Simon
Lucy stared at me with an expression I found equally intoxicating and terrifying. A look that said if I walked out that door alone, it would be a major mistake.
“Hungry?” I asked, pulling up the sleeves of my hoodie. I tried to stop myself from fidgeting with the cuffs, a nervous habit I’d started to notice the more I hung around Lucy.
Without speaking, she tucked her long, blonde locks behind her ear and stepped away from the desk she leaned against. I took that as a yes.
Maybe it was the newly gained confidence or a high from selling so many calendars, but I unexpectedly reached a hand toward her as if I was inviting her to walk with me. I watched her face—her perfect, beautiful face, as she linked her hand with mine, and a shy smile formed when she walked out of the yearbook room with me, hand in hand.
We didn’t say a word as we strolled out to the car, and surprisingly, having her hand in mine felt incredibly natural. So natural, in fact, I wondered why we hadn’t been doing this all along.
I caught our reflection in the classroom windows as we walked. We looked good together. She was only an inch shorter than me, and her fairness juxtaposed with my bronze skin. We perfectly complemented each other. I noticed the way I stood a little taller now, like having her with me gave me a confidence I hadn’t seen since sophomore year. And when we passed another classroom window, I caught her checking out the reflection too.
Once we got to the car, I let her hand go so we could get in, and even in the short walk from the back to the driver’s seat, my mind reeled. What did this all mean now? Were we...dating? Was it insane of me to assume that? We just held hands for like two minutes. That’s not something friends do.
She smiled at me from the passenger seat as we both buckled in. “Simon,” she murmured carefully.
My voice came out in a rush. “Yeah?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Okay…” I answered, and my heart dropped. I assumed she wanted me to take her home. My hand-holding stunt totally freaked her out and made her super uncomfortable.
“But I’m not ready to go home,” she answered, like she was reading my mind.
I swallowed. “Oh.”
She broke out in a sweet laugh. “Let’s just go for a drive or something.”
I nodded, unable to take my gaze off flecks of gold hiding in her green eyes. Lucy somehow had the power to make an already beautiful sunset even better. “Sounds good to me.”
Then, an idea struck. I grabbed my phone and opened the forecast app to check the conditions before I said anything. Scanning for the confirmation I needed, I let my face stretch into a wide grin. It was perfect.
“What is it?” She tried to peak at my phone, but I hid it away.
“What’s your curfew?” I asked. Her eyebrows shot up as she stared at me, probably thinking I was suggesting something more inappropriate than I was.
“On a Friday, it’s eleven.”
“Perfect,” I answered, unable to contain my smile. “Want to see something cool?”
Her expression mirrored mine. “Of course.”
It took us about an hour to reach the quiet side of town, where the city lights didn’t obstruct the sky and the trees changed from leafless winter oaks to pines waiting to be covered in snow. Andy Williams played on the holiday station, and Lucy stayed patient and quiet in the seat next to me, watching the landscape change. After the first thirty minutes, her hand rested open on the console, and I reached across and twisted my fingers with hers again. Even our hands looked good together.
Finally, we reached the dirt road pull-off that my dad had shown me when I first started driving. It was his tradition to make us kids learn to drive the winter roads, and to do that, he would bring us up here: the best place to experience the display of the northern Minnesota sky. I always had a suspicion that he purposely showed us this exact hidden road like he knew we would bring our dates up here. I had to admit, I never thought I would be the one to actually do it.
“Just say it again, so I can be sure,” Lucy whispered as she stared cautiously out the dark windows.
I chuckled as I replied, “I promise this is not a murder plot.”
A few moments later, the trees opened up to a quiet lake and a clear view of the bright sky. It was still black and covered in stars. I watched as her jaw dropped and she leaned forward trying to see it all at once.
“It’s gorgeous,” she whispered.
I smiled. The show hadn’t even started yet.
I parked the SUV backwards so we could open the back and sit inside with the blankets I always kept in case of emergency. The only food I had in my car was a bag of fun size Kit-Kats from Halloween, so we sat next to each other with our legs hanging out of the back and devoured the candy bars while we waited.
“Does this happen every night?”
“Not every night. It really depends on the interaction of the solar wind and the planet's magnetic field.” I caught myself before I really launched into the scientific mechanics of it all. I could already see the confusion in her eyes.
“I bet you bring all the girls here,” she said elbowing me in the side.
I grabbed the candy out of her hand before she could open it. “Oh yeah. All of them.”
She laughed. Then I could sense another question brewing in her brief silence.
“Why haven’t you had any girlfriends? I think that Hailey girl is keen on you.” She smiled, but I could sense her apprehension. Her curiosity was genuine.
“No, thank you. Hailey is not my type.”
“So, what is your type?” she asked, and I had to admit I set myself up for that.
Her face turned toward mine, but I kept my eyes pointed downward. Why? Because I was a giant wimp. If I looked at her, then I would kiss her...maybe? I was so terrible at this.
“Um…” I mumbled. “I would have to say my type is someone who is smart and kind.” I could still feel her eyes on me. “But more than that. Someone who is more like a best friend, I guess.”
The pressure was too strong, and I turned my face toward her, the moment growing more and more intense until it felt like I couldn’t breathe. The only light between us was from the moon, and it still managed to bring out the gold flecks in her eyes as I felt her leaning closer.
It was going to happen, and somehow I was still panicking. What if she kissed me back and realized that I would never be good enough for her? What if she figured out that my biceps and dimples weren’t enough to get me out of the friend zone?
What if I let her back in and she hurt me again?
I pulled away, too quickly, and it made the moment change from tense with excitement to frigid and awkward. I grabbed another chocolate and tried to act as natural as possible, but I could tell she was disappointed.
Just as I was about to say something to somehow salvage the catastrophically ruined moment, she gasped. Following her gaze, I spotted the green and purple haze dance over the horizon.
Right on time, the display completely dissolved any residual anxiety as we watched the Northern Lights span the sky. It was no first kiss, but after a few moments of silence, I reached my arm behind her and pulled her close so she could rest her head against my shoulder.
Chapter Sixteen
Lucy
The snow had finally begun to get serious when Simon and I finished our last shift at the refuge before the D.C. trip. I changed out waters, some more ice than water at this point, while Simon raked the loose powder from the top of the largest enclosures. The big ones, which housed several birds at once were sort of a frankenvention, built by the Owl Lady’s husband. They used the framework of an industrial size greenhouse, but the top was made of a tinted netting to keep it feeling like the birds were outdoors and not caged. What it didn’t do was keep the snow from layering up. My eyes kept wandering to Simon, all bundled up in a ski cap, his jacket sleeves pushed up to his elbows as he pulled strip after strip of snow off the roof. It was like watching someone mowing a lawn
, if the lawn was over their head and dusted their shoulders with little crystals of ice with each pass.
I tried to stay focused on my work, but my head was full of the Northern Lights. What did he think he was doing putting his arm around my shoulder like that? It took everything in me not to pull him backward on that truck bed and kiss him till neither of us remembered what we had come out there for.
“Usually people come out here for birdwatching, not boy-watching,” remarked Thelma.
“Sorry,” I said, shaking my head as I set down the water dish I’d been holding stagnant for the last thirty seconds.
“That’s alright,” she said with a smirk. “It’s nice to have a change of pace around here. Usually I watch the mating habits of the birds, but you two are more interesting.” She winked at me before motioning for me to follow her into the office. I tried not to read too much into the mating habits comment. Was everyone aware I was hung up on Simon? For a moment in the truck I was sure he would kiss me, and then he shoved stale Halloween candy into his mouth, as if he would rather do anything with his lips, as long as he didn’t have to connect them with mine. Maybe he was nervous? I didn’t know though, and it bothered me.
“Your hawk is doing well,” said Thelma, once inside. “She’s a real success story, healed and ready to fly.”
“That’s great!” I said. I’d never thought of myself as an animal person, the opposite really, but it felt sort of magical, knowing I had helped fix a living thing.
“That’s the nice part about the job,” said Thelma. “Seeing something go from injured and hopeless to rehabilitated. It’s better than the money,” she laughed.
“Will you let it go then?” I asked. I knew coming in that the purpose of bringing Nora’s hawk to Thelma was to be able to return it to the farm, but now I worried about it. Would it have learned its lesson? Would it know not to swoop down and try to pick up roadkill? Or would it just get hit again?
“I was thinking,” said Thelma, peering at me from the corner of her eye as she walked from cage to cage. She kept the baby birds indoors where it was easier to feed them frequently. “Maybe you and Simon might like to release her. After your trip?”
I fought back a smile. Both Simon and I had committed to working through Christmas. Today was the last of my Key Club required hours and as the harsher parts of Minnesota winter began to roll in, it didn’t seem like she would need as much help from us. Fewer birds were brought in during the winter, and Thelma only kept as many imprinted birds as she was able to handle solo.
“This is your way of saying you’re going to miss us, isn’t it?”
“This is my way of saying I appreciate your help. Plus, you brought the hawk in. You ought to be here to see it go out.”
I nodded, seeing the beauty in things coming full circle like that but knowing damn well she was going to miss us.
Later that day, as I was packing for our trip, I thought about the hawk. It must have known how stupid it was to land on that busy road. But it wanted that road kill enough to risk it. The same way I wanted that stupid homecoming crown sophomore year.
I could relate, doing something stupid in pursuit of something you want, burning yourself and having to work your way back. Simon was my roadkill. Though I’d never tell him that. The difference was, I didn’t want to fly away once healed.
Simon
I banged my head relentlessly against the desk, hoping it would knock some sense into me. We were four days into the Christmas break, and I had accomplished nothing. Not my application essay and not kissing Lucy. If that’s even what she wanted.
Today was our last day at the refuge, and it felt very bittersweet. I wasn’t going to miss the work or the smell, but I would miss watching her work. I would miss the way she surprised me.
Today was also the first time we saw each other since the Northern Lights, which felt like it might as well have taken place in another universe. An alternate timeline maybe. In the light of day, I suddenly lost my courage to hold her hand or put my arm around her shoulders.
I couldn’t help but wonder...what if I had kissed her? Would we wake up the next day feeling like friends again like we do now? What were the chances she was obsessively over-thinking this like I was? Slim to none, I bet.
If I didn’t clear my head soon, my essay was going to be about how being an RA was perfect for me because I would never get the courage to kiss a girl in my lifetime, anyway.
My head landed against the desktop again.
Then, I heard a voice call from the doorway. “Mooooom, Simon’s broken.”
I looked up to find Samantha standing against the frame, watching me with a smirk. “I’ve never seen you stress out so much over a simple essay.”
“It’s not the essay,” I whined.
“Oh, don’t tell me this is about Blondie.”
“Don’t start, Sam.” I snapped a little too loudly at my sister, and I felt bad when her expression changed. She’d been harping on me for hanging out with Lucy since Halloween, and I couldn’t take it anymore. My brain was already upside down over the whole thing.
She stepped into the room and plopped down on my bed. I felt like she was waiting for me to say something.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” I said, staring up at the ceiling, “but she apologized.”
“Did you forgive her?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Do you trust her?”
I rubbed my tired eyes. “Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
I turned my head and glared at my big sister. Even though we could rip on each other more than the others, she was also the only one I could be real with.
“I think I like her,” I mumbled into my hands.
Sam stayed silent for a moment before saying quietly, “Duh.”
I let out a small chuckle. “It makes things so much harder now, Sam. What if something bad happens again? It’s going to hurt ten times more. And what if we start dating and some football player comes along and she realizes she made a mistake? Or what if we just stay friends? Then if she breaks my heart, it won’t hurt so bad. Or—”
“Simon, stop!” A small pillow smacks into my face, cutting off my words in the middle of my nervous breakdown. “You’re making yourself crazy because you think you’re the one with something to lose. If she thinks some brainless jock is a better option, then you’re better off without her. And judging by the way I’ve seen her around you lately, she’s realized that herself.”
Shaking my head, I tossed my pillow back at my sister. “What if she’s just being nice to me because she feels bad?”
“She’s being more than nice, Simon.”
“What makes you say that?” I asked, feeling a little more than suspicious that my sister knows something I don’t want her to.
“I heard about the calendars...Mr. January!” I jolted at the sound of crinkling of paper as she reached behind her back and pulled out a full spread photo of me in all of my shirtless glory. Then, she proceeded to dance around my room with it, trying to pin it to the wall.
“Sam!” I squealed at her, trying to grab the calendar out of her hand, while also keeping my eye on the door in case my mom decided to step in. I wasn’t exactly forthright with the fundraiser info that provided my trip fee. My mom probably wasn’t ready to hear I was Mr. January. “Where did you get that?!”
“A friend of mine had this posted to her closet.” She cackled, holding it out of my reach while she stood on my bed. “Who is Mr. November? He’s dreamy,” she teased.
“Get out!” I yelled. A moment later, Mom’s voice from the bottom of the stairs shouted at us for fighting, and my eyes went wide at my sister. If she let that calendar get out, I would definitely have to kill her for real this time.
She laughed silently, loving the torture she put me through. Getting yelled at for fighting was a tradition as constant as the sun, and we both knew from experience that Mom only shouted from downsta
irs once. If we kept it up, she would be marching up here in seconds. I sent my sister another desperate stare.
“Okay, okay,” she whispered, stepping down from the bed. “I’ll give it back to Carolyn. But I’m holding this in my payback bank for a very long time, little brother.”
“Fine.”
Then, she laughed and punched my shoulder as she passed to leave my room. It was a reminder that we really weren’t kids anymore. Once upon a time, a fight of this caliber would have resulted in both us red-faced and wrestling until we were both crying and at least one of us had bruises or bite marks.
She stopped in the doorway and looked back at me. “Hey Simon. She went through a lot of trouble to do this, you know. She wants you to go on that trip, and probably not just to be nice.”
Still gritting my teeth at her, I took a deep breath and gave her a quick nod. “Thanks.”
“So, go have fun,” she called from outside my door a moment before her own door closed down the hall.
Sitting in front of my open laptop, I tried to let my sister’s advice sink in. Everything she said made sense. So why was I so afraid? If I crumbled around Lucy Caldwell, how could I handle being an RA in college? Just a few weeks ago, I had so much confidence in my ability to be the resident advisor. I was the president of the Key Club and had organized dozens of volunteer agreements. I’d led, competed, dominated. And all of that confidence came from somewhere.
Suddenly, my fingers were on the keyboard, and the essay was basically writing itself.
Chapter Seventeen
Lucy
I don’t know why I was freaking out about D.C.. Okay that’s false, I did know why. Simon and I were going to be spending four days together with no Addy and Nora as a buffer. No Owl Lady to keep us busy. There were going to be dinners out, tours of historical and beautiful places, hotel rooms only loosely chaperoned...D.C. had a lot of potential. But it also had Hailey Yi, who was currently glaring daggers at me from her seat in the airport gate.
Nerdy by New Year Page 10
