Anna clipped Ella into her car seat then gave Kate a hug. Matt was already behind the wheel.
‘Thank you so much for having us, and for the sand,’ she said.
‘You’re very welcome,’ Kate replied.
‘You know we’re here for anything you need, anything at all,’ Sam added. He placed his hand on her shoulder. ‘Anything at all, Anna,’ he repeated.
She smiled at both of them, ignoring the flutter in her stomach, and climbed into the car.
‘Hey, Matt, don’t forget I want you to come to the motorbike auction with me,’ Sam said, leaning down to look through the window. ‘I won’t take no for an answer. It’s in three weeks’ time.’ Then he stood up and tapped the roof as Matt shoved the ute into gear.
‘Catch you all later,’ Matt said, and they moved off down the drive.
‘Thanks for telling me about the accident yesterday,’ Anna said to Matt coldly when she was sure Ella had fallen asleep in the back. ‘I guess you didn’t think I’d be interested in hearing that my husband and best friend were almost killed.’
‘You were asleep – I didn’t want to wake you. Kate said Ella had been sick and that you were really tired.’
‘More like you just didn’t want to talk to me.’
Anna leaned her head back against the seat and shut her eyes to discourage any further conversation. She remembered Sam’s easy smile and the happiness radiating throughout the kitchen when they’d all trooped in for a break. Matt and she had been like that once. Matt had been attentive and loving the same way Sam was to Kate. She tried not to feel jealous, but sometimes it was damned hard.
Chapter 24
‘I’m off then,’ Matt said as he threw his rucksack over his shoulder.
Anna came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a tea towel, Ella following.
‘Okay, well, I hope you have a good time.’
‘We’ll just be washing and polishing the trucks, getting them ready for the big day. Don’t think there’ll be much fun involved,’ he said, pulling open the door.
‘Will Joel be there?’
‘It’s his wedding, isn’t it?’ He looked down. ‘See you later, Ella. Dad’s going to the truck yard.’
Ella didn’t say anything but hid her face in the crook of Anna’s knee.
‘C’mon, Ella,’ Anna said. ‘Say goodbye to Daddy.’ Anna reached down to dislodge the small arms from around her legs, but Ella tightened her grip, refusing to budge. Anna glanced up at Matt to see a vulnerability in his eyes and realised Ella’s reaction had upset him.
She reached out to touch his arm. ‘So will you come back here before the wedding? Will we go together?’
He lifted his gaze to Anna. ‘Yeah, I’ll be back tomorrow. Like I said, we’re only washing and polishing the trucks today and we’ll probably have a few beers tonight.’ He turned to leave, but stopped and squatted down to talk to Ella. ‘Love you, Ella,’ he said, then left.
As the front door banged behind him, Anna looked down at her daughter. ‘You know your daddy loves you very much, don’t you? He misses you when he’s away from home. Why didn’t you want to say goodbye?’
Ella ignored the question. ‘Let’s go see Maggie.’
Anna smiled. Ella’s obsession with Maggie had developed after the shopkeeper had dropped off a toy bucket and spade, having heard about the sandpit Anna was building, then stayed to show Ella how to dig out weeds in the garden. She’d promised to come back when the sand arrived to build castles with a moat around them.
‘We can call in and say hello,’ she agreed,‘but then we need to get your bag packed for your sleepover at Grandma Laura’s tomorrow night.’
Maggie was in the small kitchenette making a cup of tea when they walked into the corner store. Anna breathed in the smell of pies in the bain-marie; she loved the smell of warm pastry.
Ella ran around the counter and into Maggie’s arms before Anna had a chance to stop her.
‘Ah, Ella! How are you today, wee lass? And where’s yer ma? There she is! Would you like a cup of coffee, Anna?’
Anna nodded. ‘I’d love one, thanks.’
She wandered around the shop, looking at the country art and crafts. A new batch had arrived, including an old Coke advert in a beautiful wooden frame. She studied it, thinking it would go well above her old stove. Then she saw how much it cost and screwed up her nose. It wouldn’t be coming home with her today.
The bell above the door jangled as it opened, letting in a blast of cool air. Anna turned to see who had entered and her heart almost stopped as she caught sight of Alec Harper. She moved in behind a shelf, hoping Maggie wouldn’t call her to take Ella. She didn’t know why, but every time she saw Alec or heard his name, her pulse started to race. His sharp tongue made her so nervous. And how could she talk civily to a man who she knew was abusing an animal?
Maggie came out with Ella on her hip and set the little girl on the counter.
‘How are ye this morning, Alec?’ she asked in the same warm voice she would have offered to Anna.
‘Fine, just fine. I’ll have a pie and sauce, thanks, Maggie,’ he said. He pulled a Coke out of the fridge and put it on the counter.
‘It’s a lovely day, but I guess you’ll be wantin’ some more rain before long,’ Maggie commented, ringing up the purchases.
‘Anytime soon,’ he answered.
Anna crept towards the window and peered out to see if Alec’s ute was there. Ah, there it was and yes, there was Jasper, looking worse than the last time she had seen him. His fur was coming out in patches, and his ears and head drooped.
The bell rang and Alec was gone. She watched him get into the ute, not even acknowledging the dog sitting there.
‘Anna?’ said Maggie softly.
‘Mmm?’ she answered, her eyes still fixed on Jasper.
‘Are you all right, pet?’
‘Yeah.’ Anna turned away from the window. ‘Alec bought our dog Jasper at the clearing sale and I know he’s not looking after him,’ she explained. ‘I tried to buy him back for Matt, but Alec was just so horrible when I asked. I was trying to see if he had Jasper with him today.’
Maggie nodded and brought out some crayons and paper from under the counter. ‘Here, Ella. I’ve got a new desk just the right size for you. Would you like to draw?’
Ella followed Maggie to a back corner and saw the child-size table all set up and waiting. It was piled with colourful toys that Maggie put on the floor.
She sat down with an air of importance, chose a red crayon and started to scribble on the page.
Maggie handed Anna her coffee. ‘Have you reported him?’ she asked.
‘No. I’d like to, but Matt says it’s not really anything to do with us. Jasper is Alec’s dog now.’
‘You know, I believe that if a living creature is being mistreated, then you have to help them, no matter how you do it.’ Maggie sipped her tea.
Anna said, ‘Yes, that’s what I think, but Matt –’ She took a deep breath then, before she could stop herself, everything came pouring out.
‘Oh, Maggie, I’m at my wits’ end with Matt. He’s so angry all the time and he hardly ever speaks to me or Ella. And she’s not responding to him the way she used to – she acts like he’s a stranger. Everything has changed. And so quickly.’ Tears of frustration pricked at her eyes. She glanced at Ella to make sure she was engrossed in her drawing before continuing in a hoarse voice, ‘I’m walking on eggshells the whole time he’s home and I’ve started to look forward to him leaving again. Maybe it would just be easier without him.’ She paused.
‘Mum would be horrified to hear me say that. I’m horrified to say it out loud!’
Anna desperately wanted to say something about how comforting and thoughtful Sam had been, but that would be voicing her most intimate thoughts. Somehow, she feared if she spoke of them out loud, her thoughts might become more real. At least now she could pretend she hadn’t ever felt that way for Sam.
‘The child n
eeds her father, Anna,’ Maggie said, but her expression was full of compassion.
‘I know,’ Anna groaned. ‘But she picks up on my moods no matter how hard I try to hide them. I just worry about how the tension between me and Matt must be affecting her.’
‘Let me tell you a story, darlin’,’ Maggie said, putting down her mug. ‘Back in Ireland, my mam was married to a man who loved her very much and she loved him. He was my stepfather and the light of her life. He had an accident at the farm one day; a tractor brake let go on a hill. He was run over and his leg was damaged so badly that after the third infection of gangrene, the doctors said it needed to be amputated.
‘This wonderful, loving man, who was mischievous and cheeky, grand fun to be around, turned into a sullen, withdrawn old man. His face turned grey with pain that was with him every waking moment. He could barely look at my mother, let alone speak to her. He resented the fact that she was still able-bodied and he was confined to crutches or a wheelchair. He turned on her.
‘Then came a day me mam couldn’t deal with his moods and snide comments anymore and she left. She cried and cried while she packed her bags and Daddy just sat in his wheelchair and stared at the wall. He did nothing to stop her. She didn’t want to go, but she couldn’t work out how to get through the barrier he’d put up.
‘I stayed with him – I couldn’t bear to see him left alone. He pined for my mother the whole time she was gone.
‘Finally, two weeks after she’d left, he took hold of my hand so tightly I was taken by surprise; he hadn’t shown any strength since the accident.
‘He said to me, “Maggie, you must go and find your mother. She needs to come home.”
‘I said, “You know she won’t, Daddy. She can’t bear it anymore how you don’t talk or take part in our lives.”
‘He started to cry – and let me tell you, my daddy never cried, not even when he had his accident and the doctors told him he would lose his leg. The anguish of Mammy leaving was worse than any he had ever experienced before. So he promised to try harder and she came back, but it was hard work.
He’d kept everything shut up inside for so long. But with compromise and open communication, they did manage to work through it and have an even stronger marriage at the end.
‘So what I’m asking, Anna, is how much is this marriage worth to you? Is it worth bringing your child up without her father? Of course, I’m not tellin’ you what to do, pet – but your fella is a good one. He’s just been hurt so very badly.’
Anna nodded, knowing Maggie was right – but she just wasn’t sure if she had the strength to keep going anymore.
Chapter 25
The day of the wedding they dressed in silence, side by side, until Matt asked her if she could do his tie for him. She turned to face him and started to tie the knot.
In days gone by, she knew, Matt would have caught her hand and kissed it – and maybe that would have led to something more, if they had time – but today the silence between them was uncomfortable.
Her thoughts had been all over the place after she’d left Maggie’s shop. One minute she’d made up her mind to leave Matt, and the next she knew she couldn’t do it, upset with herself for even thinking about it when Matt was suffering so much. Her hands stilled as she stared at Matt’s chest, willing him to show some affection, even to call her by name, but he just stood there, tense, almost as if he couldn’t bear to have her near him.
‘Finished?’
Snapping out of her thoughts, she quickly tightened the knot and stepped away, watching as Matt reached for his sports jacket, threw it over his shoulder and walked out of the room. ‘Thanks,’ he called.
Sighing sadly, she buttoned up her long dark green dress, dashed on her makeup and rummaged in her wardrobe for her shoes. She grabbed her handbag and Ella’s overnight bag and walked out into the kitchen. Matt stood looking out the window and asked, ‘So you’ll drive tonight?’ Without waiting for an answer, he walked outside and got into the passenger’s seat.
Ella ran up, eyes sparkling. ‘Ready, Mummy? I can’t wait for sleepover!’
‘Well you won’t have to wait any longer – it’s here!’ Anna hugged her little girl then turned to Matt.‘Are you ready?’
‘Yep.’
They dropped Ella off at Matt’s parents’ place, then set off on the drive to Adelaide.
As Anna expected, the trip was a quiet one. It seemed they had nothing to say to each other anymore.
Anna pulled up to the kerb and parked. The church grounds were filled with people but there was no one she recognised.
‘Matt, am I going to know anyone here?’ she asked, suddenly nervous.
He shrugged. ‘You know Shane and Belinda, and Joel and Janey. And Jimmy.’ He scanned the crowd. ‘I probably won’t know many people either. Guess some of the other blokes from the yard will be here with their wives.’ Then Matt whistled and Anna turned to see a silver BMW pull in smoothly a few spaces behind their old Corolla. Its occupants were waving at them.
‘Well, will you look at that?’ Matt said in wonder.
‘Who is it?’ Anna asked.
‘Shane and Belinda. I didn’t know he had a BMW.’
Shane got out of the car and called, ‘Hi, Matt! How are you, Anna?’
‘Mate, where’d you get a car like this? You pinched it didn’t you? I bet there’s a report out on it this minute.’ Matt went forward to shake Shane’s hand.
‘Look and weep, my friend, it’s our new pride and joy!’ He rubbed the roof lovingly then flung open the door for Matt to look inside. ‘Two-litre engine, six-speed gearbox, diesel . . .’
Anna watched as Belinda got out of the car, rolling her eyes. She was relieved to see a familiar face. ‘Hello, Anna,’ she said warmly. ‘Ignore him; he’s like a kid with a new toy. We only picked it up last weekend and he’s still crowing. How are you? And Ella?’
Anna smiled. ‘Ella’s thrilled to be having a sleepover with her grandparents. How are your boys?’ Belinda had only just started to answer when there were shouts of, ‘They’re here! They’re here!’ Around the corner, came two big Mack trucks, red and blue ribbons streaming from the aerials.
Janey was sitting in the passenger’s seat of the first one, waving her bouquet like a princess, while in the second one a bridesmaid sat, looking distinctly uncomfortable at the mode of transport. The flower girl alongside her was grinning broadly at the adventure she was having.
‘Oh, look!’ Belinda grabbed Anna’s arm and they exchanged smiles. ‘Only Janey,’ she said.
‘Only Janey,’ repeated Anna, thinking of the vintage cars she and Matt had used for their wedding.
The driver pulled on the horn and the crowd cheered as Janey emerged in a figure-hugging dress. Her hair was curled and piled on top of her head, her makeup done to perfection. There wasn’t a trace of the tough truckie in Janey that Anna had first met.
‘Bloody hell,’ said Shane. ‘I never could imagine Janey in a dress, but look at her - she’s gorgeous.’
Belinda smacked his arm. ‘I think she’s taken,’ she said. ‘I wish I could always look as good as I did on our wedding day. Don’t you, Anna? Oh, I loved it! Floating down the aisle, the centre of attention. Lord, sometimes I don’t recognise myself when I look in the mirror! Kids!’
Anna was about to agree when Shane wrapped his arms around Belinda and gave her a kiss on the cheek. ‘You look that good every day!’ he said. Out of the corner of her eye, Anna saw Matt shoot a glance towards her and her stomach filled with lead as he moved away slightly.
She was distracted by another honking of horns as the bridesmaid emerged and held out her hand to the flower girl, who wouldn’t have been much older than Ella.
‘How sweet,’ she murmured.
‘Just gorgeous,’ Belinda agreed. ‘Come on. We’d better find a seat.’ She and Shane led the way into the church through a side door. Both men gave Joel a thumbs-up and he returned the gesture with a nervous smile.
As
they slid into a pew towards the back of the church, Anna somehow became separated from Matt, so that she was sitting on one side of Belinda and Shane, while Matt was on the other.
As the organ started to play the ‘Wedding March’, Belinda leaned over to whisper, ‘I can’t believe how traditional this is. Except for the trucks. I thought Janey would chuck tradition out the window!’
‘I wasn’t sure what to expect,’ Anna said and turned towards the door, where she could see Janey’s figure silhouetted against the light. She took a deep breath and remembered back to when she had stood in the same spot in the small church in Spalding. She could remember the excitement of it all, her desire to run down the aisle to Matt, to shout ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ and to see Matt’s face when he leaned over to kiss her.
‘I won’t cry,’ she repeated softly to herself over and over as the wedding party began the walk down the aisle. Instead she concentrated on the bridesmaid, dressed in sky-blue silk with red ribbons woven into the hemline, walking slowly towards the front, holding the hand of the flower girl. The little girl’s smile reminded Anna of Ella and she couldn’t help glance at Matt to see his reaction. His face was expressionless. Anna wondered if behind the mask he too was remembering their own wedding.
As the ceremony started Anna couldn’t help but recall their wedding service. Sam had muttered something about ‘in sickness and in wealth’ before they’d started their vows, making Matt snort with laughter.
The way he had held her hands so tenderly, had looked at her with love and kissed her so gently - those were her most vivid recollections. When he’d slipped the ring on her finger she had felt whole.
So different to the way she felt now.
She heard a child’s cry and looked around to see where it was coming from. The formalities had finished without her realising, and the bride and groom, looking extremely pleased with themselves, were walking back down the aisle, surrounded by guests. But in the throng of people, the flower girl had been separated from the bridesmaid and was trapped in a sea of legs.
Anna moved to go to her, but Matt was closer. She watched as if from a distance as he squatted down and took out his hanky to dry the little girl’s eyes, speaking to her quietly all the time.Then he hoisted her up onto his hip and looked around, trying to spot her parents. Matt seemed completely at ease as he jiggled her up and down. When they found the parents, the little girl gave him a hug before she went to her mother.
Purple Roads Page 14
