Such a strange concept that a God would find it so intriguing to provide such bizarre abilities to only a handful of humans; what is he trying to achieve? Why was it necessary to create his son, such a different bloodline, from his own stock, to create another group of freaks, and then to hide from the world for so long, influencing and changing the course of human development and culture with subtlety and deception? What is the end game, the purpose of it all? And then the third line, was it truly an accident of nature, the rebellion of one woman, or something necessary to the desired result? Was the rebellion a part of the plan, or a surprise on our part? She truly wonders if they are all just playing right into the plan with their secret groups, subversive schemes and efforts to challenge the creature who is essentially their creator. Amber is not one to take on a challenge without understanding exactly what the possible consequences are and this situation is all over the place, she can't even understand what the potential actions are, let alone any of the potential fall out that may come of them. She is content for now to learn as much as she can before making any major moves.
Were humans created by this Father figure in some way, or is there truly a God out there; who having seen what he created, decides humans are unworthy of his attention. Has the creator deserted us to the whims of the Father and his children? Perhaps we as humans are nothing more than orphaned children on a dying planet just waiting for the end. Perhaps we are nothing more than a science experiment gone wrong. Amber remembers a mention somewhere about this not being the first human cycle, that as a race we have failed before, maybe they are still trying to figure out how to create us with the right balance of qualities. She has to admit when she looks around, it seems man is far more greedy, selfish, angry and jealous than seems healthy and the world is undeniably falling to destruction at the hands of weak minds and poor character.
The book doesn't give her all the answers she craves, only deepening her doubts and making her feel ultimately she will have to stand alone. She will have to make a stand because she is being herded into a corral where she has nowhere to run. She feels the walls closing in around her, guiding her toward something unavoidable. She doesn't feel she has a choice in the matter. She could try to stop and face whatever punishment is sent to drive her forward, or she can go with the flow and step toward her destiny. Her mind again takes her to factory farm footage in her head, the animals blindly pushing forward, despite their cries of despair. Their inability to change what they don't understand. What disturbs her the most is their blind faith that if they do what they are asked to do, everything will turn out ok, and the bloody and terrifying end that meets them without fail.
She doesn't want to be a mindless animal, she wants to fight back, to escape her cage and kill those who would be her killers. She wants to be the Dingo sneaking in the back door and snatching the bread right out from under the baker's nose. She wants to be the snake causing his horse to panic throwing him to the ground, only to trample him in her terror, or the circus lion turning on the trainer, leaving him battered and bloody before throwing the entire town into terror as she finds her way to the freedom of the wilds. She doesn't believe she has it in her to serve either would be master well, she intends to serve her own purposes when it comes down to it. She intends to live her life free of any bonds they try to put on her, and she is willing to fight for that kind of life.
She is looking forward to meeting the elders, she seems to understand what their ultimate intentions are, they merely want to destroy the Father, and the Son. They believe that without the continuation of their bloodlines, the world will return to order. There will be no more evil, no more darkness. The monsters will begin to fade away and children will be able to sleep at night without fear of what lies beneath the bed or in the closet. The dark things hiding in the woods will fade out of existence and man can finally be free of the fear that keeps him from evolving into what he is destined to be. Unfortunately no one seems to know what man will become without the fear, without the evil, without the influence of the Father and the Son. Mankind is not looking like such an innocent victim in this whole mess if you take in the big picture. Humans can easily be interpreted as a blight on the land, an over consuming, destructive, cancer on the face of the world. Are they worth saving and protecting? Is that really what this fight is about, or is the goal battle to destroy all things that threaten the survival of those who can return the world to it's healthy and natural state. Might the ultimate end game be to destroy civilization and take things back to the pure and vibrant places of the past. Who is the real enemy? She cannot stop the tide of conflicting ideas running through her mind.
Amber has seen into the darkness that is man, and she is convinced there is an evil, a blackness inherent to the race that is potentially far greater than that precipitated by the Gods, she knows man doesn't have to have a reason for his cruelty and greed, that he simply takes what he wants destroying what he deems unworthy. Is that really any different than what is happening with the man of the temple? At least he keeps to a predictable pattern, there is some sense to his work, he does what he sets out to do and leaves the rest to their own devices.
He doesn't take randomly or without purpose. Though he is cruel to our eyes, are we so much cleaner of conscience? If humans are truly creatures below him, simply cattle to his eyes, then is he not providing us green pastures to graze in, pleasures of the flesh to indulge in prior to the demise we were born into? Are we suffering within the confines of our fences, and if so are we suffering at his hand and his will, or that of our own? Why should we be treated any differently than we treat the species we feel are below us, why should we not be harvested to feed those above us? Do we not argue daily that this is the natural order, survival of the fittest and all that.
Amber is looking for the big answers to the unanswerable questions. The questions that cause us to think and to reason ourselves into circles of frustration. Why are we here? Is there a single and omnipotent force at work? Is there truly any such thing as free will? And what of Heaven and Hell? Are humans important at all in the scope of the universe, or are we merely ants struggling for survival? What are we constantly fighting for? If there must be a war, then who really is the enemy? These thoughts spiral wildly, but no answers can be found.
She has thought herself into an impasse, she and James have been sitting in thoughtful silence for over half an hour allowing the swirling waters to chip away at the aching within their bodies and their minds. The mood is one of contemplation, but there is no heaviness to the questioning despite the potential for it buried within their importance. Amber is actually in a speculative mood with little emotion attached, she is wondering at the observations she has made thus far. She has determined she is something important, special and unique. Whether she is supposed to be that way or whether it is an accident of genetics, she has taken the challenge to use her abilities and skills to help make this a better place to be, whatever that means.
She will meet the elders with an open mind and an open heart, but she has no intention of allowing herself to be a pawn for either side. She will choose her actions and her destiny as the game plays out. She is keeping her options open, and keeping an eye on the escape routes. She has no intention of becoming a follower of any kind. She can't see herself playing the role of a sheep, she would much rather be a predator. James too has the eyes of a predator and she has little doubt that when it comes down to it, he will fight for her, not for one side or the other, but for her. He will lay down his life without any need to understand what they are fighting for, only that he stands at her side, to the very end of their abilities to stand. He will be her trusted guard, her voice of reason, and her angel of death. She knows he doesn't fear getting blood on his hands, that he has taken life and will do so again without hesitation if it's absolutely necessary.
She trusts him, she loves him, and she is ready to take on the world. First, she thinks, they might need to get some sleep. When they finally got ready for bed it's
very late, and they fall into the covers with little conversation. This evening has been exhilarating and exhausting both physically and mentally. Amber feels far more prepared for what is to come. The real world is falling into place for her, and the other stuff has ceased to terrify her. She can look at the situation with acceptance and curiosity. This is a major step in the right direction. She has decided that questioning the status quo is far more important than answers to her every question. Keeping her eyes and options open, and feeling her way through the maze slowly and carefully she intends to remain close by his side.
James Revealed
The day is windy with a hint of rain in the air, James drops Amber off at work and takes the long way to the office. He needs to let off a bit of steam and settle his nerves. There is something in the air bothering him today. He feels warning bells going off, something is coming in a bad way. He tries desperately to calm his mind, telling himself he is over thinking, there is nothing to worry about. He knows his instincts are good though, and has learned to listen when they shout so blatantly at him. He pulls in expecting the office to be in an uproar reacting to some kind of world altering tragedy, but the world is normal. No one else seems to feel his tension. Strange he thinks, his instincts have never been so on edge for no reason at all before.
Everyone at the office seems to be ready for the day, there is an abundance of coffee, donuts and wisecracks. James checks his in-box and finds nothing out of place in his office. He knows the longer it takes for whatever is plaguing him to happen, the more torturous his day will become. He will be watching his back with even more diligence today. He turns on the radio, hoping the music will help him to relax a little. He is much like Amber that way. She's a Man-Eater....Nope that isn't going to help..... Black Magic Woman....Nope, that’s not going to help either. What is this, some kind of theme going on here? When the final station lands on I’ll Be Watching You....he shuts the thing off with a shiver. Something Wicked This Way Comes, and he's pretty sure he has a good idea who, or what, he will be seeing before the day is out.
He has dubbed her the Ice lady; she wears her impossible blonde hair up in a tight and severe ponytail. Though she is beautiful by any standards, there is something about her that screams dangerous. She is thin and wears a fitted suit that accentuates her slender body. Though she is small, he senses within her immense strength. When he saw her before, she had smiled at him, and playfully winked, but he sensed a threat behind those usually flirtatious moves. He knows she has set her sights on him, and she wants something, though he doesn't have any idea what it might be. Perhaps it is something to do with Amber; he suspects she is the one responsible for the note on the car, and perhaps even the incident with the snake, or maybe he is still reading too much into things and she is creepily but harmlessly interested in him. Maybe he is just losing it and it will be just another day with nothing out of the ordinary at all.
The ring of his private line brings him out of the haze of thought. "James..Hi, I hope this is an ok time to talk. This is Dr. Traskin, the veterinarian you brought your dog to see last week. I wanted to touch base with you...something incredible has happened. We did an autopsy on the snake, checking for any chips or other identification devices that collectors often use to identify their prize species. This particular snake does not have anything to tie it to its owner, but it does in fact have all of its venom delivery systems intact.
The dog was extraordinarily lucky, I don't have any idea how it is she wasn't dead before you even got her to me. The bites had barely been bleeding, but they were deep punctures and would have guaranteed enough venom to take down a much larger animal. That snake was completely capable of killing both you and Amber, that dog quite probably saved your lives. I have to admit, it looks like whoever left the box on the doorstep did not have good intentions for her. I don't want to take up too much of your time, I just thought it might be really important for you to know."
"Thank you, James replies in utter surprise. Perhaps this is the news he has been waiting for today, the reason for his stress and anticipation. Someone is out there who wants Amber dead. He thinks about it realizing this is probably only the beginning, he is still wound as tightly as a jack-in-the-box, ready to explode. He doesn't have to wait long for the final turn of the handle.
James realizes what happened that night, Amber healed the dog, had taken the poison and dealt with it herself. That's why she had gotten so dizzy, had such a hard time breathing, and had thrown up on the way. She was so worried about the dog she hadn't even realized she had done it. She saved her little darling's life and didn't even known it. She has some serious ability, that woman is amazing. He is kind of freaked out by it, and kind of thrilled at the prospect of it. She healed him, and now she saved her little Allie. Is there anything she can't handle when she puts her mind to it? He can't wait to tell her how amazing her abilities are, to let her know she is special and wonderful, but this is not a decision he wants to have over the phone.
He decides it is best if he goes to see her, The dreary afternoon needs some brightening and he knows seeing her smile will set him back at ease. He feels the desire to head out on a slow patrol of the community, just to keep himself busy. His partner is working on some catch-up paperwork, so he leaves him behind in his impatience. He says he will call if he needs anything. Sometimes James feels the best place for him when he needs to relax is behind the wheel. There is something about the sound of tires on pavement and the constant rumble of the engine that soothes his weary soul. The isolation is a welcome escape when he needs to think.
He sees her walking along the main street, her dark heels clacking on the sidewalk, the black umbrella shielding her from the tiny drizzle that darkens the sky. It is an eerie combination, this creepy woman and the unfriendly weather that suits her so well. She seems plastic, her face void of emotion. Though her expressions play at it, they are contrived and the ice behind them glistens through the cracks in her facade. She is not what she appears. She is something different entirely. He can sense in her the tension, the readiness to pounce. That is it, she behaves like a cat, a crouching tiger just watching its prey. She is not human, at least not entirely. He pulls up alongside her stopping the car. He has to know what it is she is after. Who is she? What does she know about everything that's going on. There is no doubt in his mind that she is somehow connected to his case.
The terror that has been bubbling within him all day wells into a geyser of realization. He finally feels the impact of overwhelming truth. He understands...no he BELIEVES.. everything Amber has been telling him, the bloodlines, the book, the circle, must all be real. They live among monsters and Gods and he is nothing compared to them. He is terrified of this woman, he doesn't know what she is capable of. With men, criminals, humans... he can predict their next move. But this is a whole new game and someone has forgotten to give him the rule book. He realizes how impulsive he is being. He was so wrong leaving the supernatural part of the puzzle in the hands of the women. He hadn't been ready to fully accept what was so obvious. James didn't want to admit that a world other than what he understood could possibly exist let alone become such a major part of where his life is going. Though he has been unable to deny it, it has not until this moment actually sunk in. James begins to feel a dark and penetrating fear that crawls over his spine and disrupts his ability to think clearly. His heart races, his breathing quickens and his hands begin to sweat profusely.
The realities that are consuming him don't marry well with his strict and admittedly forced Catholic upbringing. Despite his repeated professions that he doesn't believe a word of what was shoved down his throat, he can't help but feel guilt and fear at anything that challenges those beliefs. He was, he guesses, a little brainwashed despite his attempts to disavow the entire experience. It is a part of him and this new information is a complete and direct contradiction to everything he feels comfortable falling back on. He feels the sting on his knuckles and the tugging on his hair the reminders of his
youth that God is watching with a heavy hand ready to fall on his head. He doesn't feel like himself, his thoughts swarming around in circles he hasn't thought of in many years. He can't focus, and each time he tries the world becomes more out of sorts. He struggles to break free of his limiting beliefs and the demons of his past. We are all products of our environment in one way or another.
He pushes the religious bindings aside, he will have to free himself of those handcuffs thoroughly, otherwise he will be useless to Amber. He has to be strong and open minded to help her through all of this. He has to become her soldier, not a servant to a God that long ago abandoned them to face whatever this is alone. James can't seem to find a single thought to hold onto, the chaos continues to disrupt each strand he grasps. He watches her walking and senses in her a great purpose. She knows who she is.. what she has to do; it seems unfair to him. He isn't sure why she is the enemy, but he is absolutely convinced she is. If she is like Amber isn't it possible that they are on the same team? No... He doesn't have a strictly logical reason to be so sure, but he is positive, without a doubt she has no intention of being friends.
Awakening - Book of Fire (Blood Heritage #1) Page 27
