by Haywood, RR
‘Er well yes, yes we do,’ Lilly says, ‘but…’ she takes in his wispy grey hair and thin mottled skin. His hands so aged and gnarled. ‘I’m sure we can…’
‘I’ll be doing that then,’ the old man says, ‘deceased don’t bother me none, Miss. Undertaker for forty years before I retired. Mind that was a few years back now but the dead don’t change now do they.’
‘Undertaker?’ Pea asks, offering a rare silent prayer of thanks for this glimmer of goodness in a world of pain and hurt.
‘Aye, was,’ the old man replies. ‘Where’s you resting them? They being dressed or anything?’
‘May I ask what dressed means?’ Lilly asks.
‘Prepare for burial or cremation my love,’ the old man explains, ‘you know, according to the wishes of the next o’kin or…well, whoever knew ‘em really.’
‘I think,’ Lilly says, ‘that we are er…disposing of the deceased at sea? Zayden? Is that correct?’
‘Huh?’
‘The deceased? Are we disposing of them at sea?’
‘The what?’ Zayden asks.
‘Your dead friends,’ Sam snaps.
Zayden eyes harden instantly. His frame stiffening automatically at the perception of an older person trying to exert authority on him. ‘Fuckin’ speak to me like that.’
‘It’s hot,’ Lilly blurts, moving in front of Zayden, ‘it’s so hot and we’re hungry…it makes people get a bit snappy…Sam didn’t mean anything.’
‘She didn’t,’ Pea adds quickly, ‘Sam? It’s just the heat isn’t it?’
Zayden glares. His nostrils flaring and his eyes locked on Sam who for an instant glares back with the pressure of the pistol digging into her back. Common sense kicks in. The instinct for survival and she lowers her eyes, ‘yeah it’s hot. Sorry.’
‘Eh?’ Zayden says, still glaring past Lilly.
‘I said sorry,’ Sam says, keeping her head bowed.
‘Zayden, are we putting the dead bodies into the sea?’ Lilly asks, smiling at his brown eyes and ignoring the white headed zit poking between two thin strands of hair on his chin.
‘Whatever’ Zayden reverts to sulky non-compliance.
‘I think that’s best. I’m sure it’s what Maddox will tell us to do once he has recovered,’ Lilly says, ‘and we don’t want to go against Maddox’s wishes do we?’
‘God no,’ Pea says, getting the subliminal message that might as well have been hailed through a megaphone with a plane dragging a message behind while fireworks went off.
Zayden just shrugs. The subtlety missing its mark.
‘I’ll be getting on with it then,’ the old man says, ‘but if you putting ‘em in the sea you’ll need to weigh ‘em down so they don’t float up. Don’t need much for that. Some string and some rocks will do it,’ he shuffles round to view the debris scattered across the fort, ‘plenty of material here for that. Tell you what. I’ll get ‘em out onto that shore first. Out of sight is out of mind. The living don’t like to see the dead you see. Upsets ‘em it does.’
‘You’ll need help,’ Lilly says as he starts walking off.
‘Ah never mind that. I got a bit of strength left in me yet.’
‘Ask for Hannah and Amy in the hospital rooms.’
‘Okay, Miss. Hannah and Amy it is.’
‘Zay, it’s Skyla. You getting’ me?’
‘Yeah, what’s up?’ Zayden answers his radio feeling important and making sure Lilly can see him.
‘Sierra said you’s got to get that fuckin wall fixed yeah? Said them’s bitches should be doing that first.’
Zayden nods, not realising a nod into a radio can’t be heard or seen. Sam and Pea look at Lilly who makes sure her face betrays no emotion.
‘Zay, you dumb cunt, you get me or what?’
‘Yeah,’ Zayden answers sulkily.
‘We’s need more drinks in here too.’
‘Get ‘em then.’
‘We’s planning. We thinkin’ and plannin’ and shit. Sierra said get some fuckin’ drinks yeah.’
‘Whatever,’ Zayden sucks his teeth, a sound like a long tut.
‘Perhaps we can go and assess the wall ourselves?’ Lilly says to Sam and Pea. ‘See what the damage is?’
‘Sounds good,’ Pea says.
‘You’s two,’ Zayden barks at his subordinates, ‘get some drinks in the pig office, you get me?’
‘Why’s can’t they get them?’
‘Cos they planning and shit, you’s get ‘em.’
‘Yeah whatever,’ the first boy replies, sucking his teeth. They lope off, clutching assault rifles and glaring at anyone foolish enough to be in their way.
‘Sorted,’ Zayden says, feeling pleased with his ability to delegate in this new forward facing role of customer service and delivery. ‘Wall then yeah? I’s come with you yeah.’
They head off through the slow activity of hungry, hot, exhausted and emotionally drained people shifting through the squelchy black mess. Every pile of slag disturbed sends a waft of new stenches into the air. Fibres that lift on the thermals with ash and choking dust. Hands get covered in grime and filth and a woman cries out on finding a burnt corpse lying hidden in the debris.
‘Like the holocaust,’ Pea mutters, not realising her thoughts are being given a voice.
‘It is,’ Lilly takes the observation instantly. The old footage of the war and Jews being forced to work in shit under order of death. The people here aren’t starving yet, or emaciated, but they have that same stunned appearance. The spark of life vanishing quickly. Youths dressed in dark clothes that are only too quickly gaining a sense of superiority.
Boulders, rocks and bricks lie thicker on the ground the closer they get to the scene of the explosion. The inner wall of the old armoury blown out far and wide.
‘These poor children,’ Lilly says in conversation to Sam and Pea, ‘I think an awful lot of them were injured or killed last night.’
‘Yeah?’ Sam asks as Pea tuts sadly.
‘I think they’re down to about thirty now,’ Lilly says, letting the words hang in the air.
Pea stares ahead, her heart beating faster. Surely Zayden would have picked up on that message but he looks blank and only interested in Lilly.
Sam stares round. To the few at the back by the new armoury, then down to the gate and back ahead to the youths standing about by the broken wall who are meant to be keeping watch. Thirty? So few.
‘Zay,’ Liam tilts his head back trying to adopt a soldier’s stance of legs planted wide and his gun held across the crook of his arms. Sam bites her tongue and the motherly instinct to tell him to stand properly and to go and have a wash and brush his teeth.
‘Liam, what’s up?’
‘Nuffin’, you?’
‘Nuffin’. What’s you doing?’
‘On watch innit.’
‘You’s watching out here?’
‘Yeah stinks as fuck in there.’
‘Yeah,’ Zayden snorts, too stupid to think of what to say.
‘May we go inside?’ Lilly asks, taking care to look equally at Zayden and Liam.
‘You’s asked Sierra?’ Liam asks, showing a greater intelligence than Zayden within the first few seconds.
‘Yeah, she said we’s got to fix it,’ Zayden replies.
‘How’s you gonna fix it then?’ Liam asks, ‘it’s a big hole. If they come now we’re fucked. Are you three gonna fix it?’
‘Oh gosh no,’ Lilly smiles at him, ‘we are going to assess the damage and work out the best method to get the room secured using the available materials. Once we have established the extent of the damage we can try and identify the people with the best skills to…’
Liam’s eyes glance at Zayden who stares mesmerised at Lilly. Lilly is fit as fuck. Zayden is spotty as fuck. No way will she let him shag her. No fucking way.
‘…If that’s okay with you, of course,’ Lilly asks.
‘Whatever yeah,’ Liam says, smiling at Lilly.
Zayden sc
owls and casts a dark look at Liam. Liam has shagged two or three girls already and once got his hand up Skyla’s top so he knows he’ll try and score with Lilly. He looks at Lilly smiling at Liam then back to Liam with a pulse of jealousy pricking his insides.
‘I got’s my own room,’ Zayden tells Liam.
‘So have I,’ Liam replies with a cheeky grin.
‘Yeah? Where?’
‘Where’s yours?’ Liam asks.
‘Dunno yet, Skyla said I’ll get one though.’
‘Me too,’ Liam says with a smirk. ‘Lilly, you getting a room then?’
‘Me?’ Lilly asks.
‘Yeah, you must be like a crew chief now,’ Liam says, flashing the smile that helped him get his hand up Skyla’s top when she was pissed and for the simple pleasure of winding Zayden up.
Zayden glowers. Sensing Liam using his magical charm. ‘I’m working with Lilly now, bruv.’
‘Yeah?’ Liam asks.
‘Yeah.’
Liam squints and leans forward to stare at Zayden, ‘Bruv, you’s got a massive whitehead on your chin.’
‘Fuck off,’ Zayden growls, glowing crimson with a surge of temper at the smirk on Liam’s face.
‘May we go inside?’ Lilly asks.
‘Yeah,’ Zayden grunts.
‘Carry on,’ Liam says, smiling politely.
Lilly leads the way. Stepping over the fallen masonry and into the main room where she kissed Nick. Blackened piles on the ground where the table and chairs were. Everything flammable reduced to ash and chunks of burnt material.
The epicentre of the blast and the damage in here is significant. Deep holes gouged in the concrete walls from rounds ricocheting. Blast marks from the grenades. The inner wall smashed down with only the corners and far edges remaining in place.
It stinks of smoke, wet ash, chemicals and burnt human remains. Like a foul stench of rancid pork.
‘You gonna try and fuck her then?’ Liam’s words float into the room, snapping Pea’s and Sam’s heads round.
‘Maybe,’ Zayden is sulky with an aggressive edge to his voice.
‘Fit, bruv,’ Liam announces, thinking his voice quiet and muted but knowing full well the women can hear him. ‘You fancy her?’
‘Dunno,’ Zayden mumbles.
Sam glares at the door. Her mouth pursed. Pea grimaces with a wince showing as she reaches out to touch Lilly on the arm, ‘hey, ignore it.’
Lilly nods. A small motion but her heart beats harder. Hearing herself as the topic of conversation in such a way makes the brick in her stomach twist round and drop further.
‘Yeah,’ Liam gloats, ‘might have a go on her, you get me?’
‘Whatever,’ Zayden’s voice, sulkier, harder.
‘You’s don’t mind yeah? We’s bro’s yeah? We share, you get me?’ He asks, goading Zayden with a malicious grin that goes unseen.
‘Said whatever.’
‘You go first if you want…or we can spit roast her…’
‘Sam,’ Pea shoots her hand out, grasping her friend by the wrist, ‘stop it…Sam!’
Lilly blinks and moves purposefully away to distance herself from the voices of the young men. She goes through the ruined doorway into the next room with the broken outer wall and stares through the gap to the blue sea outside. The humidity is crushing. Intense. The filth is worse. The stench. Her eyes fill with tears but she blinks them away, clenching her jaw and making fists at her sides while Pea hisses at Sam and drags her into the room with Lilly.
‘This is shit,’ Sam growls, her voice low but ready to climb up, ‘I mean fucking shit. How dare they…’
‘I know I know,’ Pea says quickly, quietly, trying to calm her friend, ‘they’ve got guns, Sam. Machine guns. There are children here…’
‘I’ve got a bloody gun too.’
‘Sam, no. They’re boys boasting, that’s all,’ Pea says, knowing they are not just boys boasting.
‘Lilly,’ Sam reaches out to grasp the girl and pull her in close, ‘you’ve got to take the gun…’
‘No, gosh no,’ Lilly says, ‘If they see it…’
‘They won’t. Just take it…’
‘He keeps staring at my bum,’ Lilly whispers, ‘He’ll see it.’ So wide eyed and innocent Sam and Pea could either cry or laugh but crying isn’t an option.
‘Come here,’ Sam sighs, pulling Lilly into a hug, ‘you have to stay close to us, okay?’
‘You must,’ Pea whispers, ‘at all times.’
‘I’ll try.’
‘You’ll do more than try, young lady,’ Pea whispers firmly, thinking of her own daughter.
That mothers tone hits hard. The brick gets heavier. Harder. Twisting more, ‘I’ll be fine. I will…gosh it’s hot today.’
Pea goes to tell her not to change the subject but stops herself. These are hard times. Dangerous times and Lilly is switched on. Instead she turns away, full of the sadness of everything and feeling that sadness only increase at the sight of the body. ‘Oh Christ,’ she groans.
‘What?’ Sam asks, looking in the same direction. She closes her eyes at the sight. Hardening her resolve.
‘Oh dear,’ Lilly sighs a long breath. Lani dead. Lani still clutching a blackened knife with her guts strewn out now half cooked. The once beautiful silky black hair all gone. The skin blistered deep red. The skull showing in places. They take in the utter viciousness of the final act and as one they slowly look up to the wall above the corpse.
‘He is coming,’ Sam reads the words in a low whisper.
If anything, the sight of the body and the words serve to harden Lilly. The reminder of Nick and Mr Howie. Of everything those people have done and everything they have been through. There is a bigger game going on here. Something bigger than all of them. Nick said they’d killed tens of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands. He’d said they’d fought every day and every day the infection sent more against them and every day the infection lost.
A surge of guilt at feeling self-pity when Nick didn’t say goodbye and the realisation that he is part of something so much bigger than any of this. His life is in danger every second of every day. He fights to keep his group alive so they can defeat these things and give everyone else a chance to live. What did Lenski say Maddox had told them? Be seen somewhere else. That was it.
They went out knowing the infection is hunting them. They went to draw it away. Almost sacrificial in mission and intent.
Suddenly the bragging sulky tones of two teenage boys seem insignificant and trite. What Nick is doing is big and important.
‘Who is coming?’ Pea asks.
Lilly doesn’t reply but smiles at the memory and the complete lack of fear Mr Howie had. I see you. I see you too. The sight of him and Meredith stalking at Lani who was turned and armed. Whoever is coming will lose. They will be beaten by men and women who hold strong and show no fear. What they have, that thing, that bond and motivation that keeps them together and keeps them moving touched her too. She wasn’t with them long but it was enough for her heightened senses to grasp the goodness of the understanding. None of this is worth it if we don’t do the right thing.
A new energy settles inside her. A forged resilience. If Nick and his small group can face such odds and persevere then so can she. There will be a fort for them to come back to. There has to be.
‘How do we fix it,’ Lilly switches her gaze to the outer wall.
‘No bloody idea,’ Sam says, shaking her head.
‘Bricks and mortar I guess,’ Pea says as Sam turns to look at her, ‘What? I saw it on Grand Designs or something. Don’t look at me like that, Sam.’
‘Never said a word.’
‘You don’t have to say a bloody word,’ Pea says, ‘it’s bricks and mortar.’
‘Yep but we don’t have any bloody bricks…’ Sam stops as Pea lifts an eyebrow, ‘yes okay, we do have bricks but we don’t have mortar…what is mortar anyway?’
‘Cement I guess,’ Pea says, ‘you make it from er�
�from sand, er…water…and, bugger, probably cement powder. There’s enough men here to know. One of them will know.’
‘We’ve asked,’ Sam says.
‘No,’ Pea replies, ‘that zitty little walking erection asked, we haven’t asked…we’re women, we’ll ask.’
‘That’s so anti-feminist,’ Sam tuts then grins, ‘but I like it.’
‘Zitty little walking erection?’ Lilly asks, tilting her head to the side in contemplation. ‘That is perhaps, the best description of someone I have ever heard.’
‘Oh that’s mild,’ Pea says, ‘wait till Sam gets angry, then you’ll hear some descriptions.’
‘Really?’ Lilly asks.
Sam just nods and stares at the wall, ‘twatty fuck face twat magee is one of my personal favourites.’
Lilly smiles in response. She hardly knows these two women and yet that magnification of time once more plays with the concept of perspective. Up until a few hours she’d maybe shared one word with them. Possibly not even that. She had seen them in the fort but now they stand either side of her, maternal, protective and full of common sense.
‘Come on,’ Pea nudges the young girl, ‘let’s go find a builder eh?’
‘We need to move Lani,’ Lilly says, looking once again at the remains of the Thai girl.
‘To the shore with the others?’ Pea asks, after a pained silence.
The idea of Lani being stacked with the other corpses doesn’t feel right, but then nothing feels right now. ‘I think so,’ Lilly says. Dead is dead. It’s not the body that counts but the memory and the essence of them that you hold in your heart. The essence of her father and mother. Her friends, family and everyone else.
Lilly moves to the corpse and drops down, fighting the urge to gag. She’s seen violent death more times than anyone should see such things, but it’s the smell. The sheer ripe stench of the foul half cooked rancid meat. Flesh that has been heated and left to rot in a room full of water that steamed to evaporate and the high humidity has worked to advance the rate of decomposition far faster than it normally would.
It must be done though. Lani has to be moved. Not Lani. Lani isn’t here now. This is just a body of organic matter. That’s all it is. A collection of molecules held in a certain order and no different to any other organic matter.
