by Anne Hampson
'Yes, but—' She shook her head in bewilderment, searching for words of eloquence that would be fitting to a situation like this but merely coming out with, 'You aren't the marrying kind, senor,' and instantly feeling extremely foolish, especially on noticing the glimmer of amusement that had entered his eyes.
'I certainly wasn't the marrying kind until you came into my life,' he readily admitted. 'But now—' He spread his hands expressively. 'Now, my dear, I feel it's time I married. I want to settle down, with you.'
She looked at him, endeavouring to read his thoughts. Her heart should by rights have been bounding with joy; she should be asking herself how this miracle had happened. But there was within her a sort of numb disquietude, a tingling, nervous reaction, not only to the unbelievable words he had uttered, but to his manner as well.
It was scarcely that of a lover, an ardent suitor whose only desire in life was to win her for his own.
From the recesses of her mind there emerged the logical answer to give him, but although determination lit her eyes, there was a certain hesitancy in her voice as she said, 'I can't marry you, senor. It—it just wouldn't work.'
Reaching out, he brought her unresistingly into his arms. He bent his head and she could not help the thrill that rippled through her at the contact of his lips with hers. He kissed her passionately, finding sensitive places on her throat and behind her ear. She clung to him, wanting nothing more than to be like this, in his arms… What foolishness when she had just declined to marry him! Where was her strength, her common-sense?
'You're afraid,' he murmured gently, his moist lips caressing her cheek. 'It came as a surprise, didn't it? And yet surely you could see that I was attracted?' She shook her head but he went on, ignoring the gesture, 'I know that you love me, Paula. You've revealed it to me more than once.'
She could not deny it and she found herself nodding in instant agreement, then she coloured up and once again caught a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
'I d-don't know what to say,' she quivered, feeling all at once that this must be a dream, not really happening—just something born of her yearning for him, and the love she had unwillingly given him.
He kissed her gently on the lips and said, 'Just say yes, my dear, and we shall both be happy.'
She leant away from him and shook her head. She was fighting desperately… but her heart was weak and yielding. She wanted him so, craved to be his wife, to have him possess her, body and soul. She could picture the future as a pathway spread with rose petals… if only Ramon had been as perfect in character as he was in looks and physique. But he was a rake, and she could visualise heartache and disillusionment in plenty when, the novelty having worn off, he would carelessly turn to another woman, and then another, and it would go on like that, with his regretting the weak moment when he had asked Paula to marry him.
'Ramon—senor—'
'Ramon will do, my dear,' he assured her, smiling down into her pale, strained countenance. 'Paula, you want to marry me, so why are you hesitating?'
She tried to answer, to explain what was in her mind—the fears and doubts, the distrust which she hated to admit was there. But he was looking tenderly at her, and there was anxiety in his expression too, and she felt herself quite unable to confess what was in her mind.
'It's come as—as such a shock,' she quavered, a tiny sob escaping her unintentionally. She had no idea just how helpless she appeared to him, how vulnerable and unsure of herself. Her lovely eyes were unconsciously pleading; she had no idea that she was begging for some sign that he loved her, that his wish to marry her was more than mere desire for her body. Vaguely she had supposed it was desire for her body that had prompted his action, and yet at the same time there was the sure conviction that he was fully aware that he could have her without very much effort at all.
So why did he want to marry her? Paula's mind was so confused that she felt she wanted to cry, to go away and be quiet… and unhappy, on her own.
'Naturally it was a surprise,' he agreed, 'but as for its being a shock—well, as I have just said, you must have realised that I was finding you attractive?'
'I believed it was only physically,' Paula found herself admitting.
'I could not deny that, my dear,' he returned with a smile. His hands tightened on her arms, and he bent his head to take her softly-parted lips in a kiss that was as ardent as it was tender. 'I want you physically, just as you want me. But also I want to settle down and have a family. A man tires of the insecure life eventually.'
She said, looking directly into his eyes, 'You haven't said you love me.'
The merest hesitation and then, 'Dear Paula, I thought you would take that for granted. Why else would I want to marry you?' He was shaking his head in a gesture of admonishment. 'Silly child—of course I love you.'
Her lips quivered then parted in a smile. Suddenly her heart was light, her fears completely eroded by the words he had uttered so sincerely. What was the matter with her that she had not realised he must love her? Otherwise he would never have dreamed of asking her to marry him.
Her smile deepened, and all the love she felt for him was in her eyes as she said, with a sort of shy hesitancy, 'I'll marry you, Ramon, and oh, but I'm so happy!'
'And you have made me happy, too, my darling.' She was swept passionately into his arms, her whole mind and heart carried away by what was happening to her. His kisses were soon firing her blood; she clung to him, straining her slender body, thrilling to the feel of his. She wondered if he was conscious of the wild, uncontrolled beating of her heart.
'You'll marry me soon,' he said in a throaty bass voice, and she answered him at once, saying yes, at any time he liked. Nevertheless, she drew away with an exclamation of protest and disbelief when he said, 'In three or four days then. There isn't anything for us to wait for.'
'Three or four days,' she echoed. 'But, Ramon, that doesn't give us any time at all!'
'What time do we want?' he inquired softly. 'We obviously can't have a big wedding. You have no one to invite and as for me—well, my friends would never expect me to enter into any fuss.'
'You mean,' she faltered, 'that we're not having a—a party?'
His swift laugh was tender; it never occurred to Paula that it was deliberately meant to be reassuring.
'Why should we care about a party? What we're doing, my darling, concerns us. Do you think I can contain my patience much longer? I want you, my love—now, if that were possible!'
Flattering words that swept away any further protest she might have made. She was on air that he wanted her so much he could not wait more than three or four days. And as she examined her own feelings she found herself admitting unashamedly that any wait would prove to be a strain. In spite of all this, though, she could not stem the little access of regret and sense of loss at their not having that precious interlude of courtship that would have given them the opportunity of learning more about each other.
Ramon was speaking again, saying that the ceremony would be in the private chapel, here, on the estate, and the witnesses would be two trusted servants who had been with him many years, and with his father before him. Paula listened, and felt a tinge of sadness that her mother would not be here. But even had Ramon agreed to wait, Paula felt sure her mother would not go to the trouble of coming all this way to attend her daughter's wedding. Paula's thoughts naturally went to Denis for a moment; she would have to write to him, and at once, she decided, fervently hoping that, if there was a letter on its way from him, it would not contain anything about their becoming engaged.
'My dress, Ramon,' she said presently, her thoughts drifting from the mundane to the magic. 'Where shall I get it—in such a short time, I mean? There won't be time to have it made.'
'There are several excellent boutiques in town where you'll be able to get all you want.' He paused a moment, smiling down into her flushed and happy face. 'If you need any money, dear, just ask for it.'
She made no answer; she was th
inking of girlhood dreams of ivory satin and lace, of orange blossom and bouquets… and of a reception for a hundred guests…
And instead of all that she was to be married in a ready-made dress from a boutique in town, married quietly without even one bridesmaid, without one present, one guest. A sigh escaped her.
'What is it, Paula?' Ramon's soft and gentle voice recalled her and she managed a smile. And then, impulsively, she put her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest.
'It's n-nothing,' she replied in a muffled voice when he had repeated his question, 'nothing at all.'
'You're happy?'
'Of course.' And she knew she spoke the truth. 'I was just a little regretful that I'd have no one of my own at the wedding. Mother wouldn't have come anyway, and as for friends… well, it would have been nice to have one or two, but as it isn't possible it's profitless to let it trouble me.'
'You're a sensible girl,' he approved, and his voice did seem to have a casual, indifferent edge to it, she thought, but the idea dissolved when, with a sudden smile, Ramon kissed her tenderly on the lips.
Chapter Five
They had been married less than a week when Paula felt the first tinge of uneasiness assail her. It was no more than a frail thread, almost nebulous. Certainly it was nothing tangible which she could grasp, hold on to and analyse. Vaguely she wondered if it were the speed with which Ramon had wanted to be married. His excuse was acceptable enough; she had been flattered by his impatience, by his ardent desire to possess her. Yet she had begun to feel instinctively that there was something inexplicable about the whole procedure of their marriage, but it was impossible to find out anything because there was never an occasion where her husband's manner invited questions. On one occasion it had even occurred to her that he might have some ulterior motive for marrying her, but such an idea had been instantly thrust out of her mind, since she could not possibly substantiate it.
As for Ramon's attitude towards her, it was without fault. He was kind, considerate and loving. He had voluntarily offered information about himself—after asking her to tell her story first.
'I've told you most of it,' she had said. 'My parents got a divorce…' She had continued, telling him of her life after that upheaval, and ending by mentioning Denis with whom she had been keeping company for the six months prior to his taking the post on the cruise ship. 'We never had any definite understanding,' she added finally.
'So that is all?' he had asked, watching her seriously.
'Yes, that is all. Nothing exciting ever happened to me until now.' Her smile was loving, her glance tender. Ramon had looked away as he began to talk about his family. Paula, listening with keen interest, learned of the infidelity of his father, and the instant reaction of his mother who believed in an eye for an eye, and promptly found herself a lover whom she flaunted in her errant husband's face whenever the opportunity presented itself. And as Ramon proceeded it was not difficult for Paula to form an accurate picture of his unhappiness, for she had undergone similar suffering herself. Ramon had clung to his elder sister, his only anchor in the storm-tossed atmosphere of insecurity that resulted from the selfishness and neglect of his parents. Then his sister suddenly deserted him, running off one night, leaving a short note to say she could no longer stay in a home that was breaking up. She was going to New York to live with a friend, and there she intended to find work and make a new life for herself. Ramon at that time was only thirteen years of age; he continued at school but within a year another upheaval occurred in his life; his parents separated and he was placed in a boarding school and left there, even during the holidays.
'Your misfortunes are similar to mine in a way,' commented Paula, when a lapse occurred in his narrative, 'but yours were far more severe than mine. I had a friend and her mother was exceedingly good to me at that time. I felt I could lean on her, and I often did.'
Ramon had nodded absently and she rather thought he had not paid much attention to what she had been saying.
'I went in for law, and that part of my life was a success,' he continued, his manner remote, his expression distant. 'I have never seen my sister from that day to this,' he informed Paula bitterly, digressing from the main theme of the story for a moment. 'We were very close and devoted before she went away, and yet she never communicated. It seems unbelievable even now.'
'Perhaps something happened to her,' suggested Paula.
He shook his head.
'She's alive, and happily married. I spoke to someone a few weeks ago who had attended a wedding to which she and her husband had been invited.' An interval of silence followed and Paula leant back in her chair, her ears attuned to the symphony of tumbling water as it cascaded down from the fountain outside the room in which she and Ramon were sitting. 'I became engaged,' she heard him say after a while, and his dark eyes were brooding as if memories tore at his heart. 'I had faith in her, and in our life together but—' He stopped abruptly and once more silence reigned between them. 'I was not very well off in those days—my father owned this estate and I believed he would leave it to my sister, as she was always his favourite. I was making my way as a lawyer, but on the whole I had little to offer a wife… except love…'He drifted away, into the past, and something had turned in Paula's heart, something painful which she thought was for Ramon's hurt, but yet she wondered if it were for her own. 'She accepted me and seemed happy enough, but then she jilted me for a man she went to work for; he was extremely wealthy.' He stopped, the brooding expression on his face more pronounced than ever. Paula's nerves had become taut; she felt a sort of breathless pain, as if something had frightened her momentarily and the result was physical. But the sensation passed and she was saying with a tender smile, 'Your experiences made you bitter, but it's all over now, darling. You and I will have a wonderful life together.'
He had nodded and reached for her hand; she thrilled to the warmth and strength of his fingers, to the movement of his thumb sliding over the soft smooth skin of her palm.
'Yes, we shall have a good life together,' he had agreed, but suddenly he was not looking at her but through her, as if it were a very different picture that was focused within his mental vision.
Noticing nothing unusual, Paula had lapsed into a contented silence, dwelling for a space on his unfortunate experiences with the three women who had let him down. Well, his wife would never let him down; her love was deep and strong, yet she knew it would become stronger and stronger with every year that passed.
Her thoughts returned to the uneasiness she had begun to feel, but it was unprofitable because she had nothing to put her finger on. And so she relived her wedding day, as she had relived it several times during the past week.
'You look so beautiful,' Magdalena had said when Paula, almost ready, stood regarding herself critically in the long, gilt-framed mirror. She had been very lucky in her purchases, managing to find a calf-length dress of wild silk designed in Edwardian style with a high neck and long full sleeves gathered into a cuff trimmed with delicate lace matching the lace on the collar and along the edge of the hem. Her accessories were of coral pink, the hat most becoming with its very wide brim and ribbons hanging down the back. 'I never thought that Senor Calzada would ever get married,' Magdalena could not help saying. 'Everybody will be very surprised.'
Paula had smiled, and being all woman it was inevitable that she should dwell a little triumphantly on what all Ramon's ex-girlfriends would think on hearing he was married and no longer free to engage in affairs with them.
The actual ceremony had been swift, yet it was a solemn occasion, and when it was over Ramon took his bride in his arms and kissed her tenderly.
'You're so beautiful,' he whispered, and because his words were music in her ears she was able to cast off any small access of regret at not having the kind of wedding she had always visualised.
Much later, wearing a Paris-made evening dress of midnight blue organza, Paula stood with her husband on the terrace of the hacienda, her h
and in his, her head against his shoulder. They had dined at home, in an atmosphere of candleglow and flowers, of antique silver and cut glass, had eaten superb food and drunk fine vintage wine, while chatting and listening to soft music to which they danced between the courses. It had been a time of sheer enchantment for Paula, whose cup of happiness was full to overflowing. And now, she and Ramon were enjoying a few minutes outside where, in the near distance, moonbeams were painting silver ribbons on the sea. Absorbed in the incredible, inescapable beauty of the landscape, Paula felt she was floating on the wings of a dream, with reality a nebulous quality existing somewhere a million miles away. Earlier in the afternoon she had stood here alone, while Ramon made some important telephone calls; she had seen the gentle slopes reflecting the sapphire blues of sea and sky, had watched the wavelets caress the palm-fringed beach to create a magical blending of shape and colour. She had stood in awed wonderment, staring down at the fantastic coral formations looming pink and green beneath the crystal-clear water of the lagoon.
And now the whole delightful spectrum of colour and sound and smells had changed, and it was the moon's argent glow that painted everything, transforming the emerald hills to silver, the frothing wavelets to purest white.
Paula leant against her husband, deliberately tempting him; his arm came about her waist, his lips finding a tender place along the curve of her throat. He kissed her, his sensuous lips moist and hot against the coolness of hers. His tongue caressed, tantalising deliberately and Ramon laughed softly on feeling her body quiver against him.
'Let's go in,' he said softly. 'I can't wait any longer for you… my lovely wife.'
There were two bedrooms in the suite, and two bathrooms. In one room there was a king-size bed—enormous—of the kind Paula had never seen before.
