As the vice around his heart eased, it allowed guilt to push in. “It is not the same. Jocelyn is still in the world.”
Daniel spread his arms with his palms out then shrugged. “I know my situation is not the same as yours. You love Emma still. I hold only the memory of my youthful belief in Jocelyn in my heart. The reality was much different. But I believe your heart has more than enough room for a different love. Not a love to replace Emma. No one can do that, and it would be unfair to the woman to compare her. A love that inspires the man you are today.”
“I do not think I can do that, Dan.”
Daniel nodded, crossed the room and sat. “You don’t have to make any decisions now, Markus. Nothing has to change beyond you staying sober and taking care of your home and family. I only suggest you release yourself of all this extra guilt.”
“I should feel guilty. I am guilty. I put everything I own at risk and now I behave like a boy in short pants.” Markus should be flogged; at least that would make him feel better.
Slapping his back, Daniel smiled. “Go home, Markus. No one is forcing you into a relationship with Miss Hallsmith or anyone else. I am saying you need not feel guilty over your feelings and to keep an open mind on the subject of loving again.”
He had planned to spend the night at Marlton, but heading to London might be a better idea. He could find a pub along the way and forget all of this. Golden eyes and russet hair would fade at the bottom of a fine brandy. His own weakness disgusted him. He had already broken too many promises. He would honor his agreement with Phoebe and his duty to Elizabeth. “I will return home. Thank you for the talk.”
“I am sorry I could not be of more help.”
Markus rose. “You have given me a lot to think about, Dan. Forgive me for interrupting your picnic.”
Waving off the apology, Daniel said, “Feel free to visit anytime. Bring Elizabeth next time and she and Charlie can play together.”
“Thank you.” They walked out of the office and to the front door.
In the yard, a maid cleaned up the picnic while Sophia chased after Charles in the field beyond.
“Please tell Sophia I said goodbye. I will be in touch soon.” Markus shook Daniel’s hand, mounted his horse, and rode away from Marlton.
* * * *
When Markus reached Rosefield, he walked his horse to the barn. It was dark, but he managed to light a lantern, and since there were no grooms, he watered, unsaddled, and brushed out the stallion. There was something healing in taking care of the beast. It was real and laborious and had nothing to do with him. His selfishness mirrored his father’s and he couldn’t bear it.
Surprised at how eager he was to go inside, he forced his breathing to slow. It was late and the house would be asleep.
Watson did not open the door, since Markus said he would not be home for a few days. Knowing the front would be bolted, Markus stole in through the servant’s entrance near the kitchen. It was dark as pitch, but he managed to find his way down the hall and up the steps. There was a squeeze of disappointment without Phoebe stealing a snack in the kitchen, but he let it pass.
Instead of going directly to bed, he passed his room and opened the nursery door. Elizabeth might have played and laughed all day long, but he found her as he left her, curled up in a ball with her thumb in her mouth. He ran his finger along her soft cheek before sitting in the rocking chair. How long he watched her sleep, he didn’t know.
“You are home?” Phoebe whispered from the doorway.
Her hair flowed around her shoulders loose and wild and her feet poked out from under her nightgown. Whenever she came to the kitchen she wore slippers and a robe, but she stood in Elizabeth’s room barefoot and in only her shift. “I decided not to go to London.”
“Where did you go?” She stepped inside the room and crossed her arms over her chest. “Forgive me. It is none of my business.”
Rising, he ran his fingers through his hair. “Are your feet cold?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and stepped onto the wool rug curling her toes into the pile. “I heard a noise and when I opened my door the nursery door was open. I was concerned.”
“I went to speak to a farmer then rode out to Marlton to see the earl.” Mesmerized by her bare toes, he couldn’t take his eyes from them.
“I see. Watson said you would be gone several days.”
“Yes. I told him as much, but changed my mind.” Their whispered conversation didn’t disturb the gentle breath of Elizabeth’s sleep.
Stepping closer, Phoebe peered into the crib. Her arm was close enough to his that her warmth infused him. “Why did you change your mind?”
“You ask a lot of questions, Phoebe.”
“I’m sorry. Always poking my nose in where it doesn’t belong. It gets me in a lot of trouble. Another thing to add to my long list of flaws.” Moving to the edge of the carpet, she put space between them.
He closed the gap and tucked her cerise hair behind her ear, a tiny gasp his reward. “You always forget all the wonderful qualities you possess, which counterbalance those tiny flaws. No one is perfect, Phoebe. You may continue to ask your questions, but must accept that sometimes I will decline to answer.”
“Fair enough.” So close, her breath mingled with his.
If he leaned down a fraction, he could take her mouth and ravage it until they were both breathless.
She dropped her arms, leaving her pert, round breasts outlined by the moon shining through the window. Only a thin piece of cotton separated her from his touch. It was all he longed to do, and the one thing he could never do. Betrayed by his body, which strained to be with her, near her, inside her. Good lord, he was going mad. He kissed the tip of her nose and stepped back. “You should return to your room before you catch a chill.”
Crossing her arms again, hiding her attributes.
He was grateful for the added barrier. How much could one man take?
“Elizabeth will be glad you are home. She missed you today.” Eyes wide, she backed away until her shoulder bumped the doorframe.
“I missed her too. Good night, Phoebe. I look forward to hearing all about the candidates for Rosefield staff in the morning. Shall we meet after we break our fast?”
With a nod, she ran from the room. Her feet padded away down the hall and her door closed with a nick and the sound of her throwing the bolt.
Good. He needed her to lock her door.
Chapter 7
No. 11
Everton Ladies are inconspicuous.
—The Everton Companion
Rules of Conduct
How could one person become so familiar and necessary in such a short time? Phoebe ran back to her room and bolted the door. Ordering her heart to slow down did no good. Her skin tingled with the possibilities. He had only kissed her nose. An innocent peck, but there had been more in his eyes, and she wanted all that was within those green depths. Desire of that magnitude was new and terrifying.
No amount of denial would change the way she yearned for Markus. If he had taken her in his arms in the nursery, she would have let him kiss her and maybe more. Goodness, she had lost her mind. It wasn’t as if she’d never been kissed. Gavin had kissed her many times. It had been pleasant, but nothing to warrant so much attention.
Somehow, even though Markus had not taken advantage of her, she knew his kisses would be different. Pressing her fisted hands between her breasts, she scolded, “Enough.”
Trudging across the room, Phoebe berated herself for being such a fool. He only needed her to get his house back in order. Markus Flammel was a viscount and one day would be an earl. His sons would be titled. He would never have any interest in Miss Phoebe Hallsmith. She was disowned and disinherited, not to mention how disliked her brother Ford was amongst any good society. Nothing would change that, and it was just as well. He was Emma’s h
usband, and anything more than friendship was not acceptable. She threw back the covers and climbed into bed.
When she’d seen him watching Elizabeth sleep, joy flooded her as it never had before. Trying to push the memory away, she closed her eyes, but it only made the image more vivid. Even wrinkled and dusty from travel, the sight of him relieved her. Gavin had been out of her life for over a year, and she never missed him as she had missed Markus after one day. And she had nearly married Gavin.
A lifetime of Gavin ordering her around and reminding her how thankful she should be to have married him. A girl in her position should have been thrilled with a wealthy gentleman’s attention. He had said those things more than once, but the day he ended their engagement he drove his point home by adding that she did not appreciate him. He rescinded his offer of marriage and added that she was incapable of any deep feelings. “A cold fish” had been his final insult.
Lucky for her, he had no honor, or she might be married to him and miserable the rest of her life. Though a lifetime of spinsterhood did not make her heart sing, either. At least if she had married Gavin, she would be cared for and could have children to dote on. After a time, he would have found a mistress and left her and the babies in peace. It might have been all right.
Phoebe pounded her fist into her pillow and turned over in search of a comfortable position.
At dawn she gave up, washed her face, and dressed.
A walk in the cool morning air was what she needed. Leaves tumbled around her, blowing in the breeze and falling to the long grass. She pitied the new gardener’s job of cleaning all of this up. It would be sad to lose the little wilderness, but a fine English garden would take its place. She walked the path while the sun warmed the Earth. The uncertainty of the night before eased and normalcy returned to Phoebe. She had a job to do at Rosefield. That was all. Once she had completed the task, she would leave and probably never see Markus again. Worrying about his feelings for her was idiotic. He could never care for her, and rightfully so.
She stopped at the clearing, closed her eyes, and turned her face to the sun.
“Am I disturbing you?” Jared cut into her peace.
She startled, but recovered. “Not at all, Mr. Blunt. You are here early. We have not even broken our fast yet. Do you have an early appointment with his lordship?”
Kicking the dirt from the path, he stepped closer. “I desired to see you before I get started with his lordship’s business.”
Dread rooted in the pit of her stomach. “Oh, what did you need to see me about?”
He offered his arm, and with no polite way to decline, she took it. Markus had spent months ruining his health and he still felt sturdier than Jared. Threading her hand through his elbow revealed the thin softness of a man who spent all day behind a desk. His pasty skin another sign he rarely took to the outdoors, she wondered at his hardship in searching her out.
While Markus filled her senses with spices and masculinity, Jared reeked of ink and the hair tonic he used to slick back his brown locks. “I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed working with you the last two days. You and I make a good team.”
“Thank you. I appreciate your help. You are very organized.” It was the best she could come up with in way of a compliment.
Puffing up like a pigeon, Jared’s grin spread wide. “I had the very same thought about you, Miss Hallsmith. You are meticulous and organized, rare virtues in a woman. Most women are so frivolous, but not you. You have purpose and determination.”
For Jared, these compliments were likened to another man saying her eyes were like the moon and her skin like silk. They did not have the same effect. “Thank you, Mr. Blunt. I cannot remember anyone ever saying such things to me.”
Leading her back toward the house, he cleared his throat, then stopped. “I would like to ask permission to court you, Miss Hallsmith. Whom should I query?”
Processing the question took more than a comfortable silence. “One would think you would ask me.”
Laughter, more like grinding teeth, tumbled from him. “Of course, but I meant should I seek permission from your father?”
“My father is dead. You could petition my brother Ford, the viscount of Thornbury. I wish you luck with that. You see, I am disowned.” Telling him not to bother sat at the tip of her tongue, but the prospect of a lifetime without marriage or children replaced a curt reply with the facts.
“Disowned? Well, that might change in time. Yes, Ford Hallsmith. I met his lordship once at a town meeting. Fine fellow. I will make time to see him as soon as my duties allow.” Another strike against Jared if he’d met Ford and enjoyed any part of the experience.
At least she was reprieved from more courting for the moment. “You will let me know how that meeting goes?”
Jared cocked his head and stopped. “You will know by the fact that I have started courting you. Was I not clear in my desire?”
“Very clear.”
Smile returned, he escorted her into the house. “I have work to do. You can manage from here?”
“I believe I can get myself to the breakfast room. Thank you, Mr. Blunt.”
Nothing about him was appealing as he straightened his bony shoulders, tugged his ill-fitted jacket, and strode away toward the office.
Markus sat next to Elizabeth, when Phoebe arrived and took a plate from the sideboard. Food had been laid out and the savory spice of sausage filled the air. “Good morning.”
Elizabeth lifted a piece of sausage in the air and laughed before accepting a spoon of porridge from Mrs. Donnelly.
Phoebe’s stomach rebelled at anything heavy. Taking some toast from the array of choices, she lamented the coddled eggs. She sat at the other end of the table and spread jam on her bread.
“You should eat more, Miss Hallsmith,” Markus said.
“I am not hungry.” Tearing a morsel of bread free, even that didn’t appeal.
Frowning much like Honoria did when she refused to eat, he stared down the table. “Regardless, you should eat more. Have some eggs and sausage or I will have Becca bring you some porridge.”
The servant’s door opened and Becca brought a cup of coffee. “I’ll run down and get you some now, Miss.”
“I am really not hungry.”
Becca pulled a stern look. “We do not let the little one leave the table until she’s eaten something. You want to set a good example, don’t you?”
“That is playing dirty. Bring the porridge.” Phoebe laughed and accepted the newspaper from Markus.
With a clap, Becca charged out of the breakfast room and down the servants’ stairs.
“And look how happy you have made Becca. You should be pleased.” Markus drank his coffee to hide his grin.
There was something very familiar and nice about their breaking their fast together. Almost as if they were the family she yearned for. Too bad none of it was real, which reminded her… “Mr. Blunt met me in the garden. He is already waiting for you in your office.”
“Why was he in the garden?” All humor drained from Markus’s face.
Elizabeth whimpered at his sharp tone.
He patted her knee. “I am not cross, Elizabeth. Eat.”
Looking from Markus to Phoebe, she took a breath and went back to her food when Mrs. Donnelly prodded her with a spoonful.
Phoebe longed to tell him it was none of his business. “He was looking for me. I took a walk this morning.”
“You should not be alone in the garden with Jared Blunt.”
It was hard to argue with that. “As I said, he sought me out. He intends to meet with my brother to ask permission to court me.”
The spoon clattered in the bowl. With an apologetic look, Mrs. Donnelly picked it up. “He is a fine catch, Miss Hallsmith.”
The color of Markus’s face was somewhere between the roses out front and the burgundy c
arpet in the front parlor. “I see. You told him you would court him. I am happy for you both.”
“Actually, he never asked me. I suppose he assumed I would want to court him. I’m sure he thinks himself a fine catch, just as Mrs. Donnelly said.”
He put down his cup with a snick in the saucer. “The rest of your life with a person who brings no joy is a long time, Miss Hallsmith.” Placing his napkin on the table, he stood, then bowed and left the room.
* * * *
Phoebe accepted that Markus was avoiding her. He had postponed several appointments to go over the staffing options. After a full week, all she had managed was to bring back the few servants fired by Markus and willing to come back. At least they had a footman, under-gardener, stable boy, and a scullery maid. Those only because they had family close and were unwilling to leave the area for employment.
A letter from London promised that a nanny would arrive soon. Phoebe knocked on the office door but pushed through before anyone could tell her to go away. “I need some of your time, my lord.”
Sitting behind his desk with Jared hovering over his left shoulder, he looked up. “Can it wait?”
“It has waited a week. I have a life I would like to get back to. If you would?” She sounded more like herself and the sound was enough to make it real. Skulking and jumping any time she thought Markus might be present was not like her, and she didn’t like it. Doing what she came for and getting back to London was her plan, and she would see it through.
“Mr. Blunt, can you excuse us?” Voice even, Markus stared her in the eyes.
Deep creases formed around Jared’s mouth as he nodded, stared at Phoebe, and left the room.
“If I was too forceful, I apologize, but you have been putting me off for several days.” She kept her shoulders back and looked him in the eyes.
“Yes, and you have a life to get back to. So you said. Mr. Blunt will be quite happy to be a large part of that life as well. Will you court here in the country or go to London and see how he stacks up to the other available men of the season?” Markus patted a stack of papers into a neat pile, eased them to the side of the desk, and leaned back without taking his gaze from hers.
A Lady's Honor Page 9
