“We can’t,” he said as his other hand came up to thread through her hair.
“Why not?” She leaned just a little farther in.
“It’s not real,” he said.
“Then why does it feel real?”
He leaned in, his lips meeting hers slowly. Soft lips brushed over hers with the slightest of caresses. His hands cupped her face while hers went to his shoulders for support.
His light kisses brushed everywhere on her face, slow and gentle, barely more than butterfly wings brushing over her skin. And she kissed him, too, on both the scarred and smooth sides of his face. But they always returned together, deepening the kiss slightly each time.
He pulled back, breaking away from her suddenly. “Jade . . . we can’t do this.”
“Why not?” She sucked her lower lip into her mouth.
His hands were still in her hair, his eyes still burning into hers.
“I can’t live my life in this fantasy world. I need something real. I need reality—”
She leaned in, pressing her body against his, her face to his shoulder. “I want to be your reality.”
“I know, but . . . it’s just not that way.” His arms lowered to embrace her to him. “Maybe we should get some distance from each other for a couple days.”
“No. Nope, that’s a bad idea.” She shook her head slightly, though she was still pressed into him. “Just give me a minute, then I’ll drop it. I promise.”
“Okay,” he said as his hand caressed her lower back.
Alainn leaned back to look at him. “Just sixty more seconds.”
He licked his lips and then smiled just a little before she kissed him again. This time, it wasn’t just a brush of lips. If she only had sixty seconds, she’d make them count. Her hands cupped his face, rough and smooth sides. Lips pressed lips. Breath mingled. His hands gripped her back as she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth.
After much more than sixty seconds, he leaned his head away. “I think your exhaust might be making me lightheaded, Jade.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t worry; it’s not toxic.”
He gave her a serious look. “We should go to dinner.” His thumb brushed over her cheek. “And we should probably set some more boundaries between us.”
Her stomach plummeted as she nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
“It—it’s what I need.”
Alainn looked away. “Why is she reality . . . and I’m not?” A stupid question, but she meant it all the same.
He sighed, his hands dropping away from her body. “It’s hard to explain to you.”
“But if I was a human, you wouldn’t let me anywhere near you,” she whispered.
He looked away. “I’m trying to get past that, Jade. All I want—all I’ve ever wanted—is to have something real in my life.”
I’m real! she wanted to say. But she knew that wouldn’t work for Lorccan, so instead, Alainn went to dinner.
24
February 7, 2027
A week passed, and they didn’t kiss again. When Lorccan said boundaries, he really meant them.
That night had been the same. He excused himself at 6:50. Alainn walked down to her room and settled on the floor beside her plant.
She’d made a mistake by kissing him.
Alainn knew it was a shitty thing to do since he had a girlfriend. She would like to think that she’d never do that under normal circumstances. But she had a hard time thinking of Shelly as his girlfriend and of herself as only his robot-friend. Shelly didn’t even know what his face looked like.
Unless he’d shown her?
Sitting alone in her room, next to her peace lily, the idea of Lorccan finally showing Shelly what he looked like made her feel queasy.
She knew she was a horrible, wretched person to not want him to move on and get better, so she could keep him all to herself. But yet, that was exactly what all the cruel, dark parts of her wanted.
There was a movement beside Alainn. When she looked up, she saw a monkey crawling toward her. He stood, showing his jeans with a tiny gold button. On top, he wore what looked like a sports jersey. He stopped several feet away and squatted back down.
She turned back to the view of the city—or, to be accurate, she turned to the screen that displayed a view of the city.
The monkey moved again, walking upright in her direction.
She kept her face forward, but peeked over as the monkey stopped on the other side of the flowerpot. He stood to his full height and placed a hand in the soil, just as Alainn was doing. Settling onto his back legs, he looked out at the city.
“It’s not real,” she told him, peering at the display. “You’re not real. I’m not real. Nothing is.” She paused. “Except the plant. The peace lily is real.”
The monkey only combed his little fingers through the soil while looking out at the view.
Another monkey dashed over to them, stopping next to the planter. This one was very familiar; she wore the same little blue dress every day, though it was somehow always clean. She was probably the boldest of the monkeys who followed Alainn around the tower.
The monkey stood tall, hands on the edge of the planter. She walked around its edge. Squeezing between Alainn and the planter, she sat. Her fuzzy little body tickled through the material of Alainn’s dress. Part of her wanted to recoil from the robot monkey, but most of her didn’t.
The monkey grabbed Alainn’s wrist. With a gentle tug, the monkey pulled Alainn’s hand out of the flowerpot and leaned in to rub against Alainn’s palm.
“You want me to pet you?” Alainn asked in a low voice.
Oh, what the hell?
She pet the silly robot as the monkey settled in beside her.
Then suddenly, another monkey dashed in to sit beside the monkey in the blue dress. She was also in a dress, a yellow one. She smiled up at Alainn before looking pointedly to the hand that was petting the other monkey.
“Oh, fine,” Alainn said, petting both of them.
Four more monkeys ran up and settled beside her. “Holy shit! I can’t pet you all,” Alainn laughed. They chattered up at her and settled in, seemingly content to just sit beside her and stare out at the view.
“Do you guys have names?” Alainn asked.
“Yes,” Rosebud 03AF replied.
“Oh. What are they?”
“Sunshine, Moonlight, Happy, City, Blue, Jumps, Smile, Tallest Monkey and Kevin.”
As she listed off names, the different monkeys stood up. Kevin was the one in jeans and a jersey, and Blue was the one in the blue dress.
“You’re kidding me,” Alainn mumbled.
“Mr. Garbhan allowed them to select their own names. They can read, write, and understand what you say, but they can’t speak.”
“Oh.” Alainn didn’t know what to say to that.
They sat together, the strangely named monkeys and Alainn, watching streaks of red and white light paint the twinkling city.
Eventually, Alainn stood so she could wash the monkey and plant off her skin. But when she returned from the bathroom in her nightgown, she found Blue and Kevin, lone stragglers in her room.
She peered at them as they stared up at her. “You’re not getting in here with me.” She pointed to the bed so they’d know exactly where they weren’t allowed.
They each nodded.
“I mean it. My bed is robot free. You need to go to your own charging stations.”
They nodded furiously.
“Okay.” She climbed in and settled her head down on the pillow. “Please turn the lights out, Rosebud,” Alainn called up, and the lights dimmed.
A few minutes later, Alainn heard the rustling sound of two monkeys climbing up onto the foot of her bed, turning around, and lying down.
“Fine,” she mumbled. “But for tonight only.” She did not intend to go to sleep with a bed full of monkeys every night, but she didn’t have the energy to kick them out. Sleep took her quickly.
Sometime
later, Alainn woke to screaming.
Sitting up abruptly, her breathing came fast and shallow. The screaming continued—long, guttural wails filled the room.
“Oh, my god!” she covered her ears, but it wasn’t enough to muffle the sound.
It was Lorccan, but not muffled by the distance of a vent. It boomed throughout the room.
“Lorccan?” she yelled, but it did nothing. “Lorccan!”
The room filled with light. It was empty.
“Rosebud! What’s happening?” she screamed over the continued cries.
Across her room, the door opened.
The sound grew, ragged bellows of horrible pain.
Alainn threw off the covers and ran for the open door, hands clutching her ears. The moment her bare feet stepped from the room, the door closed behind her. The hallway lit up, the light and his cries leading her as she ran. The door to the stairway opened, and she bounded forward. The landings had no exit, only solid wall. She continued to ascend.
On Lorccan’s private floor—a floor she’d never entered before—the door flew open. Light flooded a long hallway. His cries only grew louder as she sprinted down the hall, her bare feet smacking the fake wood. She caught herself on the doorframe at the end of the hall, jerking her body out of its forward momentum. The door stood open, revealing a bedroom that was the masculine equivalent of hers.
Lorccan crouched on all fours, completely naked on the bed. One hand gripped the scarred side of his face as he gave out another ragged cry of pain.
Not hesitating a second longer, she rushed over to the bed and crawled onto it.
“Lorccan!” she cried, but he didn’t hear her.
His back arched, and he screamed again.
She crouched down to look into his face. His eyes were shut tight, and they stayed closed.
“Lorccan, you’re asleep! Wake up!” She grabbed him around his shoulders, squeezing his bare skin. “Wake up!” She tried to shake him, but she wasn’t strong enough to move him much.
He collapsed forward, taking her with him.
She climbed off his bare back and lay down to look at his face. His screaming ceased and his breath evened out.
“Lorccan? Are you okay?”
She knew it was a stupid question; obviously he was far from okay. What she really wanted to ask was whether he was peaceful again. If it was over.
She knew she should probably go. It was so inappropriate for her to be there while he was naked and asleep, especially when he so clearly wanted space from her. But if his nightmare wasn’t over, she couldn’t quite make herself leave him.
“Jade?” Lorccan’s eyes blinked rapidly and then closed in exhaustion. A small smile touched his lips.
“Hi. You’re awake?” She sat up, preparing to scoot away.
His hand reached over and wrapped around her ankle, but his eyes didn’t open. “What are you doing here?”
Her breaths came haltingly as his hand moved up her leg. “I could hear your screams in my room, so I followed them up to you.”
To her shock, he smiled. “Rosebud is always meddling,” he mumbled.
His hand continued to climb up her leg and over the crest of her knee. He began to push up the material of her long, loose nightgown.
Alainn gasped.
Lorccan opened his eyes, and his gaze found hers. He looked both tired and intent.
He lifted her nightdress slowly, bunching it up the length of her body. She lifted her arms and he pulled it over her head, exposing her naked body.
“Jade,” he whispered again as his hands found her face.
“Hello,” she breathed.
“Can we even do this?” he asked as his hands slowly ran down her shoulders, then over her breasts. Her nipples pebbled in the cool air. His gaze met hers.
“Yes, we can definitely do this,” she whispered.
“Can you feel it? Does it even feel good to you?” He kissed her stomach before his lips slowly moved up her body.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I feel it just like you do.”
His lips traveled up the side of her breast, then to her shoulder and neck as her breath rasped through her lips. Her hands rose up between them, caressing the muscles of his stomach and his sides.
“I’ve never done this before,” he whispered onto her shoulder.
“Neither have I,” she whispered as her hands ran up his back.
And it was true—what had happened to her before wasn’t anything like this.
When he moved up the length of her body, he threaded his fingers through her hair and wrapped them around the back of her neck.
She leaned away, just a little, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. “If we do this, are you going to push me away after?”
Just the idea of that hurt way too much.
“No, never again.” His gaze spoke to the sincerity of his words.
But she had to be sure. “I’m not real to you.”
“No. Jade, no matter what you are, you’ve sunk down into my bones now, and there’s no getting away from you.”
She turned her face away as tears formed in her eyes. She couldn’t let him see them.
His hand stroked the side of her neck. “What’s the matter?”
She looked back at him, lip quivering. “Nothing. Everything is perfect. I think you already know how much I want you.”
He smiled. “You can tell me.”
“Let me show you,” she whispered as she leaned up for a kiss.
They moved carefully, neither of them really knowing what they were doing. Their kisses came gently, their caresses even more so.
His eyes were intent on hers, and his lips parted as he settled between her legs. He slowly moved the head of his erection over the wetness that had started between her thighs with their kisses and caresses.
Alainn had given herself pleasure before, but she’d never grown slick and wet when someone else was positioned to enter her. Her hands shook at his back, and she sought his gaze as he gently began to push into her.
At first he just barely moved into her, with small thrusts. His lips rested on hers and their breathing came haltingly, synchronized, as he pushed just a little deeper.
Her hands squeezed his arms.
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” she breathed. “Yeah, I’m doing . . .” She laughed. “Amazing.” Her eyes closed as he moved slowly in and out of her.
He thrust all the way in, and she gasped. “Wait,” she whispered, and he did. He filled her, stretching her, almost too much, but somehow she wanted more.
“Okay,” she whispered, opening her eyes. “You can . . . you can go.”
His gaze met hers and he moved into her again, then in and out. Their lips brushed over each other’s, and small whimpers escaped her every time he pushed deeper.
She squeezed her legs into his sides and moaned onto his lips. The feel of him inside her was almost too intense, the pleasure building inside her more and more. Her fingers squeezed into his shoulders, and she whimpered as the feeling built to just this side of painful and she knew she was going to explode.
A sudden thought hit her.
Robots couldn’t orgasm.
But there was no stopping it.
Lorccan’s eyes grew lazy as his thrusts kept pushing deeper and deeper.
They gasped as she clenched around him and a wave of incredible pleasure rolled through her, up from her center, rippling through her entire body.
Lorccan drove deeply inside her. With his lips at her neck, he moaned out his release.
Alainn’s fingers stroked over his back and neck, holding him as their breathing slowed. Eventually, Lorccan rolled over to his side and pulled her so that her back tucked up against him. “I got you all sweaty,” he whispered as his hands meandered over her hip.
“I don’t mind,” she said, closing her eyes. Another sudden fear hit her, along with a wash of shame. “Did I just take advantage of you when you were vulnerable?”<
br />
She pressed her face into his pillow.
He laughed and kissed her shoulder. “You’re absolutely insane, Jade.”
She peered up, craning her neck but still not able to see him behind her. “No, I’m serious. I’m the one who’s been pushing this, and I came into your room while you were naked and upset, and I—”
“Made this night the best one of my life,” he whispered into her ear. The fingers of one of his hands threaded through hers while his other hand pressed into her stomach.
She laid her head back down.
That was really sweet.
She turned into his arm, feeling a lot better . . . until another horrible thought racked her mind. At some point, very soon, she was going to have to tell him the truth.
At a certain point, deception would become unforgivable, and they’d passed that point tonight—if not earlier. Every day, they headed farther and farther from that point.
But there was no way she would tell him tonight.
Instead, she curled up next to Lorccan and let her fears drift away.
25
February 17, 2027
Lorccan made a low groaning sound as he plunged inside of Alainn one more time. Her head fell back into his hand as she moaned out her release.
Alainn let her head rest on his hand, laughing as his arms supported her body from falling back onto the table. He pulled her closer, kissing her neck with deep, satisfied kisses. She never wanted to move. Alainn wanted to keep him inside her forever, legs and arms always wrapped around him.
“Jade,” he whispered onto her skin, “Jade.”
Ten days earlier, a switch had flipped in her that she never even knew existed. Since she’d been a teenager, sex had been a solitary thing. The idea of sharing her body with anyone else ever again had been completely unappealing. Alainn had thought she never would. But she woke wanting Lorccan. She wanted him while they worked together, while they dined, and in the dark hours of the night. She was desperately addicted to having him deep inside her.
For all his obsessions with sanitation, Lorccan seemed more than happy to oblige her wherever and whenever. He was as hungry for her as she was for him, initiating sex as much or more often than she did. Tonight, it had been her, at dinner. She’d rounded the end of the table and climbed into his lap, but ended up on the table instead.
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