by Pam Uphoff
Heso bubbled the SUVs and they carefully eased out to get the other one. Falchion was red-eyed and clinging to Eldon, so they just grabbed the last vehicle and left.
"At least she didn't kill him."
"Yeah. Never can tell, with a witch."
"I'll take one of his mares off to breed, leave them alone."
Rior looked thoughtful. "I should go home too. Get the news, find out what's going on."
***
Oatmeal Muffin was obviously quite familiar with corridors. Damn well trained for a two year old. Heso rode her through the hidden corridor to Ash and circled around the barn to take the main street through the village. He steered her into the barn behind the twin inn and looked around at the horses in residence.
"Hi, need a stall for the night?" The boy was a complete stranger, thank goodness.
"Actually I was wondering if that terrific stud was still here, Sun Gold?"
"Ah. A bit late for the breeding season. Anyway, he's down south at the horse farm."
"Thanks." Heso steered Muffin around and back out, and down the street. He'd changed so much about himself that he doubted he'd be recognized even in Rip Crossing. He kept his magic tucked well in.
There was no hurry, so he let the filly munch roadside grasses while he pondered Eldon's shocking pronouncement. Quit? Become an honest productive citizen? Eldon was only two years younger than Heso, but that small difference meant he'd missed out on a lot of Heso's formative . . . adventures. Corrupting a Prince, assassination, killing complete strangers just because someone would pay you for it. Heso remembered Eldon's shock when he'd learned about the Prince's murder. Poor oaf had thought it was just another orgy. He'd been drunk a lot after that. And he'd grown up in Gemstone, not Rip Crossing. Not that he was in the least bit inhibited, sexually, but he had a basic respect for law and, well, for people, that he just hadn't been able to shake, even through a couple years exposure to the rest of them. Five years of prison.
Could Eldon retrieve the man he'd once been? Heso took a rare deep look within himself and wondered if there was anything left of the merely selfish and careless boy he'd once been, down inside there, somewhere.
He looked up at the sound of hoofbeats and met Master Nil's eyes.
"Well, well, what do we have here? Is anyone still interested in you Heso? I think I'd better keep track of you for the meantime."
Heso shielded, backed toward Muffin. Didn't dare turn his back to run . . . everything went dull and grey, and he put his hand to the chilly thing around his neck. Except it seemed to be more of a hoof than a hand . . .
***
"Still no sign of Heso?" Eldon looked around the nearly empty camp.
Falchion shook her head. "Nor Epee. And Rior's gotten a bug in his head about going back to One World." She swiped a tear off her cheek. "I'm going to hate telling her about Gauntlet."
Time to leave before she starts crying again.
"I'll go take a look around Karista, see what I can find out. Then Ash, if necessary. Let's leave up the corridor, but shrink it down a good bit so no one finds it accidentally. Why don't you stay mostly in the Cliff House, keep the kids safe. Collapse this corridor if you need to."
Falchion nodded.
Eldon attached the reins to Banana's halter, hopped on and headed for town. In Karista he wandered around a bit, eyeing the streets full of corridor connections and the streets full of mansions. Where would a witch go to pick up information? Someplace with a lot of women, for gossip.
A gleam of gold caught his eye, down the street. A palomino with a golden sheen that put mere cold metal to shame. A big tall animal with black leather tack with plenty of silver conchos. The rider was wearing a fine black suit and derby, and Eldon turned to follow. Surely that was a stallion, and here he was with a mare. He suddenly wished he was dressed better, and Banana tacked up. All well and good to be a hick farmer not worth noticing to most people, but he was likely to get a cold shoulder approaching a dandy like that. This clearly called for a bit of illusion. Nice shirt with vest. High boots. Saddle and bridle. Hmm, make the mare all over light golden chestnut, hide the pinto spots. He applied the illusion good and hard, so it would last most of the day. His clothing illusion could be lighter, an hour's worth should do it.
The neighborhood was looking familiar, and the palomino trotted straight onto the grounds of Ba'al's Temple and into the wall.
Eldon kept his eyes on the wall, noting the exact spot where the palomino had disappeared. He reached out with the flick of magic that kept these corridors private and then wrestled a bit with Banana, persuading her to run head on into the marble wall.
There was a stone plaza on the other side, paths going three directions. Through the trees, he could see the sparkle of the sun off water, in two different directions. Was he on an island? His heart sank instantly.
Of course you're on an island. And you damn well know which one. Now shall we open up and find out how many witches are at home? Go ring the doorbell and ask if the God of Just Deserts is receiving callers?
He waffled. Turning and bolting back through the corridor had a lot to say for itself. But. Epee . . . would she have tried to meet the eccentric witches of Karista Bay? They didn't have the vicious reputation of the Ash witches.
He turned Banana into the thin woods and paralleled the path out of sight. He stopped at a pasture fence, and slid off the mare. "Now stay here." He tied her to a tree and followed the fence. To a small stable. The palomino was the only horse there, he was wallowing in a patch of sand, his tack tossed casually over the fence. Another path led further uphill, and Eldon warped light and trotted up it.
The door was hanging open and he could hear voices. Exasperated male tones. " . . . and Dad going to say?"
"That it was a wise precaution, what else could we do?" Irritated feminine voice answered.
"Well, calling Magic Central and our brother Peter does kind of come to mind. Good Grief! I'm going to get something to eat and then sleep for a week or until Mom and Dad get back. This is your problem, you deal with it." The male voice was fading as it spoke, and Eldon sidled up to the door.
The room on the other side was good sized, with a whole wall live picture display. He hadn't seen one like it since he'd last been to that British Empire World. Pulling his eyes away from it, he noticed the statue in the middle looked a great deal like Epee. All bronzy. No other people, at the moment. Eldon dropped his warp and started rubbing the bronze statue, found the seam and popped it open.
". . . dare!" Epee snarled, then looked around.
"Shh!" He could hear people coming. "Run." He shoved her toward the door, and reached for a warp, something was interfering, he was so tired . . . He shrugged off the sleep spell, and raised shields and he kept backing away. The dark came down at him, and he frantically tried to influence its time ratio as the bubble wrapped around him. Solid black, impenetrable. He tried to freeze in place, act as if the bubble had trapped him in no time at all. Imagined a pinhole in the bubble, by his ear. Would that work without using his hands?
"Well, now isn't that an interesting trade." The male voice again, or was it?
"Hey Will, when did you get in?" Ah, yes, that was the voice he'd heard earlier.
"Just docked. I've got the house done and I'm moving my library."
"Going to stay for dinner? It's Mother's birthday, you know." A female voice, this time.
"I know that Dad took Mother to the tropics to celebrate and said they might be back in a month."
"What? But we always have a big family dinner. All the sisters are cooking, you know?" This voice sounded feminine, but not the same. Eldon was losing track. How many people were out there?
"Taking the parents for granted? Not safe, where Dad's concerned." One of the guys.
"We can't eat all that food ourselves!"
"Then bubble it and throw a party when they get back. Excuse me, I'm going to go pack."
There were grumbles in miscellaneous female tones, t
hen giggles. "He's kinda cute, in a rugged sort of way, you know?"
"Scarlet, he's a Bad Guy. Don't be sillier than you absolutely have to."
"That not silly, that's just pure observation."
"And he's ugly."
Eldon wondered if he could throw a spell from inside a bubble. Just a hint of lust. Charisma. Maleness. Baby hunger. A brush of orgasm. Wiggle them out through the ear hole.
"Hmm, he'd be much more fun stunned, or asleep."
"Fun? Yoderite, you can't tease a man when he's asleep, stunned or bubbled."
"But you can rub your low class boobs all over him and not get a response. Won't that be nice for a change?"
"I have never rubbed . . . "
That was interrupted by multiple giggles. How many women were out there? "Ha! We've seen you. The bouncing and jiggling is bad enough." They started feeling him up. The bubble was stiff, and as they laid him down and then started climbing all over him. Pretty soon he was picking up the clink of silverware and porcelain, the ringing of glasses. Are they using me for a picnic table? He started moving his legs very slowly. Epee's seam had been low, on the back of her calf, and he'd seen the darkness coming from the top down . . . He ran a toe up his calf and the bubble popped.
There were five women sitting on him. The six of them scrambled up and apart, and Eldon found himself facing five gorgeous women of five different types. All blonde, too. One just oozed sophistication and value. From the diamonds in her ears to the hem of her silk dress you just knew she was going to cost you everything you had. But the strawberry blonde had hooters that had to be seen to be believed. A pale blonde winked at him. "You are a good looking hunk aren't you?"
"Oh, he'll escape! What should we do?" Probably the prettiest, but she didn't sound real bright.
"It wasn't my fault." And one with pouty lips.
He couldn't hardly breathe, looking from one to another.
He finally caught the sophisticated one's eye, and smiled nervously. "Excuse me, I think I'd better be going."
Hooters got in between him and Sophisticated. "Don't rush."
The Winker chuckled, "Now Beige, you know we aren't going to do anything with him."
The Dumb Blonde pushed in. "Why not? We caught him?"
He was backing rapidly, and had no idea where the door was. Winker was undoing his buttons and Sophisticated was drawling about keeping a pet in a cage, and how Sandy would approve. He tripped over a dog and sprawled at the women's feet. They all laughed and seemed to find him not the least bit frightening. The reverse wasn't true at all. One of the dogs licked him and he scrambled up and edged toward the door.
"We shouldn't have had that wine." One of them whined.
"Why would you do that when the only man around wasn't in working order?" Eldon started his subtle spells swirling around again. Clearly there was only one way he was going to get out of this.
"Because we can get thrills but not get pregnant. Around here you just can't be too careful." Sophisticated ran a finger nail up his bare chest from belly button to collarbone and back.
"Hmm, you are a good strong wizard."
And they'd clearly all drunk too much to be careful. "There's orgasm spells that are better than that wine, and of course with morphing. . . "
"Morphing? Morphing what? Who are you?"
"Actually I may be the God of Beastiality." He triggered the black pony stallion spell.
The expensive one laughed in delight and they finished undressing him, stroked his neck and shoulders, and then started getting really personal. He dangled the transformation spell and they jumped for it. Five blonde pony mares, all hot to trot and full of wine.
He eschewed subtlety and ramped up all his spells as they closed in. Somewhere in the squealing fight between sisters over who got him first, he managed to get them all. Not that once was enough to satisfy women under the influence of that wine.
In self-defense he started throwing transformation spells a bit wildly. Deer, goats, warthogs, wolves, badgers, foxes and cats. Ponies, again, always a favorite. The witches started laughing and running around on paws and hooves, and it all got quite confused.
Several hours later he dragged himself out of the pack of sleepy, exhausted, women. He counted heads, yes, all back in human form. He followed the trail of clothes to the front room. Luckily he'd gotten out of his before he'd gotten active and ripped them.
One of the dogs was chewing on his boots. His bones ached a bit. So did his head. He'd used his goddess and god spell profligately. More wine had flowed. His head was going to hurt worse tomorrow.
He told the dog he was bad and retrieved his boots after a brief tug of war. Had any of the dogs been near enough to have been transformed? He vaguely recalled having help keeping all five witches busy and happy once the orgy ramped up.
Maybe he really was the god of perversions. That would be a real bummer. Dressing as he staggered down the trail he tried to not notice the two little white unicorn stallions fencing in a clearing. He certainly did not notice one of them turning into a black deer to try antlers against the single horn.
Other things rustled in the underbrush. He ignored them. That grunting was not a warthog. And that sleek lynx? Probably native to the island. Or maybe the witches would think he'd left them presents and wouldn't track him down and kill him. After all, they had enjoyed all the things he could change into, and change them into. And his various thrill and orgasm spells.
He found Banana also running loose and having fun with the palomino stallion. Eldon led her, the stallion following, into the pasture, then led her out and closed the gate on her boyfriend. "Enough! Let's just steal his tack and get out of here." The dog followed, looking wistfully at his gnawed boots. He ignored him.
The campsite was deserted. Eldon played a hunch and rode Banana through the corridor and into a solid stone stable with four stalls. He put Banana into one of the empty ones, and closed the dog in with the horses and corridor. Hopefully the mutt would get bored and go home. He trotted upstairs.
"Did Epee make it back?" He looked around. Falchion had the children out and they ran, tottered and crawled toward him.
"No! And no sign of any of the others either." She looked a bit anxious, but not so dependent. "What happened with Epee?"
He gave her the first three quarters of the story, and added stealing Phillip Michaelson's tack on the way out. "She ought to have beaten me back by at least an hour. What could have happened?"
"Real witches instead of those silly fashion dolls. Go to Ash, no wait two hours so it's dark there. Open up very carefully and try to find Jade or Betelgeuse. They may know where Epee is, if those witches have captured her. Or the Army's wizard corp for that matter. If you can't find Jade, try Heso."
Eldon nodded, and headed back down to the stable. No dog in sight. Blazer still hadn't been bred. He slipped a halter on her, gave her another dose of wine in case the first was wearing off, and took her back to Grantown.
The Farmers had a hell of a nice stallion. He ought to have just simplified things by breeding all of the mares to him. He forked over five royals and put Blazer in the pasture with Beastly. Then he went back to look over Susto's collection. He bought a bunch more potions, and walked back to the camp. It was getting chilly and the sun was nearly down. At Cliff House he changed into some cold weather gear, left the potions and then walked back out. It was getting so he could travel this camp to corridor route in the dark.
Jade answered with a jumbled confusion that amounted to 'mind your own business.'
::Epee and Heso are missing.::
:: Not here. Try Prairie Coast. Nil's taken to keeping Goats again.::
Eldon nodded glumly. "Yeah, he's taught that goat spell to too many people. Took me months to find a virgin to break it." But he kept that to a physical mutter, circled the village and headed for the tower.
Ten chilly miles later he found Muffin, but no goats in Nil's barns. He decided against another tack theft, Nil could be dangerous
to rob. He took Muffin out and tied her in the woods out of sight of the tower, where someone fleeing a wizard could find her on the way to the village and the corridors to safety. Then he eased into the courtyard with the gate, and warping light, stepped through.
It was night there, too. And no boogie men jumped out at him. He eyed the surrounding grasslands and headed for what he vaguely remembered as the watering hole for the sheep Nil had moved here. He found the sheep themselves first. The ewe he'd tripped over scrambled away.
"Sorry, didn't see you in the dark."
Trotting feet swished through the grass and stopped in front of him.
"Old Gods! Is that you Heso?" Eldon stayed low in the deep grass.
"Mahahaha!" The goat nodded.
"Damn it all. You've got a ton of spells locked down on you. What you need is a virgin, but I don't think there are any around here." He drummed his fingers and looked nervously back at the Gate. "There are tons of them in Ash. The whole problem is finding them while it's still dark enough that they won't see you coming."
"Mahahaha!"
"Oh, right. And them not killing you, on account of they're all witches."
The goat was looking quite dismayed.
"Look. It's late, and ten miles to Ash. Let's go. We'll talk tactics on the way."
"Mahahaha?"
"You'll be fine. C'mon."
At the sight of the Gate, the goat balked. Probably an avoidance spell. Eldon sighed and grabbed the goat in a hug, one arm around his back legs, one around his neck and shoulders, and his head jammed in against the back of Heso's neck so the goat couldn't get the horns around to slash or stab.
Heso thrashed wildly until they were on the other side. Then he relaxed, with a deep sigh.
"Ha! Bet Nil had a spell on you, to keep you from crossing the Gate."
The goat nodded, and Eldon put him down. Muffin stood where he'd left her, and he mounted and headed for the village, with the goat leaping and hopping through the snow around him.
