After helping me up into his truck, his hand still grasping mine, Brayden tries getting my attention. I just shake my head and pull my hand from his. He sighs in a mixture of what I think is frustration and disappointment before slamming the door closed and walking around to the other side. When he starts the truck, I whisper, “Take me home,” and I know he heard it by the way his grip tightens on the wheel. We were supposed to head back to his apartment but I just can’t really see that happening anymore.
The drive is silent, eerily so, and when we get to my house he parks the car and sighs. “Sweetheart,” he begins, but I cut him off.
“Goodnight.” I slip carefully but quickly out of the truck and try to be fast as I walk to the house, but my heels make me slow and it’s more than easy for Brayden to hop out and stop me.
“Anna, come on, we should talk about this,” he pleads. I hold up my hand and barely manage to talk past the tightening of my throat, warning me of the tears about to come.
“Just go home, Brayden.” I sound tired and heartbroken even to myself.
“Baby . . .” His voice is broken as he grabs my arm, begging for me to listen.
I can only shake my head as I walk inside. The only thing I know right now is that I need to be alone.
Chapter Twenty-Six
His Side
I watch Anna walk into her house and I don’t know what to do. I know that she just needs some time alone but I can’t help wanting to barge into her home and force her to talk to me. I know exactly what’s going through her mind right now and I don’t like it one bit. I walk over to my truck and start it up, thinking about what an idiot I was in the past.
The only reason I was with Candi was for the sex. I’m not proud of it, but I was a different person then. I didn’t care that she was mean and had no personality or that she was only with me because she knew my parents had money. I didn’t care that every time I saw her she complained of me smelling like grease from the garage. I only cared about what she was willing to do for me in bed.
We’d been broken up for a couple of months when I met Anna and everything about me changed. The moment I saw her at the carnival, playfully fighting with Ro over something that I can’t even remember now, I knew she’d be different. And she was. The way she talked to Zander, supporting him and encouraging him, made it so that I needed to get to know her. Then she got all flustered and adorable and I had to get her number. Then she wouldn’t even give it to me! Every time I see Ro I have to stop myself from thanking her, because if she hadn’t been there, I never would’ve gotten to know Annie.
It didn’t exactly take me a long time to figure out how insecure Anna was, but I didn’t mind, because I knew she just needed one person to tell her how beautiful she was and I will always be willing to do that. I’d never been in love before I met Annie, but she makes it so easy with the way she scrunches up her nose when she’s concentrating, or how her entire face lights up when she finally understands something she was confused about. How she blushes at the dirty comments I make, or when she learns something new about somebody and gets irritated because she feels like she should’ve already known. Those little things make her so special to me. Those little things make me patient when I wonder why I bother with somebody who will never accept my compliments.
But that’s not true either. I’ll see it in her eyes once in a while when she feels beautiful. It’s rare, but happening more and more often. She doesn’t fight as much when I call her pretty and she doesn’t seem so surprised when I say I love her. She loves me back, that much I can see. It makes it even more special when she tells me she loves me, because I know how hard it is for her to be open about that kind of stuff.
Instead of driving back to my apartment, I head to my parent’s house. They’re away at a hotel for the night and I just don’t feel like being alone in the place that Anna and I were supposed to be. God, everything went downhill so quickly. I left Anna by the door while I put the gifts in the car so she wouldn’t have to walk on ice in her heels, but then I dropped the keys in the snow and ended up juggling the presents while searching for them.
When I ran inside, I didn’t even see Candi standing there until she said my name. Then it was like time stopped, and not in a good way. My entire body tensed and as I turned around, I saw the confused look on Anna’s face. “Candi?” I asked, even though I knew from the voice exactly who it was.
“Gosh, I haven’t seen you in like forever.” I knew exactly what that tone meant, and it never led to good things. Almost in slow motion, she walked forward and leaned her body against me, making the situation incredibly uncomfortable.
“About six months,” I’d murmured, trying to back away from her.
When she asked how I’d been, I barely resisted rolling my eyes. She was never one to care about how anybody else was. “Uh, good. Really good, actually. You should meet my girlfriend, Anna,” I said, trying to make it obvious that she didn’t have a chance in hell with me and she should back off.
I knew just before she replied that I shouldn’t have said anything. I should’ve just walked away and brought Anna upstairs with me. “You can’t be serious.” I watched as those four little words made Anna’s face crumble. I could literally see them shredding every positive feeling I’d worked all night to bestow.
“Candi,” I growled, so mad that I couldn’t even see straight.
“What?” She exclaimed, holding her hands up. “She’s so not your type, Denny.” God, I hate that nickname, and she knew it.
I stopped myself from trying to physically scare her and settled for shaking my head, “You know nothing about her. Not only is she the sexiest, most beautiful person that I’ve ever met, and yes, that includes you, but she’s also the sweetest, most kind-hearted person in the world. You will never say anything bad about her again, or so help me . . . Do you understand me?” I was practically shaking with rage.
I watched as she bit the inside of her cheek, something she always did when she was irritated. “Whatever, Brayden, if you need a whale to substitute for me then go ahead. But she doesn’t compare to the real thing.”
I laughed. “First of all, she’s not a substitute. Second of all, you’re right, she’s nothing like you, which is why I love her.” Candi’s eyes had widened at that. She knew better than anyone that I never said the l word.
I grabbed Anna’s hand and walked us outside. She was in a trancelike state that I couldn’t seem to shake her out of. In the truck, she pulled her hand from my grasp, which was a horrible sign, and now I’m here walking through my parent’s house about to lie down on my old bed. Alone.
What could I possibly do to fix this? Something tells me it’s even worse than the fight we had over that jackass Sam, since Anna didn’t even bother fighting with me about it. Usually I’m the one person she can go to and just talk—she told me so herself. The fact that she’d rather deal with this in silence speaks volumes.
Right before I fall asleep, I decide that I’ll head over to her house in the morning so we can talk things through. Things will have calmed down by then and she’ll be more willing to hear what really happened with crazy Candi.
***
I knock on the Holden’s door and try to wait patiently, but it’s incredibly hard. Sleeping alone at night is one thing when I know I’ll get to see Anna again soon, but knowing she’s upset makes the night seem so much lonelier. I’m not surprised to see Anna answer the door and quietly invite me inside. The living room and kitchen area are all connected and open, so she leads me upstairs for privacy.
She motions for me to sit down on the edge of her bed beside her and I move slowly. The look on her face tells me this won’t be pleasant. “Bray, we need to talk,” she starts, and I snort. Is this really happening right now? Did my girlfriend honestly just use that line on me?
“No guy likes hearing that, Cutie,” I say, hoping she’ll smile and put my mind at ease. Instead, she just gives me this sad look and I know I’m screwed.
“This won’t work,” she whispers, the pain clear in her eyes.
I shake my head, too stunned to truly comprehend what she’s telling me. “What won’t work?”
Her hand moves back and forth between us. “This. Us. We’re so different, Brayden, and last night proved it. You deserve a girlfriend who isn’t going to freak out like this every time an ex-girlfriend hits on you, and I’m sure there are a lot of sane girls out there.”
“Annie, you’re just upset about what she said last night. Don’t make a decision like this without thinking about it,” I plead, holding her hands in mine. Tears well up around the rims of her eyes as she shakes her head. “I’ve been thinking this for a while now.”
“Baby . . .” I start, but I have no idea what to say. If I thought begging on my hands and knees would work, I’d do it in a heartbeat, but I can see that it won’t. Instantly, part of me hates her parents and the people she’s gone to school with her whole life. If they’d told her she was beautiful, like she is, she wouldn’t doubt us like this. She wouldn’t be breaking my heart like this.
“I think you should go now,” she whispers as she walks to her door. Opening it, she wipes the tears that are the only marker of how much this is hurting her too. “I’m so sorry,” she whimpers as I step past her.
Before she can shut me out, I put my hand in the way. “I’m leaving now because I promised never to push you, but believe me, I will be back,” I promise.
Downstairs in my truck, I slam the door shut and hit the steering wheel. “Goddamn it!” I yell, more pissed off than I have been in a long time. Putting the truck in gear, I back up and start driving to Landon’s house. He’ll know what to do.
The kids are probably having a nap when I show up, so I let myself in and start searching through the house. I find Landon lounging on the couch, watching some children’s television program despite both his kids being out of the room. I guess that’s what happens when you become a parent. “Dude, come into the kitchen. I need to talk to you,” I say, not bothering to ask.
“Welcome to my home, Brayden. Please, help yourself to anything you want,” he remarks sarcastically as he enters the kitchen and finds me searching the fridge for a soda.
“Fuck you,” I growl, even more irritated when all I can find is grape. It’ll have to do, I guess.
“Whoa man, calm down,” he says, holding up his hands.
I shake my head and sit down in the seat beside him. “I need your help,” I grumble, not proud about what I’m about to do.
“Well, this is new.” The look I send him makes him realize how serious I am. “Okay, what’s up?” he asks, sighing.
“Anna just broke up with me,” I say, my voice breaking when I say her name.
His eyes widen dramatically and his jaw drops. “You’re joking, right?” he asks, narrowing his eyes.
I shake my head and open the can, looking for something to keep my hands busy. “Why?” he asks, sitting across from me.
I take a deep breath and explain everything to him. “What did you do when you first started dating Evie?” I ask, knowing Evie was actually a lot like Anna once. Her parents were more supportive of her, though.
He grins and stares off into space, reminiscing. “Well, mine didn’t start off with an ex-girlfriend. I was a plain idiot. Evie was reading this magazine and when she showed me a picture and asked me if I thought this one model was pretty, I shrugged and nodded my head. It was like a bomb exploded and suddenly I apparently didn’t think Evie was good enough for me and I thought she was fat because she didn’t look like the supermodel in the magazine. I didn’t even know what the hell to do. One second we’re cuddling in bed and the next she’s kicking my ass for something I didn’t even say.
“Long story short, she ended up freezing me out completely. She didn’t even bother breaking up with me. She’d avoid me like the plague any time she saw me. Then, one day, I’d finally had it. I went to her house and literally slept out on her front porch. Her father, who still hates me, as you well know, threatened to call the cops on me if I didn’t leave. Evie ended up coming down and saying all these Spanish words to him to get him back inside. Then she finally sat with me and we talked it through. She finally realized that if I was willing to go to jail to get her to talk to me, I must not find her as disgusting as she assumed.” He shakes his head with a goofy smile. “God, she’s crazy.”
“So I should go sleep out on her porch? It’s the middle of February,” I say skeptically, frowning as I look outside.
Landon shrugs and gives me a sympathetic look. “How much does she mean to you, bro?"
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Making Up
Sobs rack my body as I lean against my door crying. I can’t believe I actually just did that. Am I crazy? Brayden is the best person in the entire world and I just broke up with him. For no reason. The look on his face when I did it nearly broke my heart, but I did it for him. So he wouldn’t have to be on this roller-coaster anymore. I hate that he’s always needing to fix me in some way. I definitely don’t make life easier for him.
I walk over to my bed and, like a whiny thirteen-year-old, throw myself down and cry into my pillow. What will my life be like without him in it? I feel like I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life and the only thing stopping me from chasing after him to apologize is the fact that he’ll be so much happier when he’s able to get a normal girlfriend. One that can make him happy without being insane. Somebody he deserves. That person isn’t me. He’s always working so hard to make me happy. Take yesterday for example; he brought me those special gifts at work. I never do things like that for him.
A soft knock sounds at the door and I remain silent, freezing a little as though any movement on my part will be detected through the closed door. “Annie, can I come in?” Mom asks softly.
I sigh and wipe some of my tears before rolling onto my side, facing the door. “Yeah,” I call out.
The door cracks open and Mom’s face appears before me. “Oh, Honey,” she sighs, entering my room and moving to sit beside me. I’ve never been the type of girl to need her mother while upset, but I can’t stop myself from placing my head on her lap and crying harder. She softly strokes my hair away from my face. “It’ll be okay,” she tells me.
“No, no it won’t! I l-love him so mu-much,” I exclaim, stuttering slightly as my body takes in random gasps of breath.
“I know you love him, Sweetie,” she whispers, comforting me. Just months ago, she probably wouldn’t have even bothered coming upstairs and now she’s holding me as I cry. I can’t believe what a difference finally standing up for myself has made. Tears fall harder when I realize that it’s because of Brayden that we’re sitting like this. Because he gave me the courage to bridge the gap that was in my relationship with my family members.
I don’t know who called Ro, but by the end of the hour, she’s at my side in place of my mom. “Oh, Annie,” she coos, wrapping her arms around me.
“I had to do it, Ro. I had to so he could be happy,” I cry.
She nods. “I know, Babe, I know.”
But she doesn’t. I feel like people tell me they know and they don’t. They don’t know how easy it was for Candi to knock me back to where I started. They don’t know how much I hate myself for being so jealous of her. How I immediately started comparing my curves to her stick thin figure. She’s the type of girl Brayden used to date. How did he go from the runway model to the frumpy cow?
Once the tears are done falling and I’m only sniffling, I turn pathetically to Ro. “How’d you know?” I ask.
“Brayden called ’Los and I was with him. I left right away, only stopping for some ice cream. Speaking of which, it’s melting at the foot of your bed right now.” With that, she lunges down and swoops up a pint of Dreyer’s mint chocolate chip.
“Aww, you do love me,” I say, sending her a wobbly grin as I hold my hands out. She gives me the ice cream while she goes digging in her purse for spoons. Every time we
go out to eat somewhere, she swipes the plastic silverware and hoards it in her purse. Luckily, they’re usually kept in plastic to stay clean.
While we eat, with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days playing in the background, I tell her everything that happened. Her jaw drops in shock when I tell her about Candi. “She was literally all up on him?”
I nod. “Yeah, and that’s where I kind of blanked out. I was in a weird trance until Brayden pulled me out of the building. I spent all night thinking about it and I just kept coming back to how much easier it would be for him if we broke up, you know?”
She nods, but I can see that there’s something she wants to say. “What is it?” I ask.
Ro sighs softly. “It’s just that . . . maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I’m not saying that I don’t understand or that you don’t have a right to be upset, because I see how you do. I just . . . It’s not Brayden’s fault that his ex was up in his business. He clearly tried to push her away and tried talking to you after. I know that it’s easier, but maybe easier isn’t better.” She registers my clearly unhappy face and sends me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, but you’ve been so much happier in the past few months. I’d hate to see the new you go away.”
“I just don’t know what I want. And now I can’t go up to him and be like ‘Oh, you remember when I broke up with you? Just kidding!’ It can’t work like that. He deserves somebody who won’t be breaking his heart all the time,” I explain.
“Yes, in this one instance, you’d be playing unfair by asking him to take you back. It’s not nice to do that to a person, but he understands you better than I think you realize. I mean, what nearly twenty-one-year-old guy willingly takes on a virgin girlfriend who’s super insecure? He clearly loves you past your flaws.”
Just One Kiss Page 18
