by Bella Jewel
I feel like I just might vomit.
“I don’t ... I don’t think so. The waitress served us most of the drinks, we only got a few from the bar.”
“Were we dancing with drinks? Gosh, I can’t remember. I’m pretty drunk also, to be honest.”
“Me too,” Karen admits.
Merleigh returns a few minutes later with a bottle of water. Out of all three of us, she’s the most sober and calm. She hands it to me after unscrewing the cap. “Drink this super slowly, you don’t want to make yourself sick, honey.”
I drink the water but as soon as it hits my stomach it feels like it’s going to come back up. In fact, I’m wondering just how long I’m going to be able to hold the contents of my stomach in for.
We find a bench and the girls help me over to it, I stumble more than once and it feels like I’m getting worse and worse, not better. I sit down and drop my head between my legs and my world spins to the point I’m no longer sure if I’m standing or sitting. I can hear myself groan and the voices of Briella, Karen, and Merleigh fade in and out.
Then, out of nowhere, there is a familiar male voice.
It takes me a moment to pick it.
“What the fuck happened her?”
“We were just drinking and dancing. We walked outside and she just got sicker and sicker,” Briella explains.
“She drugged?”
“We’re not sure.”
“Hey, Zariah.”
A warm yet calloused hand slaps at my face a bit and then lifts my head. I see Kendric squatting in front of me. Oh, no. No way. Why, out of all the people who could have come, would it be him?
“You called Kendric?” I slur, trying to jerk my head away, but all it does is make me fall off the chair and right into his arms.
“She’s in a bad way, you’re certain she wasn’t drugged?”
“We’re not sure,” Karen tells him.
“I’ll take her home, you girls need to go, too.”
They do as he asks and with one quick motion, I’m in his arms. My whole world spins, and I grip his shirt in a pathetic attempt to stop it. I bury my face in his chest and groan, my stomach turning. Please god don’t let me vomit on this man. Please. I don’t think I can come back from something like that—I’m a cop, it’s so unclassy it’s not funny.
“Call us when you know she’s going to be okay,” Briella tells Kendric as he turns and starts walking away.
With every bounce, I feel like my stomach is going to explode and Kendric is going to wear it.
I hold my breath, trying to stop my world from spinning, trying to stop the vomit from rising up, but when Kendric reaches his truck and jerks a little as he opens the door, I know I can’t hold it back any longer. “I’m going to be sick!” I tell him frantically, squirming to get out of his arms.
He puts me down, and I barely get to my knees on the curb before vomit spews from my mouth. I’m horrified. Even with every disgusting retch, all I am thinking about is the fact that Kendric is watching me. He’s watching me, and he’s never going to unsee this. Why not give him another reason to hate me? To be disgusted in me?
When I’ve finally emptied the contents of my stomach to the point there isn’t a single thing left, I turn my head and look up at Kendric who has kneeled beside me and has my hair in a big bunch in his hand. He was holding my hair back? God, I didn’t even know he was that close. I close my eyes and murmur, “I’m so sorry.”
“C’mon, let’s get you home.”
He helps me up and into his truck, and then hands me the bottle of water Merleigh gave me. I take a small sip and press my cheek against the cold glass of the window as we drive. I fade in and out of consciousness, struggling to keep my eyes open. When we arrive home, I must be out, because suddenly Kendric is shaking me and trying to wake me from my sleep. “Hey, wake up.”
I groan and slap at his hand, but he shakes me again and then carefully pulls my arm until my face peels off the window and I’m sitting up straight. Then he gets out of the truck, goes around to my side, and helps me out. I’m still wobbly, still spinning and feeling a whole lot like my body has made something else for me to vomit up because my stomach is angrily turning once more.
This is the worst feeling I’ve ever had.
It doesn’t feel right.
It doesn’t feel like something I’ve experienced before.
After an embarrassing search through my bag, I find my keys and hand them to Kendric. He opens the door, flicks on the lights, and then walks me over to my couch where he grabs a pillow and lays me down. Then, he’s gone. He returns a minute later with a bucket, a towel, some water, and aspirin.
He’s making sure I’m going to be okay.
He can’t stand me, he could leave me here to choke on my own vomit, but instead he’s making sure I’m okay.
That takes a hell of a human.
But I already knew Kendric was a hell of a human because he gave his freedom to protect his club.
“You’ll vomit some more, but it’ll get better with every passing hour. Keep drinkin’ the water and don’t move, just stay here and sleep it off. You’re goin’ to feel like crap in the morning. I’ll sit by you until you fall asleep.”
I stare at him with hazy vision, my head feeling a little less spinny now that I’m lying on the pillow and not moving around. “Why did you help me?”
“I didn’t get much choice; I’m the only sober one. You know, waitin’ for a trial and all ...”
Ouch.
“I’m sorry, Kendric,” I murmur, closing my eyes. “I should have protected you.”
“Not goin’ to talk about it now while you’re drunk. Just get some sleep.”
A knock at the door has my eyes popping open. Who the hell would be here visiting me at this time of the night?
“Zariah, it’s me!”
Reece.
You’ve got to be kidding me. What the hell is Reece doing here, he’s supposed to be with Jayden for the weekend. Oh, god, I don’t want my son to see me like this. I don’t want him to think I’m hurt, or sick ...
“That’s my ex, don’t answer it. I don’t want my son to see me like this.”
Reece keeps banging on the door. “Know you’re here, I can see the light on, hear your voice. Open up or I’ll go get my key ...”
“I’ll deal with this,” Kendric murmurs, standing and walking toward the door.
“Oh, no,” I say, reaching out a hand to stop him, but it’s pointless, utterly pointless. There is no stopping him.
He swings open the door, and with blurred vision I see Reece and his face as he takes in the huge biker standing in my door frame. Kendric is big, and he’s scary, and he doesn’t take a lot of shit.
“Who the fuck are you?” Reece growls, crossing his arms.
Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
“I’m a friend of Zariah’s; she got sick tonight and I was called to bring her home from a bar up town. She’s sleepin’.”
“You fucking her?” Reece demands, his voice angry and low.
“No, I’m not fuckin’ her, I’m helpin’ her.”
“Why do I find that hard to believe? I’ve got her son and she’s here fucking someone else when we’re not even fully over. Zariah!”
Oh, no.
My heart hammers against my ribcage, and I want to get up and fix this. I don’t want Reece to think there is anything going on between Kendric and me, not because I care what he thinks, but because I know what’ll happen if he loses his temper.
“She is asleep, I’m not fuckin’ her, and if you don’t leave I’ll make you fuckin’ leave.”
“Who the hell do you think you are, man?”
“You don’t wanna find out.”
Kendric slams the door and my mouth drops open as I watch him lock it, even though Reece is pounding on the flimsy timber. He turns to me and our eyes meet. For a moment, the silence in the room is almost deafening.
“I’ll stay until he’s gone, go to sleep.�
��
I want to fight him, I really do, but I’m barely able to keep my eyes open.
Slowly, I drift off into slumber.
Not before mumbling a thank you to Kendric, even though he doesn’t answer.
I owe him that much.
I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING in the same spot I went to sleep, sprawled on the couch with a really bad taste in my mouth and a headache that’s making me wonder if I should just go back to sleep or force myself up to face the day. Either way it goes, I didn’t die during the night and that’s something. I try to recall the events of the evening, but they’re mostly a haze. I recall the drinking, the dancing, and then Kendric bringing me home.
I don’t remember much after that.
Except Reece. I remember him coming to the door.
I turn my head to see if Kendric is still here by some small chance, but jerk with complete shock when I see Reece sitting at the end of the couch, staring at me. He’s so quiet I honestly didn’t even know he was there. The shock has my heart racing and me demanding in a scratchy, harsh voice, “What the hell are you doing?”
He stares at me, his eyes scanning over my face, tipping his head to the side slightly. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“Why are you here, Reece?” I groan, trying to sit up but my god my head is pounding. I reach for the bottle of water on the ground and manage to get myself up enough to drink it.
Only then do I look to the man still staring at me. There is a look in his eyes I’ve seen so many times before, this calm yet terrifying stare that tells me even though he looks like he’s not going to do anything, he can flip his switch in the blink of an eye and lose his shit. I’ve seen it happen a million times before, and I’m certain that one wrong word will have it happening again now.
“Who was that man last night?” he asks, his voice scarily calm.
“He’s a friend, he dropped me home because I was drunk after a night out with the girls. He left soon after. That’s it.”
Why am I justifying myself to this man? We’re over, right? I don’t owe him any explanations and yet, in the darkest, most broken parts of me, I worry that he’ll be hurt, that he’ll hate me for being with someone else, even though I wasn’t. I care about how my actions will make him feel because I have some stupid tie to him that I don’t understand. A toxic tie laced with acid and broken promises and dreams.
A tie I should really look at cutting and discarding, once and for all.
“Why don’t I believe you?” he questions, his eyes raking over my body.
What is he expecting to find there? A hickey?
I push myself to my feet with an exhale because I need a shower more than I need to sit here and justify my actions to him right now. I turn and walk down the hall, and when I hear his footsteps behind me, I stop and turn, looking back at him. “What are you doing?”
“I want you to answer my question, Zariah.”
“There’s nothing to answer,” I say calmly, continuing my journey down the hall toward the blissful heat of the shower.
Every step is agony; my head pounds like it’s going explode any moment.
“You’re lying to me.”
I exhale and, when I do, a slight snorting sound comes out of my mouth. It’s accidental, but I also know immediately that it’s the worst possible sound that could escape my throat right now. Before I can turn to explain myself, Reece’s hand is around the back of my neck and he’s slamming me into the wall. I smash into it with a thud that nearly brings me to my knees. He’s usually careful with my face, and as if realizing this, he jerks me backward until my back is pressed against his chest, head tipped back, his face turned into mine, his hand on my jaw.
“Who is he?” he growls, his voice a low whip.
“He’s no one,” I say, my voice strained. “He’s just a friend, he doesn’t even like me. I’m not lying to you, Reece.”
“If I find out you’re lying to me, that you’re seeing someone else, you’re going to hate what I do to you.”
I clench my eyes shut as I feel the tickle of his warm breath against my jaw. “You promised you wouldn’t do this anymore,” I whisper.
His grip releases just a little, and he growls into my ear, “Why do you provoke me, Zariah, why do you make it so hard for me? You know I love you. You know I don’t want to hurt you. Why do you keep pushing me?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, heart racing.
He releases my jaw and spins me around until I’m facing him, only then does he take my face in his hands, thumb grazing down my cheek. “You know I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know,” I say, my voice shaky.
“You know that I’m trying.”
“I know.”
“I love you; you know I love you.”
I swallow, and my knees tremble as he keeps stroking my skin. I know how wrong this is, I know I should fight him off, I know so many things about this situation is toxic yet I find myself unable to step back, unable to say no, unable to do anything but let him treat me the way he does. My body craves something deadly when it comes to this man. I’m a cop, I protect women like me all the time, I could stop him if I really wanted to, so why don’t I?
What am I so afraid of?
What keeps me locked onto this monster?
“I need to shower, Reece, please.”
“I’ll join you.”
He lets me go and, without question or argument, he walks into the bathroom.
I follow him, because I know there is no other choice.
I’ll go in there, he’ll kiss the pain away, he’ll light my body on fire with his touch, he’ll make me moan his name as he fills me with his cock, and then he’ll promise never to hurt me again.
Only he will.
And I’ll let him.
Because I’m so incredibly broken.
4
ZARIAH
I throw my towel over my shoulder and walk into the gym, water bottle in hand. The only thing in my world that helps me out when I’m thinking too much is a good gym session. I’m one of those gym junkies that could just spend hours here, purely for the atmosphere. The gym I attend is only three blocks from my apartment, so I can get up in the morning and walk down here, do a workout, and walk home. The days I have Jayden, I go just before I pick him up from daycare.
It’s a win-win, really.
I step inside “Bodeez” and immediately the music and lights wake me all the way up. It’s only six am, so there aren’t a great deal of people here, which makes it even better. The music is always playing, the atmosphere is always great, and I can’t get enough of the place. They know me well now and, when I walk past the front counter, the owner, Tom, smiles at me and gives me a big wave.
He’s bigger than the building itself—okay, slight overreaction—but the man is a body builder and holy shit he is intimidating when you’re up close to him. Still, he’s dedicated and seriously the nicest guy ever. He’s always friendly and always up to give someone a helping hand when they’re not sure what they’re doing. I like that about him; he isn’t walking around flaunting himself, he’s walking around bettering everyone else.
“Morning, Tom!” I say, “You can tell winter is starting to roll in, huh?”
He laughs. “You’re telling me. I can’t wait for the heating bill when I have to warm this place up.”
I grin at him and keep walking to the locker room where I find my locker and put my phone and keys inside, then I take my water bottle and my towel and go to the large room that holds all the treadmills, cycling, rowing, step machines, and a range of a few other great things to get your workout on. They have two other rooms, also. One heavy lifting room, and one with a general range of weight benches for a full body work out.
I find a treadmill, plug my earphones in, and get cracking on a true crime podcast as I start my work for the day. True crime continually reminds me why I do the job I do, why I choose to work so tirelessly without appreciation. I want to be there one day, to in
vestigate, to bring the horrible people of the world down and do my best to make everything right again. That’s my goal, my dream, and the reason I keep fighting.
I’m midway through my run when I catch a side glance of a man coming into the room. The moment I recognize him, I jerk my earphones out, and in a panting voice, say, “You come to this gym?”
Kendric, who looks incredibly gorgeous in a black tank, a pair of light shorts and running shoes, gives me a look that tells me he’s not at all impressed with the fact that he’s seeing me in here. Being that I’ve never seen him around before, I’m guessing he’s new.
“I live two blocks down, closest gym I could find.”
He lives nearby? I didn’t know that.
“It’s a good gym,” I try to say, my voice a little puffed out. “You’ll like it here. I didn’t know you were the gym type.”
“Did you think I got muscles like this from layin’ around fuckin’ all day?” he mutters, stepping onto a treadmill and pressing the buttons.
I notice he picked a treadmill three away from mine.
He really doesn’t like me.
I choose not to answer his sarcastic little remark and decide to go for a different tactic. “Thank you for the other night. I really appreciate it.”
“Yeah.”
Wow.
“Has Alarick heard anything more about the case?”
“Why don’t you fuckin’ ask him, Zariah? I’m not here to chat with you, I’m here to switch my god damned fuckin’ mind off so I don’t drown in my thoughts. Wanna let me do that?”
He gives me a look so harsh I stop running and just stare at him, anger bubbling in my chest. “You know, you don’t need to be such a fucking dick to me, Kendric. I know you hate me, I know what I did was wrong, but I’m trying to help you.”
“Are you? Or are you just trying to clear your conscience so you don’t have to live with the guilt if I go down?”
Jesus, he really isn’t happy today.
I turn back to the front of the treadmill and start jogging again, shoving my earphones angrily into my ears before I say something I’ll regret.
