by Claire Adams
“Yeah.” The sobs crashed through me. “I can.”
“Good. You sure you don’t want that shot?”
“I’m fine. Is it okay if I step outside for a bit?”
She nodded and gave me a smile before I walked outside. She knew what she was talking about. Every single word she said hit home. I had a complex about my father, always had. He was never home. I used to wait up and talk to my mom at night while she stayed in the kitchen smoking, and we both waited for my father to come home.
We hated that he wasn’t there. My mom would cry about how hard life was, and how difficult it was that he couldn’t be there with us. It hurt, and I spent a lot of time thinking about that. There was obviously something inside Jake that reminded me of my father, so I attached myself to him. It was just like Brenda said.
I had to stick to my priorities. I wasn’t taking care of my father like I should’ve, and my mother was still losing her mind.
“Shit.” I slammed my foot against the window and pulled out my phone. I had to pay my financial aid bill. They found my cell phone number, and I was behind on my payments. If I didn’t start sending something soon, they were going to call over and over, and that was the last thing I needed.
I dialed the number and leaned against the front wall. The automated voice came on the line with a long list of menu options. Once I’d finally found the one, the voice came on again. “Your current balance is zero dollars and zero cents. To pay your bill, press one. To repeat your balance, press eight.”
I pressed eight. This was an accident. I owed more than a house to these people, and they were saying that my balance was zero. Bills didn’t pay themselves.
The voice came on the line again. “Your current balance is zero dollars and zero cents.”
My breath caught in my throat, and a sob rolled through me like a steamroller pressing pavement. I couldn’t believe that he did that. He actually paid my loans. I had to talk to him. I couldn’t just let him do this and walk away from him without saying something.
I dialed his number, but before I could hit the call button, my mother started calling. “Hello?”
“Mercedes?” She was frantic.
“Mom, what’s going on? Is Dad okay?”
“Listen, I don’t know what happened. I-I’m sorry.” She was sobbing.
“Mom, is he okay?”
I heard her sob again, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying.
“Mom?” I was shaking. “Mom?”
“I’m here.”
“Where is he? Is he alive?”
“Yes, he’s alive,” she sniffed.
“What hospital is he in?”
“He’s home.”
“Then get him to the hospital. What are you calling me for? Now.”
“It’s not your father. I mean, it is, but it’s not what you think.”
“What is it? You’re driving me crazy.”
“Some angel, I have no idea who. They won’t tell me.”
“What are you talking about? What angel?”
“Someone paid for his treatments.”
My heart jumped. “Did they?”
“Yeah.” She laughed and cried at the same time. “They did.”
I went silent. The sobbing laughter was too overwhelming. Then she started crying again. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know, Mom, but whoever it is, he’s a saint.”
“Yeah,” she said. “He is.”
All I could think was how I didn’t deserve this. I broke it off before he could hurt me, and now he was the one that got his heart broken. That wasn’t fair. He just spent nearly a million dollars on me.
When I got off the phone, Brenda stuck her head out the door to check on me. “How are you?” she asked.
“Okay,” I sniffed. “I don’t want you to have to worry, Brenda. I know I’ve been trouble.”
“What happened?” She stepped out.
“I just called him and broke it off with him.”
“Good. You did the right thing. Come on, get yourself cleaned up.” She held the door open for me to come inside and sighed when she walked back into her office. It was starting to become clear that I couldn’t keep this up at the office. She was probably ready to fire me.
Chapter 33
Jake
The days went by like a prison sentence. I felt a sense of hope and even a little excitement after I spoke with Andrew. When he left, I showered and put on my best clothes, then walked back down to the garage.
When I got in the car, I tensed up. If Mercedes wanted to see me, she would’ve called me instead of blocking my number. It had been more than a week, and she still hadn’t called. That meant that things hadn’t changed, and they wouldn’t unless I did something.
Mercedes was too proud to just give up when she got like this. Something as ballsy as showing up at her house would just drive her away. I had to ease my way in and make sure that I didn’t go too far. I knew that I could come off strong and that my feelings were far too intense. I couldn’t let her see that.
The problem with that was that I didn’t have any idea what was going through her head. I begged her to explain herself, but she wouldn’t. She was a stubborn woman, and that stubbornness could easily blind her.
She probably had everything twisted in her head. I was a pig that fell in love with whores, or a pervert that couldn’t control his impulses. Whatever it was, it was enough to push her away from what we both knew to be one of the most powerful relationships either of us would ever experience.
It had been beautiful, something that I had never thought possible. I’d been living alone for a good portion of my life. I never had a chance at love; at least, I didn’t think so. Then she came around.
Andrew was absolutely right. I couldn’t give up on her, and if I did, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. There was nothing I wanted more in this world than to have a family and a beautiful woman beside me. If I didn’t find a way to bring her back, I’d never have that, and I didn’t think I could stand being alone any longer.
I couldn’t hide away in my bedroom forever, either. The people at the company had been calling nonstop, literally one call after the other. They tag-teamed me. One person would call. Another one would send a text, while 16 of them spammed my email. I had to reject all calls from work, or else my phone would’ve been rendered completely useless.
That would’ve mattered had it not been for the board. They had the power to push me out of the company, and I couldn’t forget that. I had to maintain some level of dignity and prowess when I was around them. If I didn’t, they’d hop on my weakness.
Every day I was away was another day that Samantha went around trying to turn people against me. Even the more established members, people I’d known for years, would start to lose patience after a while. There was no way the board would put up with my absence much longer. I had to be better than that.
Even if she left and I never saw her again, I still needed to find a way to survive. How could I do that if I couldn’t even leave the house? How could one woman affect me like this? I was the guy that people wanted. Girls thought I was the one. Guys idolized me. I thought I was invulnerable, but Mercedes had crashed through my walls like a wrecking ball.
She blossomed when she was with me. When I first met her, she was a shy, innocent girl. She was so scared she could barely talk. Now she was a confident, beautiful woman, and her natural strength shined through.
This whole rift between us was just her doubt seeping out. She had such profound self-doubt, something I could never understand. It was like she simply couldn’t believe in herself. Nothing good could happen to her, and if it did, it was too good to be true. Something had caused her to start questioning the most beautiful thing I’d ever experienced. I still didn’t know what it was, but I knew that she was wrong. It was just like the way she couldn’t accept how beautiful she was. Something kept her from seeing the truth.
I spent the next few days mulling
over the problem. I couldn’t just walk out. I had to find something to say, but figuring out what was a serious issue.
I needed to know what to say to melt her icy core. At this point, she was frozen solid, and there was no getting past her stubbornness. But I didn’t know what she needed to hear. I knew my faults, and I knew some of the things that bothered her, but this was different.
She’d developed a complex based on things that she wouldn’t talk to me about. If I said the wrong thing, it could reinforce whatever twisted crap she’d come up with, but I had to find a way to address the issue. If I didn’t prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that her concerns were unfounded, she wouldn’t even consider taking me back.
The power of our connection wouldn’t do it. I knew it wouldn’t, and that hurt me more than anything. It kept me down all week. The feelings I had should’ve been enough. It was the only thing I cared about, but to her, it would represent puppy love gone wrong.
I’d be the desperate loser that couldn’t handle his own feelings. My obsession would be seen as a sign of my lunacy, and she’d write me off. It hurt more than anything because what I felt was more real, more powerful than any explanation I could give, and she didn’t respect that, which meant that she didn’t respect me.
I tried not to think about it, but I wondered. Did she feel the same way that I felt about her? She must’ve. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have let me in, even after the way things started. She wasn’t the kind of person to take her love life lightly.
What would drive her away like that? How could she do this to me? Didn’t she know what we had? What could possibly make her ignore that? Becky?
She wasn’t dumb enough to let that silicone queen get to her. It was something that had been building up, growing so big that it overshadowed the way we both felt. That was going to be very difficult for me to fight.
I couldn’t think of anything. I went over and over different scripts. I thought about doing everything from professing my love, to promising her the world, but it wasn’t enough. It was the same when I tried to come up with a way to address our issues. Something very specific bothered her, and I had to find out exactly what that was if I wanted to give her the certainty she’d need to come back to me.
There was no certainty, not for me. Maybe for her, but there was no way of knowing. The only thing I knew was that I couldn’t stay away from her any longer. The longer I waited, the further we’d grow apart. Maybe soon, she’d get used to the idea of being without me.
I had to act right away. When I got off work, I took a shower and got dressed up. I found a nice shirt, a good pair of pants, and spent nearly an hour trying to perfect my hair. No matter how things ended up, this was a special moment in my life. Might as well make myself presentable.
I still had a script in mind. I’d been going over it in my head all day and was pretty satisfied with it. I looked myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. “Mercedes, this past week has been torture, and I can’t imagine spending another minute without you.” This was the hard part. “I don’t know what’s wrong. You won’t tell me, and that’s not fair.”
My voice caught, and I held my head low. “You don’t have to be with me, or run into my arms, but please, just give me a chance to defend myself.”
It wasn’t perfect, but it was the only thing I could think of. I wouldn’t be throwing myself at her. I would ask for a chance to defend myself. I knew it would bother her, but it might be enough to get her to open up. If I could get her to do that, then I could finally get a word in. That might be enough.
I took another deep breath, then started walking downstairs. I’d been through a lot in my life. Starvation, homelessness, and years of hard labor. But none of those things bothered me, not like this. I was terrified. More than likely this wouldn’t work. She was too stubborn. Even if I did find a way to get her to open up to me, she probably wouldn’t listen to what I had to say.
Halfway down the stairs, the doorbell rang, and I froze. The guards normally notified me the second somebody pulled up to the gate. It was probably Andrew again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get the guards to keep him out. They just pretended like they didn’t know anything.
I didn’t want to see him. I had somewhere to be. Somewhere much more important. I opened the door with the intention of getting rid of him. Then I froze. Mercedes stood in front of me with a tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes. If she was here, she must feel the same way I did. I could do this—if I could think of something to say.
“Hi.” That didn’t give the moment justice. I wanted to run up and grab her and pull her closer, but she wasn’t even looking at me.
“Hi,” she said.
“Mercedes…”
She stepped forward and gave me a light, half-hearted hug, but it was something. “I missed you,” she said.
“You did?”
She nodded. “This whole time.”
“And you didn’t call? I tried, but you blocked my number.”
“I’m sorry. I saw what you did, with the bills.”
“I’d do it a thousand times over. You must know that.”
“I can’t accept it.”
I wanted to run up, grab her, and shake her by the shoulders. “Why not?”
“It’s too much. I don’t want to be in debt to you.”
“You can take it and walk away, and I won’t regret it. Not for one second. Even if I wanted to take it back, and I never will, I couldn’t. It’s already done.”
“I can’t—”
I grabbed her and crashed our lips together. My instincts had taken hold. They broke loose, raging through me. I wrapped my arms around her, sending her fluttering. I had no control, not one shred of willpower left. I’d been robbed of that. Now, all I had left was pure, animal desire.
Chapter 34
Mercedes
When I got off work, I headed straight home. My mother was at the kitchen table, surrounded by a cloud of smoke. “Mercedes.” She got up out of her seat. “We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t,” I said and walked through the kitchen toward my bedroom door.
“What is going on with you?”
“Mom, I don’t have time for this right now.”
“When are you going to have time? You’ve been avoiding us all week. What happened?”
“I can’t do this.” I walked into my room and locked the door behind me.
They had no business getting involved in this situation. They thought they knew how I was, and what was wrong with me. Once I told them what happened, they’d tell me exactly what I needed to do. If I didn’t do it, they’d come down on me. Neither of them would shut up about it. Years later, I’d still be hearing about the bad decision I made.
My mom had the decency to leave me alone while I was in my room, but she was waiting for me when I walked out. “Mercedes, tell me what is happening.” She butted her cigarette and stood up to look at me with her hands on her hips. “And if you think I’m letting you wallow in there without saying a word about it, you’re wrong.”
“Listen to your mother,” my father called out from his bedroom.
“I don’t owe you guys an explanation.”
“What did he do?” Dad asked.
I turned around and shut his door. When I did, my mother was standing right behind me. “Just tell me if he hurt you.”
“No, Mom, he didn’t.”
“Then what the heck happened?”
I sidestepped her. “I don’t need this. I won’t take it. You leave me alone, both of you.” I ran back to my car outside.
I had everything planned out. I was going to go to Jake’s house and do exactly what I had to do. Then I saw Jake. Dark circles had formed under his eyes, and he’d cut his face where he’d obviously been shaving an overgrown beard.
His eyes were a dull dagger, tired and weary, but they pierced through my shell the second I saw him. I couldn’t look at him. If I did, I’d have to see what I’d done to him. There’d
be heartbreak, turmoil, and self-loathing, all inflicted by a cold-hearted bitch that led on the wrong man, all because she couldn’t control herself.
He wasn’t going to hide his pain. That was a part of what he was doing. He wanted me to know that he cared, and how much it hurt for me to abandon him—as if I didn’t already know. As if it hadn’t been breaking my heart.
He just stared at me while I kept my head down. “Hi,” he said.
“Hi.” I shouldn’t have come. I felt myself wavering. I couldn’t do this. I felt so terrible for leaving him, and now I had to see the consequences.
“Mercedes…”
I rushed up and hugged him. It should’ve been a kiss, and not a soft, gentle one either. A powerful, passionate kiss. The kind that makes you feel like you’re flying. But I couldn’t do that. I had to stay strong and remember what he was.
I stepped back and took a quick look up at him. He wasn’t the same, not after what I did. Desire ripped through me. “I missed you.”
“You did?” he asked.
I nodded. “This whole time.”
“And you didn’t call? I tried, but you blocked my number.”
It was one blow after the other. I couldn’t hold up to this. “I’m sorry. I saw what you did, with the bills.”
“I’d do it a thousand times over. You must know that.”
Goosebumps rose up on my arms. “I can’t accept it.”
He stepped back and shook his head. I hurt him as much as he hurt me. This was pointless.
“Why not?”
“It’s too much. I don’t want to be in debt to you.”
“You can take it and walk away, and I won’t regret it. Not for one second. Even if I wanted to take it back, and I never will, I couldn’t. It’s already done.”
“I can’t—”
His kiss broke down every single barrier, every bit of confusion and heartache. His tongue belonged in my mouth. I needed to have his arms wrapped around me, and his chest pressed against mine. It was relief, passion, and an unquenchable desire.
