by Jo Zebedee
They walked to the main cavern, where Lichio perched on the gangway to Farran’s ship, chatting to Cai. He glanced up when they came in and gave a slight nod of acknowledgement.
“Nothing about Josef?” asked Sonly, low enough not to be overheard.
“Not so far. The Mersor embassy are seeking for him.”
“The woman, Shadeen?”
“She’s okay, apparently. If there was any trail, the Empress hasn’t picked it up.” He watched Lichio for another moment, worried. Not since the days at the Banned had he known much about Lichio’s personal life. Plenty about his work, plenty of games of tick-tack, his opinions on most things, but not who he was with or where he went when he wasn’t on duty. But they’d always had an easy way of working together, of getting along. Since the coup, there had been none of that, only a guarded wariness and underlying sadness.
“I will.” He watched Cai say something to Lichio, his arm movements showing what looked like the dive of a ship. “Nina and the kids are doing better since we got here,” he said. “It’s as good a place as any. In fact, it’s better than most.”
“It’s fine as a base, Kare. But it’s not a seat of power.” She yawned. “I’m tired – we’ll talk about it later.”
He watched her walk away, and took his time going to the small room he’d taken. He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. When he left here, he’d have to face his mother and win.
And if not? He took a deep breath. If not, there was something he needed to do. His stomach contracted; he was nearly as scared as he had been when he’d seen Sam holding his broken hand and recognised the trap. He imagined what Sam would say now, and could almost hear his voice: one footstep; one breath; one step; one breath. He walked down the corridor and knocked on Sonly’s door.
“Come in.”
He went in and closed the door, leaning against it. She was on her bed, taking off her shoes, and he just watched for a moment. She looked up from under her fringe, taking his breath away as she always had. He had to show her he wanted her. She needed him to want her, he understood that.
“I love you,” he said, the words squeezed past his nerves.
She nodded but didn’t say it back, and he knew she was frightened he’d reject her again. They had changed what he and Sonly had, from an act of love into a thing about violence and degradation. Had she watched him be raped, the night in the cells? He didn’t know: he hadn’t asked, and she hadn’t said.
He took a deep breath and sat beside her. They stayed for a moment in silence. He could see how tense she was, her hands clasped in her lap. She had beautiful hands, long fingered and elegant. She was beautiful, in every way.
Do it. He leaned over and kissed her, the way he used to kiss her every day, before his mother had taken him and ruined his life. Her mouth opened, welcoming him. Gods, he’d missed her: Sonly who accepted who he was, who had loved him with or without power, and who had been with him in his darkest times.
She pushed him back, onto the bed, and he remembered the first time they’d made love. He’d led it, asking her to trust him, and she had, even though he’d been an idiot who’d known nothing.
“Trust me,” she whispered, and he nodded.
She unbuttoned his shirt, the swell of her body against him familiar. He wanted her, he could feel it building in him, but part of him was desperately scared and threatened to push her away. She kissed him again, and he kissed her back, exploring her, his desire taking the place of his doubts. He reached up and slipped off her top, and then rolled over, so he was above her. Her skin was warm against him, moving with each breath. She tilted her head away.
“Are you sure?” she said.
“Yes. Can’t you tell? Tell me you don’t want me, if you want – you have every right.”
“Piss off.” She giggled and he made a face, before he started to kiss her again, butterfly kisses all down her neck and onto her body, the way she liked. He could smell the light muskiness of her perfume. She pushed him away and he groaned.
“I need to know this isn’t a one-off, Kare, that you mean it.”
He ran his hand lightly over the puckered skin where her wound had been, trying not to rush her. “It’s not. I want what we had: I want the chance to put it right.”
Her only answer was to pull him down into a deep kiss, and he pushed her back again, covering her with kisses all over her body, lingering until she opened to him and he didn’t hesitate, he just knew it was right.
***
After, they lay on the bed. Kare smiled, knowing he looked like an idiot, not able to stop himself.
She traced the line of his scar down his chest, her fingers light, and he didn’t flinch away. “That one?”
“Laser burn.”
She kissed it, tracking down it, and pointed to another, near his navel. “That?”
“Shock treatment, they left it too long. It hurt.”
She kissed it, and moved lower and he had to push her away.
“Very inventive,” he croaked. “The award for best use of scars goes to Sonly. We better stop. It’s the middle of the afternoon, and I’m supposed to be – I don’t know, regal. Maybe.” He looked at her again, and swallowed, feeling himself grow hard. “Oh, gods, I want you….”
Sonly paused. “Can they tell, with the mesh?”
“No,” he said, shocked at the thought. “Right now, I’m not sharing.”
“Oh, good.” She pointed to a scar, near the top of his leg. “That one?”
“Lash.” She kissed it, and he groaned as she moved closer to him. “Stop. You really need to stop.”
Sonly grinned up at him. “Regal is boring. I have much better plans.” She traced her finger the whole way up to his lips. He kissed it.
“Much better,” she said.
He reached for her. She was right. It was right. He tightened his arm around her. If his mother found where he was, she’d take this from him. She’d take his children, his friends, his family, just as she had before.
“Kare?” asked Sonly. “Are you all right?”
Not yet. But he would be. He pulled her to him and then it was just Sonly, and the lingering knowledge that he couldn’t let his mother take this from him again. Somehow, he’d find it in him to stop her. Forever.
THE END
Table of Contents
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
CHAPTER FORTY
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