his eyes off of his work, but for some reason, she wondered if she could feel something dismissive about the way he smiled.
"Well, they do figure it out eventually, don't they?"
Annabel bit her lip, growing more uncomfortable by the moment. She could have said that, yes, they did, but some children were able to do it with the kind and respectful guardianship of their adults, while others had to muddle through it practically on their own. She had been one of the latter, and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what she wanted for her daughter.
The words stuck in her throat. She might have gotten them out, but then a moment later, a wave of fatigue hit her, rolling her under and making her nod slightly against Adil's shoulder. This made him look up.
"Are you all right?" he asked, and she nodded.
"I think I am still recovering from the move myself," she admitted. Perhaps that was it. She was still tired and she was projecting all of this onto Adil and Marissa. Most likely, everything was fine.
"I think I am going to trot off to bed," she said, standing up. "More sleep can't hurt, right?"
He smiled at her, pulling her down for a brief kiss.
"Not at all, and I promise I will let you sleep, no matter how tempting you are. I will be virtuous."
"Well, maybe not so virtuous," Annabel said with a light blush. "If not tonight, then perhaps tomorrow...?"
"But of course."
As she walked to the bedroom that they shared, Annabel thought that there had never been anything wrong
there, at least. The more she and Adil touched, the more it felt as if they wanted to. There were the sensual touches in the privacy of the bedroom, but there were dozens of casual touches throughout the day as well. She would lightly stroke Adil's shoulder's as she went by, he would plant a soft kiss on her head as he passed her in the kitchen. In fact, when he was touching her, casually or not, sensually or not, everything felt as if it was just fine. It was when the camera drew back and she could see a bigger picture that she got uneasy.
As she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed, another wave of fatigue hit her. It wasn't as powerful as some of the ones that she had been hit with, but suddenly, as she set the toothpaste back in its spot, she was overwhelmed by a sense familiarity and recognition. She had felt just this kind of fatigue and slight dizzy spells before. Five years ago, she had had them, and then she had realized finally that there was a reason. Now she had a bright, brilliant funny daughter, and her eyes widened.
Why did she feel so afraid? Why did she feel as if the world was tilting? Annabel sat on the edge of the tub, but this time, she knew that the wave of dizziness did not come from a physical cause.
She knew that she should be thrilled. She should run straight to Adil and tell him what she had suspected. Every month, when she had realized that she was not pregnant, he had told her it was fine, that these things take time, but she could see the flash of disappointment in his eyes. He wanted a child, and throughout this entire time, she had daydreamed about giving him one. She should be ecstatic at this point, but for some reason, her mind was racing and it felt like her heart was beating faster, two things that could not be good for a baby or for her.
All right, Annabel, get a grip. This changes everything, but you need to stay in control.
She washed her face under icy cold water, which helped, and she made herself breathe, taking in one breath slowly before letting it out again. Ten breaths later, she felt at least a little calmer.
Out in the living room, she could hear Adil start to stir, and she walked quickly to their bedroom, stripping out of her clothes and donning one of the silky nightgowns she had taken to wearing. Without really thinking about what she was doing, she pulled the covers over her snugly, curling up on her side. She slowed her breathing down, and by the time Adil entered the room just a few short minutes later, she looked as if she was fast asleep.
She could feel a pang of guilt at her deception, but it seemed utterly beyond her to confront him with her news. She listened for his footsteps, and for a long moment, she knew that he stood in front of her. She could feel the weight of his gaze on her. Annabel was suddenly intently curious about what he was thinking, but she could not very well ask him.
Finally, with a soft sigh, he leaned down to kiss her brow gently before getting ready for bed. There was still something incredibly comforting about feeling him get into the bed with her, and tonight, he pulled her close, his chest pressed against her back and his breath fluttering the soft hair that trailed around her neck.
"Good night, beautiful," he murmured.
It seemed like an eternity before his breathing evened out to real sleep, and when it did, Annabel rolled over on her back to stare up at the ceiling. Tenderly, hands came down to cup her belly. It was still as soft and flat as it was before. She remembered lying in just this position back in New York. She remembered thinking that the world was ending, that everything was going to change. Well, she had been half right.
Annabel glanced over at Adil, who slept peacefully.
If you want to do the right thing, you are going to roll over, wake him up and tell him what you suspect...
Annabel had a strong urge to do just that, but something kept her back. She told herself that she simply wanted to be sure, that there was no point in raising everyone's expectations until they were, but deep down, she knew it was more than that.
I don't need to think of that right now, she thought firmly. If it turns out I am pregnant, I will consider what needs to happen next. For now... there is nothing wrong with moving on as we have done.
Annabel usually found that when she had a made a decision, she could sleep fairly easily, but that did not seem to be the case for today. Instead, she lay awake and strangely nervous through the night, not dropping off until it was close to five in the morning.
Chapter Sixteen
Despite his suggestion of being somewhat less virtuous in the morning, Adil received a call around seven that made him growl. When Annabel woke up blearily, it was to a lover who was putting on his clothes and frowning like a thundercloud. His expression eased a little when he saw that she was awake, and he came around the bed to give her a very quick kiss.
"I'm afraid that we'll have to delay much more than that kiss," he said ruefully. "I am needed in a meeting with a few ministers who honestly should know better. Hopefully I will be back just after lunch though."
"I'm sorry to see you go," she muttered, and that was still the truth. Annabel realized that there would always be a part of her that was sorry when Adil left.
Then he was gone, and the silence of the bedroom felt cavernous. She glanced at the clock. It was almost eight, and that meant that at some point in the next hour, Marissa was going to wake up and come looking for food and entertainment. If she was going to do this, she should do it now.
There were a few pregnancy tests in the cabinet in the bathroom. They had been at the hacienda as well. Someone had stocked them, and though they made perfect sense given what she and Adil were trying to do, a part of her had found it slightly odd and invasive. Right now, however, all she could do was be grateful that they were there.
The test was simple, and afterward, Annabel sat on the edge of the tub just as she had the night before.
It might be nothing. You did move just a few days ago, and now you are living in an entirely different place. Your daughter has been cranky, and you are not used to Adil's comings and goings in this place yet. There are many reasons why you might be tired and out of sorts.
Then she picked up the test after a minute had passed, and she realized it was not in her mind at all. According to the test, she was pregnant, and for a single shining moment, her brain was flooded with joy. It was a bright fierce feeling consuming every part of her, making her want to leap in the air with how full she was. She was carrying a child that was part her and part Adil, and it was one of the most wonderful feelings she had ever experienced.
Then, strangely, she wrapped her arms around her belly. It was a protective gesture, something she had done when she was carrying Marissa and the subway crowds got too rough. She wanted to defend her child from the world, and she tried to dismiss the idea that Adil was part of the world.
Your body is already changing thanks to what is going on inside, she told herself, and she knew that was true. There was even a chance that it was remembering how alone and destitute she had been the first time this had happened and responding to that.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Marissa's footsteps in the hall and her excited cry of "mama." After checking the impulse to tell her daughter that she was going to have a sibling, Annabel went to Marissa.
She could talk about what was going on with Adil when he got home. They could handle this like mature adults, and it would be fine. This was what they had been working so hard for, even if that work was one of the most pleasurable things she had ever encountered.
Everything was going to be fine.
***
Afterward, when Annabel looked back on the things that had happened, it had felt like a card house falling down. Every little piece that fell at the beginning toppled another one and then another one, and then the chain of events had spiraled out until no one could stop it.
Of course, she didn't think about those events very often because they made her want to sit down and cry.
Marissa was actually having her first really good morning in the city. She regained her sunniness and her interest in exploring, and while Adil was out, they took a brief
walking tour of the area, which contained a beautiful little park, some interesting shops full of clothes and antiques, and finally, a small stand to buy French crepes. Annabel ordered a chocolate crepe to share with Marissa, and the two passed a quiet half hour eating the crepe happily.
When they got back, however, Marissa suddenly remembered the dollhouse that Adil had bought her. It had been left at the hacienda, and no one had thought of it at all. Now that Marissa had thought of it, however, she grew upset at the idea of it waiting alone in that empty house for them to return.
"It'll be lonely without us, Mama," she had insisted."All of the people have names, and no one will call them by their names if we are not there."
There was something curiously melancholy about her daughter's phrasing, and even though Annabel knew better, a part of her heart understood. She knew that being overly-sentimental was definitely a part of something she had gone through while she was pregnant with Marissa, but still, she couldn't help but see the child's point.
"I am sure that they can take care of themselves until you get back to see them," Annabel said, and she saw Marissa's face turn sad.
"Tell you what. Moving such a big dollhouse would be a lot of work, but let's see what Adil says about it. Perhaps he can look into having it shipped here..."
Marissa brightened up a little after that, and their afternoon was calm. They were sitting and puzzling out a chapter book together when the door banged open and Adil entered.
"My god, what a ridiculous day," he growled, tugging his tie loose and shrugging off his jacket in nearly the same motion. "Sometimes, I swear that the people who run this country are simply being pig-headed for the purposes of being pig-headed."
Annabel started to say something, but then Marissa raced into the room.
"Adil, Adil, we forgot the dollhouse you gave me at the hacienda! The dolls are going to be lonely without us, and we have to go back and get them. Please, please say that we can go back!"
Adil shot her a baffled look, and right before he spoke, Annabel felt a strange premonition of disaster. She started to say something, to attempt to smooth it all over, but Adil was already talking.
