by K. Webster
“Most people say hello when they answer the phone,” he says, amusement in his tone.
“I’m not like most people.”
His laughter dies and he grows serious. “Rylie, what does that mean? ‘Not really?’”
My heart rate picks up at his concern. “I just meant that yes, I get sad a lot, but talking to you helps.”
He lets out a heavy breath. “Don’t ever say shit like that to me again.” He pauses for a moment. “I was so fucking scared when I got the call from Aunt Becky. I thought I lost you too,” he murmurs.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I really am.”
“You should be in bed,” he grumbles.
“I am in bed.”
“Smartass.”
I slide my hand under the blanket and delve into my panties. My fingers lightly brush against my clit as I try to steady my breathing. “Will the hurt ever go away?”
“I hope so.”
We’re both quiet for a moment.
“I miss you,” I whine, tears threatening. I’m overwhelmed by thoughts and sensations. I want to cry and crawl into his lap. I want to touch myself and think of him. I want to scream and destroy my room. I want it all. All at once. It’s maddening as I try to sort it all out in my head.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promises. “You should get some sleep.”
Lazily, I rub myself between my thighs, enjoying the sparks of pleasure that buzz through me. It feels forbidden to touch myself while talking to him. “Did you tell Amy yet?”
“No.”
“When are you going to tell her?”
“Probably on my break,” he says with a heavy sigh.
“Did you see Jada anymore?”
“I’ve seen her, but we haven’t messed around.”
“Did you kiss her?
He swallows audibly. “Yeah, once before. But what was so bad was I let her blow me.”
I close my eyes as I envision some beautiful woman on her knees in front of Hudson. Did he fist her hair? Did she swallow his cum? “You didn’t have sex with her?”
“No,” he growls.
I rub my clit faster and faster, growing dizzy by how good it feels and how it’s heightened by being on the phone with him.
“Rylie.” His voice is sharp and commanding. It sends me over the edge. I bite on my bottom lip to keep from crying out. My breathing is heavy, but I get it to calm down before I answer him.
“Y-Yes?”
“Go to sleep, heathen.”
I’m happy.
Really happy.
The sensation is a foreign one, but I clutch onto it desperately.
Hudson will be here soon. I’ve missed him like crazy. As soon as I hear his car door slam out front, I take off out the door. I run straight for him and throw myself into his arms. He chuckles when I nearly knock him over. My legs are latched at his waist and my arms around his neck.
God, he smells so good.
“I missed you,” I murmur against his neck.
“Hey, Rylie,” Amy says from nearby.
Embarrassed to have an audience, I slide down his body to my feet. When I glance over at her, she’s smiling at me with the fakest smile ever.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” I bite out as I pull away from my brother.
“Don’t be a brat,” Hudson teases and playfully tugs at a strand of my hair. “Amy and I picked up food and some Redbox movies. Thought we could get the week started. I did promise you movies.” He grins at me. Wide and adorable and boyish.
I don’t have the heart to tell him I don’t want to do anything with her.
I thought it would just be us.
“Okay,” I say, forcing a smile.
He frowns at me but doesn’t press. We go inside and I try to ignore Aunt Becky and Uncle Randy while they fuss over how wonderful and beautiful Amy is and how much they’ve missed seeing her. I grab the movies and head downstairs. Tears threaten, but I keep them at bay. I’m stupid. Delusional even. Did I really think I could spend an entire week flirting with my brother?
Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick.
What’s wrong with me?
“Rylie…”
His voice startles me and I jump. I can’t even look at him. What if he sees the sickness inside me? Will he be disgusted?
“Rylie,” he says again, this time closer.
When his strong arms wrap around me from behind, I burst into tears. I can’t help it. I’m frustrated and confused and upset.
“Hey now,” he says, his voice soft and comforting. He twists me around until I’m facing him. “I didn’t realize how upset you were.”
I cry against his shirt, wishing the entire world around us would disappear. That we could turn off the lights and sleep side by side on the couch like we’d done in the past. In the dark. Just him and me.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers against my hair. “I didn’t know.”
Didn’t know what?
That I’m completely obsessed with him?
The thought only makes me cry harder.
“Hey, guys,” Amy chirps from the stairs. “Everything okay?”
Reluctantly, I start to pull away.
“Can you give us a few more minutes alone?” he asks, hugging me back to him.
“Sure,” she squeaks out. “Of course.” Her footsteps retreat and the door closes behind her.
Hudson doesn’t rush me to calm down. He simply strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head. It soothes my broken heart and empty soul.
Time passes slowly, but it comforts me knowing it passes with him.
Amy’s voice is once again getting under my skin.
“It’s been over an hour. Should I ask Becky to take me home?”
“Yes,” Hudson says at the same time I say, “No.”
I tilt my head up to look at him. His nose is red and I wonder if he was crying too. He clenches his jaw and pierces me with an intense stare.
“Are you sure?” he asks me.
“Yeah, let’s watch a movie.”
Hudson
I knew this was a bad idea.
Rylie is too fragile. Aunt Becky gives me the updates when I’m not talking to Rylie herself. If it weren’t for Amy blowing up my goddamned phone and guilting me into seeing her, I would’ve gone straight here. Now, I wish I’d manned up and told her I’d see her a different day.
Amy flashes me a worried look, but I simply shake my head at her. It’s too late now. We’ll get through tonight. Then, I’ll make it up to her.
To Rylie.
I owe it to her.
“We picked out a funny movie,” Amy says with false cheer.
“Okay,” Rylie says as she curls up on one end of the sofa. Retreating. I see it in her eyes. It makes me want to grab her and pull her outside of her own head.
“Great,” Amy chirps. She hands me the movie and plants herself in the middle of the sofa. Irritation blossoms inside me. I’m being unfair by being annoyed with Amy, but I can’t help it. It’s like she’s trying to make things harder.
I get the movie started and then sit on the opposite end as Rylie. Amy practically climbs into my lap. The movie starts and soon Amy is laughing at every scene.
Rylie stares at the screen, lost in her mind.
I clench my teeth, desperate to push Amy away and pull my sister to me. To ask her what has her so upset and how I can fix it. Rylie must sense me staring at her because she turns my way. Her stare skims over Amy and then she regards me with watery eyes.
“Are you okay?” I mouth to her.
She nods and turns back to the television. From my vantage point, I don’t miss the tear that streaks down her cheek or the hasty way she swipes it away. By the time the movie ends, I’m practically jumping off the couch to take Amy home.
“Let’s go. It’s getting late and I’m tired,” I say rather sharply.
Amy frowns at me but nods. “Y-Yeah, of course.”
“I’ll be back soon,” I tell Rylie. She tries to smile
but even that fails. When I walk past her, I ruffle her hair. “I’ll be back soon. I promise.”
The drive back to Amy’s house where she lives with her parents is quiet. It isn’t until I’m sitting in her driveway with the car in park that she speaks.
“Is everything okay with you, Hudson?” She pauses for a minute. “With us?”
“Of course it is. I just have a lot on my mind.” Understatement of the year.
Her lip trembles. “You feel so distant lately. Like I’m a bother to be around.”
I take her hand, but my tone is sharp. “I lost both my parents and my sister is severely depressed. My focus is elsewhere.”
She winces as though I’ve struck her. “I know. I’m sorry. When you put it that way, I feel selfish.”
“I just need time to make sure my sister is okay,” I utter and scrub my palm down the side of my face. “Can you give me that?”
She nods and leans forward to kiss me. I offer her my cheek and pat her hand.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I tell her as she pulls away.
“I love you,” she says tearfully.
“I love you too.”
She climbs out of the car and I wait to make sure she gets in okay. My thoughts are a mess, though.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
But do I?
I cheated on her, for fuck’s sake.
My relationship with Amy needs to take a back seat. I can ponder on all of it when Rylie is more stable. Right now, she’s my focus. Ry is the only thing I have left.
When I get back, the house is dark. Rylie isn’t in the basement, so I go upstairs looking for her. The light under the bathroom door shines out into the dark hallway, indicating she’s inside. I’m just about to knock and ask if she’s okay when the door opens. With big, sad brown eyes, she stares up at me. Her face is free of makeup. All her freckles are on full display.
“Are you okay?” My voice is husky and raw with emotion. She looks so fucking broken right now.
Water drips from her hair and skates down bare shoulders. It’s then I realize she’s just wearing a towel. Her collarbone protrudes and she’s so pale.
“Have you not been eating?” I demand, motioning at her body.
She glances past me down the hallway. Right. Aunt Becky. The last thing I need is for her to come join an argument about my sister’s weight. She’s vulnerable enough as it is. I grip her wrist and urge her back into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
“Rylie,” I growl. “Talk to me, dammit.”
Her dark brows furl together. “I’m never hungry.”
I clench my jaw. “You still have to eat.”
She shrugs and it pisses me off.
“Rylie, you still have to eat.”
Her nostrils flare and she gives me a small shove. “Lower your voice. Aunt Becky will be in here forcing food down my throat and God knows what other kind of medicine.”
“Come here,” I grumble, opening my arms.
She steps into my hug and her body relaxes. In her towel, it’s easier to notice how bony she is. It fucking worries me to death.
“I’m going to dry my hair and then go to bed,” she murmurs.
Disappointment floods through me. Where’s the girl from last night? The one who chatted about bands and music?
I pull away and grip her cold biceps. “If you need me, you know where I’ll be.”
She doesn’t answer but pulls away. I let out a heavy sigh and leave her be. After a quick shower downstairs in the basement, I pull on some basketball shorts and flick off the lights. I lie down on the couch and stare up at the ceiling in the darkness. The basement has no windows, which is nice when you want to sleep in but right now, I feel trapped. Closed in. Hopeless.
“I can’t sleep,” a soft voice whispers.
“Me neither.”
I don’t have to tell her to come because she’s already crawling on top of me, seeking my comfort. I drag the blanket over us and stroke her still warm now dry hair. I’m hyperaware that I’m only wearing a pair of shorts. Whatever she’s wearing feels thin. A pair of sleep shorts and a tank top maybe. Through her clothes, her bony ribs dig into me as she situates herself. My heart aches.
“Is this normal?” she asks, her voice barely audible.
“What?”
Her palm slides up my bare chest and her fingers flit along my jaw. Then, her thumb rubs across my bottom lip.
“I don’t know,” I lie. It’s far from normal. I’m pretty sure if Amy or Aunt Becky saw the way we’ve been cuddling at night, they might have something to say about it.
But why?
We’re not doing anything wrong.
Right?
“Normal is overrated,” she murmurs, her hot breath tickling my chest.
I run my fingertips down her spine over her shirt and then settle my palm on her lower back. Her breathing evens out and soon she’s drooling on my chest as she sleeps. I slide my fingers up and down her back. I’m not sure if I’m soothing her or if it’s soothing me to do this. Either way, I like it. I feel calm for the first time since I’ve been back home for break.
She’s my sister.
We lost our parents.
This may not be normal to most people, but it’s normal for us.
I wake up sweating. Tangled up with another person. I’m smashing her into the cushions with my weight. I fumble in the darkness, seeking her hip to move her from the crack of the couch. Instead of finding hip, I find bare skin over her ribs. It’s shocking they’re so defined. I rub my fingers along each one, dipping into the grooves between them until my thumb brushes along something fleshy and soft. It takes a second to realize I just touched my sister’s breast. By accident and the underside, but I still touched it.
Fuck.
“I’m just not hungry,” she murmurs the moment I slide my thumb back down over her ribs.
I freeze, wondering if she’ll call me a sicko for touching her. I should apologize, but shame has my lips remaining glued shut. I turn toward her face and my nose brushes against her cheek.
“I wish you’d try and eat,” I say finally.
“I’ll try.”
Lately, my life feels so fucked up, but in the dark, it feels okay. With Rylie safe and cared for, I feel relaxed and not so goddamned stressed.
“When you graduate, can I live with you?” she asks, her hot breath tickling my face.
“Yes,” I say without hesitation. Amy will just have to get over it. If that’s what Rylie needs to thrive, then so be it.
“I still won’t make you food,” she teases.
My heart clenches in my chest. It’s the first sign of happiness in my sister I’ve seen all night. “I’ll just have to find something to eat,” I say, clacking my teeth as though I’m seeking out something to eat on her.
“Hudson,” she hisses, laughter in her voice.
I playfully bite her. Her jaw it would seem. We both freeze.
“I’m sick,” she whimpers. Another reminder.
“Maybe I’m sick too.” I press a kiss to the place I just bit her.
She lets out a groan and her fingers rake down the side of my arm. I kiss her jaw again. Or is it her neck?
“I like it when you laugh,” I whisper, my lips dusting over her flesh. “I like it when you eat.” I clutch her bare ribs again. “I like it when you’re happy.”
Nothing makes sense right now.
In an effort to comfort Rylie, I’ve lost sight of who we are.
The darkness hides us.
For a minute, we’re free.
Her thigh slides over my hip. Dirty thoughts run rampant in my mind. Maybe I should have fucked Amy to clear my head because right now, my thoughts are not where they should be.
“Rylie,” I groan, my lips hovering over her neck. “I don’t think this is normal.”
“I like how this makes me feel.”
Digging deep for some shred of self-control, I pry my lips away f
rom her neck and slide my palm away from her bare flesh. It had been inching up and I was going to do something more than an accidental touching. That’s the last thing I need to do. Fuck my sister up even more.
“Maybe you should sleep in your bed,” I grumble, hating the words as they leave my mouth.
“Please don’t make me leave.” Her voice cracks at the end.
Hauling her closer, I hug her tight. “Never. Just go to sleep. Otherwise…” My words hang heavy in the air. “Just go to sleep.”
“I’ll try.”
“I’ll try too.”
“Hudson?”
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t be weird about this tomorrow.”
I smile and kiss her hair. “I’ll try.”
“I’ll try too.”
Rylie
“Camping. I don’t know…” Aunt Becky trails off.
I know she’s torn between controlling me and getting me out of her hair. She and Randy could never have kids. I think almost two months of having me live here, she realizes she dodged a bullet. I’m not easy by any means.
“I’ll make her take her medicine,” Hudson assures her.
I blush when he winks at me. This morning, I slipped out of the basement and snuck into the shower because I needed relief. After last night, my mind has been buzzing like mad.
My brother.
I can’t make sense of it.
Last night was…nice.
The way he touched me felt so intimate. Like a spell I didn’t want to break. In the dark, it’s easy to be brave. In the bright light of the day, I melt under his intense stares.
“Fine. Be careful. No drinking, Huds. If you guys float down the river, be careful. I don’t want a call saying my niece and nephew drowned in the Niangua.” She purses her lips and then waves us along. “You’re burning daylight. Go.”
A couple of hours later and we’re in the car headed to the river. It’s nearly a two-hour drive and we should arrive later this afternoon with plenty of time to enjoy the sunshine. Hudson turns on a playlist of the songs I’ve been sending him. I’m overly giddy of the fact he’s taken the time to collect the songs. We listen to Radiohead and I Google campsites. Hudson tells me about his friend Nick and some of the other baseball players. But mostly, we talk about Mom and Dad. It’s therapeutic. I don’t like talking to Aunt Becky even though Mom was her older sister. I’m not sure Hudson talks to Amy about them much either. It’s like something we can bond over. Our loss. Our memories. Our family.
