“Let’s all sit down, okay?” I sat in the ancient brown leather recliner and they took the matching couch. “So, how did this all start? When did you first begin to worry?”
“Not really until Gia called yesterday,” Mom said. “He hadn’t been coming around as much, and mentioned this church of his a handful of times, but nothing he said really concerned us. He’s actually been in better spirits than he’d been in years.”
“Years?” I asked.
“Things haven’t been great around here, which you’d know if you were around,” she said with an air of superiority. I suppressed an eye roll. “The only work is part-time, so he’s been holding down two, three jobs at once or none at all. Then the baby died and he just…lost his sparkle. He didn’t smile for months. He even lost one of his jobs for not showing up.”
“Mind you, we didn’t learn about this until yesterday,” Khairo added.
“I knew something was wrong with him before, but the past few months he’d gotten better,” Mom said. “He was his old sweet Billy self again. Then Gia called and…” Mom shook her head as tears brimmed in her eyes. “We have no idea where he is. What if they’ve done something to him?”
“I very much doubt anyone has harmed him, but have you spoken to Sheriff Hancock or—”
“Of course I have! That…bastard said Billy left a note. There was nothing he was willing to do. Of course he wouldn’t lift a finger to help me. He’s had it out for me ever since I—”
“Cheated on him?” I cut in.
“That was not…it doesn’t matter,” she said, literally waving that truth away. “It’s ancient history, but he must still hold a grudge. Why do you think I called you? You can talk to him. You can get your FBI friends to put pressure on him. Have you called that Luke? Are they looking into this…cult?”
“Mom, I’m not…If I feel the need, I will pull some strings at the FBI, but for right now—”
“ ‘Feel the need’? Are you insane? The need is now! They—they could be Satanists for all we know! They could be making him sacrifice goats or babies or something or are cutting him for his blood right now! They have his money; what more do they want from him?”
“Mom, first of all, Satanists don’t usually sacrifice people or babies. It’s a religion like any other. And even still, these people don’t strike me as the violent type. They—”
“How would you know?” Mom asked.
Shit. “I…went to this so-called temple of theirs in Dunlop today. They—”
“You did what?” Mom practically screamed.
I knew she’d flip out. Me and my stupid mouth. “It’s fine. It was like a hippie commune. There were children there. Happy children.”
“I don’t care if the president was there! I’ve already lost one child to their madness; I cannot lose another. You are not going back there, are you?” I didn’t say a word. “Iris!”
“Mom, I put my life on hold to come here and look into this for you. You have to let me do it my way. I do know what I’m doing.”
“Like you did with The Rosetta Ripper? Like you did with Jeremy Shepherd?”
“Those were psychopaths, Mom. At most, at most, this is just a con job and the worst that could happen to Billy already has. The fact is, he is an adult. He is allowed to drop out of his life if he so chooses. And if this group makes him feel better about himself, then who the hell are we to tell him he’s wrong?”
“I knew it. I knew it! You don’t really care about us.”
I did a literal double take. “Excuse me?”
“Barely a phone call or an email in two years while you…dropped out. Every time I tried to help you, you just pushed me away without a single consideration as to how much it would hurt me. And it did, Iris. It hurt me more than words can say,” she said, her voice breaking.
“And I’m sorry, Mom. I am sincerely, honestly sorry. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I was lost and selfish and self-destructive, and I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. It would have broken your heart even more. But I do care about you, I do. I love you. And I’m here now. And I will not leave until I am positive Billy is safe. I promise.”
“Not if it puts you in danger too,” Mom said.
“Our options are limited, Mom. The police can’t help. Legally they have no cause to.”
“But your FBI friends. They—”
“Friend, Mom. Singular. And he’s under intense scrutiny right now. I can’t ask him to help, and as it stands I wouldn’t even begin to know where he should start. I have to do more digging, and to do that I have to go to them.”
“No! No,” she said, shaking her head.
“Faye, you called her up here to do a damn job; you can’t get pissed when she does it,” Grandpa said from the kitchenette.
“Then it was a mistake to call her,” Mom said, leaping off the couch. “You should just go home. Back to your life. We’ll figure something else out.”
Without even looking at me, she stalked to the front door, Khairo a few steps behind. At least he had the decency to turn back around. “I’ll talk to her. She does appreciate you coming here. She just…she was terrified when she found out you were tracking the Woodsman, then when you were attacked…” Khairo shook his head. “It really did hurt her when you pulled away so much after Hayden. Then with what happened last month and now Billy…” He shrugged.
I smiled sympathetically at my stepfather. “I know. I’m good. I’m fine.”
“Just be careful, okay? If not for your sake, then for hers.” He smiled back before walking out the door. They were gone. Thank God.
I sighed. “That could have gone better…and worse.”
“I adore her, but you know your mother can be a bit of a drama queen,” Grandpa said as he left the kitchenette. “But Khairo’s right. I’m not going to lie; it stung when you just checked out. All we wanted to do was help, and you didn’t even return our calls. There’s nothing worse than standing by as someone you love suffers and there’s nothing they’ll let you do to help them.”
“That’s one of the reasons I stayed away,” I said.
“Right. That was for us,” Grandpa said, staring me down.
Serial killers, terrorists, IRS investigators—their eyes I could always meet, triumph over, but not my grandfather’s. Never his. I looked away the moment he threw down the challenge. “I’m an asshole. I got it.”
“But you’re our asshole, dear,” Grandma said.
My grandparents shared a loving gaze only those who have been married half a century can. Like that of a true team. Grandpa returned his attention to me once more. “Are you really going back to that temple?”
“If you know a better way to find this farm and Billy, believe me, I am all fucking ears.”
“Just be careful, okay? We’re just getting you back.” He kissed the top of my head. “And we might have lost your brother, so—”
“You’re being as overdramatic as Mom. Billy is not lost. Not yet. And even if he were…I am living proof people don’t stay lost forever.”
“Not everyone is you, Iris,” Grandpa said.
I rose from the couch and half-smiled. “And thank God for that, no?” I squeezed his arm and smiled at Grandma before retreating into my bedroom.
After flopping on my bed, I sighed. I had no idea their anger and hurt ran so deep. I’d told myself for those two lost years that I was in quarantine to save them from further pain. That my misery wouldn’t infect them if I kept my distance. The truth was I barely gave them a thought for two years. I just wanted to be alone with my grief and rage. To wallow in it. It was comforting. It kept me from having to move on. Maybe Billy just needed some alone time too. Maybe those people were better for him than we were at that stage in his life. But if Luke hadn’t shown up on my doorstep to give me purpose and kick my ass, I’d have still been in that hole. It was time to pay it forward. I had a lot to make up for.
Danger be damned.
—
Well, I was sure in
the mood for a party.
With pepper spray in my handbag—Grandma wouldn’t let me leave the house without it—and my guard so up I could work for the Queen of England, I parked on the street across from The Temple. There were over a dozen cars, older models, parked up and down the street. As before, people on the porch with red Solo cups chatted. Everyone looked so content, enjoying their conversations, enjoying each other. I took a moment to get into character. At least I didn’t have to hide my nervousness. I made sure my makeup and hair were perfect, as “Carol” would make sure to have them, before getting out of the car.
I kept my head down like a church mouse as I walked up the path. The two people—one a pretty twenty-something African American and the other a white forty-something man—on the porch smiled up at me.
“Um, hi. Me-Megan invited me t-to come over tonight?” I said with a slight stutter.
“Oh! Carol, right?” the man asked, stubbing out his cigarette. “Welcome. I’m John and this is Chantal. I was on the roof when you came by earlier. Megan’s been singing your praises since you left.”
“She’s gonna be so excited you actually came,” Chantal said. “I think she’s out back. They were roasting marshmallows around the fire pit.”
“Sounds great. Should I go in or…”
“Of course. Go on through,” John said.
I was surprised they trusted me enough to walk around alone. Of course I wasn’t really alone. Inside the house every room was filled with talking, smiling people of all ages and sizes, almost two dozen, yet almost all stopped to say hello or smile at me. I performed my shy routine—small smile, eyes down—as I strolled around the house. Most of it was ordinary, like the showroom at The Salvation Army, with shabby mismatched couches and chairs, save for all the new-age totems, crystals, and Buddha and Celtic paintings. I couldn’t find any pieces of mail or papers referencing the farm, just pamphlets for New Morningism and a ton of metaphysical and self-help books, including Dr. Jeremy Shepherd’s Live in the Now. My stomach seized when I saw that tome. It always did. I was about to venture upstairs when my luck finally ran out.
“Carol!” Megan said behind me. “There you are!”
I rolled my eyes but plastered on a smile before turning around. Megan came from the dining room toward me. “I-I was looking for the bathroom,” I said.
“It’s just over here. Let me show you.” She locked her arm with mine and led me down a small hallway past more Celtic symbols in frames to the left door. I sat on the toilet the appropriate amount of time before coming out again. Megan waited in the hallway outside. “I hope it wasn’t too gross in there. We have a cleaning schedule, but with over a dozen people living here and people from the farm and guests…ick, you know?” she chuckled.
“The farm? You guys have a farm? Where?”
“Out in the country.”
“Oh, my God! I love farms! Do you have horses and chickens? I love horses. I haven’t ridden in forever. I miss it so much.”
“Well, maybe one day you’ll be chosen to go there. Only the most enlightened of us are selected. I live there part-time. There’s no telephones, no Internet, no TV—no real distractions from living, from connecting, from talking to others and yourself. It’s…nirvana on Earth.”
“It sounds wonderful. I can’t wait to go.”
“I love your enthusiasm,” she chuckled. “And I am so glad you came tonight. Truly.” She took my arm again. “Do you want some fudge? I made sure to save you some. And we have marshmallows. No alcohol, though. I hope that’s okay.”
“No, it’s good. Very good.”
“You too, huh?” Megan asked, squeezing my arm.
“Me too?”
“Alcohol and coke. Started when I was fourteen,” Megan said. “Almost everyone here struggles with addiction of some kind. My guess, for you, it’s alcohol and pills, right?” Dead on. I nodded. “Are you clean now?”
“About six weeks.”
“Good for you,” she said, I’m sure meaning it. “And The Temple, the people here…you’ll never find a better support system. I am positive I’d be dead if I hadn’t found Mathias and the collective.” She was probably right about that. At least the majority of the time religion can actually save lives, not destroy them. The majority of the time.
The bulk of the party was taking place in the large backyard. I found over a dozen people sitting in lawn chairs and loungers, on blankets on the grass, or around the fire pit roasting marshmallows and laughing. Most were talking to others, but a small cluster of young girls sat by the twenty-something guy playing the guitar. I scanned the crowd. No Billy. Why can nothing ever be easy? I thought with an inner sigh.
“Come on. Let’s get you some lemonade and fudge,” Megan said, pulling me toward the buffet.
“Actually, I shouldn’t. My stomach’s been upset all night. I’ll just have a bottled water, if that’s okay.”
“Of course.” She handed me one.
“So, is everyone here a member?”
“No. Most are, but some are just like you. Their journey led them down the path here.”
“How?”
“They attend our seminars. Friends introduce them. Usual ways. But come on. Helen’s gonna be so happy you’re here. Everyone is.”
Once again my handler took my arm. She led me toward Helen, a middle-aged man, and a chubby girl with curly hair, all laughing. Helen’s face lit up when she saw me, but the man began scrutinizing me as if I were an itch he couldn’t scratch. Not good. “Look who is here! Told you she wouldn’t let us down,” Megan said.
“And I told you I didn’t think she would,” Helen said with a smile. “Hi, sweetie.”
“Hi,” I said, hanging my head mostly to avoid the man’s gaze.
“Dutch, Britt, this is Carol,” Megan said.
“I know you from somewhere, right?” Dutch asked.
“I thought the same thing,” Helen said. “Probably from in town, right?”
“I don’t think so,” Dutch said.
“I-I don’t know how else you would,” I chuckled nervously.
“Well, all that matters is the universe brought us to her now,” Megan said. “Loads more stops to make. I’m gonna introduce her around. Excuse us.”
We made the rounds to the next few clusters, and thankfully no one else seemed to recognize me. I did, however, sense someone’s eyes on me almost the whole time. I glanced several times over at Dutch, but he’d gone back to his conversation with Helen. On the third round of introductions, I finally caught the culprit. The hunk singing The Doors. He’d apparently lost interest in his fan club and kept staring at me with a sexy smirk. When I first saw that smirk, it caught me so off guard I felt myself blush. Thank God it was dark. But he was our next stop. The smirk never left his pouty lips even when I narrowed my eyes at him. I certainly saw his draw. He was gorgeous, with thick brown hair, large brown eyes, and an air of charisma some are just blessed with. “Hey Megs,” he said, or really purred, as we came closer. “Was wondering when you’d finally get around to introducing your beautiful new friend here.”
“Carol, this is Carly, Hannah, Lisa, and of course the flirt is Paul,” Megan said.
“Hi,” I said, purposely avoiding Paul’s gaze.
“I knew there was a reason the universe guided me here tonight,” Paul said.
“The universe is good,” Carly said.
“The universe is right,” Hannah said automatically after Carly.
“Always trust its will,” Lisa concluded.
A momentary chill rippled up my back as they said that. How I kept my smile on I don’t know, but I did. Perhaps I didn’t do that great an acting job, though, because Megan maneuvered me away from that group to the next without another word. But those big brown eyes remained on me.
After I’d met everyone, with only two more people commenting that they thought they recognized me, my tour guide finally led me to a free seat at the fire pit. “Everyone’s great, right?”
“T
hey all do seem…great.” It was true. Besides that one Manchurian Candidate blip, nothing set off my radar. I did wish I’d gotten a few last names, but there was never an opening. I had to create an avenue to my objective. “It’s just…nothing like my cousin Gia and Billy described.”
“Who?” Megan asked.
“Gia Cantone and Billy Ballard. I knew I’d heard of your organization before and it dawned on me on the ride home where. I think they mentioned you all once or twice. Do they still come here? I haven’t talked to them in a couple weeks.”
“Well, I never got to know Gia very well, but Billy is such a sweetheart. Always willing to pitch in, to listen to others.”
At least she was using the present tense. “I know. My cousin’s a lucky girl.” Megan suddenly shrank in on herself a little as people do when they’re uncomfortable. My nerves returned. “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just…and please don’t let this color your impression of us, but…I think Billy and your cousin are no longer together.”
“What? Why do you say that?”
“Because yesterday I attended a joining of him and Betsy.”
“Wait. Joining as in…marriage?”
“They are so in love. They have been for weeks. Everyone could see it. Plus she’s…pregnant.”
Thank God I didn’t have to hide my shock, because I couldn’t even if I’d tried. Mom was going to lose her fucking mind. Not to mention the situation had just gotten a hundred times more complicated. “God. I had no idea. Poor Gia.”
“No doubt it’s going to sour her perspective of him. Of us. But I’m certain neither Betsy nor Billy planned what happened. It was just the will of the universe.”
“Still. It’s shocking. Billy never seemed the type.”
“Did your husband?”
“My husband? My husband never—” I caught myself. Carol’s husband did. “I didn’t think so. He swore it was only the once and that it would never happen again. I told myself it was because we were having problems, we weren’t communicating, then after a bad day at work it just…happened. We both made concessions. We both promised to put our all back into the marriage so it would work. And I did. I was willing to do anything to save my marriage. But it was all for nothing.”
Darkness at the Edge of Town Page 5
