Grace nodded. "I'll come with you."
Josh's smiled, clearly relieved. "I'll take you and Ryan with me back to the ranch in my buckboard."
He started to move away from her, obviously eager to be getting back to the ranch, but she laid a hand on his arm. He halted and gazed at her. "What's changed your mind, Josh," she asked.
Josh paused a long moment. He glanced back at the church. "In there, I felt something when I heard the pastor's words." Josh sighed heavily and his brows furrowed. His voice was quivering with emotion. "I can't explain it. But, it was like a kind of peace settled on me. And I knew exactly what I had to do."
Grace smiled at Josh. "God just gave you understanding, Josh. He led you to see what you ought to do. What's right."
Still clearly reeling from the experience inside the church, Josh nodded. "You're right, Grace. It's time to forgive. So that I can move on and do what God is asking me to to do."
She wanted to ask him what that could be, but she wasn't sure she was ready for the answer he might give her.
When Josh smiled at Grace, her heart glowed with warm sensations. She did her best to hide her reaction to him looking at her with obvious affection. As she started to follow him back toward the other churchgoers, Grace realized one very important thing. There was hope in Josh's gaze. But, hope for what?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Once they reached the Munro ranch, Josh made sure that Miriam and Wyatt would look after Ryan while he and Grace made the short journey down the trail from the ranch house to the nearby forest.
As he walked alongside Grace, Josh thought about what had happened down at the church this morning. As far as he was concerned it was nothing short of a miracle. Being back in church had felt good. More than that, really. It had felt like he had returned to the place where he belonged. The only place where he could feel joy and delight and hope.
And there had been an abundance of hope at church today. Listening to the pastor's words, Josh had felt like he had been struck by a physical blow. The reality of what he had to do had taken hold of him. He knew he'd been resisting God for too long. It had started when he'd left Inspiration three years ago. Anger at what Josh saw as his father's rejection of him had bred a resentment in Josh. One that he'd buried beneath hard work and forgetting after he'd settled in Wyoming. And, for a time, it had worked. He'd lived his life like many people. Having turned his back on God, he believed he could continue like that for the rest of his life.
But, God had His ways of bringing people back to Him. Josh could see that, now. It all made sense when he thought about it. The way he'd given his promise to Jeb. One that Josh hadn't ever thought he'd have to keep. But, God had used that promise to bring Ryan into Josh's life. And everything had changed. It had just taken a while for Josh to see the reality. To discern what God wanted from him.
Now, after what had happened at the church, everything was better. At least, it would be better, once he'd stood by his father's grave and done what he should have done before. Something Josh had been avoiding since coming back to Inspiration. Saying a prayer and forgiving his father with heartfelt conviction.
Josh glanced across at Grace as she walked alongside him. He was glad she was with him. She was the only person who could understand. The path snaked down the hill. Snow was still lying on the ground. Grace walked carefully. Every once in a while, she almost slipped. Josh was tempted to take her hand and stop her from falling, but every time he tried to do that, Grace just made it plain she could remain standing all on her own. She was as determined as ever to look after herself, Josh told himself.
Grace was elegantly dressed, her brown skirts beneath a heavy brown coat. She wore a fur-trimmed hat. Josh thought she looked beautiful. And, more than once on the way back to the ranch, he'd almost told her how wonderful she looked. But, he'd known she'd have been embarrassed, especially with Ryan sitting alongside them.
Finally, they reached the forest. The trees weren't densely packed, so it was easy for Josh to lead Grace toward his father's last resting place. Josh made sure that no low-hanging branches came anywhere near Grace as they made their way through the forest. Every once in a while, powdery snow tumbled onto him and Grace. At one point, he reached across and wiped some snow which had landed on her hat. Grace grinned appreciatively at Josh.
They came to a clearing and there it was. A small enclosure of low, metal fencing, inside which was one small headstone. Josh halted and drew in a deep breath. He glanced at Grace and saw that she was gazing steadily at the enclosure. Then, she did something which sent tingles up his spine. Grace reached out and took Josh's hand, snaking her fingers in his. The touch of her hand felt wonderfully reassuring. Grace looked up at him. There was a steadiness of purpose in her eyes.
Josh walked, hand in hand with Grace, and entered the enclosure. His senses were alive like never before. He heard the bird sounds from the trees all around. The white snow on the ground seemed brighter than ever. His boots sank into the soft snow. The sound of his slow footsteps was sharp and clear.
Josh halted by his father's grave and drew in a cold breath of air. He didn't feel nervous. Didn't feel worried. In fact, standing here with Grace holding his hand, Josh felt an unusual strength and peace coursing through his body. This was where he was meant to be, right now. And he knew what he had to say. The words rose into his mind with a surprising ease.
Grace released Josh's hand. He clasped his hands reverentially at his middle and bowed his head. For a moment, he expected thoughts of the past to fill his mind. Painful memories that had pricked at him for too long. But, there was none of that. His head lowered, and his eyes closed, Josh felt a tremendous peace settle upon him. All anger had gone. All resentment had melted like snow in the spring. He stood for a few long moments, savoring how he felt. He opened his eyes and gazed at the headstone. Then he spoke.
"Pa. I've come here today to do something I should have done a long time ago," Josh said softly. "I ask your forgiveness for leaving you when I did. I know I was foolish. And too young, in so many ways. I realize now, that I acted without giving you the reverence you deserved as my father. All I can say is that I am sorry. And I hope you can forgive me."
Josh glanced at Grace and saw that her eyes were bright with compassion. Then he turned back to the headstone. "I have one more thing to say. There was a time when I thought I could never forgive. Never forget. But that time has gone. God has shown me the error of my ways. God has granted me a wonderful grace in giving me a new life, with new responsibilities." Josh laughed quietly. "I know you'd be amazed to find me being responsible, pa. But, that's who I am, now."
Once again, Josh glanced at Grace. This time she was gazing at the headstone. Emotion suddenly welled up in Josh. He felt his throat tighten. The intensity of the moment was getting to him. He lowered his head again.
"I have a son, pa," Josh said quietly. "Ryan is a fine young man. You'd be proud of him, pa. And, one day, I'll bring him here, to you. But, for now, he's got some growing up to do. And, I'm the one he's looking to for guidance. So he can grow up strong and good. I'll do my best. Just like you did for me, pa," Josh said.
For a few long moments, Josh reflected on all the good things his own father had done for him. All the lessons Obadiah had taught him. Just like many young men, when he'd been growing up, Josh hadn't realized all his father had done for him. But, standing here, right now, he understood all the gifts his father had left to him. Now he could see it all with crystal clarity. It was time to say the final words. The ones he'd come here to say.
Josh drew in a deep breath. "I forgive you, pa. Because God has shown me how important it is to do that. And because I feel it in my heart that I forgive you. Just like I hope you forgive me."
Josh turned away from the headstone and exited the enclosure. Grace followed behind him. Josh halted a moment, taking one long look at the enclosure. Emotions were swirling around inside him, but he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Say
ing those words had cleansed something in his soul. He was sure of it.
Josh saw Grace looking at him with what looked to him like wonder. "That was beautiful, Josh," she said softly.
Josh nodded, for the moment unable to say a single word. Then he turned and started back toward the ranch house. Grace walked beside him. Exiting the forest, they started up the trail. This time, when Grace slipped, Josh firmly took her hand, stopping her from falling. And, this time, she didn't try to pull her hand away from him. After that, he held on tight, making it clear to Grace that he had no intention of letting go.
"How do feel, now, Josh?" Grace asked him.
He thought for a moment. He laid a hand on his chest, right where his heart was. "I feel at peace, now, Grace. That's the only way I can describe it."
Grace smiled gently. "That's what happens when you forgive," she said. "It's what God wants us to do."
Josh frowned. "I don't know why it took me so long."
Grace considered for a moment. "When we harden our hearts, it can be for a whole lot of reasons. Pain. Disappointment. Many things can cause that to happen." He felt Grace gently squeeze his hand. "But, you did the most difficult thing of all, today, Josh. You acted humble. And I'm proud of you for doing that."
A quiet joy awakened in Josh's heart when he heard Grace say those words. Forgiveness had also awakened hope in Josh. But, right now, he hardly dared speak of that. The time would come when he would talk of the future to Grace.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Back at the Munro ranch, Grace witnessed the reality of the transformation in Josh. Gone was the seriousness of previous days. It had been replaced by a genuine joy and happiness. While Josh spent time in the parlor with Ryan, Miriam asked Grace to help her make lunch. Grace was happy to do that. It would give Josh time to be with Ryan.
Wyatt entered the house, having been out on the rangeland while everyone had been at church. He took one look into the parlor and then headed for his own room. Seemed like Wyatt was still holding back from the Lord, Grace reflected. After today, Grace figured that anything could happen. Even Wyatt being back to his faith. Realizing she was being impatient, Grace tempered her enthusiasm.
What she had seen down at the forest had moved her in a surprising and profound way. Seeing Josh being humble like that had delighted Grace. It confirmed her suspicions that, while he had been in Wyoming, the new responsibilities which the Lord had placed upon Josh had reformed his life for the good.
"How did things go today?" Miriam asked with a knowing look in her eye as she stirred a pot of soup.
Grace was peeling a potato. She shrugged. "It has been a good day, Miriam," Grace said softly. "One of the best in a long time."
There was a shriek of Ryan and Josh's laughter from the parlor. "Seems like Josh is a new man, this morning," Miriam said.
"You think so?" Grace asked the kindly housekeeper. She wondered how much Miriam knew of what had happened. Judging by Miriam's recent involvement in every part of life at ranch Munro, Grace figured Miriam knew it all. She'd watched as Josh and Grace had headed down to the forest.
Miriam nodded. "I knew Josh would get around to forgiving his pa."
Grace looked carefully at Miriam. "He needed to do it."
"You're right," Miriam agreed. "A man can't go through life holding onto pain like that." She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. "Thankfully we have the Lord looking out for our best interests."
Grace nodded and smiled. "We certainly do."
Lunch was served in the dining room. All through the lunch, Josh kept looking across at Grace as if he was seeing her for the first time. His bright gaze, and occasional warm smile, made her feel self-conscious from time to time. But, reflecting on it, she was secretly pleased that he was paying her this extra attention. Maybe accompanying him to the forest had meant even more to him than she'd realized. Holding his hand as they'd walked back from the forest had made her think of earlier times. Three years ago. Times that had been more innocent. Before all the hardship had come into Josh's life. He was so different now. There was no doubt in her mind that Josh was happier.
By contrast, Wyatt seemed puzzled by Josh's sudden change, but he said nothing over the dinner table. Grace couldn't figure Wyatt out. There were times when he could be real friendly. He'd shown a Munro capacity to be caring in the way he'd responded to Ryan's brief illness. Wyatt definitely had a big heart, Grace concluded. But, it seemed to be wrapped in a some lingering resentments. The kind from which Josh had apparently rid himself, this morning.
After lunch, it was time for Grace to head back to the Buchanan ranch. A carriage was brought around to the yard. Josh insisted he'd take her back. Grace was in no mood to disagree. Today had been one of the best days she'd had in a long while.
Soon, they were on the trail, heading out across the wintery, snow-covered landscape. The afternoon air was fresh and cold. The sky was clear and blue. Grace clasped her gloved hands in her lap. Dressed in a heavy, gray jacket and Stetson, Josh held the reins of the carriage tight in his gloved hands.
"You and Ryan sounded like you were having a good time in the parlor," Grace suggested.
Josh smiled and laughed quietly. "I know what he wants for Christmas."
Grace lifted a brow. What to give for Christmas was always an important topic of conversation at her own house. "What does he want?"
Josh glanced at Grace. "A toboggan."
"Really?"
Josh nodded. He gazed around at the snow-covered hillsides. "I guess it makes sense, when you think about it."
Grace frowned. "Isn't that going to encourage him to be reckless, again? I mean, it could be dangerous. He could hurt himself."
Josh shook his head. "He's a boy. And that means he's going to like playing rough. I'll keep an eye on him." Josh shrugged. "I know he did something foolish when he ran off to the forest like that. But, I think he's learned his lesson. He's promised he'll be more careful, from now on."
"He's sensible," Grace observed.
"His real pa was like that," Josh commented. "Jeb had his feet on the ground. Maybe Ryan just had to blow off some steam. Or maybe it was being somewhere new that made him act like that." Josh looked at Grace. "In any case, I think he's getting used to being around the folks here. Especially you."
"Me?"
Josh nodded. "Ryan's always talking about you." He smiled. "Seems like he's real taken with you."
Grace was thoughtful for a moment. "I'm glad," she said curtly.
There was a long, awkward pause. Maybe Josh realized he'd touched on a sensitive subject. Grace wasn't sure she should encourage Ryan's attachment to her. Although Grace's affection for Josh had grown in recent days, it wouldn't be good for Ryan if she and Josh suddenly decided they'd merely be friends. She wondered if the little boy was getting his hopes up about her and Josh.
As if trying to make conversation, Josh asked: "Is your ma looking forward to Christmas?"
Grace sighed. "She is," she exclaimed. "Every year, she pulls out all the stops. She likes making a fuss of people at Christmas. My ma's a great believer in making the most of Christmas."
Grace realized Josh had never spent a Christmas with her at the Buchanan ranch. He had no idea how busy it could be. With the entire Buchanan clan under one roof, things could get out of hand. And, this year, with little ones around, it promised to be even more memorable.
"What was Christmas like in Wyoming?" she asked.
Josh thought for a moment and then shrugged. "For a start, it was lonely, I guess. Being so far from home, I generally kept myself busy."
"You worked on Christmas day!" she exclaimed.
The Rancher’s Christmas Miracle Page 13
