by Maria Hollis
Which brought another query to the table.
“But what do you want to do with the rest of your life?”
She didn’t have an answer for that.
The whole discussion between them helped even more with Chris’s decision to end everything, including her relationship of three years and her studies. She still has to pay back her college loans, but she is otherwise a free woman. No more people holding her back.
***
Chris stares at her phone screen for ages.
Her mother has been texting her constantly for the past few days, trying to get some news about how she is doing. Annoyed by the pressure, Chris has been ignoring her ever since.
All she ever does is ask:
“Christine, have you thought about going back to college?”
“What are you going to do now?”
“What about your future?”
She doesn’t know.
Chris tunes her acoustic guitar once more and plucks at her E string. It’s still not the sound she’s looking for. She’s been trying to make a slow cover of one of her favorite songs for the past two hours, but tonight her voice has let her down as well.
There is nothing wrong with taking her time to figure out what she wants to do with her life. She’s been doing great at the bookstore, even if it doesn’t have the same prospects as her last choice of career.
Still, it really pissed her off when her father tried to convince her that working behind a counter is not the most fulfilling way to live. Chris disagrees to a great extent; she likes working with the books. Sometimes the right one can change somebody’s life, and she loves being a part of that journey.
When she told Lily what her father said, the girl fumed ranting that Susan isn’t wasting her life as the owner of a wonderful place like Johnson’s Bookstore. Chris thinks it’s kind of sweet how Lily became a part of their small family after just six months working there.
Resting her guitar against her crossed legs, she flexes and curls her fingers, noticing how red her fingertips are looking. Maybe she should take a break and go to sleep.
It’s already 11 p.m. on a weeknight, and she can’t risk getting another letter of complaint from one of the neighbors kindly asking them not to make so much noise with her music. She is lucky that Mayte is a heavy sleeper and doesn’t seem bothered by it. Any other person would have banned her from playing long ago.
The messages her mom sent her earlier are still running around her head.
“Sweetheart, is everything okay? We haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“We just want to be sure you know what you are doing.”
“There are still plenty of colleges you can try to get into.”
Chris groans and stares at the phone at the end of her bed. Maybe if she wishes hard enough, the buzzing will stop, and she won’t ever have to answer any of the questions sent by her mother.
Closing her laptop, Chris makes herself comfortable in her bed and gets ready to sleep under her blankets. She reaches back to her phone and scrolls through her songs, trying to decide on the lullaby that will put her to sleep tonight.
After much indecision, she stops at one of the albums that she had specially made for nights like this and lets the first song begin.
It’s only when the music is playing that she can feel all her fears being chased away.
***
“Did you see a copy of Huntress around here?” Lily asks her.
Taking her eyes away from Josie at the counter, Chris looks back at the bookshelf in front of them.
“I don’t think so,” she answers uninterestedly.
“You’re distracted. Everything okay in that head of yours?”
“Yeah, it’s just that my mom and her constant texting are annoying the shit out of me again.” It’s just an excuse to get Lily off of her back, but not exactly a complete lie.
“Yikes,” Lily says making a face. “Still not fine about the whole I’m dropping my studies thing, then.”
“Not at all.”
A group of teenage girls start messing with the layout of the summer reading on one of the tables and Lily frowns at them, running to fix the books back in place. Once she is by herself, Chris finishes shelving the books and rests her back against the bookshelf.
It’s been a slow day so far, probably due to most of the students traveling home during the first week of summer vacation to visit their families. Lily and Susan will complain about the low sales later this week, but Chris doesn’t mind it. It’s good to have a few slow days before the tourists and prospective students start to arrive.
Looking around the store, Chris stops when she finds Josie at the counter once more.
It’s the first day that they let Josie take care of the money. She seems to be doing fine on her own, but surely there would be no harm in just checking on her once in awhile? Just in case she needs any help.
It may or may not also be an excuse to chat, but whatever.
There is nothing wrong with making friends at your workplace.
“Hey!” Josie greets her, taking her eyes away from the copy of a Siera Maley book she is reading.
Resting her elbows on the counter, Chris smiles.
“Another one already?” she says and points to the cover.
“Oh, yeah. I’m a fast reader, and these are just so good,” Josie explains.
“I don’t read that much, to be honest with you,” Chris admits.
She takes her time to admire the many post-its stuck to the pages of Josie’s book. The girl must take her reading quite seriously. Fighting the urge to see what parts she needed to bookmark, Chris focuses on looking back into Josie’s dark eyes.
“Why are you working in a bookstore then?” Josie’s tone is playful as she leans closer.
Dangerously so.
“I like books, and I do read sometimes, but I have other interests too.”
“Do these interests include pretty girls who love books more than anything?”
Chris can see something glittering behind the girl’s eyes. And the way Josie licks her lips as she waits for a response does wonderful things to Chris’s heart.
This isn’t flirting, right?
She is just being funny and… friendly.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that Josie doesn’t have very many gay friends and is used to being playful with everyone. Or she actually is flirting. Chris isn’t entirely sure about it.
She brushes her hands on the counter agitatedly for a moment. A nervous feeling she isn’t used to invades her mind. It has been quite a long time since she had any opportunity to flirt with people. Not that she was any good at it in her teenage days. This was so much easier when things happened with her ex. They were holding hands innocently one day at school and on the next one Tabitha invited her to prom. The rest was history.
Chris plays with her blonde hair, trying to distract Josie while she decides what to do next.
Lean closer, or run away from this newfound attraction like a scared little kitten?
Suddenly, a loud noise interrupts their moment. Chris jumps in a second. She already knows this as the sound of many books falling from a bookshelf.
“Chris! Come here and help me with this!” Lily yells.
Chris breaks the stare first and runs to the other side of the store, but not before noticing the way Josie’s eyes linger on her as she goes, her gaze aimed just a little too low to be looking at her back.
Dirty thoughts will have to be saved for later. First, she has to make sure that Lily isn’t being murdered by a bookshelf.
Chapter 3
“Remind me again why I have to go?” Chris complains for the thousandth time.
In the reflection of their bathroom mirror, Mayte finishes fixing her earrings before narrowing her eyes at Chris.
“You need to have some fun! Sulking here won’t help you get over your shitty ex. You’ve been moping around the house since your break-up, you know?”
Mayte turns away from the mirr
or to look at her face to face.
Chris rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, waiting for the pep-talk that she knows is about to come. It’s not like Mayte is wrong. Her ex was no angel, and Chris has been more reserved than ever. Tabitha was such a huge part of her life for three long years that Chris sometimes feels like she isn’t a real person now that she is single. That’s what happens when you just say yes to everything your partner says, without realizing they aren’t listening to you.
On the day her parents and Tabitha tried to force Chris to stay in school, she realized how much she was being controlled by them. That’s when Chris decided to take her life back into her hands. The difference is that her parents will always be her parents, but romantic relationships are easier to break with no going back.
“Trust me, it’ll do you good,” Mayte continues. “Besides, when was the last time we went out to do something together? It feels like ages ago. We need a night of dancing and drinking, instead of discussing who will buy the toilet paper next week.”
Chris readjusts her posture against the wall, feeling guilty. She takes a moment to consider the offer. One night out dancing with Mayte and her friends won’t be the end of the world. Besides, she has a point. Chris realizes that she has been so busy with her self-loathing that she has been an awful friend to everyone lately.
Mayte keeps staring her down.
“Okay, okay. I’m going,” Chris answers with a groan.
“Yes!” Mayte cries as she throws her arms around her roommate. “You can bring a friend, too. It’s going to be so much fun, you won’t regret it. Let me help you with your makeup, please?”
Chris nods, unable to hide a smile at the happiness radiating from Mayte.
“I just need a moment to get ready,” she says. “And by the way, I’ll buy the toilet paper next time.”
***
Back in her room, she finds her phone and calls Lily as she changes clothes.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t tonight,” Lily answers, sounding sleepy already. “I have to get up early tomorrow to open the store.”
Shit.
She had completely forgotten about that. Tomorrow is Chris’s day off, which means Lily would probably have to work double to make it up for it. Sometimes, working with your friends can be a pain in the ass.
Having trouble with the buttons on her pants, Chris holds the phone between her ear and her shoulder.
“That’s fine. My bad,” she says.
There is a moment of silence at the other end of the line, and then indistinct Portuguese words in the background. A second later, Lily is back.
“Why don’t you ask the new girl to go with you? She seems nice and in need of some friends. Besides, she’s only working in the afternoon tomorrow anyway.”
“Josie?” Chris asks uncertainly. “I don’t know… I hardly know her.”
“Well, you barely knew me when you helped me move into my new apartment all those months ago. And look what a great friendship we have now,” Lily insists. “Give her a chance and she may surprise you.”
Oh, Lily had no idea.
Chris is already spending way too much of her time thinking about Josie. Almost an indecent amount of time. Thinking about her sweet smile and dimples, the way her long hair shines in the sunlight, and how her body moves between the bookshelves.
She is so screwed.
“I’ll think about it.”
Chris ends the call in a hurry and scrolls through her phone to find Josie’s name.
Josie had exchanged numbers with her with the excuse that it would make it easier to let everyone know if something happens with her bus or if she is late one day for work. Now, Chris is afraid she is crossing a line by using it for something it wasn’t intended for.
Should she invite Josie?
Chris sits down on her bed, leaving her phone by her side.
She stares at the walls for a moment, wondering what to do next.
Maybe she is overreacting. After all, this is just a night out with friends.
In a second, she is typing a new message on her phone.
“Doing something tonight? There is this cool all-ages gay club I’m going to, and I thought of you.”
Not the best phrasing, but whatever.
Better to do it quickly before she changes her mind.
Mayte opens the door and comes into the bedroom with her makeup gear in her hands, interrupting Chris’ reveries.
“I’m here. Let’s do this,” she says.
She throws her stuff on Chris’ bed and stares at the colors with a deep frown on her face. Her Afro curls bounce around her head as she takes her time analyzing her blushes and eyeliners.
“I’ll have to adapt a bit to your skin color, but I’m sure we’ll find a way,” she says with enthusiasm.
Before Chris can remind her that she has her own makeup somewhere in her bedroom, her phone vibrates in her pocket.
“Omg! Seriously? I’d love to. Send me the address and I’ll meet you outside.”
Josie’s reply gives Chris a warm feeling and she smiles, suddenly way more excited with the prospect of the night ahead.
Maybe they’ll all have fun after all.
***
Once they arrive at the club, they find it’s already packed.
People of all ages and genders dance around them with rainbow clothes and different flag colors everywhere. A subtle smell of sweat and alcohol fills Chris’s nose. 90’s pop music pumps through the night and, at every new well-known song, the crowd cheers excitedly.
“I’ve never been to a gay club before!” Josie yells above the sea of people.
Chris leans closer to Josie’s ear.
“How do you like it so far?” she asks.
“It’s awesome!” Josie says and jumps to the beat of the song.
Chris smiles at her and watches the movements of Josie’s body. Tonight, Josie is wearing jean shorts and rainbow socks. When Chris first saw her outside, she had to take a deep breath to control herself so as to not drop her jaw at the sight of her fine brown legs.
The girl has some serious muscle tone.
She wonders what else Josie hides under her clothes.
There is a hand against her shoulder, and she turns to see Mayte waving at her face frantically.
Was she drunk already?
“Found my friends!” she screams, and a group of three girls joins their dancing.
Well, most of them are dancing. Chris is just going with the flow, trying not to be completely out of sync. She never understood exactly how to move her legs and arms in the right way to match the music’s rhythm.
“I love your socks!” one of Mayte’s friends tells Josie, her dreadlocks dyed a beautiful shade of teal.
The two of them engage in friendly conversation, and then everything turns into a blur of drinks, laughter, and dancing.
After a while, one of the other girls starts making out with a guy, and Mayte decides to go to the bathroom with her remaining friends following behind her. Before Chris can join them, Josie stops her, holding her by her arm.
“Let’s dance some more!” she laughs.
Suddenly, Chris feels nervous for the first time since arriving at the club. When they were all together in a group of friends, everyone playing around and chatting, it didn’t feel this intimidating. But now that it is only her and Josie on the crowded dance floor, she’s no longer as confident as she was.
It takes a few more drinks before Chris starts to lose her inhibitions. Soon, she is dancing more freely with all the alcohol in her system.
Josie pulls her closer by her waist and moves her hands through the back of Chris’s shirt.
“Don’t stay so far away,” she whispers huskily.
The beat changes to a Britney Spears mashup at the same time that one of Josie’s legs finds its way between Chris’. They move against each other gradually drawing closer. A shiver runs down Chris’ spine at how dangerously low she can feel Josie’s hands going. Their bodies
grind together, and a warmth spreads somewhere in her lower stomach.
Fuck.
How is she going to survive this?
She is so gone that she couldn’t pull away, even if she wanted to. The feeling grows stronger as she watches and senses the mesmerizing way Josie moves, bringing them closer and closer by each second.
Then, things shift.
Josie’s head turns, and she finds her way to Chris’s neck, brushing her nose against the soft skin just above her collarbone. A moan leaves Chris’s mouth, and she’s grateful that the loud music muffles the sound.
Bite me, she begs silently.
“Hey, we’re back!” Mayte’s voice comes to her like a bucket of cold water.
Chris disengages herself from Josie and moves awkwardly to make space for the other girls to rejoin them. She doesn’t look back at Josie for a while, trying to get her body under control once more.
It’s easy to get distracted again by the music and the warm buzz of the club, but when Mayte spins her around as they dance, she sees Josie staring at her with heavy-lidded eyes. The intensity in her gaze almost makes her faint. Maybe she didn’t imagine all the flirting in the last few days.
***
It’s 3 a.m. when they finally get tired and decide to go home. Outside the club, groups of people are waiting for their rides or walking through the streets. A few couples make out against the walls, and Chris blinks as she looks away, trying to keep her growing libido in check.
She hears Josie’s laugh close by and walks over to the girl who’s ready to get inside a cab. Josie found out two of Mayte’s friends are also studying at Lillac U, and they decided to share a ride together.
“Send me a message so I know you got home safely,” Josie says, sounding way more sober than she should after stealing drinks from all of them inside.
“Okay, I will,” Chris answers. “Did you have fun?”
“Hell yeah! See you on Monday.”
With that, she closes the door and waves through the window.
***
After helping Mayte climb the stairs to their apartment, Chris lays her down on her bed. She brings her a cup of water and aspirin to leave on her bedside table, as they always do for each other when one of them is too drunk to remember anything in the morning.
