by Amy Ruttan
Please. Please.
The bypass machine was shut off and the clips removed to allow the patient’s blood to flow back through the heart.
Ella held her breath and both she and Dr. Bentley watched as the heart began to work, pumping the blood through.
And then, like something out of her worst nightmares, the aorta dissected from just above the graft, not on the arch, and the patient’s blood began to rush out of the tear.
Dr. Bentley swore. “His tissue’s friable. Put him back on bypass now.”
The monitors began to alarm and the patient began to crash.
Ella felt like crying, but she knew this was a long shot given the state this patient’s body was in. She injected more cardioplegic solution into the patient’s heart. She jumped down off her stool as Dr. Bentley came over to her side. He needed to be where she was standing so that he could repair the damage. He’d dealt with this before. She hadn’t.
Her stool was moved to the opposite side so that she could assist him in any way she could. As she moved to the opposite side of the table she noticed that Zac was no longer in the operating room.
And she couldn’t help but wonder where he’d gone. She wanted to be with him. She needed him now and he’d left, but she had to focus.
Right now she had to try and help save a life.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ZAC WALKED AIMLESSLY through the hospital corridors. When he looked out of a window, it was lighter and he could see that the storm was dissipating, but not quite yet. It would take days to dig out the snow and he needed to get out of the hospital.
Only he was trapped.
I shouldn’t have gone into that operating room.
He ran his hand through his hair and tried to calm the anxiety that was rising in him. He’d known what could happen during an aortic dissection. He’d seen them and he’d had grafts fail in the field.
It was just seeing Ella working so well with Dr. Bentley. She was at ease with him and he knew that David liked Ella. The thought of Ella with another man enraged him. He’d noticed the surgeon’s interest before when he’d come in during Mr. Chow’s triage before surgery. From the way David watched Ella and spoke to her, it was obvious to everyone that Dr. Bentley was attracted to Ella.
Except Ella. She appeared oblivious to it.
Still, he didn’t want to think about another man’s lips on hers. It made him feel sick and angry.
When Zac had been in the operating room, with David working on Mr. Chow earlier in the evening, before David’s cardiothoracic fellow had come in, David had asked Zac if Ella was seeing someone. Or if Ella would be interested in him.
Zac had tried to change the subject and focus on Mr. Chow’s surgery. He hadn’t been interested in chatting with David about how David had the hots for Ella. His Ella.
She’s not your Ella, though.
She could be, but he’d messed up so many times with her. She needed someone more stable than him.
Yet the thought of Dr. Bentley, who was an attractive, successful, intelligent, young cardiothoracic surgeon, taking Ella in his arms and kissing her made him feel so angry, made him feel possessive of her.
Why? You don’t want her. She deserves to be happy.
Only he did, but how could he have her?
Zac cursed under his breath and continued to wander until he found himself in the pediatric department, which was jam-packed not only with Manhattan Mercy pediatric patients but the evacuated patients.
The NICU was overflowing into several empty rooms and as he made his way down the hall, there was one last room with an incubator in it and a little boy with a bandaged head in the bed. The mother was curled up in a chair under a blanket.
She startled and looked at him.
“You’re the doctor who saved Josh’s life.”
“Yes. I’m Dr. Davenport, but please call me Zac.”
“Dr. Davenport... I mean Zac. I can’t thank you enough,” she said, and then she smiled. It was a genuine, grateful one and she pushed back the blanket to get up.
“No, don’t get up,” Zac said quietly, coming into the room. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come sooner.”
Her gaze fell on his arm bound tightly in the sling. “You were injured as well?”
“Just a minor shoulder dislocation. I’ve had worse injuries.” He was trying to brush it off, but she wasn’t buying it.
“An arm is important to a surgeon.”
“I’ll be fine. I didn’t need surgery to put it back into place. Surgery would’ve been worse.” He glanced down at Josh and now he really looked at him he didn’t see Rojas’s face as clearly now. “Your son is very lucky.”
“Because of you,” Josh’s mother said vehemently. “I was so tired with visiting the NICU to help with my premature baby and with the storm. I just turned my back for one moment and then he was gone.”
“Rojas is gone!” Consuela shouted in a panicked tone.
“Calm down. Tell me where you last saw him,” Zac shouted above the din of gunfire.
“The river, near the mission. He was heading down there.”
“Okay, I will find him, Consuela!”
“Promise me, Dr. Davenport. Promise me you’ll find him. He’s my only child.”
“I promise.”
He ran off toward the mission. He took a weapon and a pack filled with first-aid materials. He prayed that he wouldn’t have to use them. The day was blisteringly hot on top of the gunfire that was breaking out in the village. The once peaceful paradise was no more.
Zac tried to drown out the screams. The pain as he ran. He didn’t even dare call out Rojas’s name for fear that the rebels would find him and kill him.
As he approached the mission he heard the high-pitched wail of a missile. He could see Rojas standing outside the church, alone and afraid.
“Rojas!” Zac called out. He was twenty feet from him.
Rojas turned, tears streaking down his face. “Zac!”
Then the screech of a projectile screamed over their heads, striking the old mission.
“Get out of the way, Rojas!” Zac started running toward the boy, but the wall of the old mission crumbled and Rojas disappeared in a cloud of dust.
When the dust settled, there was just rubble and one little arm sticking out from under it. He tried not to scream at the horror of it. Instead, he ran to the mess and began using his bare hands to dig Rojas out.
Rojas was broken. Even from just a quick assessment of him he knew that the blunt force trauma to the child had caused an aortic dissection. Full thickness.
“I’m scared, Zac.” Rojas closed his eyes as Zac held him.
“It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too.”
“Stay with me, Zac. Stay with me.”
Zac’s heart was shattering in two. “I’m here, buddy. I’m here.”
Rojas died in his arms. There was nothing he could do for him. They didn’t have a bypass machine at the old mission. There were no paramedics and the navy medical staff was informed they would have to leave Iphita as the SEALs would come in soon and try to help quash the violent rebellion.
Zac gingerly picked up Rojas’s body. He couldn’t leave him here, at the edge of the jungle by a crumbling old mission on Christmas Eve.
It was Christmas Eve. He’d forgotten that it was, but it didn’t matter.
He had to return Rojas’s body to Consuela.
As he walked back to the village, Consuela began to scream.
“My son! My God! My son.”
Zac tried to keep it together as he carried the shattered remains of a little boy who had meant so much to everyone at the mobile medical unit. He felt like a failure for not reaching Rojas in time. It was his fault that Rojas had died.
Before he could say anything to a grieving Consuela, gunfire broke out and searing pain hit him in the back, burning through him.
He cried out and fell to his knees. Hit again.
The world went black.
“It can happen so easily,” Zac said quietly, shaking the memory away.
“I know. I’m never taking my eyes off him again.” Josh’s mother said. “I’m so very lucky.”
“You are. I’m glad you’re all doing well.”
“Thanks to you, Dr. Davenport.” She reached out her hand and took Zac’s good one, squeezing it.
“Jean!” A man shouted down the hall.
“Mick!” This time Josh’s mother jumped up and threw herself into the arms of a very exhausted-looking firefighter.
“Oh, my God, I just got word what happened during the evacuation. Is Josh okay?”
“Yes. Thanks to Dr. Davenport.”
Mick Viera looked at Zac. “Thanks, Dr. Davenport.”
“It was no problem,” Zac said.
Mick rushed to Josh’s bedside and touched his forehead. Josh woke and smiled.
“Daddy,” Josh said hoarsely.
“Yeah, buddy. I’m here.” Mick kissed his son’s hand as Josh drifted back to sleep. “What happened? I mean, I know what happened but... Dr. Davenport, can you fill in the blanks?”
“I found him in a bus shelter. He was bleeding from his head, but it was superficial. I’m glad I got to him before the storm surge that was coming.”
Zac didn’t say anything about the live wire. They didn’t need to know that.
The family was reunited.
Josh really was okay.
“Thank you, Dr. Davenport. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my family,” Mick said, his voice breaking.
“It was no problem.” Zac left the room, letting Mick reunite with his young family. It truly was a Christmas miracle. It was magical and for the first time in a long time Zac was glad it was Christmas and that there was a happy ending for someone.
And as he walked down the hall tears stung his eyes. He wiped them away quickly. He didn’t want anyone to see them.
They were his tears.
Rojas was gone. There was nothing he could’ve done. The aorta had dissected because a wall had fallen on Rojas and crushed him. There was nothing Zac could’ve done. He’d got there as fast as he could.
He couldn’t have stopped that wall from falling on Rojas.
You’re not to blame. It’s not your fault.
And for the first time in a year Zac didn’t blame himself. What Ella had said was right. He’d done everything he could for Rojas, but he hadn’t caused that wall to fall. The sense of guilt lifted. He needed to talk to Ella. He didn’t know what it meant, but he had to talk about it with her. He needed her. Needed to tell her she was right.
After cleaning himself up, he headed down to the operating-room floor.
Ella was sitting on the floor, her head buried in her knees, and his heart sank. He knew then they hadn’t saved the patient.
Before he could say her name, to call out to her and offer her comfort, Dr. Bentley came out of the scrub room. He knelt down next to Ella and rubbed her back. They were talking intimately to each other.
They looked so good together.
Ella smiled up at Dr. Bentley and he stood, holding out his hand. She took it and he helped her to her feet. Once she was on her feet they walked in the opposite direction and Dr. Bentley slipped his arm around Ella, like David was claiming her, and she didn’t push him away.
It was like a sucker punch it stung so badly.
What did you expect? You hurt her so badly. She doesn’t want you. She’ll never want you.
Zac had seen enough.
Disgusted, he walked away.
* * *
Ella was beyond exhausted at this moment.
She’d tried so hard to save that patient. Her very first patient of her double shift. The first patient of the storm to come through the emergency department at Manhattan Mercy. If he’d been healthy and not into drugs. If the drugs hadn’t destroyed his body so badly, he might’ve got away with just a spleen injury.
And he would’ve lived.
Of course, he would’ve had to wake up and learn that his partner had died because she hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt, but she had been an addict too. Perhaps if she hadn’t been an addict she would’ve done up her seatbelt and would’ve only had minor injuries.
What a different story that would’ve been. If only.
Ella found the police officers sitting in the cafeteria, nursing another cup of coffee. When they saw her they stood and followed her into a small meeting room.
“He didn’t make it, did he?” the lieutenant asked.
“No,” she sighed. “No, I repaired the tear, but once we took him off bypass and started his heart again it tore in another spot on his aorta. Instead of a small, manageable one it became a full-thickness tear and he bled to death. His tissue had broken down from the drug use.”
The lieutenant shook his head sadly. “It’s a shame, but not surprising. Meth is a terrible drug.”
“I’m sorry you had to spend your Christmas Eve and now the early morning of your Christmas Day waiting.”
“It’s okay, Dr. Lockwood, we’re used to this. We’ll try to contact the next of kin to get a proper identification.”
Ella nodded. “And the storm hopefully will let up soon.”
“Let’s hope so. Merry Christmas, Dr. Lockwood, and thanks for your help.” The lieutenant and his partner returned to the cafeteria.
Ella didn’t move from where she was sitting in the small meeting room. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She was beyond exhausted and not even the strongest energy drink could get her to open her eyes.
“Ella, can I have a word with you?”
Ella opened her eyes to see Zac standing in the door. He had a funny expression on his face and he wasn’t looking her in the eye.
“Yeah, sure. Are you okay?”
“Fine,” he said stiffly as he came into the room and shut the door. “I’m sorry I left the operating room.”
“It’s okay. Not much you can do with a dislocated shoulder.”
Zac nodded. “Right.”
“I wasn’t there, though,” she said gently.
“Weren’t where?” he asked gruffly.
“In Iphita. I wasn’t there.”
“I know. What does that have to do with anything? I left the room because I couldn’t operate. I didn’t want to get in the way.”
“You weren’t in the way.”
“You lost your patient, didn’t you?” he asked, changing the subject from why he’d left the operating room.
“Yes. There was too much damage to his body.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Where did you end up going?” she asked.
“To the pediatric ward. I had to see Josh for myself and... I wasn’t responsible for Rojas’s death last year.”
Ella nodded. “That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.”
“I have a long way to go.” He didn’t look at her. “I think I need to leave Manhattan for a while and get some perspective.”
She wasn’t shocked. He’d run away before by joining the navy. Somehow, deep down she’d known he would want to leave again, even though she’d been hoping he wouldn’t. “You’re going to leave Manhattan? I think you need the support of your family.”
“Ella, they’re all busy with their own lives. They all have families.”
“You could too, you know.” Her cheeks heated with a blush as she realized the words that were tumbling out of her mouth.
“With who? You?”
It was just l
ike it was all those years ago. Another slap to the face. “What is wrong with you?”
“Ella, I see the way you are with Dr. Bentley and I get it. He’s handsome, charming and a brilliant surgeon and he likes you a lot. You deserve someone like him. He’s everything I’m not, a family man. I’m not a family man.”
She was confused now. “What’re you talking about?”
“I was there when you were comforted by him. When he put his arm around you. You two looked good.”
“Why are you acting jealous?” she asked.
“I’m not jealous.”
“Zac, we’re just friends. David and I are just friends.”
“Ella, you deserve to be happy. He can give you everything you want.”
“Everything I want?” She pinched the bridge of her nose and then let out a calming breath.
“A family. You want a family, Ella. I don’t.”
“You can’t leave, Zac.”
“Why not?”
She couldn’t believe she was going to say this, but she was tired of running from Zac. He couldn’t leave Manhattan. He needed to be around people who cared about him. People who loved him.
Like her.
And she felt like that young woman from all those years ago. When she had carefully picked out an outfit that hadn’t been something her mother had bought her. She’d done her makeup and her hair. For the first time in her life she’d felt confident and had wanted to tell Zac how she felt.
Only she’d never got the chance to do that because he’d broken her heart.
The problem was, she never had got over him.
Even though she’d been telling herself for years that she had, she really hadn’t.
She was still in love with him.
And even though it might kick her in the butt again, even though it might hurt her, she was tired of the walls she built around her heart. She wanted to let Zac in. She had to let him in.
“Zac, I know that I deserve to be happy but I’m not interested in Dr. Bentley.”
He frowned, but didn’t say anything.
“I’m in love with you, Zac. I always have been. I tried to deny it, but the moment you walked back into Manhattan Mercy I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. You drive me crazy a lot of the time, but when we were together again...it felt right. You can’t leave Manhattan. You need to stay here with your family. With people who love you. I can help you, Zac. Just give me a chance.”
