by Kris Jacen
Rich growled and then snapped out, “At least I’m not a fudge packer.”
The new kid laughed. “I’m not sure if you could get a job packing fudge. They may not take someone who’s not that smart.”
The crowd howled, and the kid grinned. Rich glared at the kid and then spewed out the worst he could think of.
“You’re nothing but a homo, and you’re going to hell, and so is anyone who defends you.” There was a manic tone to his voice as he gazed at the other kids.
A snort came from the new kid. “Please…I’d be careful, dude, or people might think you have something to hide.”
“What?” Rich sputtered.
“Well, they say that the biggest homophobes are almost always hiding the fact that they have homosexual feelings.”
Rich’s mouth dropped open and then he stuttered as he backed away from the new kid with his friends giving him funny looks. Mitch laughed out loud and high fived the kid.
“Nice comeback. I’m Mitch, by the way.”
“Aldo, and thanks.”
The other kids started to wander off until just Mitch and Aldo remained. Aldo grinned up at him.
“So, you want to grab some pizza, or are you afraid of being seen with a homo?”
They had both laughed and that had been the beginning of their friendship, but it had taken until the summer between their junior and senior year before they discovered they wanted, no…needed more from each other.
* * * *
Three months later:
Mitch fought the urge to hit his computer screen. He rubbed his eyes and tried not to yawn. At the rate he was going, it looked like he would be here all night. A cough had him looking up to see his boss, Peggy standing there.
“Sorry, Peggy. I’ll have the paperwork done for you soon. I have almost everything typed up except the brief for the Hiller case. I’m still working on that.”
“Is that Jonathon’s case? He won’t need it until the end of next month. They moved his court date. So if that’s it, you should go home and get some sleep. You look tired.”
He laughed at that. Tired? He was so far beyond tired that he could barely function. “Yeah, okay. I think I will go get some sleep. It’s been a long week.”
She mock frowned at him. “You will. That’s an order. I need my best paralegal to be in top shape next week.”
“Aye-aye, ma’am.” Mitch saluted her. He shut his computer down and gathered up his things. With a final check, he headed to the parking lot. His cell phone rang as he went out the front door. It was probably Cary calling to check up on him. With a growl he pulled it out and answered it.
“Yes?”
There was silence at first, but then a male voice come over the line. “Mitch?”
Mitch nearly dropped the phone in surprise. “Aldo?”
“Mitch…” There was silence again. “Fuck, I need some help with a legal matter. My dad is trying to take my inheritance from my mom. He claims that they never finalized their divorce, which gives him the right to the money.”
“I…you want my help?” Mitch got into his car so he could sit down. He wanted to believe that Aldo had forgiven him, but he knew that couldn’t be. He couldn’t let himself believe that. “Why would you come to me for help? I’m only a paralegal.”
“Your sister told me you work for a great law firm. She told me some other things too. Like the fact that you almost killed yourself after becoming a minister and that you date guys.” His voice grew accusing. “You didn’t tell me any of that in that stupid letter you wrote.”
Mitch sighed. “I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me or to think I wanted you to think I was trying to get you back. Wait, you talked to Melissa?”
“She caught up with me at my show at Deloraz in New York. So you don’t want to get back with me? Is that how little I meant to you?”
The beginnings of a headache started behind Mitch’s forehead. “Aldo…I…shit! No matter what I say, you’re going to take it the wrong way, aren’t you? I wrote the letter to apologize, nothing more, because I don’t deserve anything more. Okay?”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” Mitch rubbed his forehead. “Look, let me talk to my boss and see if she can tell me anything. Fax me any documents your dad has given you on this to my office and detail what exactly he wants. I’ll see what we can do for you. And Melissa shouldn’t have told you anything. We had already said all that needed to be said.”
“I’m in town. I could bring everything over to you, and obviously we haven’t finished hashing it out if I didn’t know these things.”
Mitch’s heart leapt and he nearly dropped the phone. He fumbled it and then caught it. “I...that is, well, yeah, okay, maybe you’re right about that. You need my address, or did Melissa give it to you already?” His headache disappeared as he gave his address out.
Pulling up to his apartment building, Mitch spotted Aldo standing at the front doors. He wasn’t sure if he should be excited or dread seeing him. Dressed in his usual flamboyant way, Aldo lifted a hand to wave at Mitch. His face was neutral, and he carried a briefcase with him. Mitch walked up and greeted him with a wave. He tried for casual as he invited him up.
“So you want to come up, or do you just want to hand everything over now so you can go?”
“Are you going to be sarcastic, or do you treat all the guys you have over this way?” Aldo said nastily.
The words hit Mitch hard, and he had had enough.
“I don’t have guys tripping in and out of my apartment, Aldo. I rarely date, and when I do, it usually ends up being a one-off. So knock it off. It’s not like you care anymore, so don’t begrudge me some happiness.”
His voice had gotten loud, and a couple walking up to the building shot him a disgruntled look. He sighed again and rubbed his forehead. He couldn’t believe he’d just started arguing with Aldo right after seeing him.
“Look, I’m sorry. Give me the paperwork and I’ll have Peggy look over it and call you. Okay?” His headache was back with a vengeance.
“Fine.” Aldo bit out the word. He handed Mitch the briefcase and started to walk away before coming to a halt. With his back to Mitch, he turned his head and said quietly, “I do still care. I don’t know why, because you hurt me badly, but I do. I just don’t know what I want to do about it.”
Mitch laughed quietly. “Welcome to my world. I never got over you, and my therapist told me that I use that to hide from any other relationship.” He waited for Aldo to turn back toward him. “Look, come up with me. Let’s at least talk. Maybe if nothing else, we can be friends again. I’ve missed that.”
He waited for Aldo to make up his mind, but finally, Aldo nodded and stepped back toward him.
Upstairs in his apartment, Mitch set the briefcase down on the table.
“Would you like some coffee?”
“No, I better not. Caffeine makes me even more hyper than I normally am.”
“I have wine, water, soda as well. Ummm, beer too.”
Aldo laughed as he moved into the living room. “Beer…remember when we were fifteen and you stole that beer from your dad’s garage? Man, we were so hung over the next day when your dad chewed us out. Hey, that’s my print. You have my print in your living room.”
“Shit.” Mitch muttered. He had actually forgotten about that. He moved into the living room and saw Aldo standing in front of his couch, gazing at the framed print.
“Um, yeah, I bought it a couple years ago. I couldn’t afford an actual painting, but I wanted something of yours to put up in here. This one is so cheerful. It made me smile when I saw it, and I knew it was what I wanted for my place.”
Aldo turned around with a quizzical look. Mitch smiled at him. “You were always so cheerful and made me feel happy when I was around you. After I almost did something stupid, I wanted something to remind me of what it felt like again.”
“You mean wanting to kill yourself?” Aldo sat on the couch. “Why, Mitch? Why did you get to that p
oint? I really don’t understand why you didn’t just walk away.”
“At the time, I thought I had no options. My therapist said I was overwhelmed by guilt and pressure from my family. I guess I’m a weak person.” Mitch shrugged. “The only smart thing I did at that time was calling the hotline. That’s why I volunteer there now.”
He looked up to find Aldo studying him. He looked away and found himself gazing at the print, a whirlwind of leaves in a rainbow of colors. It lifted his mood, just as it always did.
“I wish you would have let me be there for you.”
Mitch sat on the couch with a tired laugh. “I made sure you wouldn’t be there, Aldo. Remember? I had to drive you away. At least that worked, and you got to keep your scholarship.” He stopped, horrified. He couldn’t believe he had let that secret slip out. Glancing at Aldo, he saw the moment it dawned on him what he had said.
“What do you mean…I got to keep my scholarship?” Aldo spoke very quietly.
Mitch got up from the couch and started to pace.
“I shouldn’t have said anything. It was over a long time ago. Everything worked out. You got to go to State and get your art degree. I got a good education at…at…at…”
Fuck, he couldn’t even say the name of the college. Hands gripped his arms, and he realized that Aldo stood in front of him with an iron grip on his upper arms. Mitch inhaled the spicy scent of the other man and fought to keep a clear head.
“Why did you think you had to drive me away or I would lose my scholarship, Mitch?” Aldo stopped, and then it was as if he read Mitch’s mind. “Your dad was on the scholarship board, wasn’t he? He threatened you. Told you he’d revoke my scholarship if you didn’t end things with me. How did he find out about us? Oh shit, you came out to him, didn’t you?”
Mitch nodded and tried to back away. Aldo wouldn’t let go. Mitch gave up and stood still while he talked.
“I told him I was going to go to State. I told him that I was in love and that I didn’t want to be a minister. He insisted I did and that no little bimbo was going distract me from my duty to the Lord.” Mitch snorted. “You should have seen his face when I told him it was a guy, not a girl. He guessed it was you.”
Aldo let his arms go and stepped back. His face was blank, and Mitch cringed inside. He knew that look. It meant that Aldo was shutting him out. Aldo turned toward the door.
“I have to go.”
“Please don’t. I never wanted you to know.” He reached out a hand toward Aldo.
“That’s why I need to go. You wouldn’t have ever told me. You don’t want to share anything with me.”
“I was seventeen. I believed my father. I also knew you, and you would have tried to confront him. You would have screwed up your scholarship for what? Me? I didn’t want that.”
“That’s just it. It wasn’t just your decision to make. You should have allowed me to make that decision with you. I thought we were a team, but it turned out that when it came down to it, you only thought of yourself.”
Mitch dropped his hand, and a feeling of disbelief came over him.
“What? I did this for you. I wanted to protect you. Why was that wrong?”
“Because I’m not some damsel in distress, and I would have come up with another way to go to school! Fuck this…I’ll call you.”
Mitch watched him walk out his door and sat back on the couch. Once again, he had managed to screw everything up with Aldo.
He picked up the phone and called the one person who could get him straightened out. Luckily, Cary picked up right away, and Mitch breathed a sigh of relief.
“Cary, I think I messed up bad tonight. Do you have time to talk?”
“Of course. What happened?”
Mitch poured everything out to Cary. Everything that had happened in the past, everything that had been said now, and his biggest fear, that Aldo had turned away from him again. Cary listened, only interrupting him to clarify certain points, but for the most part just letting him talk.
Finally, Mitch wound down and grew quiet. He stared at the cream-colored wall as he waited for Cary to process things.
Cary cleared his throat and then asked him a question.
“Mitch, do you love him? Not like a friend or a brother, but as a lover. Do you love him like that?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I do, but I don’t really know him anymore. The boy he was is who I fell in love with, but we both have changed so much over the years. I just know that the thought of losing him in my life again makes me sick to my stomach. When we are together, however, I feel like I can do nothing right. I just don’t know.”
“I think both of you are so focused on what happened in the past that neither of you is paying attention to now. He said he would call you, right?”
“Yes, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything?”
“Ask him out.”
“What? No, I can’t do that! He’d never go out with me on a date. I mean he has to have all sorts of guys after him. He’s gorgeous and a pretty famous artist. No, I couldn’t…he hates me.”
There was a burst of laughter from the other end of the phone. “He’s practically begging you to ask him out. Not to mention, the line between love and hate is a thin one. Would you say he’s a proud man?”
“Yes. Too proud sometimes.” Mitch muttered, thinking of the recent conversation.
“Well, there you go then. A proud man that you admit that you hurt badly isn’t going to tell you he wants to see you for more than friendship right now. He’s been hurt, and he wants you to want him.”
“What if he says ‘no,’ or worse?”
“What could be worse than ‘no’?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m nervous about this.”
Cary sigh sounded through the phone. “Mitch, you’re a good man. I think you forget or don’t want to think that you are because of something you did when you were a seventeen-year-old boy. You need to forgive yourself. We make mistakes, and we learn and move on. You and Aldo need to move on. Maybe if you two can live in today, you can get past what happened. If not, then I suggest you let him go and move on without him.”
After Mitch hung up, he thought about what Cary had said. Could they somehow get past their mistakes, or would Aldo even want to?
The first time they kissed happened at a party at the lake. Mitch had gone with his on-again, off-again girlfriend, and they had broken up again in a huge fight. Mitch had stormed off, and Aldo had followed him. Mitch had calmed by the time Aldo had caught up with him.
“Man, when are you going to ditch her for good?”
“My dad likes her.”
Aldo looked down and shuffled his feet. “I don’t,” he muttered.
“I know. Aldo, I…I want to…” Mitch stopped, frustrated.
Aldo looked up, puzzled. “What?”
“I think I’ve fallen for someone else. Someone I’m not supposed to feel that way for, and I don’t know what to do.”
A shadow crossed Aldo’s face, but he rallied and smiled at Mitch.
“So who is this young lady who caught your attention?” he teased.
Mitch didn’t say anything at first. Fear tightened his chest, and he tried to take a deep breath to clear his head. He stared mutely at Aldo. Apparently, the pleading in his eyes was enough to make everything crystal clear to his friend.
Aldo stepped in close and cupped a hand around Mitch’s neck. He leaned in slowly, giving Mitch plenty of time to step back. Mitch leaned forward instead. Their lips met in a soft kiss. Mitch gave a little sigh and brought his hands up to grasp Aldo’s shoulders. They moved closer, arms twining around and the kiss deepening. By the time they parted and pulled back, both were breathing hard.
Mitch trembled, and Aldo soothed him with a hand rubbing his back.
“I think I love you, and I don’t know what to do. My dad…” He didn’t say any more, and he didn’t have to. Aldo understood. He nodded and smiled at Mitch.
“We’ll
keep it a secret for now, just between us.”
Mitch could feel the relief that Aldo understood radiate through his entire body.
God, Mitch wanted to vomit. That had been the start of the lies, and he had made Aldo lie too. He had pushed Aldo back into the closet with him. He looked around his comfortable living room and felt a rage grip him. He had no right to anything nice. He had no right to even ask Aldo out again, to ask him to forgive him.
Depression settled in, and Mitch knew he had to get out of his apartment. He quickly changed into his running clothes and jammed his feet into his sneakers and went for a long run. By the time he had gotten back, he had made up his mind. Cary was right. He spent too much time in the past. He was a different person now, and so was Aldo. He would try and remember that.
* * * *
The days passed by slowly, and Mitch threw himself into his work. He handed everything from Aldo over to his boss and tried not to worry about it. He and Cary met for dinner to take his mind off of things, but it didn’t work very well since all he could think of was Aldo. Peggy told him that it was good news when it came to Aldo’s dad, Steve, and not to worry about things. Time marched on, and as he stared out the window at the bare trees, he realized that he needed to stop waiting and start doing.
The first thing he sent to Aldo was a long-stemmed red rose. He had often picked roses from his parents’ yard and left them for Aldo. He hoped it would bring back good memories. He waited a couple of days and then sent a small figurine of a male fairy, dressed in vines and sitting on a leaf. He and Aldo had read a story by Henry O called “The Last Leaf.” It had made an impression on Mitch about not giving up, and he hoped that Aldo would understand what he was trying to say with the figure.
Mitch had hoped that Aldo would call him after that but wasn’t surprised by the silence. He had tried to do what he thought was best for Aldo but Aldo didn’t see it that way. He needed something that would show that he understood that they should have been and would be partners. This wasn’t easy and it took him several days to come up with just the right gift. He finally found a silver chain with a charm of the justice scales on it. It was as close as he could come to equality, not to mention it would hopefully remind Aldo of him. Mitch was disappointed when no response came.
