by Anne Hampson
'So you're married…' His eyes dropped to her left hand and his mouth muscles tightened. 'I—we… You and I, Paula, well, I know we weren't engaged, but—' He broke off, spreading his hands in a little helpless gesture. 'I felt, somehow, that we would eventually get down to the business of marriage.' He looked at her, his blue eyes moving from her face to her throat, and the delicate slope of her shoulders and then to her hand again, lying on the low table in a sort of listless fashion. Her wedding ring seemed to fascinate him but he made no comment, merely expelling a breath in what sounded like something between impatience and regret. His next words strengthened the impression. 'I should have done something positive, Paula. A girl wants to know where she stands. But for all that, I do feel you acted not only impulsively but irresponsibly.'
'There's no need to tell me that, Denis. Ramon's a rake and I knew it; I was told by Magdalena, the maid at the hacienda. And I had further evidence when women phoned him, and when he stayed out all night. On one occasion a girl slept in the hacienda, with him. Magdalena was sure of it.'
Denis was shaking his head in disgust.
'What on earth made you marry a man like that?' he said censoriously. 'It wasn't for money; you're not that kind of a girl.'
'No, it wasn't the money.' She paused a moment, feeling at first that she could not confide fully in her ex-boyfriend, and yet the reluctance soon passed, for they seemed closer now than they had ever been before. 'I fell madly in love with him—'
'Yes, you've already told me that,' he broke in roughly. 'But surely you could have seen the risk involved? You'd no need to commit the supreme folly of marrying him.'
'A woman in love doesn't see risks,' she began then stopped, having openly to admit that she did have a few misgivings.
'Then why the devil didn't you get away while the going was good?' he demanded. 'It was sheer madness to marry a rake!'
'I think he would have settled down with me if he'd married me for love,' she returned with a sigh. 'But it was this other business—the fact that he married me for revenge on the girl who had jilted him. How can he ever content himself with me when he's in love with someone else?'
'He hasn't given you any indication that he regrets the marriage?'
'No, but I'm sure he does. I believe Rosa when she says he loves her.'
Denis seemed a trifle perplexed as he said, 'It seems rather odd, when you think about it, that a man should rush into marriage with a girl he doesn't love, just to get even with a girl he does love.' He frowned and shook his bead. 'Not logical,' he ended briefly.
'What are you suggesting—that Ramon does love me? No, Denis, he doesn't. I can see that now, he isn't at all what the loving, tender bridegroom should be…' Her voice trailed as the colour fused her cheeks, delicately. She was self-conscious over the words she had used, but Denis seemed not to have noticed anything untoward in her confession.
'From what you've said about this Ramon, he seems an odd sort of man. To harbour hate and bitterness for years and years—' He spread his hand disparagingly. 'It's proof of a very strange temperament. Surely you were aware of it?'
'I noticed nothing much at all,' she admitted self-deprecatingly. 'I was madly in love and even if I'd been warned over and over again I'd still have married him. I couldn't help myself.' She glanced up as the red-coated waiter appeared with the coffee on a tray. He put down the cups and saucers, the pots of coffee and milk, and the sugar-box. He straightened up, told Denis how much it was, and after receiving payment plus a tip, he smiled and went away.
Denis poured coffee for Paula and himself, his brow creased in a frown, and he spoke at last, after he had put sugar into his cup. 'You're still in love with him, obviously?'
'Yes,' she answered with a catch in her voice, 'I am.'
'So there's no hope for us, even when you get a divorce?'
'Divorce…' Tears filmed her eyes. 'Married a fortnight and talking of divorce—it's terrible!'
'Ramon,' he said, unable to comment on that, 'surely he isn't thinking of a divorce yet?'
'No; in fact, he seems content as things are. But what will happen when Rosa phones him I can't say. It'll mean a showdown, of course, and he'll probably admit to being in love with her.'
'He's going to look darned foolish!'
'I've thought of that. But Ramon possesses an abundance of confidence that will enable him to overcome any embarrassment he might be feeling. I've never seen a man more self-possessed and sure of himself.'
'You've certainly got yourself into a mess,' he sighed, reaching for the coffee pot to fill his cup. 'I never thought, when I was so much looking forward to the ship docking here, in Puerto Rico, that I'd meet with information like this.' He looked directly at her, censure in his gaze. 'We'd been very good friends, Paula.'
'I agree, but as you've just said, a girl wants to know where she stands. I know we both felt that something serious would eventually result from our friendship, but neither of us ever mentioned marriage, did we?'
'No, but it was there at the back of our minds.'
'We weren't in love, Denis,' she said quietly.
'No, I suppose you must be right.' Again he stared directly at her. 'You never felt for me what you obviously felt for your—er—husband.'
'I was swept off my feet; I admit it. I knew I was falling in love with him and had in fact considered taking the prudent course and leaving him—that was when I felt there was no hope for me. All his other secretaries had fallen for him—'
They had?' curiously and with a frown. 'You knew this?'
She nodded reluctantly.
'The woman who interviewed me in London told me, and warned me not to do the same.'
'For heaven's sake, Paula,' he exploded, 'wasn't that enough to put you on your guard!'
'Denis, it just doesn't happen that way. When you fall in love eventually you'll know what I mean.'
He merely let out an impatient breath and began drinking his coffee.
The only thing I can suggest,' he commented after a while, 'is for you to throw up the job and return to England.'
Paula nodded in agreement.
'That's what I've been telling myself, but on the other hand, why should I leave the way clear for Rosa to take my place?'
'If what you say is true, then it's you who has taken her place.' Paula merely frowned and said nothing and Denis added, 'This girl was obviously led on by Ramon, who admitted he loved her, and so it was logical that she felt he'd ask her to marry him. It must have been a terrible shock for her to find that someone else had stepped in and become Ramon's wife.'
'She's not a nice person,' was Paula's defensive rejoinder. 'I'm very sure she'll never make Ramon happy. I told you she jilted him once, so how could she be really in love with him now?'
'Women are unpredictable. They don't seem able to make up their minds and stick to it.' He sounds exasperated, she thought, and supposed she could not blame him. This whole business must seem baffling to him, since he had a practical, clear-thinking sort of mind, and Paula had never known him go back on any decision he had made. He finished his coffee and looked at her inquiringly. 'Ready to go?' he asked and now his voice had an abrupt edge that sent her spirits into her feet.
'You—you mentioned our having lunch together…'
'You've said you're supposed to be out looking for a watch; your husband'll be expecting you back.'
'There's no harm in him expecting. He'll not go without his lunch just because I'm not there.' There was a plea in her glance as she added, 'I'd like to have lunch with you, Denis.'
He hesitated, a sigh escaped him; she saw that he was feeling almost as unhappy as she.
'Paula,' he said, 'why couldn't you have waited? We were writing to one another—we promised we would, if you remember? I'm sure we'd have got down to the business of marriage once we'd satisfied our desires for adventure.' He stopped, expecting her to speak but she had nothing to say. The atmosphere between them was becoming warm and intimate; she felt closer
to him than at any time before. She supposed she was trying to cling to something, like a dying man grasping at a straw; she had to keep afloat somehow.
'I believed we'd marry,' she had to admit. 'And when I first began working for Ramon all I could think of was the wonderful salary I was getting; it would be so easy to save, so that if you had wanted to marry me I'd have been able to contribute to the expenses…' Her voice trailed on a little sob. 'Life was so uncomplicated before—before I began to be affected by Ramon's attractions.'
Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his.
'I want to kiss you,' he confessed. 'I want to see those lovely eyes happy again. Paula, one can forget, you know. It's been a rotten experience, but people have been surviving bad experiences since the world began. Leave him, dear, and let you and me start again. Get your divorce and we'll marry. I know we can make a go of it.'
So confident. Paula sighed but said nothing to deflate his optimism. They weren't in love and never had been, but they did have a great deal in common. Could they make a go of it, as Denis was predicting? Undoubtedly Denis had a lot to recommend him: he was sincere, reliable and staunch. She would never have to fear unfaithfulness.
'I'm still in love with Ramon,' she could not help reminding him, an unconscious note of apology in her voice.
'I know, dear, but you'll forget all about him in time. Look,' he said on sudden impulse, 'I'll make this my last trip. We'll both go home and take up where we left off. How does that appeal to you?' He looked earnestly at her and she caught her underlip between her teeth, trying to hold back the tears that threatened. He was so good, too good for her, she thought, wishing with all her heart she had never set eyes on Ramon.
'I don't know what to say,' she faltered. 'Is it really possible, Denis—to take up where we left off, I mean?' Her heart was lead, her mind unable to function properly, for although she could not bear to lose Denis, too, at the same time she felt that if she were to make any promises she might merely be selfishly using him, because of her present need, and that at some later date she would be forced to let him down, because she was still in love with Ramon and no one would ever take his place in her heart. Yet even while all this was passing through her mind her thoughts raced on and she was seeing a day when the pain would have healed and she was able objectively to look back without hurt, and so perhaps, one day, she and Denis might be able to take up where they had left off.
'I think it's possible,' he was saying, his fingers moving over the back of her hand. 'Come on, buck up,' he encouraged. 'Let me see that lovely smile of yours.'
She obliged and he seemed pleased.
'You're so good,' she murmured. 'I wish…'
'That we'd become engaged before we both started on ail this?'
'In a way, yes. But as I've said, we weren't in love.'
'We weren't far off it. If we hadn't separated the way we did we'd have been in love by now.'
'Perhaps we would,' she returned, but was by no means convinced.
He became thoughtful for a moment or two.
'This feeling you have for Ramon could be infatuation,' he suggested at length. 'It's the sort of thing that's happening all the time. In fact, it happened to me once—when I was nineteen.' He looked rueful, falling into a mood of retrospection. 'She was smitten, too. We both laughed at it afterwards, and said a friendly goodbye.'
Paula regarded him with a new interest.
'You don't seem the kind to be infatuated, Denis. You're always so sensible and practical, looking beyond the immediate present.'
'I admit I usually do like to be practical, to try and visualise the outcome of my actions. It's the only way to avoid disaster, but on the other hand, human nature being what it is, one can't always control one's impulses.'
'Like me,' she uttered with a break in her voice.
His face shadowed.
'It'll pass,' he said reassuringly after a pause. 'Come on, let's go and find a place for lunch.' He gave her hand a final squeeze before withdrawing his own; Paula felt its loss and knew for sure that she needed Denis at this crucial time in her life.
It was past three o'clock when she entered the office. Ramon was in his private office, with a client, but as soon as the man left Ramon told his wife to stop what she was doing and come to him. Her heart missed a beat at his tone of voice, which was grim to say the least.
And his expression matched it. A little of the colour left Paula's face as she closed the door of his office and turned to face him. Rosa had been in touch, obviously.
'Sit down,' he said darkly, 'I have a lot to say to you.'
She obeyed, facing him across the desk. Her heart was beating overrate, and she wondered if she looked as white as she felt. Yet a spurt of anger brought two spots of colour instantly to her cheeks as it became clear to her that if either of them should be feeling uncomfortable it should be her husband. He was the guilty one, and it was he who should offer explanations and apologies.
'You've heard from your old flame,' she said, breaking the silence.
The dark foreign eyes were narrowed, looking directly into hers, but she met them unflinchingly; she was quite ready to do battle with him.
'I have had a telephone call from Rosa Dona-do,' he answered softly. 'Why didn't you tell me she had called?'
'I chose not to.' As she expected, her brief rejoinder brought a glint to his eyes.
'Your reason being that you wanted to hit back at me. I knew you were playing a part, but I was completely baffled. It's all clear now that I've learned of Rosa's visit and discovered some of the things she said to you.'
'Shall we cut out the irrelevancies,' suggested Paula evenly, 'and get down to what's important? First, I would like to hear your admission that you lied when you said you loved me.'
Silence followed her words, lasting for several seconds before being broken by Ramon's finely-modulated voice saying, 'Rosa must have talked of more than she admitted on the phone—'
'You haven't answered my question,' interrupted Paula and his jaw muscles tightened.
'Be careful how you talk to me,' he warned in a dangerously soft voice which had no effect whatsoever on his wife.
'I'm the injured party, Ramon, and don't forget it! You might believe you can browbeat me by that arrogant, superior manner but I'm right. Admit that you married me for revenge, that it is Rosa you love—admit it!' She spoke forcefully, surprising herself even more than him. She had risen to her feet and was looking down at him, aware that he would hate that. If anyone were to look down it should be he. 'Your expression's enough,' she added with a glance of contempt which, to her intense satisfaction, brought a swift and deep wave of colour creeping into the deep tan of his face. 'If anyone looked guilty, you certainly do! Aren't you ashamed of yourself—using an innocent person for your own vile ends?'
Ramon stood up, and she saw a nerve pulsating in his cheek, completely out of control.
'I admit it all,' he said, and a deep silence dropped on the room. For Paula suddenly realised that until this moment of confession on her husband's part, hope had remained alive, deep in her subconscious, that it was all a mistake, that Rosa had lied and that Ramon would refute it all and she, Paula, would believe him. Yes, in spite of all she had said to herself and to Denis, in spite of the despair, the hopelessness and acceptance of Rosa's information, there had been a glimmer of hope within her, loitering there, at the back of her mind.
Now all hope was dead. Ramon had admitted that what Rosa said was true.
Paula turned away, despair and resignation firmly taking hold, colouring her reactions and she heard herself saying, 'Go back to her, then, and I'll play a similar game. Denis is here, in San Juan—I've been with him all morning and we had lunch together. We'll have the rest of the day together—he's phoning me in an hour's time.' She swung around and looked at him hostilely across the wide, highly-polished desk. 'Go on, get back to her! You told her only three weeks ago that you loved her! You were thinking of marrying me at that
time, weren't you? It's so easy to see now what the hurry was! You know your own wretched weakness, knew you might succumb and marry her! Well, you'll marry her in the end, but not as soon as you would wish. I shall fight the divorce! I'll make you wait just as long as the law will let me—get that!' Her voice was loud, quivering with the fury awakened in her. She scarcely knew what she was saying, but through the blazing conflagration of her anger there did emerge the fact that, no matter what she said she had no intention of delaying the divorce. She would get rid of him as quickly as she could.
'I have no wish to marry Rosa,' came Ramon's quietly-spoken response. 'I am not contemplating a divorce, Paula, so you can get the idea right out of your mind.'
She glared at him, hating his calm composure, and the way he stood there, in a magisterial attitude, just as if she were the culprit instead of he.
'You're merely saying that. You're in love with Rosa so obviously you want to marry her—'
'Had I wanted to marry her,' interposed Ramon smoothly, 'there was nothing to stop me. It should be plain to you that I had no intention of marrying her.'
'I've just said you were afraid of weakening. Of course you'd rather be married to her than me, it's only logical. But you wanted to be revenged, didn't you?'
'Yes, Paula, I did. I'm a man who finds it impossible to forgive an injury done to me. I believe I made that clear to you early in our relationship. Yes, I always meant to be revenged on Rosa if ever the opportunity arose. She played right into my hands after her divorce. She got in touch, believing that the only reason for my not marrying was because I was still in love with her—'
'Which was true!'
'Yes, it was true. But what was also true, and what Rosa did not know, was that nothing— nothing—would have induced me to marry her after what she had done to me all those years ago.' He stared at Paula, his mouth tight, his jawline taut and hard. He looked so darkly formidable that Paula shivered inwardly, and wondered if she ought to practice caution and not arouse emotions that might result in her own discomfort. She already knew about his temper, to her cost; it was something to be avoided, certainly not deliberately aroused.
