Despite the hard words, the calm in his voice soothed her. She took a good look at the man, really seeing him for the first time as a man and not just Dirk’s mechanic. She liked what she saw. Although not a hunk, like Dirk definitely was, he was attractive in a rough way. Of medium height, he was well built and had close-cropped blond hair and sad pale-blue eyes. When he smiled, which was often, lines crinkled around his eyes.
“Does he ever get in a mood that’s better than just ‘good’? Is he ever really happy?”
Greg shook his head. “Not so you’d know it. He rises from his dark shit for air from time to time though.”
Looking at his face, basking in his sympathetic smile, she felt a strong affection for Greg and was grateful he wanted to listen, to help. And she wondered about his intentions. For that matter, she wondered about her own.
He didn’t have all the qualities of the man of her dreams, but then Dirk came up short in some ways himself. Her perfect man, her ideal man, probably combined the best these two had to offer. Strength, compassion, being fearless and manly… thinking you’d find one guy with all those qualities… how unrealistic was that? And if she had to chose one combination?
Dirk was overwhelming but unable to share who he was with her. As a protector, he offered comfort. And he was sexually exciting.
Greg’s steadiness offered a different kind of comfort. He didn’t so much arouse her as reassure her, and now, on the run, and seemingly dumped by Dirk, she craved reassurance.
She saw that he liked her, perhaps wanted her. Her heart ached for Dirk, to have him tell her what was wrong, but she had no idea how long she might have to wait to find out. She had no idea if she’d ever find out. Whatever damage had been done, it might be permanent. Maybe sleeping with him had driven a stake through the heart of any chance they’d had to be together.
And Greg simply touched her arm gently and smiled. In a moment when she was overwhelmed with thanks and affection she reached over and wiped a smudge of grease from his cheek. Seeing the grease on her finger, Greg laughed.
“Hey, you’ve removed my main identifying mark. Now no one will know who I am.”
She stared at the finger. “I can put it back if you like but I thought bikers used tattoos for that.”
“Not the ones who hate needles. Besides, I can’t keep the shit off my face. I’m always poking my nose into engines, even when they’re working. I just love the damn things, and you can’t do that and avoid grease. I had an old lady for a while who called me Grease Nose—in private, not when we were around the guys.”
Picturing a girl riding with Greg came automatically, and she wondered what she’d be like. Probably a lot like Trudy or Meg, she guessed “What happened to her?”
“She outgrew the thrill of the life. Decided she wanted a guy who would be about a home and kids and an SUV, not some stupid biker with nothing but a bike, some tools and a serious thing about the open road.”
“That sounds romantic.” It did.
“She thought it did too—for the first five years and fifty thousand miles, but when the warranty expired, she found she was pretty much right where she started and that scared her. When she hit her early thirties she realized that while we’d been a lot of places, there were things she wanted to do that we hadn’t even attempted.”
“Like having kids?”
“Kids? Yeah. We didn’t even have a permanent place and I didn’t want one. Dirk and I are alike that way. We might have a place for a while, but the open road is where we belong. Can you see me and my old lady with a papoose hurtling down the road? Besides, I’d be a shitty father.”
Audra thought he might be a wonderful father but kept that to herself. “Did she find what she wanted?”
Greg considered the question. “Hard to say, but she did hook up with a guy who works for a big company. They got married and bought a house and I heard she was pregnant. So I guess she found the road she thought she wanted. I’ve always hoped it worked for her.”
“But you didn’t stay in touch?”
He laughed. “That would be a classically bad idea. What good could come of it? If her guy sees me hanging around and if he’s got half a brain, he calls the cops. I might screw up whatever she’s found. Besides, once you’re done, what’s the point in reunions anyway? I’m not much on talking about the great times we had and others we might’ve had if things had been different. I’m more about what’s happening now.”
The look in his eyes, his tone of voice, resonated in her. Audra found herself thinking a lot of Greg. Inside the biker mechanic lurked a warm and somewhat charming man, whether he wanted to own up to it or not. Dirk was sexy, and he turned her on like no other man ever had, but the inner man was conflicted and not a little scary. He played the role of alpha male as if he owned it.
When you got down to the core of the matter, Dirk was the stuff of red hot sexual fantasies and Greg was as close to a regular guy as a biker probably got. A girl could imagine herself being with him for a long time. She could see how his steadiness, in a rather uncertain world, had lulled his old lady into hanging around. When she woke up from the dream they lived, she’d been startled. That could happen. Greg wove a protective cocoon around her that was, in its own way, as seductive as Dirk’s sex appeal.
He was coming on to her, although his approach was smoother, gentler. Still he was sexy, and she had to ask herself how she felt about that. If Dirk wanted distance, she needed comfort, and Greg offered that.
Two such different men. Two virile and sexy men.
* * * *
“What the hell is going on?”
Sitting on the bed, Dirk looked up from his magazine and stared at Greg, thinking he didn’t look pleased. “What’s your problem?”
Greg sat in the chair and put his boots up on the bed. “Why are you being a shit with Audra?”
“We have a job to do. Might as well get her done, then we can head back.”
Greg snorted. “And that’s all this is to you? A job?”
“What else?”
“Audra is a nice girl.”
“So?”
“You are being a shit.”
He shrugged. “I need to focus.”
Greg laughed. “You managed to bed her and now you’ve dragged out your Ice Man Cutter routine and won’t even tell her the score. What’s that about?”
“Come on, man. Okay, the girl is hot and I like her. But what has you all bent out of shape? Are you jealous that I managed to snag some pussy on the trip? I can tell you that it wasn’t just me pushing for that. She wanted to get laid pretty bad too. I didn’t force her or even tell her I’d be her old man.”
“You probably didn’t mention you intended to be a prick once you fucked her, either.”
“Look, we’re hauling her cute butt to Canada. Once she’s there, she’s on her own. That was the job—the plan.”
“Yeah, that was the plan. But fucking plans change all the time. You can adapt, you know.”
“Adapt? What am I supposed to adapt to?”
“Use that pea brain for something besides playing Enforcer, dude. The girl likes you and she got to trusting you. Maybe that was a stupid thing to do, but she did. This gig sucks from the get go. It isn’t like she hired us to take her to her folks, or to a job. She isn’t going somewhere, and we can drop her off at the curb. She is just running. Her destination is that cool place called ‘away’ where we all go to hide when the shit gets too heavy.”
“You are in a philosophical mood, Wrench.”
“Wrench? Shit. Do you realize that you only call me that when you want to remind me I’m just some fucking grease monkey? You aren’t exactly subtle. But pissing me off doesn’t change the fact that you’re being a shit with this chick for no reason.”
“If you think someone needs to play Daddy for her, then you do it.”
“So you don’t care about her.”
Dirk felt his stomach tighten. Greg had fallen for her. He could see that. But that wasn
’t his problem. Greg was a big boy and she was a big girl. Maybe if they got together he could stop feeling so bad, stop feeling like the very shit that Greg was accusing him of being.
Greg put his feet down. “Are you thinking you can get macho points for being a complete asshole?”
“I think you need to mind your own business. You’re worried about the chick, then you go comfort her. She loves to have her pussy eaten, and you can calm her down, make her feel real fucking good. I don’t give a shit.”
Greg stood. “Maybe I’ll do just that.”
“Fine.”
“And maybe I’ll kick your ass if you go near her again.”
Dirk scowled. Greg’s passion surprised him. The way he took her side in this pissed him off. Sometimes friends overstepped. “You think you can kick my ass, then go for it. Otherwise, just keep the bikes running. We’ve got a long way to go before we can be rid of her ass and it can’t come too soon.”
Greg started to say something else, then turned and went out.
* * * *
Dirk looked at the door for a time after Greg left. He hadn’t meant to give his friend all that shit, but man the guy was being weird. Unfortunately, Greg’s outburst made him realize that he cared more about Audra than he wanted to admit.
His muddle about her was now even more confused. He did like her. He couldn’t talk with her, or just spend time with her the way she wanted. It hurt too much. She was smart. It wouldn’t take her long to learn who he really was, and then she’d have nothing to do with him. She’d push him away. Better to keep her at arm’s length. He wanted her again… to take to bed. She was great in bed. She was probably every bit as great a chick as Greg thought, and that scared him.
He wanted her, but he didn’t want to hurt her… but if he let her get to know him he would do that. If somehow she accepted who he was, if she hung around, then what he did would hurt her. Sooner or later, if he let her close he’d do something bad to her or someone else would hurt her because of who he was.
That seemed too painful. Still, if she was willing to let him have her, there was no way he was staying away from her.
Greg’s interference bothered him. It wasn’t like him to butt in. Not that he wouldn’t try to steal a girl, have her for himself, but to actually give him a lecture, tell him that he was being a shit… that was new.
He dropped the magazine and went out the door to track her down, to see what he could work out. As he’d expected, Audra was in the laundry making sure she’d have her second set of clothes ready for the next day.
“Greg came by to defend your honor,” he told her.
She seemed surprised. “What do you mean?”
“He’s worked out that we got it on and he’s trying to make me act nice to you, telling me what an asshole I’m being.”
“You’re acting as if it meant nothing. You’re making me feel like I did something wrong.”
The look she gave him made him want to cringe and he fought to show nothing on his face. The eyes told him that she wasn’t accusing him. He’d hurt her. She was confused. Hell, he was confused and they’d both gotten messed up. “I just can’t do this.”
“What?” It was a sincere question, and it startled him.
“Be your man and your hired gun.”
“Why not?”
How to explain? He didn’t even understand it himself. “I need my full attention for the job. You distract me. It’s a delicious distraction, but still.”
“So what does that mean?”
“It was sex. We both wanted it.”
“That’s true, at least I know I did. And it was so good, you were so passionate that I thought it meant something.”
“So I need to apologize for being passionate now?”
She shook her head. “Not if you meant it.”
It occurred to him that it was him complicating the story, making it harder to sort out. He wanted to get out his knife and cut through those complications, simplify things, but even he couldn’t slice words or meaning. “I meant it. It was great.”
“And that confuses you?”
“Not exactly. I just can’t make up my mind about you.”
She laughed but not at him, not at what he’d said. “You aren’t exactly a simple person to know.”
“I’m simple, in the way that matters. I’m cursed. You’d figure that out sooner or later. I’m useful to you because of who I am. You won’t care for me when you understand what that means. It’s best if we just accept that. There’s part of you that is nearly irresistible, but that girl isn’t going to go for me. The wilder part of you enjoyed being with me, and that was good. In fact, it was great.”
“What does that mean to you, seeing as you have this worked out?”
He watched her eyes, seeing caution, concern, a healthy wariness. “That we can go to your room and fuck our brains out. I’ll be passionate as hell, and all it will mean is I want you. But when we aren’t in bed, the rest of the time, we are just traveling together.”
“You could do that? Is that what you want—travel buddies by day, fuck buddies by night?”
Wondering exactly that was what had him trembling. He had no idea. He wanted her in the worst way. Just hearing her talk turned him on, but she made him care about her. Being around her made him feel things he didn’t understand. It was heady shit, but the reality was that no matter what he felt, he couldn’t let it be serious. She’d be gone in a few days and then they’d both be alone. He needed to be strong. “Sure. That’d be sweet.”
“I don’t think so.”
His heart hurt. “Why not? Call me when you finish your laundry and I’ll come to your room and ram my pecker in that tight hole of yours until you scream.”
She gave him a hard stare.
“Fuck off.”
He looked at her for a time. “If that’s how you want it.”
When he turned, she called to him. “Dirk.”
He looked back. “Yeah?”
“I’m pretty sure we were followed this afternoon.” He waited. “A black sedan. I think it was an Audi. They paced us for a time, then dropped away, then they were back again.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure the car was there all day. I can’t be sure what they were up to. You said to tell you.”
He wanted to burst out telling her how wonderful it was that she saw something he didn’t. He wanted to tell her that it was all right if they were followed, because he would protect her. But those would be as much lies as telling her he didn’t care about her, and he’d done enough lying for one day. “Okay.”
Then he left to tell Greg about the sedan.
Talking to her the way he had made him feel stupid. It embarrassed him, although why it mattered to him wasn’t clear. Why what she thought about him could make him burn with an agony that should have visible wounds. Nothing changed the fact that eventually, if they made it, she’d be in Canada and he’d be heading back to LA.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The next morning at breakfast, it didn’t come as a total surprise to Audra when Dirk told her to ride with Greg. But it still stung, and when he said it, those words hanging in the air, she thought the temperature in the diner had suddenly dropped.
Greg put down his fork and gave him a dark look. “Are you sure you want to go there?”
Dirk nodded. “Unless you have a problem with that. Either of you.”
Greg looked at her inquisitively. “No. None at all,” she told him.
Greg stayed silent for a moment, studying her face, then finally nodded. “Okay, Cutter. Whatever.”
Heading out shortly after, an aching emptiness took over her. It seemed like she’d been filled with something and then had it taken away. Feelings and thoughts crowded inside her until, in the late morning, she saw clearly that what she’d been filled with, and then lost, was the joy and excitement of being in love with Dirk.
Despite having her arms wrapped around Greg, Audra felt the emptiness tha
t came with being alone. Greg was steady, but when the job was done, she’d lose that steadiness as surely as she’d managed, somehow, to lose Dirk’s affection. They were taking her to Canada, keeping her safe, doing a job. When the job was done, they’d head back to LA, leaving her alone and empty, with her new identity in an unknown place.
Losing Dirk hurt more because it had been so long since she’d been with a man she wanted, and who wanted her, and who held her lovingly. Dirk had really turned her on. She wasn’t entirely sure what that attraction was based on, and wondered if it was simply physical, an animal magnetism. Whatever it was, it had been impossible to ignore on the days she spent riding on the back of his bike. Then she’d spend hours with her arms wrapped around his body, feeling him breathing. They vibrated together as he drove his bike north and she ended those days with her body tingling. Only part of that was from the steady vibrations of traveling the road. Part was from wanting him.
But he didn’t want her. Not in a meaningful way, and even if he did, in a few days it would end.
She wanted to cry.
For the time that remained on the trip she had a few choices. One, the most obvious, was to simply suffer, aching for him. She could also do what he asked—fuck him. She could accept the cold comfort of having meaningless sex with him. And that would make her pain worse.
Or she could turn to Greg. It would inevitably be nothing more than casual sex but without the pain of desperately wanting it to be more than that. She had no doubt that he wanted her. The way he responded when she put her arms around him told her she aroused him and she was certain that if she were to let her hands move down, put her fingers on the bulge of his crotch, she’d feel him grow hard with desire for her.
In her fantasies he would be a fine lover, a considerate lover, and passionate.
The worry was that she’d still be craving Dirk. If it weren’t for the cold reality of the mornings, his hard face, his brisk manner, she might deal with fucking Dirk while knowing he didn’t want her for anything more. She’d be willing to be his road whore, if only he’d treat her like a person during the day.
Greg might want more, be willing to act as if they could mean something to each other, even while knowing they couldn’t have it. Maybe that would be easier.
I Need A Bad Boy: A Collection of Bad Boy Romances Page 81
