by Bella Jewel
“We’ve been over this. You hurt me. I can’t be that girl who is forever making excuses for a man who doesn’t treat her right. I’m a cop. I’m smart. This is what I do for a living, pull people out of these situations. I want to be a role model for my son. To be someone he can look up to. I don’t ever want him to think it’s okay to hurt a woman.”
“I’d never hurt you in front of him.”
I laugh bitterly. “That statement right there is exactly why this isn’t going to work. You shouldn’t hurt me at all, Reece.”
“I couldn’t control my temper. I’ve done some horrible things I know that ...”
“Horrible?” I whisper. “Reece, you’re downright cruel. Remember that time you shoved my head into the toilet because I wouldn’t make love to you because I was sick? Or that time when you pushed me and I fell down the stairs when I was pregnant with Jayden, and I had to tell the doctor I fell. Would you like me to go on?”
“Zariah ...” his voice is pleading, broken and it tugs at the weakest parts of me.
But I can’t be her anymore.
I can’t.
I won’t.
“I’m sorry, Reece. This relationship is over and it’s going to stay over. I think we need to take space, real space. We’ll have a person who can drop off and pick up Jayden so we don’t need to make contact. I really think this is for the best, I’m so sorry.”
I don’t know why I’m saying sorry to him, he doesn’t deserve me to say sorry.
My heart twists all the same, though. My body is attempting to scream at me that I’m making the wrong choice, that I should go back, that maybe he can change.
Those are the voices of a thousand broken pieces inside of me. They’re not real.
They’re simply trying their hardest to make me believe they are.
“I’m going now, we’ll work out the details tomorrow. I’m sorry.”
“Zariah, no. You’re not leaving ...”
I hang up the phone and my heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest. Not because I’m in love with Reece, but mostly because I’m so broken when it comes to him. So many years of abuse, so many years of insane love between the abuse, so many years of trying to convince myself he could be different, so many years of beating myself up and thinking I was doing something wrong. When it comes to Reece, I’m simply a wounded child looking for comfort.
I can’t let him be my comfort anymore.
I finish up in the bathroom and step back out to where the party is still going in full swing.
It’s time to keep putting these feet forward.
One baby step at a time.
I’M ON MY WAY BACK out to the fire when I hear a soft, muffled moan. I stop, unable to figure out what the moan is coming from. It could be sexual, or it could be that someone is sick. It’s really quite hard to tell. Muffled, only coming occasionally. I tip my head to the side and follow the sound to a room on the left, door slightly ajar. I place my hand on the door and very carefully peer in, not wanting to interrupt anyone.
What I see has me pausing, mouth dropping open, shock registering full throttle in my body.
It’s certainly not someone in pain, at least, not the bad kind of pain.
No, it’s Kendric and a woman. Young, dark haired, gorgeous body. She’s currently pressed over a large pool table in the middle of the room. Her hands are behind her back, where he’s holding them in one of his. She’s got a gag in her mouth and he’s holding her by the hair as he fucks her. Every single part of me knows I should walk away, shut the door, and pretend I never saw anything.
But the deranged, secret part of me can’t look away. That part of me doesn’t even want to look away. No, god no. That part of me, the part I rarely ever show, is curious. It’s turned on. It’s a little jealous, surprisingly. It’s intrigued. Seeing her tied up, her mouth gagged, his cock slamming into her over and over, ripping little sounds of pleasure from her throat, has me aching in places I should be ashamed to be feeling anything right now.
But I’m not.
I could turn around and go, or I could watch. I could watch as his body flexes as he moves, dragging his cock in and out of her. I could watch as his hand remains tight in her hair, causing the biceps on his arm to bulge. I could watch as his ass flexes and moves with every thrust, showing a well sculpted curve that is utterly delicious. I could watch as she squirms beneath him, moaning with pleasure.
And the sounds.
Oh, the sounds.
I take a step back, knowing I should leave, and my back hits something. A table, a chair, I don’t know. It makes a small sound and Kendric’s head whips around. He doesn’t pause, but simply goes to bark at whoever has come in to distract him. When he sees it’s me, his eyes flash. It’s the kind of flash that tells me he’s surprised, but also weirdly pissed off. He looks angry, but when he gets a good look at the lust that’s no doubt present on my face, his anger turns to intrigue.
I should go.
Turn and run out.
Why am I not running?
I’m a cop.
I shouldn’t be enjoying this sort of thing.
It goes against every moral code in the book.
But the ache between my legs is hard to ignore. I want to know how it feels to be tied up like her, to be fucked and have control. To have a choice. I want to know what it feels like for a man as powerful as Kendric to be inside of me, fucking me with such masculine force. I want to watch, to hear how good it feels when they both find their release.
Kendric’s eyes stay locked on mine, and I don’t realize I’m panting until an exhale that’s quite loud leaves my lips. It’s only then I see the rise and fall of my chest. I feel my bottom lip between my teeth, I didn’t realize I had bitten down on it. Oh, god. I must like a real treat, standing here, staring at him as he slows his pace, dragging his cock in and out of her, eyes locked on mine the entire time.
He hasn’t ordered me to leave.
I’m sure he thinks there’s something wrong with me.
Just when I’m about to turn and leave, thinking for sure he must think I’m some sort of pervert, he drops his gaze down to my jeans and then looks back up at me and nods. It’s a nod that is clear in its instruction. He’s giving me permission to slide my hand into my jeans and bring myself pleasure. He wants me to. The look he’s giving me tells me he wants me to.
Should I?
Do I dare let that part of myself out?
I hesitate and he stops his thrusting for a moment, sliding his cock out of the woman, glistening with her pleasure. He releases her hair and wraps a hand around it, stroking a few times. It’s impressive, thick and long, the kind of cock you pray for when you’re going into a man’s jeans for the first time. He squeezes it once, and then releases it, before sliding his fingers into the girl, one, then two, his eyes never leaving mine. She whimpers and arches back toward him, wanting more, but she can’t speak right now.
Kendric nods at me again.
I swallow, and without thought, my hand moves down to my jeans and slips between them and my underwear. I go right down to my pussy and slip my fingers inside my panties, finding myself aching and wet. Kendric’s eyes flash with utter approval and then he takes his cock, slowing sinking into the girl again. Our eyes lock and I can’t help but feel a strange connection to the man staring at me. A weird sense that we’re so similar and yet so scarily different.
I swallow my whimper and my cheeks burn as pleasure starts building inside of me. I rub and stroke, my mouth dropping open, but I don’t move my eyes from the man watching me. He fucks the girl harder, and as he does, my fingers move quicker and quicker until I’m barely able to hold my release back. When the girl he’s fucking cries out in pleasure, I can’t stop myself. I cum with a force that has my eyes momentarily rolling back and my body trembling with such pleasure.
Kendric makes a low growling sound and then I watch as his face softens with his release, his body jerking, his hips slowing down to smaller, sh
arper thrusts. His jaw is tight, and his back is straight. He looks utterly delicious when he orgasms and as I slide my hand from my panties, I feel my fingers glistening in my own release. Kendric growls to the woman not to move and then he turns, striding toward me, cock still pulsing.
He rips the condom off and tosses it in the trash as he moves closer. His cock is red and a small droplet of cum rolls off the end of his cock and onto the floor. I don’t know why that turns me on so much, but it does. I can’t move. I’m completely transfixed, not sure what the hell to do but stare at the god of a man walking toward me. He stops when he reaches me and takes my wrist in his hand. I’m still holding my hand up, frozen on the spot.
He brings my fingers up to his mouth and slides them in, closing his lips over them. I shudder and my entire body trembles as he swirls his tongue around the tips of my fingers, taking every ounce of me off them. He’s sucking my pleasure off me, like it’s the god damned fruit of life. When he’s done, and I’m struggling to not throw myself at him, he releases my wrist and leans forward, eyes locked on mine, voice husky and deep. “You’re fuckin’ welcome.”
With that, he turns and walks off.
My god.
That is literally all I have.
My. God.
10
ZARIAH
By the time I get home it’s around two AM. I’ve had way too much to drink, and my body is aching with the pent-up need that built inside me after what happened with Kendric tonight. I want nothing more than to have someone fuck me until I can’t think anymore, but alas, I’m home alone with nobody to do that. My entire body is aching, my pussy is still throbbing, and I’m a little too drunk to make sense out of what just happened.
I reach my front door and when I see the light on inside, my heart flops into my belly. There is only one person who has a key to my place, and it’s the one person I really don’t want to see right now. Reece is in there, I just know it. I should have gotten my keys back sooner, I know that in this very moment, but instead I danced around it. Tonight, I made a big call, I should have known he wouldn’t take it well.
What the hell was I thinking?
I take a deep breath, wondering how in the hell I’m going to diffuse this situation.
I don’t want to fight; I certainly don’t want to have to explain myself. I’m not comfortable being alone with Reece and I’m not sure that me being drunk, coming in at two AM, and finding him sitting there is a good combination for anything. Still, I have to go inside because I really need to lie down and the only way I’m going to be able to do that is to get him out as fast as I can.
I’ll say whatever I have to, to get that done.
I open the front door and step inside, and, as suspected, Reece is sitting in my kitchen on a stool, staring at the front door. He’s been waiting for me. He has a beer in his hand and his eyes are red, he looks tired. God only knows how long he’s been waiting. That’s not my first thought, though. My first thought is wondering where my son is. I hope he’s okay, and the instinct in me comes out before Reece even says a word.
“Where’s Jayden?”
“I dropped him off to my sister’s house, he’s safe and asleep. He had a great time with his cousins.”
I don’t know if I like that. If tonight doesn’t go well, I need to be able to get to my son.
I take a deep breath. I’m just going to have to make sure it does go well. If that means I have to diffuse this situation then I’ll do that.
Anything to get my baby boy back safely with it.
“Why are you here, Reece?” I ask, trying to keep my voice calm.
“You didn’t think I wouldn’t come after you told me it was over and hung up on me?”
Right.
“I said we’d talk about it tomorrow, which is now today. I’m not sure why you couldn’t wait.”
He stands and walks around the kitchen counter toward me. I take a step back, shaky on my legs. I’ve had a little too much to drink and that makes me nervous when it comes to Reece. I don’t like not having my wits about me. “Please, can we do this tomorrow?” I ask. “Or later today. I need to sleep.”
“Who were you with, Zariah?”
“Nobody.”
“You’re lying to me. I can smell the musky scent of your fuckin’ pussy. I know the smell of sex. Who the fuck were you with?”
This is bad.
God, this is so bad.
“Reece, please. I was with nobody. I swear.”
“You fucking liar. You break up with me over the phone, and now you’re lying to me.”
“I didn’t break up with you over the phone, we were already over!” I cry.
I raise my voice very little to Reece, I know better, but right now I’m drunk and that is taking away a whole lot of my control. This is exactly why I don’t drink. I lose my wits. I am not as stable as I’d like to be and right now, I’m scared, and I just want this man out of my damned house. Once and for all.
Reece steps forward, taking my arm roughly. “Who is he?”
“Reece, let me go. You’re supposed to be keeping your hands to yourself, remember?”
“Who. The. Fuck. Is. He?”
God.
“I said nobody,” I say, trying to jerk my arm out of his grips.
“Fuckin’ man been inside you, five minutes after you ended it with me.”
I can smell the alcohol on his breath, and I know now that he hasn’t had just one or two. He’s drunk. I’m drunk. This is a very, very dangerous situation.
“Let me go, please.”
“Did he put his cock in you?” he barks into my face.
He shoves his hand toward my jeans, and a fight erupts. I try to push him away but it’s no use, he’s so damned strong and I’m way too drunk. He shoves his hand down the front of my jeans and into my panties, roughly handling me with his other hand. “Let me go!” I scream, trying to jerk backward.
He pulls his hands from my panties and brings his fingers up to his face. “I can smell it, you fucking slut! Not even five minutes.”
Sick.
Sick and deranged.
This man is never going to change.
He’s always going to be dangerous.
Always going to be a monster.
I need to get my son and myself out of his life.
“You let me go, now,” I bellow, jerking my arm free. “We’re done. You’re sick and you need help. I’m finished with you, Reece, and if you so much as lay another hand on me, I’ll take Jayden too.”
I don’t know it when I say those words, but I know it the moment they’ve left my lips that I made a very, very big mistake.
Reece’s fist flies out and connects with my chest, sending me spiralling backward until I slam into a coffee table. I stumble a few times, heart racing, and try to scurry backward as he stalks toward me. He leans down, taking a fistful of my hair and he jerks me upward. My mind spins and my body recoils as pain shoots through my chest, agony I haven’t felt for such a long time. “Reece, please,” I scream. “Stop.”
“You fuckin’ bitch. You won’t threaten me. You will not take my son.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I was just angry.”
He punches me again, this time right into my rib cage. Hand in my hair, other hand slamming into my body over and over until I’m screaming, begging him to stop, begging him to just make it stop. My ribs feel like they’re broken, I can’t breathe, the pain in my body is so intense I feel like I might very well die here tonight.
“Reece,” I whisper when he lets me go and throws me onto the floor. “Please. Stop. Please, I’m begging you. Think of Jayden.”
He pauses midway down as he’s reaching for me again, his eyes flash and then widen. He straightens, stares at me, and I can see the moment the demon goes back into its cage and the man I once loved comes back out. He stares at me in shock and horror, like he’s just seen me for the first time, like he has no idea who just did that to me.
I shuffle b
ackward, agony ripping through my body. I feel like I’m going to die.
I want to die.
God, I just can’t take this anymore.
“Zariah ...”
“Get out of my house,” I stammer, staring at him with fear in my gaze.
I’m afraid of him.
He knows I’m afraid of him.
He also knows I’m weak when it comes to him.
Why don’t I fight?
Why am I so damned pathetic?
I’m not sure I’ll ever have that answer.
I do know that I need to escape. I need to find a way to free myself from this man.
Because next time, he will kill me.
I can’t let that happen.
“Why don’t you fight back?” he asks, his voice low and pained. “Why don’t you stop me, Zariah? You know you can. Why don’t you? Why do you let me keep hurting you? Why can’t you just do as you’re told?”
“I don’t fight back because I’m not a god damned monster like you,” I rasp, chest crackling in a way that’s a little concerning.
My answer doesn’t shock me, but it feels like finally something makes sense. All the times he’s hurt me, and I’ve cowered and allowed it, I’ve often wondered to myself why. Why do I let a man hurt me, when I’m fully capable of making him stop? Why do I not fight him, when I can take full men down on the streets? I’m afraid, sure, there’s no doubt about that. I’ve always been afraid that if I fought back, it would escalate the situation, but that never seemed to be a good enough reason.
But knowing that I don’t fight back because he’s a monster and I refuse to be a monster too suddenly makes horrible sense inside my body. I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want my son to see me like that, ever, not even the smallest chance. I am protecting my boy, but I’m not doing a good enough job at it. I need to escape this man, and I need to do everything in my power to make sure my baby is safe.
I have no other choice.
“Baby,” Reece says, kneeling down and reaching for me.
I jerk back, eyes wide. “Don’t, don’t touch me.”
