by Abigail Agar
There was a tug in her chest, a feeling that wanted to remain, but she ignored it. She moved her feet as quickly as she could manage and weaved through the crowds in a way that she hoped did not draw any attention to herself. Even with the shock and conflicting emotions racing through her, Victoria was aware that she had to behave in a certain way so as not to embarrass her family further. That comment her father spoke in the heat of the moment had still stuck with her.
I need some air, she told herself in a way that she hoped would calm down her racing brain. Once I have breathed in some cool air, I will calm right down.
She knew that she needed to decide what to do next since the night had taken such an unexpected turn. She needed to work out how she was going to survive this ball without dragging down the family name before she left the city forever. Now that she was on Thomas’s radar, far more than she needed to be, it felt like something almost impossible.
Once Victoria spotted the door to exit the building, she grabbed up her skirts so they did not get caught under her feet and picked up the pace until she was almost running. She knew that was not the way to act in public, but there was nobody around to see her, and she felt desperate. She needed some air to fill her lungs before she fainted.
Victoria pushed the door open, cringing at the loud creaking sound that seemed to echo right through the hallways of the building, and she almost fell onto the outside area. She had moved so fast that it took her a couple of seconds to get steady on her feet again. As she did, she pulled off her mask and allowed her eyes to close, letting the cool air expand widely in her chest. It felt good to cool the boiling blood that pumped in her heart, but it did nothing to stop the hurt she felt. She did not like the sensation that every single thing that she did seemed to upset someone.
When Victoria reopened her eyes, she swung around to look at Thomas’s home in the nightfall. When she first arrived for the ball, she had been too nervous to examine his home fully, but now she could take a moment to see it all, and the first thing that she really picked up on was how it seemed to go on forever. Her own home was huge, but this one had far too many rooms for just one person to live in. As Victoria scanned her eyes across it, she thought that a hundred people could exist quite comfortably under this one roof.
Then there were the gardens, filled with lush greenery, trees, and exotic looking wildlife. Someone must have been tending to this garden for many years; there was no way that Thomas could have made this happen during his short time in England, no matter how much money he had ...
“Victoria.” Her heart froze as she heard her name cutting through the silence. She thought this was going to be some time for her to be alone and certainly did not think that Thomas would leave his own party to join her ... especially after she turned him down. He really did not know how to behave in England at all. It was almost endearing. “Lady Victoria, can I speak with you?”
“I, erm ...” She glanced from side to side, wondering if there was anywhere else that she could go, but without looking like she was in a terrible state of panic – which in reality she was – she could not. “Of course you may.” She felt she needed to explain herself. “I am sorry that I left in such a hurry; I felt a little unwell.” She hoped that illness would be a good excuse and that it would not repulse him. “I needed some air.”
“I see.” As Thomas got nearer to her, pulling off his mask so they were both on an even keel, Victoria could see that he was smiling. He did not too look too offended by her behaviour anymore, which was a good thing, she thought.
“So it was not because I asked you to dance, and you did not know what to say?”
His remark was so cutting, but not unkind. Thomas was clearly not the sort of man who assumed it was much kinder to dance around the difficult subject at hand rather than diving right into it. Victoria was not sure if that should scare or excite her. It was certainly very different, but the honesty was quite nice.
“I suppose it was,” she answered as she blushed. “I am sorry for that.”
“Trust me, I would like the break as well; I am finding it really hard in there.”
Victoria stepped closer to him too without even realising it. She could not seem to help herself; it was challenging when they seemed to have a lot in common with one another. They were strangers who had grown up in different countries in very different ways, but there was something there that seemed to bond them. Even the knowledge that she should not even be talking to this man, particularly not alone out here where things could be misconstrued in terrible ways, did not seem quite so awful at the moment.
“Is it all the unwritten English rules?” she asked with a small smile playing on her unpainted lips. “To be honest, I do not normally think about them. We have all grown up being told to behave in certain ways, and we have all just done as we were told. Looking at it through your eyes, it must seem very odd.”
Thomas gave Victoria an intense look. “I believe that it already seemed very odd to you, but you are too afraid to say it. You seem like the sort of lady who has a wild imagination, I bet you have pictured the world in various ways.”
Victoria could not believe it. She did not understand how this man seemed to see her better than all the people that she had known forever. She had lived with her parents from the moment that she was born, and her sisters too until recently. None of them had ever commented on her idealistic images of the world that she held deep in the confines of her mind.
“I do not know what to say,” she gasped in shock. “I suppose I have done.”
As their eyes connected once more, Victoria felt the fluttering in her stomach intensify, only this time she felt much more certain she knew what it was. There was no denying that she felt an attraction to this man; she felt more drawn to him than anyone who entered her life before. He was handsome; he seemed kind, and they understood one another ... this was not in the plan at all.
I am supposed to be keeping away from any man, she thought as she tried to control herself. I am supposed to be planning my move away from the city. This is not supposed to be happening.
“Well, I am the same,” Thomas reassured her. “I am always hoping that the world can be different to how it is.”
“Is that why you left your home in America? Did you think it would be better in England?”
Thomas’s stress instantly showed in his tense, broad shoulders. Victoria could tell that this was a subject matter that maybe she should not have touched upon. She did not think before she spoke, but that was only because Thomas made her feel so comfortable. Usually, she was much more careful before she spoke.
“I am sorry.” She shook her head, embarrassed. “I should not have asked that question, it was terribly rude of me. Please forget I said anything, and please forgive me too.”
“Oh no, it is not your fault.” Thomas felt bad for making Victoria think that it was her fault. “It is not your question; I am just trying to leave my past behind me, that is all.”
The mystery intrigued Victoria. She wanted to ask Thomas more; she wanted to tell him that she would be leaving soon enough and that she desired to know everything now, but since this was clearly something that Thomas did not wish to discuss, she felt unable to push him further. She wanted her own privacy which meant she needed to respect his too.
“I see, well then maybe it is good that you are in England where there are plenty of new rules to keep you distracted and busy.”
Thomas’s face broke out into a grin. He felt glad that Victoria did not push him further on the subject that he clearly wanted to avoid. She was so in tune with his emotions which made him like her that much more. “Yes, you are right. I will certainly have my hands full over the next few weeks. I have been invited to many society events, and it seems that I cannot turn any of them down.”
“Oh no, being seen is one of the most important things for a gentleman in London. If you really wish to mix with polite society, then your face needs to become one that everyone knows. And right no
w you are a real person of interest.”
“Oh, no,” Thomas groaned in mock horror. “Am I about to be passed around like a toy?”
“Oh, yes, you are. Everyone will want to get to know you.” Victoria glanced back towards Thomas’s large home. “Which is probably why you should go back inside. People will be wondering where you are.”
She did not want him to leave, but at the same time, she knew that he had to. He had to return to meeting everyone, and she needed to find her way out of this mess. Much as their meeting had been wonderful, they both had their separate, dividing paths to go down.
“I do not wish to leave,” Thomas shocked Victoria by announcing quietly. “I am not interested in any of them. I want to stay out here with you.”
What is happening? Victoria thought. Why is Thomas looking at me like this? What does he want from me? What do I want from him ...?
Chapter Seven
Thomas felt the moment was upon him again; he could feel the chemistry between him and Victoria circling the air once more. Now that they were outside his home and very much alone, the sensations were even more intense than before. He knew that he probably should not since it had not worked out as he planned before, but the urge to ask her to dance with him was strong. Thomas was not used to trying to reign himself in; usually, he followed what his instincts told him to do, but things were different in England. He could have easily turned back and gone inside, but he did not want to. He wanted to be here, and he needed to have this beautiful lady in his arms.
Victoria was stunning. With her long dark hair tied back, he could see all of her slender, shapely neck. The way that the dress hung off her shoulders was beautiful, and Thomas loved the fact that her gown did not look as heavy as the others. He did not know how some of the ladies carried their dresses around, they were just too much. He wanted to feel the material, to hold her svelte figure, to be even nearer to her. Because of that, he could not hold himself back any longer.
“Lady Victoria, will you dance with me?”
Victoria giggled unexpectedly at Thomas’s odd request. “Out here? With no music?”
Thomas nodded and placed one of his hands on her hips, sending tingles through her skin. “Yes, why not? We do not need music, do we? We can dance without it.”
All of a sudden, Victoria felt completely out of her depth. Her face fell as she realised that Thomas was not teasing her. He actually wanted to dance with her for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“Like this.” Thomas put his other hand on Victoria’s shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She fell more willingly than she would have liked, and despite her internal protests, she knew that was because she wanted to dance with Thomas. However much she knew that it was wrong, and she could recall the life in the countryside that was waiting for her, she still wanted to dance. She just wanted to live the life of the character in her story for just a second. “How is this?”
Victoria breathed out, trying to steady herself. “It feels fine,” she answered softly.
As Victoria reached up her hands to hold on to Thomas while they swayed aimlessly from side to side, not following any music or any dance steps, she felt even more out of control than before. Victoria had not realised before tonight how much she liked to remain in control of every situation; she had never allowed herself to let go before, but tonight she could not seem to stop herself. There was something about Thomas that made it not seem quite so scary to let go.
“This is how we dance in America,” Thomas declared with a smile as he picked up the pace and span Victoria around. “We do not stick to the set steps as you do.”
Victoria was not sure that this was the truth, but she was much happier to dance in the freer style than she would have had to do inside that hall. She had learned all the dance steps at a very young age and knew them all well, but with Thomas looking back at her and her brain turned to mush, she was not sure that she would have been able to perform correctly. If she were dancing with Thomas, everyone would have had their eyes upon her as well, simply adding to the pressure on her.
“I like not sticking to the steps,” she admitted candidly. “I think it is much more fun.”
Thomas felt incredibly relieved as he saw Victoria enjoying herself. He had made the right decision by following her outside to check on her when she ran away. He knew that she liked him; he suspected as much from the moment that they first laid eyes on one another, and now that was simply intensifying with every passing second.
“Yes, I prefer it too. I do love England, and I am sure that once I get used to it, the lifestyle will suit me much better, but I do like to dance in the way that I want to, rather than how I am told.”
Thomas pulled Victoria in a little bit closer until she was almost pressed right up against him which caused her breath to hitch in her throat. All the worried thoughts that were scattering through her brain dissolved into nothingness as she got lost in his eyes instead. The idea of her new life vanished; all the people inside the ballroom turned to nothing; it was only her and him left in the whole world.
This gorgeous man absolutely towered above her; he was so tall and broad. Victoria felt utterly petite in his arms, yet somehow they seemed to fit together perfectly. This was exactly how she would have written a romantic scene of this nature in her book if she had gotten to it yet. This was wonderful research, and it helped her endlessly. All she needed to do was lose herself in the moment for a little bit longer ... for her story; no other reason, of course.
Victoria’s heart pounded against her ribcage as they moved, and Thomas could feel it. He could tell that this was all new to her which he thought was very sweet. This beautiful girl who he could tell had a free spirit buried within her, had spent her whole life living a certain way because she had been told to do so. If she would give him the chance, Thomas knew that he could show her how much more there was to living. Even if he remained living in England, which was his intention, he would still keep a bit of his American spirit. He thought that was something that Victoria could learn a lot from.
“I meant to say something earlier,” he told her smilingly, “you are unlike anyone that I have ever met before.”
Victoria’s chest swelled with a warm happiness. Thomas had a wonderful way of making her feel special, which she assumed was the reason behind her unusual behaviour. “Thank you, and I have to say the same about you. I have never met anyone quite like you either.”
“I do hope you mean that in a good way.” Thomas chuckled. “I am sure my American behaviour is not for everyone.”
Victoria did not trust herself to answer him with words; she did not know what her out of control mouth would say, so instead, she nodded silently. She meant it in a very good way. He was possibly her favourite person, even though they had only just met ... it was just a shame that he had come at the wrong time of her life, just as she was about to leave forever.
Thomas did not know how to take the silence, but he thought the nod was good news. She certainly did not look put off by him anyway. In fact, he thought that he could feel her melting into him just a little bit. It was not much because she was such a refined lady who had been taught to behave in a certain way, and she could not turn it off, but he could still sense a change within her. It made him want to take things one step further. He really wanted to kiss Victoria ...
As Thomas cocked his head and dipped ever so slightly towards her, Victoria could feel herself rising onto her tiptoes a little. There was a small part of her brain that was screaming at her to stop, but now that Thomas was even closer to her, she could turn it off. It was almost as if she were not herself any longer and had become the character from her story.
Then their lips connected and love burst in her chest. It was warm and intense; it buzzed through her whole body and made her feel like she was soaring. Even in her deepest thoughts, she had never imagined what it was like to kiss someone before, and it did not feel anything like she expected it to. It was lovely, exciting, and the butte
rflies flapped their little wings even harder. She did not want it to end ...
But then reality hit her like a thump in the chest. She was not a heroine in a story; she was a real person, and the rules were real too. She could not kiss this man that she barely knew; it was not the done thing. If anyone saw her kissing him, her reputation would be ruined. That would be more damaging to her family name than anything else that she or anyone else could ever do. Of course, she did not want to get married anyway, but no one would want her if she had tarnished herself. People would talk about her, and they would call her horrible names. She would probably become the subject of many jokes that would affect everyone in her life. It was wrong.
“Oh my goodness,” she gushed while she stepped back from Thomas. She allowed her arms to fall away from him, and she glanced everywhere to check that no one was watching her. “I am so sorry, Thomas, this is ...”
“Is this not alright?” he asked her, genuinely not seeing the issue with their kiss. “Is this something else that we cannot do?”
“No, no.” A single, frustrated and upset tear fell down Victoria’s cheek. “It is not. Kissing is one of those things that can only be done between a married couple.”
Thomas bit down on his bottom lip to stop himself from disagreeing with that sentiment. He might not know much about English culture yet, but he had already had the opportunity to hear many men brag about the time spent with their courtesans or mistresses instead of their wives. Maybe that was more of a male thing, and the women remained faithful.
“I see,” he answered instead. “Well that is something that I did not know, and I am terribly sorry. Can we start again?”
But Victoria was already planning her escape; she could not keep up the act any longer. This was not something that she could do anymore; she had to focus on what would come next. Her future did not include Thomas, and his did not include hers, so it was bad for both of them to continue to spend time together. He needed to spread his wings, to get to know everyone, and she needed to get away. Luckily, she knew that her carriage was still waiting for her outside of the grounds surrounding Thomas’s home; she had not wanted it to leave in case she needed to get away quickly, which was the case right now.
