by Tia Siren
“And if he did?” I said.
“If he did what?’” Cam replied.
“If he married me off and I rode into the sunset with Greg? His stupid ass name is Greg, okay? Then would you be the slightest bit bothered about all of it?” I added sternly.
“Of course, I would, but just look at us, really,” he said.
“What do you mean by look at us really? I see nothing wrong with us at all. You can’t deny it. We are drawn to each other,” I said roughly.
Cam looked at me as he sat on the dining table chair and clasped his hands in front of him. “The relationship has not started on the best footing, and it doesn’t look like we could make a future out of it.”
I sat with Emmy on the floor and I was determined not to let the lump in my throat or the tears in my eyes show themselves, not tonight. My heart sank. I felt like shit. He was right, but there was no damn way I was letting him go.
It appeared to me that Cam had not even considered going any further in the relationship. And, he hadn’t thought further than fucking me. Like some whore that babysits! That’s how I felt.
I had got to a point where I had enough. Maybe he was a dad just thinking I would bow to his suggestion and go running off with a rich kid. I thought it would be an easy life. It appeared to me now; everyone underestimated me and had never considered the thought that I had emotions. Katie, the wild child, good for this and good for that, but a bit of a tease. God, none of them knew and they had no fucking idea who I really was. I had protected my virginity for fuck's sake, so that must have equated to some good morals.
“Cam, you’re a fucking coward,” I said.
“Whoa, where did that come from?” he asked, shocked.
“You have never considered that this relationship could go somewhere, have you?” I retorted.
“I hadn’t considered it; I hadn’t thought about the future that much. I have been pre-occupied with what was happening now,” he replied.
“Cam, you’re digging yourself a bigger fucking hole for yourself here,” I answered in a pissed tone.
“I’m shocked that’s the way you have looked at everything. I really am,” Cam said.
“I had thought about it, yes, I admit it, and not just because you had swept me off my feet and I had a huge crush on you. No. I had thought about it logically and realistically,” I explained in detail.
“So, how would you explain it all?” Cam asked.
“Well, for starters, have you any idea how pleased Dad would be if I got married to a Navy man?” I snorted.
“Yeah right. Your dad knows what Navy men are like,” he said with an eye roll.
“I should have re-phrased it better, if you were that Navy man, you know how pleased he would be if it were you?” I added.
I heard a knock at the door and watched as Cam went and answered. He returned with the large box of pizza. The smell instantly filled the room, and I could picture myself just biting down into that crispy base with the cheese oozing and stretching. God I couldn’t wait.
“You want to eat yet?” Cam asked.
“Not yet. We haven’t finished talking,” I answered in a sarcastic tone.
“Okay, proceed you were about to say…”
“I know what I was going to say, thank you very much. Dad would be over the moon if it were you. He knows you’re not just another Navy guy,” I said.
“Why so? What makes me so special?” he asked, looking with genuine eyes.
“Come on, Cam. He was overjoyed and grateful you saved me from Peter,” I added.
“And?” he answered.
“Dad as you know, played the angle and got me to come around to yours to help out with Emmy. There is no way he would have done that with anyone else,” I explained.
“Huh, that’s no reason to base a future relationship on it. I could be a total dick behind all that,” Cam said as he peeked inside the pizza box.
“It’s not just that. You’re a two-time fucking war hero who is decorated. God, how many men can say that about themselves,” I said hungrily.
“That’s different. That doesn’t mean I would be good for a relationship with someone’s daughter who is ten years my junior, does it?” he asked.
“In my dad’s eyes, that makes your head and shoulders above everyone else. Not just in the Navy, but in civilian life as well,” I said. Now my body craved pizza even more.
“Well, to be honest Katie, I know how things have gone between us so far, but, a relationship?” Cam asked.
“What’s wrong with that?” I replied, slightly pissed at him.
“It’s been a long time, and I’m just getting my head around it all again. I mean it’s a shock to me,” Cam murmured.
I listened to how the conversation was going and it could quite easily be the last time I visited Cam's house. But deep down, and no matter what he said, I was sure he was hiding something. And if he wasn’t hiding it from me, he was hiding it from himself. He had to realize I wasn’t a kid. I just had an attitude that made me look like I was childish and irresponsible, but my heart told a different story altogether.
“Cam, you have just used me, or that’s how it looks to me,” I said in a raised voice.
“Katie, that is so far from the truth. I’m not like that and I would never do that to you,” he said as he stood and walked toward me.
“Well, that’s the way it feels. You get me into bed and now, you don’t want a relationship. How does that work without using me?” I said, placing Emmy back into her walker.
“I promise you, it was never supposed to be like that. It is not you, it is me,” Cam tried to explain in a sympathetic tone.
“I don’t want you to pity me, Cam, I’m not some fucking kid you know,” I said. I stood in front of him brazenly.
“Katie!”
“I’ve had enough of this conversation. I’m going,” I grabbed my jacket and started to walk to the door.
“Katie, honestly, it was not how I wanted it to be. It is just…,” Cam started to say as I opened the door.
I began to walk down the driveway and was pissed and angry that I had been so stupid in thinking he would have even considered dating me as an ordinary woman. I should have seen it coming, and I was pissed at myself for believing there could have been more between us.
“Katie, wait!” I heard Cam call from behind me.
I turned to face him. “Yeah?” I said, standing at the bottom of the drive.
“You forgot the pizza,” he said.
“Enjoy it by yourself, Cam,” I said and turned around, slowly walking home as the tears started to flow down my cheeks.
Chapter 15
Cam
It had been three days since Katie had come around to the house and I had waited for her every day like a dog that waits for its master to come home. I’d thought more about how I could have handled the whole situation much better than I had. It was me who should have been the more mature one in the conversation we had.
I had not taken her seriously to start with, and it was only at the time when she had become angry that I noticed she was deadly serious about what she had said. Each day I had sat and waited for her to come over. I now knew I had messed up. And each day, I realized I had screwed up more than I had thought about the previous day.
I had not decided if the relationship could go as far as Katie expected, but I knew it had a chance to progress to more than just a quick “fuck” every now and again. She was fantastic with Emmy, and she was good for me, and I enjoyed her company. But fuck, why did I mess up? I had known she would be trouble from the start and that I should stay away from her as much as possible.
Katie had said she was not a kid, but in her mind, she had an immature outlook and she was just at the wrong end of a ten-year age gap that made the whole thing seem okay. She would be much better off without me, and she needed to find a guy who was her own age or much closer to it than I was.
I bathed Emmy and got her into her nightclothes, when sudden
ly the phone rang. I wondered if it was Katie asking if she could come over.
“Hello,” I asked.
“Cam buddy, what you up to?” Owen asked.
“Oh, it’s you,” I replied in a sullen tone.
“Sound pleased to hear from me, don’t you!” he replied.
“Sorry Owen. I was just expecting someone else, that’s all.”
“Who is going to call you? I mean there is only me and, ah yes, you were waiting for Katie to call and you would have said, ‘come on over, sweet chick, and I will give you a piece of me,’” Owen said as he laughed.
“Nah, it’s nothing like that at all,” I replied quietly, trying not to give myself away.
“The tall guy sounds like he's down in the dumps. You want something to cheer you up?” Owen said in a light-hearted tone.
“What you got in mind? Normally when you ask me this sort of thing, I have to cover your back,” I replied cautiously.
“No, nothing like that, well not exactly. But I could do with your assistance with something,” Owen explained.
I had known Owen too long and he had seen too many women for me not to know how he behaved and what he thought, especially in our younger days. I was just waiting for him to come out with it, but knowing Owen, he would drag the conversation on for ages before he asked me.
“First things first, you still in the good books with Katie after a week?” he asked.
“As far as I know, everything is fine. Why do you ask?” I asked in a white lie.
“You said she would be up for sitting Emmy when you needed her, right?” he continued to say.
Come on Owen, spit it out.
“Yeah, she did say that. But it’s Friday night, so I’m not so sure if she’d be free,” I said, trying to put him off whatever he was going to ask.
“Well let’s say, she’s at home and she's available to sit with Emmy, yeah?” he asked excitedly.
“Hmm, Katie is at home on a Friday, and she's available. What is it you want to ask?” I said to Owen. I was becoming bored with his long-winded conversation.
“Well, you know the girl from the party? Um, the one I was chatting to by the pool?” Owen asked.
“Yeah, what about her? Has she got a kid that needs a sitter?” I asked jokingly.
“Don’t be stupid. Me and kids, bah. I mean, there is only Emmy I can tolerate her. And don’t get me wrong; I love kids, but I couldn’t eat a full one. I love that joke,” he added.
“Go on,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Fuck, I have forgotten where I was now; I laughed so much,” he sighed.
“The girl by the pool, you were telling me about her,” I explained.
I waited for Owen to spit it out. Generally, I would tell him to get his ass in gear and ask me, but I just had a lackluster feeling about me. I did not have the motivation to hurry him up. I found I was quite content listening to his dribble as it distracted me from thinking about Katie.
Owen went off on a tangent and explained all about the girl by the pool and how they had got on well. I heard him mumbling on about his impending divorce and how he should be able to do the same as his wife, and how it wouldn’t exactly be cheating on her if they had filed for divorce and she had already cheated on him.
I rested the phone on my shoulder and stood at the window and peered through the fine lace net toward the Admiral’s house. It stood there and towered above the others in the street. I started to laugh to myself as I pictured the Admiral as a fine king. As much as I giggled, my mind was still on Katie, and I wondered what she was doing in the house at that very moment.
“Cam, you there?” Owen yelled.
“Yeah, I’m here. I just had a bit of a cough,” I lied.
“Oh, it sounded like you were having a laughing fit,” Owen said, which made me giggle more.
“So as I was saying, do you think Katie would sit Emmy tonight?” he asked.
“If she's there, I can see no reason why not. She gets on well with Emmy and likes to keep her company,” I replied.
“That’s good, because you’re coming out with Debbie and me.”
I must have missed some part of his conversation that had some importance; I had no idea who Debbie was and then realized it was the girl by the pool.
“Three’s a crowd!” I replied.
“Geez, Cam, have you not listened to a word I have said?” he said. I started to giggle again.
“Karry, Debbie’s friend, the one I just told you about,” he said.
“I must have missed it when I coughed, sorry,” I replied.
“Tonight, I’m meeting Debbie and Karry needs a date, you know, nudge, nudge,” Owen said.
“God, Owen, you want me to bail you out, a blind date, shit,” I said.
“Oh, come on Cam, just like old times. You and me buddy, painting the town red,” Owen said in over excitement.
“And the plus side is, if it doesn’t work out with Karry, you will have Katie waiting at home for you. A win, win situation for you old friend,” Owen explained in his simplistic male chauvinistic way.
“I’m not sure. I’ve had a rough week,” I replied, lying again.
“Cam, you know I need you. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t. I could have had them both, but I’m not sure Debbie would appreciate that just yet,” Owen giggled. “So, you gonna be my wingman until then. We won’t be out too long, I promise you.”
I just wanted to hang up the phone, never mind say no to him. And saying no to Owen was nearly impossible; he would just beat you down with verbal bullshit until you were buried in it, and you finally surrendered.
“Why do you always ask at the most inappropriate of times for things like this? I’m not really in the mood to go out,” I said truthfully.
I’d told Katie I had not wanted a relationship, and now here was Owen, trying to fix me up with his new girl’s mate. I had a solitary life before, and now it had all gone to shit. I had gotten it from both sides. If it had not been Katie, it had been Owen. I must have done something terrible in my past life… yep probably.
I had started to wallow in self-pity and it felt good for a change. I could stay at home with my lovely kid and my life could be quiet and normal, no emotional interference or anything. It was simple. Go to work; go to the day-care and collect Emmy. Then watch her grow up, eat and then go to bed. I mean, what in the world could be better than this for a single dad?
I had now gone from a reclusive war hero to the savior of young girls. A fucking taxi driver when they had no money, and a serial voyeur every time she came to my house. And now, Owen wanted me to be a freaking gigolo and take his new girl’s friend out as part of the equation. My life as I knew it, had been screwed by the both of them.
I had never agreed to this sort of date, but I had never been able to tell Owen. He was my best buddy. I always believed that best friends help out when they can. I never wanted him to know this and to think it was too easy to get me to help him out, or he would be asking every other week. I had wanted to call Katie all week, but I had felt like a teenager who had just fallen in love. I was scared that I had scared her off and wouldn’t be able to express myself in a way that could make her understand that what I said was a good option for her.
I wanted to tell her not to go with the brainbox from college, but I wouldn’t lie to her and what she said had made perfect sense, in the real world. I got the impression that the world I was living in at the moment was very far from real.
I now had the perfect opportunity to contact Katie and see if she wanted to sit with Emmy for the evening. I knew she would love the chance, but that was before, and now I was not so damned sure how she would react toward me.
“Cam, come on, just this once, this girl means a lot to me. Fuck, it proves I haven’t lost it,” Owen muttered down the phone.
I so wanted to say no, but I had been defeated mentally. I had no strength to resist him anymore.
“Okay, Owen you win, where and when?” I asked.
&n
bsp; “Cam, You’re a real lifesaver. Heh, see what I did there, life saver,” Owen said with a huge laugh and an overly-annoying squeal of excitement.
Owen explained he had arranged to meet Debbie and her friend at Dougherty’s Irish bar at 9 pm, and could I pick him up and drive as the last favor forever.
“Sure, I’m not in the mood for drinking anymore, so I don’t mind driving,” I said.
“I will meet you at 8.30 pm by the church. I don’t want the other half to know I’m going on a date. She might make it difficult with the divorce, if you know what I mean,” Owen explained.
I so wanted Katie to be busy, and I wouldn’t be able to find another sitter in time. I didn’t know what I wanted, and even when Owen finally let me think, I still didn’t know.
“Shit!”
“I do not promise anything, but I will let you know once I have heard from Katie. To let you know if she’s available tonight.” I explained to Owen.
“Right on buddy. But don’t leave it too late, or my whole plan will go to shit,” Owen said.
“Owen, you could never make a plan that could be followed perfectly from start to finish, ever since I have known you,” I replied with a laugh.
“Ha, get off the phone! Hurry up.”
I thought about Katie and wondered what she would say when I finally contacted her after three days of silence. I had no idea if she would be thankful and grateful that everything would stay the same. It could go the totally opposite way, and she could get upset that I had contacted her at home after the previous events. I was so confused. She might think I just called her because I needed her for something, rather than wanting her to come ‘round to be with me’.
Owen went off on his tangent again and explained what my blind date looked like and that she was a corporate lawyer who made an excellent living. He also made a point that she had a hot spot for Navy guys and would be all over me like a rash. But that was not something I was really interested in hearing, especially not today.
