It was the same, the same that Michael had told me. Sure, his tone was colder, and bitter, and filled with sarcasm, but strangely enough that only made it sound even more real.
“Do it then!” I decided and he tilted his head sideways, smiling murderously.
“And what shall I do, exactly?” Again, without sparing me, not even when I knew that my choice wasn’t as unselfish as it should be.
“What I wish!” I stated firmly. “Break up with her and leave Mark in your place!”
His smile widened and he straightened his back, uncrossing his long arms, leaving me apprehensive and trembling, as it always happened every time he moved.
“Fine. I’ll do as you wish,” he said and I sighed in relief. “However!” His ‘however’ echoed in my mind, making me tense. There was more. It wasn’t going to be that easy. He wasn’t finished.
He kept silent for a moment, allowing me to recover from the shock and disappointment, and I took a deep breath when I felt myself able to resume our conversation.
“However?” I asked and he smiled again, seeming amused, his face taking on that surreal beauty that could never belong to a Human Being.
“However, I’ll only do this if I get something in return.” My legs threatened to buckle under my weight and I held on to the table with all my strength. More exchanges, more Contracts. And what could I possibly give him that wasn’t already pledged? I had nothing, besides despair.
“What ... do you want?” I whispered between breaths, my voice falling to its usual frail and broken tone, and his expression became slightly cruel, the corners of his perfect lips slightly turning downwards. And still he was breathtakingly beautiful.
“Let’s see ...” He left his words hanging, as if considering the matter, and I waited. “It so happens that I’m rather bored,” he told me with a tedious expression. “In the end, we both know that I’ve already fulfilled my part in this Contract, and still here we stand, in this boring impasse.” My eyes widened unable to understand, not wanting to understand, and he looked at me curiously. “Come on! You’re not going to tell me that you still haven’t noticed! The useless blondie is head over heels for you!” he declared with such certainty that I felt completely lost, as if I’d just been pushed to the edge of a cliff, not even noticing how I’d come to stand there. “Everyone can see it! It’s rather annoying!” he went on and my mind fervently denied every single word he said. “Whatever the reason, he seems to be refusing to admit it. I wonder why!” Sarcasm again. “Either way, I promised that your feelings would be returned and, although we all know this is already true, there’s no way to prove it to you, unless he admits it himself.” I almost felt relieved. If that was true, then there were still ways to stop it from happening. “And so, I have to remain here, until such time. I was about to die of boredom when Stephanie challenged me.” I clenched my teeth hard and resisted the impulse to cut him off. Hearing Steph’s name in his voice annoyed me deeply, beyond any rational reasoning. “And now you want me to give up my one and only amusement. It just doesn’t seem fair.”
“Amusement,” I repeated in disbelief. Was that how he saw her? And those who worried about her, like Joanne and me? All of that was it of no consequence to him? “Just say what you want!” I demanded, once again boiling with anger, and his face lost that sarcastic look, becoming frighteningly serious.
“The time I should be passing with her, you will be passing with me,” he told me with absolute certainty, and I just stood there, staring at him.
“What!”
“You’ll be the one to decide. The longer you spend with me, the lesser I’ll spend with her. After all, it’s your clear lack of taste in men that lead us to this annoying situation. Any other, in his place, would’ve already given the next step!”
I ignored his clear provocation and ran a hand over my damp forehead.
“How long?”
“How long?”
“How long will you need to let her go,” I clarified and immediately wished I’d kept quiet.
His eyes flickered lightly, as if he’d just had a wonderful idea, and that ironic smile returned to his face.
“Hmm, let’s see. It all depends on you,” he declared and I stared at him clueless. “I’ll set your friend free the day you’re able to come close to me enough to kiss me. Until then I think I’ll probably go on having fun in her company every time you’re otherwise engaged. Contrary to your indecisive self, she always knows perfectly well what she wants.”
Not thinking, I grabbed the first thing my hands could reach and threw it at his head. I didn’t quite understand how he managed to avoid it, since I couldn’t even see him move. However, the glass hit against the door frame right behind his head, shattering and falling on the ground in a dozen pieces. He looked down, at the small pieces of glass at his feet, looking surprised for just an instant, and then laughed, a rich, warm laugh that filled the entire room, ringing in my ears.
“I guess that means we have a deal?” he suggested, still laughing, and I wished I could cry of anger.
The soft sound of a small bell captured our attention, and Lea appeared at the door, still rubbing his eyes, looking extremely sleepy.
“What is it? What’s happened?” he mumbled and Gabriel bent over him, picking him up with ease. His silver eyes shot wide open, immediately awake as he felt himself suddenly rise so high above the ground, and, for a second, I was afraid for him. “M-m-master ...” I thought he was going to scold him for walking around the house in that shape, or at least treat him coldly as he’d done that morning. But Gabriel smiled, that smile he only showed that child, and ruffled his hair in an obvious good mood.
“You better sleep with me tonight, Lea. Mari is throwing a tantrum and dangerous things happen,” he added, pointing to the glass pieces with a movement of his head, and Lea followed his gaze, almost alarmed.
“Mari,” he whispered looking at me, his childish expression changing to one of sadness and pity as he empathized with my wasted and broken appearance, and then turned to Gabriel, pleadingly. “Master, can we go now?” he asked and Gabriel offered me a last amused smile before turning his back on me and walking away, taking Lea with him.
Lea, looking even smaller in his arms, still peered at me over his Master’s shoulders, his silver eyes sad and worried, and then they were both gone, lost among the shadows of the corridor.
Chapter Twelve
POP
– The Path of Gimel - The Hegemone between the Pillars.
Preliminary: The Vision of the Unguided Universe. 1 –
“My world was at peace, but it was cold and empty.
Now everyday there’s something new to fill that emptiness.
Without realizing it, I find myself buried and, although there’s enough air to breathe, I’m choking.
The emptiness from before was cold and lonely, but I miss its silence.
With effort, I try to regain my balance, certain that my mind
is like a trapezist, crossing an endless precipice over an invisible wire.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
T
hat morning when I went down to the kitchen, Lea was already there, sitting on a chair, his bare feet dangling back and forth.
“Good morning, Mari,” he greeted me with a smile and I sighed.
“Morning.” I replied, lowering my voice to a whisper since I’d woken up with a terrible headache and loud sounds were quite torturous.
“Are you OK?” he asked me, sounding worried, and I nodded.
“Only tired. I didn’t sleep all too well. Who cleaned all the glasses?” I asked, remembering last night I’d gone to bed without doing them, and Lea smiled smugly.
“Master did. He said it was dangerous leaving them around because I could cut myself,” he replied, beaming with happiness. “It’s exactly like you said. Everything’s back to normal!”
I made myself smile, not wanting to ruin his happiness, and lightly caressed his dark, soft hair.
/>
“I’m glad. What do you want for breakfast?” I asked him, opening the fridge to check our present food reserves, and grabbed the peach juice pack.
“Yogurt.” That velvet voice sent shivers throughout my entire body and the pack slid between my stiff fingers, falling to the ground, spilling juice all over the place. I panicked. I hadn’t felt his presence or his proximity and had been completely caught off guard due to his constant absences. “Oh well, this time, at least, nothing was broken,” he observed, sounding amused, and I tried to relax, thankful for the cold air from the fridge in my face.
It’s just like in the beginning. Nothing has changed, I told myself and took out two yogurts, placing them on the table, before fetching the mop to clean my mess.
I noticed that Lea was watching me, still looking worried, and I wished I could smile just to assure him. My fingers clenched around the mop’s wooden handle and I finally saw the dark shadow that was Gabriel by the door.
I wanted to move forward to mop the floor, but the fridge was halfway between me and him, and my feet refused to obey. And then the floor was completely clean and the juice pack had disappeared. I raised my head, too astonished with what had just happened to think twice, and he took a step forward, slowly walking up to his usual place on the other side of the table.
“I see we have a lot to practice,” he noted with a mocking smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
I turned my back to him and put the mop back to its place. I made Lea some scrambled eggs and a huge cup of his beloved chocolate milk, and felt a bit better when he smiled, his eyes sparkling when I placed the plate in front of him. I took my place, munching down a piece of toast that I couldn’t even taste, and didn’t dare challenge my knotted-up stomach any further, anxiously waiting for him to just finish and leave, so that I could exit through the door that stood right behind him.
Once my terrible guardian left his post, I ran upstairs and into the bathroom, diving my shaking hands under the cold running water.
“Mari,” I looked at the small boy watching me by the door and made myself smile, trying to appease his worried expression.
“I’m OK. It’s the same as always, nothing new.”
“You know, he will not hurt you,” he told me gently and I took a deep breath turning the water off.
“I know. But I can’t help it. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be all right,” I guaranteed and stopped by my room to grab my stuff.
When I went back down, he was already waiting for me by the door, holding his books under one arm. I sighed preparing myself for what awaited me, and he opened the door, stepping outside before me, so we could keep a sane distance between us.
We walked in silence, just as it had been in the beginning, and I dared observe his tall, lean figure. His strides were large but rhythmic and slow; the brown belted coat he wore reaching just bellow knee length, making him look older, as if he weren’t much older than any other Human Being. We didn’t exchange a single word all the way.
We were almost by the school gates when I noticed a blond boy waiting by the entrance, making my heart jump and warmth course through my veins. It was the first time I saw him so early in the morning and I couldn’t help blush, knowing he’d been waiting for me.
“How do you want to do it?” I heard Gabriel’s voice in a whisper, immediately stealing most of that warmth away. “What time do you want me?”
He meant our most recent deal, I recalled. And so that’s how things were going to be from now on. If I didn’t kept him busy, he’d go to her. Anger bubbled inside me and, once more, I asked myself why I agreed with that, when I could simply drive him to break that Contract and forever get rid of him. I was sure it wouldn’t be all that difficult, taking into account his recent actions and explosions, and the clear effort he daily endured to keep his himself under control.
“Go home after class,” I answered between clenched teeth and he didn’t say another word.
He walked by Michael, greeting him politely, and went on his way as if I didn’t exist. His pace stayed the same, his posture unchanged. I was nothing more than an unimportant toy for him.
Michael accompanied me up to my floor and I couldn’t help feeling discouraged at the thought of having to part ways with him.
“See you at lunch time?” he asked me hopefully and I averted my gaze, knowing I should tell him no, even while nodding affirmatively.
I stood by the stairs, watching him leave and it felt like a dark cloud had just covered my personal sun.
As soon as I set foot in the classroom, a deafening silence fell over the whole room while critical looks followed my every move. Sure it surprised me, especially some of the more disapproving expressions I saw on my classmate’s faces. But it wasn’t the first time I went through something like that — the only difference was that before I had Steph to help and support me. Now I was completely alone.
Instinctively I looked for her and found her sitting at Gabriel’s desk. They were talking and she was smiling.
I crossed that unwelcoming room as fast as I could and took my seat.
“You’re the talk of the whole school!” Joanne told me with disdain, her expression belonging to that smaller group of people that clearly disapproved of something I supposedly had done. “Everyone’s going around about how you spent last Wednesday with Michael Heaton doing God only knows what!” My lips parted wordlessly for a moment as my face flushed bright red. So that’s why everyone was looking at me sideways. Somehow, someone had discovered our brief escape and blabbered about it. “Is that why you two have been all secretive like?”
“Joanne,” I started, trying to appeal to her understanding. “It’s not what you’re thinking. We just went for a walk. I’m not hiding anything!”
“Yeah, right! You and her, you deserve each other!” she spat, signaling Steph with a movement of her head. “I was only your friend while it was convenient to you. I guess I’m no good anymore, now that you both have your little boyfriends and are popular and all! Well, you can keep them, for all I care!” She finished with a sneer and turned forward as our teacher entered the room.
Steph returned to her seat, smiling happily, and sat down, ignoring the teacher’s ironic rebukes.
I watched her discreetly for a moment, just as I’d done the day before, and was happy to see that she looked a bit more like the Steph I’d always known.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Although my friends had received me and treated me like they usually did, the ogling and mute remarks accompanied the rest of the day, whenever I stepped away from the protection of one of them.
Still, I remained loyal to my everyday routine, deciding I wouldn’t allow others to interfere with my life.
Since we’d promised to meet at lunchtime, I went to find Michael like always, although I went alone this time. Once outside, the cold air felt good against my skin, and I took a deep breath. My eyes immediately found Michael’s group at a distance away. I could always find him, wherever he was, almost as if some kind of magnetic force instantly pulled my eyes towards him. And I went to meet him, eager for the peace and quiet I always felt in his presence.
Steven was the first one to notice me, greeting me with a welcoming smile. And when Michael turned to see me, it was as if the sun had finally dawned in my day. Lauren and Maggie, however, seemed even more displeased with my presence than before, or maybe they’d just stopped hiding their true feelings. Francis looked around and behind me and, as he concluded I was alone, a broad smile shone across his face.
“I thought you weren’t going to come,” Michael remarked, rapidly covering the space between us with two wide strides, and I took a step back to keep some distance. I was painfully aware I wasn’t strong enough to simply avoid him as I knew I should, but if that was the case, then I’d make sure to clearly maintain the line that marked our relationship as only friendship.
“I had to go and say something to Joe and the others. All this drama,” I
added, wrinkling my nose in disapproval.
“They just don’t have anything better to do,” Steven said, approaching us, looking somehow angry, almost fierce.
“I’m really sorry, Mari. I never wanted to make you go through any of his,” Michael told me with a sigh.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about,” I countered, smiling up at his worried expression. “I did choose to spend the day with you. Besides, nothing happened. We just went for a walk. Also, I couldn’t care less about what other people say or think about me.”
Steven placed a friendly hand on Michael’s shoulder. “And you were worrying about her! Mari is dealing with all this nonsense much better than you!” Steven told him critically and smiled at my enquiring expression. “Just this morning I had to stop him from jumping two of our classmates.” Michael frowned, clearly displeased with Steven’s report.
“Really?” I asked in disbelief and Michael folded his arms.
“My patience has its limits,” he explained defensively and I couldn’t help stare dumbfounded at his disgruntled expression. It was almost impossible to imagine him getting angry, much less to the point of wanting to hit someone. Somehow it just was completely out of character. And then it hit me. It was probably because of me.
“You mustn’t, Michael,” I told him, guilt creeping up on me. I had the most depressing feeling that since we’d started hanging out together, he’d begun to slowly change, and not in a good way. And of course he would, I thought, despising my own existence. I was far from being considered healthy company. “What does it matter what they all say? What matters is what we know it’s the truth. That’s good enough.”
Steven patted him twice on his shoulder and winked. “Exactly what I told him, right?” he inquired and Michael sighed, resigned. “Well, I’ll be going now before Francis has a breakdown having to deal with those two on his own,” he said humorously, and turned to walk away.
Blood of the Pure (Gaea) Page 28
