'Pilot, set course for the Voravian convoy!' Darwin bellowed at an unnecessary volume. 'We must get there in order to do the negotiation thing.'
RJ spun his chair around. 'See sir, there's a problem with that. The Grand Admiral didn't give us any coordinates and without the proper coordinates I can't...'
'Are you the pilot of this ship or not?' interrupted Darwin, uncrossing his legs in what RJ assumed was a threatening fashion. The only threat being the crotch bulge that assailed his eyes from noticing the motion.
'Setting course for the Voravian convoy sir!' piped in Ensign Hawkins, setting a series of coordinates that RJ had never seen before. 'Hyperwarp on your mark sir!'
'Make it go!'
'Aye sir, making the ship go sir!'
'Good show that man. Glad to see that someone still knows how to take orders around here.'
The blueish purple tint enveloped them and they were on their way, Darwin soon rose and plodded off in the direction of his quarters. RJ turned to Trigger after the man was gone, confusion clear upon his face. 'How did you know where the Voravian Convoy was?'
Trigger offered him a nervous smile. 'I didn't, but the Captain doesn't take no for an answer so I just set a random heading until Star Command can patch through the correct coordinates.'
RJ clapped the man on the back, though he did so slowly this time to prevent another leap into the air. 'Quick thinking, Ensign. At least one of us is in the Captain's good books, I'm getting an inkling that he doesn't much care for folk like me.'
The Ensign let out a nervous titter that passed for laughter. 'I wouldn't worry about it much sir. The entire crew of the Scavanger couldn't stand Darwin, hopefully when the ship is back from its refit we'll get him out of your hair.'
'And what of you Ensign?'
Trigger became crestfallen. 'I will probably be recommended for promotion by Darwin and join him back on board.'
'For a man getting fast-tracked you sure are glum about it. A lot of driven youngsters dream of the day a Captain would take notice of them.'
'I like it here sir, this ship, this crew. I don't want to go back.'
RJ fingered the rim of his hat. 'Why don't you ask to stay on with us then? You've already saved us once, we could use the extra pair of hands.'
'Oh no. No no no no no no no no no no no! I couldn't do that sir! Captain Darwin wouldn't have it!'
'What do you mean he wouldn't have it?'
The flurry of words seemed to have stymied the Ensign, it took some time before RJ could pry a response out of him. 'What the Captain wants, the Captain gets sir. I couldn't go against him like that!'
RJ had never seen such a nervous wreck before, even in his early days when the Captains put the scare into him he wasn't this bad. 'There's nothing wrong with turning down a transfer, Ensign. Lots of officers are happy with their current position and turn down more lucrative opportunities. Darwin doesn't own you, you've got to make your own way in life.'
He could tell from the stuttering breaths and panicked look of the Ensign that he wasn't going to get any further with this conversation. The seed had been planted, and whether it took root wasn't up to him. Now all that was left to do was a few diagnostic scans on the engines and piloting section. Usually these would be left to the Engineer but since Hanniman wasn't on board any more the crew had split the maintenance work between them for the time being rather than bringing in someone new.
'I have a bad feeling about this.' the voice was Annika's.
'What do you mean?' he casually asked, trying not to read too much into her worried tone.
'The Captain's record, you've seen it haven't you?'
'That I have. We had best be prepared for trouble.'
'So nothing new there then.' she replied glumly.
'No mam, nothing new.'
'If you are quite finished with this insubordinate conversation, I will cease pretending to have not heard it.' the deep tones of Agent Smith rang out.
RJ spun to meet him as Smith imperiously surveyed the scene before him like a headmaster who had caught pupils in the act. 'Oh come on now Smith, even you can't deny that Darwin's... The Captain's record when it comes to diplomatic missions is horrendous, you were there for most of them!'
Smith gave him that cold stare, the one where he knew that there was an argument on the horizon. 'Pilot, it is not for us to disagree with the Captain's decisions, it is most certainly not for us to gainsay the Grand Admiral himself. You will keep your rebellious thoughts to yourself and should negotiations fall through then you will apply yourself to the best of your ability.'
The way that Smith said it was different than a flat out rejection, it was if the Agent knew that things were going south but he was too much of a rules man to do anything about it. RJ was about to intimate as much when Annika spoke.
'Agent Smith, even you cannot expect the Captain to succeed in such delicate negotiations when he cannot win the good will of his own crew.'
Smith turned to face her, and RJ blinked as if he had imagined it, but he was almost certain the man's features softened a little. 'Be that as it may, Lieutenant, there is nothing that any of us can do to prevent it. We must simply carry out the orders given to us with all our endeavour and hope that things work out.'
It didn't even sound like Smith. Sure, the voice was the same and the manner of speech hadn't changed, but hope? Endeavour? Had Smith been replaced by an alien impostor?
Before Annika could formulate a reply, Trigger piped up once again. 'I have the coordinates to the Voravian Convoy, it turns out they're not that far away at all.'
'What's our ETA, Ensign?' Smith enquired.
'Er... ten minutes tops sir. It just happened that we were flying in the right direction already.'
'Very good Ensign, I shall inform the Captain personally.' with that Smith strode out of the cockpit and off in the direction of Darwin's quarters.
'Now is it just my imagination or did ol' Stiff walk away from a fight?'
'Please don't call him that.' Annika said softly, a note of warning in her voice that took RJ aback.
'What? Stiff? Why not?'
'His name is Agent Smith and you will respect that and everything he does for us, Pilot. Is that clear?'
RJ froze. This was a most unexpected turn of events, first Smith talking about feelings and now Annika with steel in her tone defending him. What was going on? 'Right you are Lieutenant, right you are.'
A chill silence descended upon the cockpit then, with Trigger too nervous to speak, Annika in no mood to discuss anything and RJ too confused by what was going on to make conversation. The ten minutes seemed to drag indeterminably onward, and he surprised himself by being relieved at the sight of both Darwin and Smith rejoining them in the cockpit.
'I'll be having no more of it, Smith!' the man bellowed, just as they were crossing the threshold. 'We will do this by the book and you will obey!'
'Yes, Captain.' Smith replied monotonously, refusing to let anything show on his face. Clearly they had come to words if not blows in the Captain's quarters. Perhaps what he said had resonated with the Agent a little more than he suspected.
'How far out from the convoy are we, Ensign?' Darwin asked, wiping a sheen of sweat away from his face and settling down into the command chair. RJ noted that he hadn't been asked in spite of outranking Trigger, who gave him a brief look in askance before answering.
'About one minute out from the convoy, sir. Any orders?'
'Steady as she goes.' Darwin replied, causing Smith to groan.
'Five... four... three... two... one... hyperwarp jump complete sir!'
The stars re-materialised and they didn't need to be told just how much trouble they were in if Darwin got this wrong.
'Holy Moses and his rocking basket!' exclaimed Annika. 'look at the size of that fleet!'
'Calm your womanly self, Lieutenant.' Darwin replied in a patronising tone. 'size isn't everything.'
The crew went silent at that, not sure how to resp
ond to the Captain. Had he not seen the vast length of the ships as they streaked out toward them? Any single one of these vessels could pulverise them into space dust with nothing more than an afterthought.
'I am being hailed from the Voravians, sir. Shall I put it on speaker?'
'Speaker it up, Lieutenant. Let's hear what these green-skinned bastards have to say for themselves.'
'Er... sir?'
'Thinking they're so smart with their huge fleet, I bet they don't even have opposable thumbs. Savage race, don't you think Smith?'
Smith coughed in response. 'Captain, the Voravians can hear you.'
'Voravians? What Voravians? On my ship? Shoot the devils!' Darwin cried, looking about him anxiously.
'No Captain.' Annika interrupted, eyes widening. 'They're on speaker right now, they can hear you!'
'Oh!' Darwin exclaimed, everything finally dawning upon him. 'Well hello there Voravian ambassador! I am Captain Darwin of the Scavan... of the good ship... of Space Command. Star Command. Yes, that's it.'
Silence filled the cockpit, followed by a hissing sound. 'I am the official translator for this diplomatic Voravian convoy. You may dock your ship aboard the main vessel. Any hostilities will be terminated with extreme prejudice.'
RJ stared out the viewscreen at the array of ships, he could tell this translator wasn't bluffing about the terminated part. He was convinced that there was also nothing diplomatic about having so many large ships in one place.
'Very well then!' Darwin replied agreeably. 'We shall proceed as planned, I look forward to meeting your betters.'
Another hissing sound. 'You may proceed.'
'Ensign, set course for wherever it was those bastards wanted us to fly, but keep the weapons primed.'
'Aye s-sir.' Trigger stuttered, clearly not enjoying being the go-to guy for piloting the crew into the maw of this huge fleet.
Another hissing came from the speaker. The Voravians could still hear them.
'Turn that thing off!' Darwin bawled, and Annika hastily complied.
'He called them devils and bastards before he even met them? No wonder negotiations went south!'
Annika shook her head sadly, taking a breath as if composing her thoughts. 'That wasn't all, Captain. We managed to make it to their main ship for diplomatic relations, but the bulk of Darwin's mistakes were yet to come.'
'I am the Captain of this ship and I will not be lectured to by the likes of you!' Darwin spat, making RJ relieved that they had left Trigger with the ship. If the Ensign had seen the man like this he would have been clawing at the bulkheads to get out.
'I strongly advise that you take my words under some degree of consideration...'
'Silence!' the irate Captain bellowed, cutting off Agent Smith mid sentence and clearly refusing to listen to any more suggestions as to how to conduct negotiations. 'You of all people should know that I have been involved in many a delicate negotiation in the past. I shall conduct it as I always have and that is final.'
Smith offered no more resistance, but RJ could just about catch the words he muttered under his breath as Darwin stalked away. It sounded like 'that's what I was afraid of.'
The double doors slid open with a fluid grace unlike anything he had witnessed in Star Command construction and led them on into a large room with a cluster of Voravians at the far end. One of these creatures detached itself from the group and padded over the metallic plate of the floor to greet them.
It was a stooped thing, clearly of some age and suffering as a result. Its leathery skin was well-worn and its carapace didn't seem as solid as its fellow soldiers, that it wasn't here to fight was apparent.
'I am The Translator. I have been designated to wish you greetings on behalf of the Voravian Empire and help facilitate negotiations.' its strange voice said, as if it were forcing sounds through its sharpened teeth that were unnatural and difficult.
'What did it say?' Darwin turned and asked Annika.
'Perhaps I was not clear enough.' the Voravian translator cut in. 'I am The Translator. I am here to greet you. I will... negotiate.'
Darwin raised an eyebrow at the creature and scratched his immaculately shaven jawline. 'What?'
The Translator let out a sound of frustration that had the crew minus Darwin instinctively take a step back. 'I will try one final time. I make words you understand. You make peace.'
The Captain frowned at the beast in confusion. 'What the devil are you talking about man?'
'Captain.' Annika interrupted, stepping forward and more addressing The Translator. 'I understood what this Voravian is trying to tell us. He says that he is their translator and that he's here to help the negotiations.'
Darwin stared at the unwanted intrusion as if he had forgotten Annika had been behind him this whole time. 'Well why didn't he just say so in the first place then?'
Somewhere in the background, Smith was suppressing a noise.
'Now that formal introductions are completed, I wish to extend a hand in friendship so that we may begin negotiations on, as you would say, the correct footing.' The Translator continued, sticking out a clawed arm with some degree of ceremony.
Staring at the arm, a grin spread across Darwin's face. 'So that's what you want, eh? Very well then!' he reached out with his own arm and grasped the Voravian's hand, much to the relief of everyone in attendance.
Only, he didn't let go.
'Quite strong for an old one, aren't you?' Darwin muttered under his breath. 'Don't go easy on me now just because I'm not some lizard.'
The Translator's eyes bulged out as the Captain proceeded to slam its arm down onto the deck plating of the ship.
'Victory!' yelled Darwin, and looked up at the twelve Voravian weapons levelled at his head. 'What? I beat him fair and square!'
The triumph in the Captain's eyes was neither mirrored by the soldiers in attendance or his crew. The Translator struggled to wrest its arm from his grip but Darwin was having none of it.
'Oh no, you're not getting away that easily. You Voravians talk big but in the end you're no stronger than we are!'
'Captain...' Annika started.
'Silence Lieutenant! Can't you see I'm in the midst of an important wrestling contest?'
The Voravian weaponry started to hum, charging up to full strength in preparation to blast Darwin into ash.
'Captain!'
Darwin looked over at her finally. 'What is so urgent Lieutenant that you need to interrupt this? Is this male bonding offending your sensibilities? At least... I think it's male. Say old chap, are you male?'
'Captain it's not a wrestling contest!' Annika cried as the weapons prepared to discharge.
'What?'
'It's a ceremonial handshake!'
Darwin blinked, and let go of the Voravian's arm, causing the weapons to power down gradually. 'Strangest handshake I've ever seen. Still, I think I showed him who was in charge!'
'Yes, Captain Darwin. Unfortunately we are all painfully aware of who is in charge.' Smith said.
'And don't you forget it!' Darwin crowed, completely misinterpreting his security officer. 'What's next on the agenda?'
Phil shook his head. 'You let this man be in charge of your entire ship? I don't feel like such a bad Captain any more.'
'He really was awful.' Annika replied, supressing a laugh. 'That's not even the worst of it, you see...'
'Well, say what you want about the Voravians, they certainly can cook!' Darwin shouted between a mouth full of food, much of which was now on the table after that sentence. 'I don't know what this is but you really should try it!'
'I'm... not hungry Captain.' RJ replied, pushing whatever it was around his plate in the hopes that it wouldn't crawl anywhere.
'I'm glad that after our initial misunderstandings that everything has been cleared up.' Darwin addressed to The Translator, who in turn gurgled at the head diplomat for the Voravian convoy.
'You humans are an... odd species.' came the translated response, to which Darw
in roared with laughter.
'You see Smith?' he said between breaths. 'Nothing to worry about!'
Agent Smith gave him a tight lipped smile, but nothing further to indicate that he approved of proceedings so far.
'Whew!' Darwin finally said, slumping back in his chair with a satisfied smirk on his face. 'I'm absolutely full to the brim. When's the next course?'
The Voravians looked at the man as he adjusted his belt and gurgled quietly amongst themselves before The Translator finally spoke. 'There is no further food, you have exhausted our supplies.'
Annika translated what the translator had said, and Darwin offered an easy grin in return. 'Very well, on to proper negotiations then!' he replied, cleaning his mouth with the napkin provided.
He looked around at the assorted Voravians and then at his own crew, the silence was deafening. 'What?' he mumbled, spitting out a piece of food onto the napkin that had got lodged between his teeth.
'Er... Captain?' Annika ventured hesitantly.
'What now Lieutenant? Can't you wait until I've at least finished with this napkin?'
'Sir... it's just that...' she replied, wincing for some reason.
'Lieutenant you better tell me what's wrong now or I will be very angry.'
'That's not a napkin, sir.'
Darwin stared at the fabric he was cleaning his mouth with, and slowly traced it up to the pole that it hung from.
'That's their imperial flag, sir.'
The Captain finally relinquished his hold on the flag-turned-napkin and grinned at the assorted Voravians, who seemed less than pleased. 'Easy mistake to make, no harm no foul eh?'
Smith winced at what was meaningless gurgling to Darwin from The Translator. 'Captain... The Translator claims that your actions would be punishable by death were you a Voravian.'
'Oh come on!' Darwin cried. 'It's not like I set fire to the thing, I just thought it was a napkin!'
Smith massaged his temples slowly, struggling to come to terms with the level of stupidity on display. 'Captain...' he began, as if explaining to a child. 'If a Voravian were to desecrate the Star Command banner, what would you do?'
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