‘I just wanna drive trucks like you,’ Sandy said.
‘Do you now? Well you still need to be able to read and write to do what I do. What happens if you get lost and you can’t read the street signs?’
‘I wouldn’t get lost – I bet you never do, Uncle Jimmy.’ Sandy looked at Jimmy with admiring eyes and Jimmy felt love flood through him. He never could understand why he was so taken with this little kid, but he had been from the first time he’d held him in the hospital.
‘Have you been driving trucks again, Uncle Jimmy? Can I come on your next run?’ Keen eyes stared up at him.
‘Well, it’s up to your mother. But I got no problems with it as long as it’s during school holidays – ’cos you have to go to school, that’s the deal.You wanna take it?’ He held out his hand. ‘If you shake on it, you have to keep your word, lad. A handshake seals the deal.’
Sandy screwed up his nose. ‘I guess. But school’s boring.’
Jimmy ruffled his hair. ‘Course it is, but it’s good for you. I didn’t get the opportunity you’ve got to go to school. Grandma needed my help on the farm. School’s real important. Now let’s go and see your mum.’
‘Mum’s got a new boyfriend,’ Sandy whispered.
Jimmy raised his eyebrows. ‘Has she now?’
Sandy nodded vigorously.
‘Is he here at the moment?’
‘Nup, he’s at work.’
‘What’s his name?’
‘Charlie.’
‘What’s he like?’
Sandy shrugged. ‘He’s all right.’
Jimmy nodded. ‘Well, let’s go in.’
At that moment his sister came out, a cigarette in her hand. Jimmy could see she’d made a special effort with her hair and bought a new dress. Her lips were painted ruby red.
‘How are you, Margo?’ he asked.
‘Fine, Jimmy.You?’
‘Fine.’
There was a silence, then Jimmy asked, ‘Can I come in?’
‘I guess,’ Margo said ungraciously. ‘But you stay out here,’ she said to Sandy.‘Don’t want you dragging mud into the house. Charlie doesn’t like it.’
Jimmy winked at his nephew while fighting down anger at Margo not wanting her own child in the house. ‘Who’s Charlie?’ he asked as he followed his sister into the house. On the kitchen bench there was a loaf of dry bread, margarine and a jar of Vegemite. There was also a bottle of beer. Before she had a chance to answer, Jimmy grabbed her arm. ‘You drinking again, Margo?’
‘Special occasion,’ she said defensively.
‘Oh yeah, and what’s that?’
‘Charlie got a job.’
‘And who’s Charlie again?’
‘He’s me boyfriend. He’s a good bloke.’ Margo crossed her arms and glared at Jimmy as if daring him to contradict her.
‘Well I hope he’s better than the last one,’ snorted Jimmy. ‘If he so much as touches the boy out there, I’ll have the social services on to him as quick as a flash. Goes for you too, Margo.’ It was a conversation they had at least once a year.
Margo’s spiral down would start slowly. Cigarettes, then a few beers at night.Then came the angry words from Jimmy and denial that anything was wrong from Margo. The beers would be on the table at lunchtime and, not long after, she’d be leaving Sandy at home by himself at night, while she was at the pub picking up blokes.
Jimmy wished he could take the boy to live with him, but Margo wouldn’t have it. He knew she loved Sandy, in her own strange way, but she couldn’t handle the responsibility. Margo’d never been one for conforming, never done things the way they should be done. A single mother and proud of it, Jimmy wasn’t sure whether she even knew who the boy’s real father was.
‘You’re starting again, Margo,’ he warned, seeing the signs before him.
‘I am bloody not. If yer haven’t got anything good to say, then you can nick off.’
Jimmy grabbed her arms. ‘You’ve got to think of that lad out there. He needs a proper mum, he needs to go to school and he needs someone to make sure he has a bath and good food at night. Hell’s bells, Margo, how can you do this to your own flesh and blood?’
‘I ain’t doing nothin’. Now if the lecture is over, I have things I need to do.’ She flounced out of the kitchen and Jimmy sighed. He would hustle Sandy through the shower, get him into some fresh clothes and take him to get fish and chips. At least that way he’d know the boy had eaten today.
The whistling of the kettle drew Jimmy out of his reverie and, swearing quietly, he flicked the switch, before sloshing the boiling water into his cracked cup.
He looked around the room sadly, wondering if his life would have been different had his number not come up. He could’ve cared for the boy. His gaze rested on the faded photo of the six-year-old Sandy that he kept in the kitchen above the sink. He looked at it every day, as a reminder of what he had lost.
The bright smile and eager eyes that grinned back at him always tore at his heart.
Chapter 13
Anna struggled to walk across the uneven ground in her high heels. Tottering alongside her, Kate giggled.
‘You’d think we were drunk already!’
‘Speak for yourself,’ retorted Anna. ‘But I’d be much better off in my work boots. I don’t know why you wouldn’t let me wear them. What if I step in horseshit? I’ll wreck your shoes.’
‘I’d like to see you in work boots wearing that dress!’
Anna couldn’t help but laugh at the image. She was wearing a strapless satin gown that was a castoff of Kate’s sister’s.
She’d been reluctant to try it on, being self-conscious about her body since Ella was born; the pregnancy had changed her shape. And without the physical activity of the farm, she’d gained weight.
But Kate had insisted.
‘This will fit you perfectly!’ she’d said when she’d brought it round to Anna’s house.
‘I don’t think so, Kate. You’ll be able to see my bum jiggle.’ Anna held it out in front of her. ‘Oh no,’ she said throwing it on the bed. ‘No way! It’s strapless. My boobs will fall out. And what about my jelly belly?’ She grabbed the excess flesh on her stomach and shook it for Kate to see.
‘Try it on anyway,’ Kate had been adamant.
‘Oh, just for a laugh, then.’ But Kate had been right: it had fitted perfectly and the dark green fabric was perfect against her light skin and strawberry-blonde hair. Anna had gone from feeling like a frumpy mum, to beautiful in the space of minutes. Kate had lent her a green clutch and strappy high heels and, for the finishing touch, clipped a green peacock feather into her hair.
A voice over the PA announced that the horses for the first race were about to gate up and Kate grinned. The atmosphere at the Clare races was always electric and today was no different.
‘Giddy-up, you old mare,’ Anna said to her friend, pretending to slap her on the rump. ‘We’ll miss the first race.’
‘Old mare my arse!’ said Kate feigning annoyance. ‘You’re the mare, I’m still a filly!’ They linked arms and headed past all the utes, four-wheel drives and horse floats to the front gate, paid their entrance fee and entered the racecourse.
It was a beautiful course, set amid rolling hills planted with rows of grapevines, and Anna was glad she’d come. Even though the paddocks were golden brown now, waiting for rain, the grapevines still held a vivid green, smattered with the vibrant blue of Salvation Jane.
When Kate had suggested the day out, her first impulse had been to say no again.
‘I haven’t got a babysitter,’ she’d said.
Kate had shaken her head. ‘Not good enough - you know Laura would do it in a flash.’
Anna sighed.‘It’s not just that. We haven’t got the money, Kate. Please don’t ask me to do something I can’t.’
But Kate was undeterred.‘Well how about this? If you drive us to Clare, I’ll pick up the rest of the bill.’
‘It’s an incredibly generous offer, Kat
e, but I can’t accept it. I -’ Kate held up her hand. ‘I won’t take no for an answer, Anna. I want a day out and I want a friend to come with me. You’re it!’
Anna wavered.‘When is it? If Matt’s home, I really can’t do it, Kate.’
Kate gave her a stern look.‘Anna, I know you love him, but after the all-nighter stunt he pulled a while back, I think you’re owed a day out, don’t you?’
Anna bowed her head and looked at the table. Kate just didn’t understand. Yes, she’d been angry with Matt, worried out of her mind. But she wasn’t interested in revenge. She just desperately wanted her husband back, and that meant giving him every opportunity to open up to her. She needed to be there for him. What if he wanted to talk and she wasn’t there?
Then she remembered what Matt had been like when he’d come home after his first trip across the Nullarbor. She’d made sure she’d been home, bustled around fixing him a nice dinner, but he had barely acknowledged her presence and when she’d asked about his trip he’d just answered in monosyllables. She’d been angry when they’d gone to bed, but still she had reached for him.
He’d turned away.
At the memory, some of Anna’s defiance returned and she lifted her head.
‘Okay, Kate, that sounds like heaps of fun.’
‘Fantastic!’
So here they were now, smelling the sweat from the horses’ warm bodies, eavesdropping on the chatter around them and listening to the clinking of glasses.
The women were all dolled up, but many had a dusty line across their rears, from leaning against the railings.The men’s attire ranged from smart suits right down to blue singlets and thongs.
‘Shall we get a glass of champers or find a bookie?’
Kate took out her glasses and slipped them on; as she opened the racing guide they had been given as they came in through the gate. ‘I don’t know a thing about horses and betting,’ she said. ‘Do you?’ She looked at Anna.
Anna felt a giggle erupt from her at the absurdity of it all. ‘I can’t think how I would know anything about it. I’ve only been to the races twice in my life. Matt brought me to the New Year’s Day races the year I turned twenty-one. We had a fantastic time - but we didn’t win a cent!’ She smiled, recalling their pleasure. ‘That was the year we finished harvest early.’ Her smile dimmed, to be replaced by a spasm of sadness, but she tossed her head, refusing to give in to it. ‘C’mon, I think a drink is the go, then how about we find somewhere to sit and study the form guide. Surely one of us can win some money!’
They found a shady tree and sipped their drinks while waiting for the next race.
‘Hey,’ said Kate, peering at the guide.‘I know this guy, Andrew Natter - he went to school with my brother. Maybe we should bet on his horse?’
‘What’s its name?’ asked Anna. ‘I’ll only place a bet if I like the name.’
‘Golden Boy. Hmm, not particularly imaginative.’
Anna leaned over to read over her friend’s shoulder. ‘There’s got to be something better . . . What about this one, Nabisco? Isn’t that the name of a biscuit company?’ She flipped to the back of the guide where there was information on all the horses, owners and trainers. ‘Oh, here’s a good one: Alzan - it sounds like something out of Harry Potter!’
Kate laughed.
‘And here’s one for Matt,’ Anna continued, the champagne making her reckless.‘Madalena. It means bitter!’
‘Anna!’ Kate giggled and punched her on the arm. ‘The drink has gone to your head!’
Anna smiled guiltily and looked back down at the racing guide. Now that she was laughing and joking it felt like forever since she had enjoyed herself. And it felt good. She was actually having fun for a change. It was time she started living her life again, she decided. She couldn’t let herself be dictated to by Matt’s moods. She would go places when she was invited and she would hold her head high. There was no reason not to.
‘Thanks, Kate,’ she said as she took another sip of champagne, her voice laden with meaning.
‘You’re welcome,’ Kate answered breezily.
‘We’d better place a bet - the race starts in ten minutes. Have you chosen one?’
‘I’m going for October Wind. Let’s hope he runs like it.’
Kate went to place the bet while Anna made her way to the toilets. Looking out across the car park, she saw a white ute pull up close to the fence and park under a tree. The man who got out looked vaguely familiar but she couldn’t place him. She knew the dog, though - it was Jasper.The man must be Alec Harper.
Turning quickly, she walked away. She didn’t want to have any reminders of their old life. Not on the day she had decided to live again.
She found Kate and they pushed their way through the crowd to the rails; they watched with bated breath as the horses made their way into the barriers.As soon as the last horse was settled the gate flew open and they were racing.The crowd erupted, cheering so loudly Anna couldn’t hear Kate yelling, despite the fact she was standing right next to her!
The horses galloped past at full stretch, their muscled shoulders and silky coats flashing by. As their hooves thundered down the track Anna could feel the rhythm through her feet. It vibrated through her body, making her feel strangely euphoric.
As she caught sight of October Wind she began to jump up and down with excitement.‘Go, October Wind!’ she screamed.‘C’mon, you can do it!’
Kate grabbed her arm. ‘Carn, Octy!’ she shouted, the rest of the crowd yelling in a frenzy of encouragement.
Then it was over.
The horses slowed from a gallop to a canter, from a trot to a walk. The jockeys were slapping each other on the back but only one had his fist raised in triumph.
‘Who won? Who won?’ gasped Kate, still breathless. ‘The one who’s got his fist in the air,’Anna replied, straining to see. ‘But I’ve got no idea who it is!’
Then the announcer called,‘First Carlotta, second Adonia and in third place, October Wind.’
Anna and Kate looked at each other and shrieked with laughter.
They collected their winnings and, in high spirits, reclaimed their position under the tree to study the form guide for their next flutter.
After much light-hearted banter about horse names, they came to their decision.‘Okay,’ said Anna. ‘We’ll try for Believe in Miracles. I think it’s pretty apt, don’t you?’
‘Absolutely.You place the bet this time and I’ll go to the loo.’
‘I’ll meet you back here.’
Anna took her place in line behind a man who was flashing fifty-dollar notes around. He’d obviously had a good win. As he turned, he bumped into her.
‘Excuse me,’ he said gruffly. It was Alec Harper.
‘Sorry,’ she muttered, feeling her face turn red. She stepped to the left just as he did and they bumped into each other again. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ she said, ready to sink into the ground with embarrassment.
Alec looked at her, frowned, and finally stepped around her.
‘You right, love? Can I help you?’ the bookie asked, holding out his hand for her money.
‘Oh, yes please. Twenty dollars on Believe in Miracles.’
‘I can’t believe we won so much money!’ Anna crowed. ‘Two hundred and fifty dollars!’
‘Well it’s yours. Just give me back the twenty we put on and you can have the rest.’ Kate was beaming as they walked out of the gates in bare feet, holding their ridiculous heels in their hands. ‘You can buy that gorgeous daughter of yours a new dress for her birthday. What a fantastic day! Thanks for coming with me,Anna - I wouldn’t have had nearly as much fun without you.’ She threw her arm around her friend and then looked over as Anna tensed. ‘What? ’she asked. ‘Oh . . .’
Chained in the back of the ute that Anna had seen earlier was Jasper. But it wasn’t Jasper as she’d last seen him. Now he was skin and bones with weeping sores over his feet.
Anna felt such distress and anger as she rushed to pat h
im. ‘Oh, Jasper, mate. Hey, Jas,’ she said softly. ‘Remember me? Oh look, he does.’
Jasper had leapt up at the sound of Anna’s voice. He strained at the chain. ‘Oh you poor bugger,’ she said tenderly, as she felt him wince at her touch. ‘The bastard is in there throwing his money around while this poor dog is suffering. Can we report him to the RSPCA?’
‘We can do better than that,’ said Kate, glancing around. She reached into the ute’s tray and unclipped Jasper’s chain.‘Grab him.’
In one swift movement, Anna had Jasper on the ground. ‘Let’s go,’ said Anna, and with the dog limping between them they walked as quickly as they could back to the car.
Chapter 14
Matt weaved his way through the steep hills, just before Spalding, passing the golf club and little bridges that crossed the Broughton River.The reeds grew high on the banks of the river and the hills were lined with granite reefs. The paddocks of dry grass gleamed golden in the evening sun before the sun slipped behind the hills and long dark shadows were cast across the land.
He smiled to himself. Five minutes until he could hug Ella.
As he rounded the corner the familiar sights unexpectedly caused a suffocating feeling to envelop him. Even though he knew it wouldn’t be long before he’d be walking into a cool house where Anna waited with open arms, he felt trapped. Small town, small house, small backyard.
Ella, he must think about Ella.
The ute bounced slightly as Matt drove over the railway line and looked across to the service station. Feigning normality, he breathed deeply and waved to the owner who was outside locking up the bowsers. He continued on down the main street, passing the Town Hall, War Memorial and bowling club before pulling into his driveway.
It looked like Anna had mowed the lawn today; he could smell the scent of freshly cut grass, reminding him of the hundreds of hectares of hay he had cut in previous years. The cement path had been swept and Matt knew, even before he opened the door, that the house would be neat and tidy and his favourite meal would be in the oven.
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