But I was looking at him.
And I was done for.
"There it is," he said, but more to himself than me.
"There what is?" I asked, watching him.
"Love," he said, letting my face go and stepping back.
"What?" I asked, my face scrunching up in confusion.
"Love. I wanted to see if it was still there."
"Seriously?" I laughed humorlessly. "Did you really think it would be gone? After just a week? You think I'm that fickle?"
He held his hands up, palms out at me. "Easy tiger, I'm not trying to get into another fight with you."
"Then what are you trying to do?"
He turned and walked away from me, running a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "I don't know how to say this," he said, his shoulders dropping as he turned back to me.
"It's usually best to just... say it," I suggested. Especially if it is an apology. Because he damn sure owed me one of those. And he wasn't going to get away with not giving me one.
"This is hard for me..."
"Yeah, because it's easy for anyone else," I said, rolling my eyes. What made him think he was special? Who ever liked to admit they were wrong? It was pretty much universally one of the hardest things to admit to. That you...
"I love you."
Hand to God, my stomach dropped to my feet. That was really the only way to describe how I felt the second those words were out of his mouth. My mouth fell open as I stared at him, absolutely certain that I had misheard him. "I'm sorry. I'm going to need you need to repeat that," I said, shaking my head.
He let out a laugh that was more of a silent snort, reaching out toward me. His hands went to the sides of my face, cradling it. "Cordelia Cameron," he started, sounding both serious and amused at the same time. "You are the most frustrating woman I have ever met. And you are a royal pain in my ass. But I love you."
As far as declarations went, it wasn't great. I mean no woman dreams of being told they were loved despite them being frustrating and a pain in the ass... but it didn't matter. It didn't matter because Dane freaking Broderick loved me. He actually loved me.
"Cordy," he said, looking at me with worried eyes.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Did you hear me that time?"
"That I'm a pain in the ass?" I asked, smiling a little.
"That comment just further proving my point," he said, smiling.
"So you think you love me, huh?" I asked.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I know I love you."
"No you don't," I said, holding back a laugh. "If you knew about my past, what I am capable of. I have a different man every..."
"Shut up," he said, pulling my face to his and kissing me hard.
"Okay," I mumbled against his lips.
His tongue slipped into my mouth, toying with mine until my hands were digging into his back. He slowly pulled away, his hands falling onto my shoulders. "So," he said, taking a breath. "What now?"
I nodded. "That's a good question."
"Come on," he laughed. "Help me out here. I'm new to all of this."
"To what?"
"I don't know... relationships?"
I tilted my head to the side. "Are you... asking me to be your girlfriend?" I teased. It was way too much fun to see him so uncomfortable, so out of his depths. To see his ego down a few hundred notches.
"I hate you," he said, rolling his eyes.
"Well," I said, more seriously, "are you?" Seriously... was he?
"I don't know," he said, looking completely out of his depths. "I guess. I mean... yeah. I am."
"Say it," I said, pursing my lips to keep from smiling as wide as I wanted to.
"Come on, baby..."
"Nuh uh," I said, trying to take his dominant tone and knowing I was failing. "Say it or I leave right now."
There was a ghost of a smile on his mouth as he turned away for a second, taking a deep breath, before looking at me again. "Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Hmm," I said, tapping my lip like I was mulling it over, meanwhile I was doing a ridiculous, humiliating happy dance inside. "Well... maybe..."
My words were cut off on a shriek as he grabbed me, hauling me up off my feet. My legs went instinctively around his hips, holding on, my arms around his neck. He slammed me backward against the wall, making the air explode out of my chest.
"Let's put it this way," he said, looking in my eyes. "You're my girlfriend now."
"Oh really? I don't have a say in it, huh?"
"Nope," he agreed.
"You're such a Neanderthal."
"You love it," he countered.
"Yeah," I agreed, letting myself give him a genuine smile. "I really do."
"So..."
"So," I repeated.
"I need to fuck you now," he said as casually as he would say he needed a cup of coffee.
"Oh yeah?"
"It's been six days," he said, the words sounding positively grave.
"Oh you poor thing," I said, leaning forward and kissing down the side of his neck.
"I was celibate for you," he said, sounding breathy already.
"For a week," I said, sucking on his skin hard. I wanted to brand him. I didn't care how juvenile that was.
"Hey, it's a big deal," he grumbled, his hands moving between us, trying to sneak under my shirt and failing. "What the fuck kind of material is this?" he asked, trying to pull at it.
I giggled against his neck, moving backward and holding my arms above my head. "It keeps all my naughty bits from making an appearance when I am working out."
"I like your naughty bits," he said, ripping the material up over my head and quickly covering the swell of my breasts with his hands. "I lied you know."
"About what?" I asked, closing my eyes as his thumbs rubbed across my nipples.
"Your tits," he said, making my eyes snap open. "I lied. I haven't ever seen any better. These," he said, grabbing my nipples and rubbing them between his fingers, "are the fucking best I've ever seen."
"Good to know," I said, rubbing my hips against his waist in my desire. "Anything else you lied about?"
"You're not a decent lay."
"Oh," I said, feeling my heart drop.
"You're a phenomenal one," he said, winking at my discomfort.
"You're such an ass," I said, swatting at his chest.
"Yeah, but I'm your ass."
His hands moved to my hips, slowly lowering me back down on the floor. He grabbed the waist of my pants, pulling them slowly down, kissing the skin as it got exposed. I reached down, grabbing his shirt and hauling it over his head.
God I missed him. I had been trying so hard not to. I was trying to, as much as possible, forget him. The time without him came flooding back as lonely and longing. I was mad we lost a minute. But if that was what he needed to come to grips with his feelings, then fine.
But my body was just completely beside itself. I swear I was going to burst apart the second he touched me.
He stood up slowly, unfastening his pants and letting them drop to the floor, then pulling me down on the floor with him. He shifted our bodies so my back was resting against his chest, his hands moving leisurely down my body. Like we had all the time in the world. Like I wasn't
positively dying by the moment. His hands slid down to my hips, following them around to my lower back and pressing me forward. My hands pressed down on the floor as his slide up the smooth skin of my inner thighs, moving away at the last possible second and making me grumble. His hands slid to my ass, holding each side for a long moment.
"Has anyone ever been in here?" he asked, his voice husky.
Oh, lord.
"No," I said, feeling a little twinge of fear settle in my belly. Because I knew I was going to go along with it. Whatever he wanted, he was going to get... but not entirely sure of it either.
"I want to own every part of you," he said, running hi
s hands up my back.
"Okay," I said quietly. There was no use even pretending I was going to turn him down.
"Okay," he repeated and his cock slid between my legs, sliding against my slick heat before thrusting hard into my pussy. "But first we need to get you all warmed up," he said, grabbing my hips and hauling me against him as he plunged forward, hard and fast.
I would never get used to sex with him. Not if we did it ten times a day for ten years. Each time it felt all-consuming, like we were getting completely lost in each other. Like there was no more me or him... just the connection, just the heat and sensations. It was nothing like I had ever experienced before. And I was sure that it was something I would never get again. It was absolutely the kind of mind-numbing sex you only get to have once in a lifetime.
He pulled quickly out of me just as I felt my orgasm begin to crest.
"No," I groaned, rubbing my hips back at him.
"Don't worry," he said rubbing the head of his cock against me. "You're gonna come. You just have to wait," he said, pushing hard against the entrance, making me tense. "Relax, baby," he said, pushing slightly forward. "I promise you'll like it."
I really didn't think so. He was just barely in and it was a mix of painful and just... uncomfortable. Weird. But if he was confident about it and I had no reason to doubt him. He hadn't been wrong about sex yet.
He grabbed my hips and pulled me quickly backward, not hard, just fast. And suddenly he was fully inside me. "Ow," I grumbled, shaking my head. Yeah, maybe this was the one situation where he was going to be wrong.
He let his breath out on an airy laugh, stilling inside me. "Give me a minute here," he said, running his hands up my sides, reaching around me and grazing over my breasts. He started pulling me up and backward until my hips settled against his thighs. "I'm sure it wasn't fun when you lost your virginity. But look how well that turned out," he said against my neck, kissing slowly down the sensitive skin.
And he wasn't wrong. The pain was subsiding as my body got used to the feeling.
If the guy could just be wrong about something once, I would be a happy woman.
He started moving in me, a small twisting of his hips, reminding me of the foreign sensation, but not in an entirely bad way. His hands moved down my body, sliding between my legs and stroking lightly. The desire built slowly and undeniably, different than I was used to, but there and strong. He started pulling slightly out of me and pressing back in, gentle and intoxicating. His hand moved to my clit, pressing it, moving away, circling it, then stopping. Driving me absolutely mad. My arms went up and behind me, wrapping around his neck as I started moving with him.
"Does that feel good?" he asked in my ear, his voice strained, his pace picking up.
"Yeah," I groaned, my head falling back against his shoulder. My orgasm was growing, a slow-moving building that was threatening to pull me under and never let me go.
"I'll still be able to feel you come like this," he said, close to losing control himself.
"And when I do, I am going to come deep inside you."
One of his fingers slipped lower, pushing inside me and turning. He stroked over my G-spot at the same time his finger brushed over my clit. And I came.
It wasn't cresting or crashing. It wasn't waves. It wasn't anything soft and feminine. It was violent. It tore through me with an intensity that was frightening, making me cry out in half ecstasy, half confusion as I shuddered through the most intense orgasm I had ever experienced. And he had given me some intense ones before.
"Good girl," he ground out, pushing deep inside me as his arm around my stomach pushed my hips down hard. I felt his cock jerk, his breath hiss, and he came, groaning out my name.
He stayed inside me for a long time, his cock, his fingers, both of us too weak to move. "Holy fuck," he said a while later, pressing his lips against my neck.
"That's... yeah," was all I could manage. I felt sleepy and heavy and wildly alive all at once.
"So that triple zone orgasm really worked for you, huh?" he teased, his teeth grazing my earlobe.
"Only in the way that I flew out of my body, saw the face of God, thanked him for the invention of orgasms, then slammed back into my body," I said, eyes closed, too caught up in the aftermath to move.
He chucked, pushing me forward and moving away from me. I grabbed for my pants, slipping them awkwardly on with my numb, fumbling hands, then sat down on the floor, too tired to even think about putting my shirt on.
Dane walked back a moment later, a pair of dark gray sweatpants hanging low off his hips. He smiled oddly down at me, shaking his head slightly. "Oh, pretty girl..." he said, reaching down, scooping me up, and cradling me against his chest. He kissed the tip of my nose as he walked me toward one of the closed off rooms, surprising me as he led me through the door of what was the master bedroom.
He had finished it while I was away. Three of the walls were a light brown, the wall behind the bed a much deeper shade. The bed itself was massive, covered in soft-looking white sheets and, I noticed with a full, rolling laugh... his headboard was a plush, tufted, very thick material.
"What?" he asked, putting me down on the bed and looking down at me with a half-smile.
"The... headboard," I managed, rolling to my side, holding my belly.
"Oh," he said, chuckling slightly. "Well... I plan on slamming you against it several times a day. Don't want to give you brain damage."
I smiled, shaking my head at him and patting the space next to me. "I love you," I said, curling up against his side.
"Because you're a very, very stupid girl," he said, but he was smiling. "I love you too."
We stayed that way for a long time and he was so still that I assumed he had fallen asleep.
"Have you given this some thought?" he asked, making me jump slightly.
"Given what thought?"
"This," he said, pulling away so he could look at me. "Us."
I hadn't. I actually hadn't. Which was weird for me. Normally I analyzed everything to death. I weighed the pros and cons, I made plans. I obsessed over the worst-case scenarios so I could be prepared for anything. But beyond thinking about how rare and wonderful it was to
love him, I hadn't given it any thought at all.
"That's what I thought," he said, watching me. "What happens when you're done with the inn?"
Oh, my god. What was going to happen when I was done with the inn? I had a job and a life and it was nowhere near Stars Landing. And he had a job and a life and it was never going to be anywhere else but in Stars Landing. I couldn't ask him to leave. And he wouldn't ask me to stay.
We could try the long distance thing, me sneaking into town whenever I passed by, when I was on my way to or from the city. But I knew even as the thought formed that that would never work. It wouldn't be fair to him. And it wouldn't be fair of him to ask me to give up my career either. There was really no happy possible solution to the problem of a relationship between the two of us.
I felt sick when the truth of our situation hit me. Literally sick. With a rolling stomach and a cold sweat. Because the reality was... there was no future for us.
"Lets not think about it," I suggested instead, shrugging a shoulder.
"That doesn't sound like you," he shot back, brow raised.
"So?" I asked, snuggling back up into him. "Maybe I'm changing." He snorted and I laughed. We both knew people didn't change. Not really. "Fine. I'm not. I just want to enjoy this," I said wrapping my arms around him.
His arms went around me, squeezing me tight. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Okay."
The silence felt painful between us. Full of knowledge that we didn't want to think about.
Because the reality is: love doesn't conquer all. It doesn't make all things possible. There are some situations that are insurmountable. And no matter how much you hope that love will see you through, a part of you is aware that no amount of wishful thinki
ng can rearrange the stars.
Our love had an expiration date and it was going to come well before we would be ready for it.
The air in the room felt thick and hard to breathe. I struggled to suck it in, past the lump in my throat, past my aching heart and into my strangled lungs.
"I like your room," I said, needing to break the silence. Even as it was out of my lips, I regretted it. It felt lacking. Silly and unimportant.
"Thanks," he said, his arms holding me painfully. Like he never wanted to let me go. Like if he let go even the slightest bit, I would slip out of his hands.
I blinked at the tears in my eyes realizing that eventually, that was exactly what was going to happen.
I pulled at him tighter, not caring about not being able to breathe. Just needing to be as close to him as possible.
Because I could already see the end, and we had just barely begun.
Seventeen
Cordelia
I started sleeping over his unfinished apartment, heading begrudgingly back to the inn every morning to be greeted by Emily with a knowing smirk and a lifted brow. Because, I remembered, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the realization... she had been involved with Dane at one point as well.
James would always peek in on us at some point during the day, dressed in one of his ridiculous outfits: suit vests over an old horror movie or band t-shirt, jeans, and dress shoes. He curled up with Emily and I would try to squish the swell of hope while watching them. Because those two had made it work. Emily managed the inn. James technically worked for his brother's company EM Corp. But that is only if you use the term "work" very loosely. He would dart off to schmooze some CEO of a small company a few times a year so EM could acquire it, switch things up, make it a massive success, then sell it.
The only reason it worked for them was because James wasn't the one who owned the business. There was no one I could push my work off on. I was CC Designs. I had to be there. I had to go to client's houses and I needed to hold their hands through the process. I couldn't just not be there because I wanted to be with my boyfriend.
The Stars Landing Deviant Page 13
