by Ali Parker
“What is that frown for? You don’t want to lay in bed today?”
“I do, but I can’t. I have to go visit my father today. I shouldn’t have left things the way I did with him. I need to at least check in on him to make sure that he hasn’t fallen over drunk and cracked his head or something. I’m—I’m just worried,” I said.
“All right, we can do that with our Saturday. I’m coming with you, though. We’ll eat some breakfast and head on over,” he said.
Anxiety grew in my belly. Yeah, I loved him and I was going to have his child, but I wasn’t ready for him to see that part of my life yet. I wasn’t ready to open up and show him my father. I loved my father, but this felt like an embarrassment, especially after seeing just how perfect Tanner’s family was. He had the ideal family, and I had a drunken father. What if he walked into the house and it was an absolute mess the way I found it that first time I went over and cleaned up for him? I would be mortified. No, I couldn’t let that happen.
“So why don’t you go out to the ranch. You haven’t been there for more than an hour since we got back, I’m sure they miss you and want to spend some time with you. I can deal with my father on my own.”
“Madison, look at me. You need to let me in. I want to do this with you. We are a team now, for everything, not just the baby. I am going with you even if I have to follow you there and sit on the curb. So you might as well get used to it. You might as well get used to having someone love you and want to support you in everything, good or bad. That is who I’m going to be, that is who I am.”
I looked into those hazel eyes, filled with love and concern. I took a deep breath, I could get lost in those eyes. He was so gorgeous, and hearing him speak like that was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard. My heart warmed and the anxiety left my body. I suddenly felt a sense of relief that he was coming along.
“Alright cowboy, I’ll let you in—”
He smiled, “Finally,” he said, interrupting. Rolling over, he put my face in his hands. He pressed his lips against mine, kissing me. I loved feeling his body, his warm skin, on mine. He felt so good and I felt very safe and protected for the first time in a long while. This cowboy, this gorgeous man, was mine. I felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness, and safety.
“Now, what’s for breakfast?” I asked, feeling a hunger inside of me.
“Whatever you want, darlin,” he said.
“Breakfast tacos. I want breakfast tacos... badly,” I said.
He laughed. “I know just the place that will deliver. I’ll give them a call,” he said.
“I’m going to jump in the shower,” I said, giving him a kiss.
“Good. I’ll join you after I place this order,” he said, with a hunger to his voice. My body immediately responded to him. I always wanted him.
He picked up his phone and ordered while I went to the bathroom and turned on the hot shower. Moments later Tanner was washing my back and pressing his strong naked body against mine. He felt good against me. I couldn’t get enough of this strong cowboy.
“Which kind did you get?” I asked a little later as we sat in the kitchen and he pulled out small bundles of foil from a paper bag, they were the breakfast tacos.
“I got potato, egg, and cheese. I got bean and cheese. I got chorizo and egg, and I think that’s it.”
“I will take potato, egg and cheese, as many as you got,” I laughed.
He laughed and slid the foil bundles over to me. I savored every bite of those breakfast tacos, realizing that these alone were worth living in Texas for.
After eating my delightful meal, we both got dressed and I was starting to panic. It was time to go to my father’s house to check on him. I knew that Tanner could sense my anxiety because he asked how I was. “You alright? You’re very quiet over there?” I kept brushing my long blond hair and put it into a braid.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“It’s going to be alright, baby. You’ll see,” he said, reassuring me. His words brought a sense of protection to me. I had not felt this in a long time, that feeling of having someone else taking care of you. It was a good feeling.
Later, we pulled into the driveway of my father’s house. Tanner put his truck in park and turned off the engine. I took a deep breath as he looked at me. His hand touched my thigh.
“It’s going to be alright, Madison. He’s your family. No need to worry. I’m your family now too, which means your father is my family as well. He is the grandfather of our child. We’re going to get through this together.”
“Okay, you’re right. I’m not going to overthink it, let’s just go inside.”
“That’s the spirit,” he said with a smile.
“I thought that was you! Honey, it’s so good to see you. I’m so glad you came back for a visit,” my father said, coming out onto the porch of his house. I stopped in my tracks. He had never come out of the house to greet me. He hadn’t even known I was there because he was passed out drunk. He looked great, like he had just come from a Sunday service. He wore his best clothes, was clean shaven, and his hair was slicked to the side. There was a big smile on his face and he looked fresh, almost ten years younger.
“Dad?”
“Yeah, come on in. I just made some iced tea,” he said, coming down the steps of the porch to me. He gave me a big hug, and he felt strong and steady. He smelled like after shave, not vodka. I was still frozen in my tracks.
“Mr. Dryer, good to meet you, sir,” Tanner said, coming around to us with his hand extended for a handshake. I was silent. I couldn’t talk.
“Well hello there. Madison, you brought over a friend. Great, there’s plenty of iced tea for all. If I would have known I would have made lunch for us. What’s your name son?” my father asked, happily.
“It’s Tanner, my name is Tanner Dawson, sir. Madison here is my girlfriend. You have one beautiful daughter, very smart,” Tanner said, with a big smile on his face.
I looked at them like they were aliens. What the hell was going on here? This was not my father and Tanner had never called me his girlfriend before.
“Madison? You all right honey? You look a little pale?” My father said, turning to me.
“I’m alright. Just shocked,” I finally said. “What happened to you?”
“Oh right, I guess I look a little different. Come inside and I’ll explain everything,” he said, grabbing my hand and leading me to the porch. I looked over my shoulder at Tanner. He just shrugged, looking as confused as I was, but he laughed a little. His lightheartedness was contagious to me and a smile came across my face.
We walked inside the house, where a second wave of shock came over me. The place was spotless. Not only was it clean, it was different. It was a brand new couch, gray and modern, as though it belonged in a House & Garden Magazine. There was a nice white coffee table and grey and white curtains that made the place look brighter. The floor looked recently mopped and we could practically see our reflections in the hardwood. The place smelled like cleaning supplies, and not stale alcohol. In fact, I didn’t see one bottle in sight.
“What happened here?” I asked.
“Well, I decided it was time to redecorate. I also have a cleaning lady now, she comes every Sunday. A very nice woman, and she also taught me how to tidy up throughout the week. I’ve learned a lot from her,” he said, enthusiastically.
“Okay,” I said, still confused.
“Please sit down. I’ll get the tea,” my dad said, clapping his hands together loudly and venturing off to the kitchen.
Tanner grabbed my arm and sat me down on the new grey couch. He whispered. “This is not the image I had of your dad when you talked about him.”
“Yeah, me either. Normally he’s passed out on the couch, but not this couch. It was a nasty old stained up thing. And there was usually clutter everywhere. I feel like I’m on Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”
Tanner laughed loudly. “This is amazing.”
“Here we are, iced tea,” my
father said, as he set down a tray on the coffee table, with a large glass pitcher of iced tea and three tall narrow glasses.
“I can’t believe you’re here. You know just yesterday I was looking at flights to Georgia, to come surprise you with a visit,” he said.
I took a drink of iced tea and it was actually very good. “I am surprised all right. What’s going on here, Dad?”
“I know I owe you an explanation,” he said, looking over at Tanner.
“It’s all right, Dad. Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Tanner,” I said, sensing his apprehension.
“All right then. Well, as you can tell, I sobered up. That day you left really changed me honey. Something woke up inside of me. I got a good look at myself, and I didn’t like what I saw. I realized something very important that day. That I control who I am. No one else has control over me and my actions but me. Realizing that I might not ever see you again broke my heart, so I had to do something about it. The next day I walked right into the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, got myself a sponsor and started to sober up. It was hard, very hard. The first ten days I didn’t think I could do it, but after that things started to turn around. I didn’t want to drink anymore, I would think of you. So that’s how it started. I have two sponsors in town and whenever I feel like I might fall off the wagon I call them and they come over or I go over there. I even started fishing on a weekly basis, I’ve got some hobbies now. I’m doing things to fill my time so that I don’t even have time to drink. I’m starting a new job next week working at the diner as a cook in the back. I used to love cooking and I just stopped. They don’t serve alcohol at the diner so that’s good for me, plus it’s open late so I’m working late into the night when I might drink otherwise. I did this all for you, honey. I wanted to show you that I could be a better man, a better father.”
Tears rolled down my cheek and I sobbed, “Oh Daddy.” I got up and hugged him fiercely. He rubbed my back. “Shh, it’s alright. Everything is going to be good now. I promise.”
“I’m real proud of you, Daddy,” I said.
“As am I, sir. You’re a strong man to do what you’re doing. Anytime you need a fishing partner I will make myself available. Anytime you need to keep those hands busy, my family could always use an extra hand mending a fence or the like,” Tanner said.
“Thank you, son,” my dad said.
I looked at Tanner and smiled, so thankful for his support and generous offer. I wanted he and my father to be friends, especially because of the news that we had for him. I pulled away from the hug and stood in front of my father. “I am so proud of you Dad, and the timing couldn’t be better because we have news for you, too. You see, I need you to be sober, I need you to be there for me, for us. This is very important because I want you in our lives, and you’re going to be a grandfather.”
My father’s mouth fell wide open, and then it turned into a big smile. His eyes glazed over and started to water. He sobbed, “I’m going to be a grandfather.”
“Yes,” I laughed.
“Oh honey. That is great news. Congratulations. I’m so happy,” he said, hugging me.
I hugged him so hard and looked over at Tanner. His eyes were watered over with tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. I loved seeing my tough cowboy allowing his emotions to overflow.
“That is great news, a baby. I’m so happy. We are going to have so much fun,” my father said.
“Yes, it’s going to be fun, and interesting,” I said.
We spent the entire afternoon at my father’s house just talking and sitting around. It was the first time in a long time that I had a chance for a real conversation with him not being drunk. After a while, we ordered food and hung out, catching up while he told Tanner stories of me when I was very young, before he and my mother split. Tanner was eating it up, wanting to know everything and I couldn’t be happier. Then something else happened that made me smile. There was a knock at the door and my father looked at his watch.
“Oh darn. The time got away from me. I’m late,” he said, going to the door. He opened it and a lovely Hispanic woman around my father’s age walked in.
“Madison, Tanner, this is Rosa. We’re going to dinner tonight,” my father said.
“Hello, so nice to meet you. I have heard so much about you,” she said, coming to me with a big smile. She gave me a hug. Rosa was lovely and inviting.
“It is nice to meet you too, Rosa,” I said, feeling shocked. I gave Tanner a look and he bounced his eyebrows at me.
“Well, we were just about to get going as well. Madison has plans with Jenna,” Tanner said, standing up.
“Alright. I want to see you again this week,” my father said, giving me a hug.
“Absolutely, and you know I will be at the diner for burgers and milkshakes every week,” I said, with a smile.
“I would love that,” he said. He gave me another hug. He whispered in my ear, “I love you, darling. Thank you for giving me another chance.”
I responded by hugging him even tighter. I was so proud of him and so happy.
He and Rosa both walked us to the door where Tanner and I said our goodbyes and walked to his truck. We climbed in and just sat there. I looked at him with wide eyes. He started to laugh at me. “Not what you were expecting?”
“No! I can’t believe all of that just happened. I don’t even know what to say,” I said.
“I think it’s amazing. Your father seems to be doing very well, and look he’s even got a date.”
“I know! I’m stunned. How is it possible that I feel like everything in my life has changed for the better? I didn’t think it was possible to have this much perfect joy and happiness.”
“You have to allow yourself to dream, but you also have to allow yourself room for those dreams to come true. Life can be good Madison, you’ll see.”
“I am seeing it now.” I leaned over and kissed him. I was happier than I had ever been. Everything was falling into place, and I was so glad I had returned to Texas.
One hour later, I was sitting at the diner in a booth across from Jenna. We had only spoken on the phone a few times since Tanner turned up in Georgia, and this was the first time I was seeing her in person since I got back.
“That is absolutely astonishing. And there was even a woman? A date?” she asked.
“Yes, I could barely believe it. Not only had he sobered up and decorated the house, but he also has a life. He starts working here at the diner next week, he’s going fishing, and he has sponsors. It’s incredible and everything I ever hoped would happen for him, and it is.”
“I am so happy for him, and for you, Madison. I’m so happy that you’re back. This is where you belong. To think you thought that happiness in a relationship wasn’t possible, and now you have very happy relationships with two men in your life. I am just going to go ahead and say it—I told you so,” she said smugly.
“I know. I know. You were right,” I said playfully.
She laughed. “What do you say we split a sundae to celebrate?”
“Split? No way. I’m eating for two now. I want my own,” I said.
She laughed. “Fine. Two sundaes then. We are having a baby so we should splurge.”
“Jenna, you are my best friend and I love you. Thank you so much for helping me through this. I’m here for you for anything you need, too,” I said, grabbing her hand on the table.
“Oh honey, that is sweet. I love you too, and your friendship is a blessing in my crazy life. We’re going to get through all of this together. We can even go shopping for maternity clothes,” she said, with a wink.
“Oh Lord. Can you imagine me in maternity pants?” I laughed.
“Yes. Actually, I can. Now, you won’t believe the latest gossip from the salon. Helen May from the next town over said that she saw…”
I laughed, listening to the salon gossip from Jenna.
Suddenly, everything in my life was perfect and I was back home in the safety of Safety, Texas.
35
Tanner
Seeing Madison happy, made me happy. Everything was going right, including the business with her father which had kept her filled with anxiety. Now we were able to concentrate on keeping her happy and healthy during this pregnancy, and that was very important to both of us. I only wanted to make her happy, and now that we had come back to Texas I knew there was a lot I could do to contribute to her happiness, and I was going to do it.
“I’m nervous,” she said, as my truck pulled into the long dirt driveway of the Dawson Ranch.
“Truth be told, so am I. Are you sure we want to tell them tonight?” I asked.
“We might as well get it over with. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and word spreads like wild fire in this town. Do you really want them finding out from gossip?” she said.
“No, I don’t. They would be pissed off. You’re right. Let’s tell them tonight,” I said.
“I only hope that your family is accepting of me and our situation,” she said.
“Don’t worry about that, I know they will be. They’ll accept you, and hey, if they don’t, we’ll get the hell out of here and go make a life together somewhere else. It’s you and I Madison, that’s all that matters.”
“I love you, Tanner,” she said.
“I love you,” I said, driving in. “Look, they have already been alerted to our presence,” I said, as we got closer to the house. Dylan and Connor were already coming out of the door onto the porch. Madison took a deep breath.
Before I could even turn the truck off, my brothers were coming toward us. We got out of the truck.
“Well, look who decided to make an appearance at his home? I barely recognize you,” Connor said.
“You know, I think he’s starting to put on a little weight, looks like he’s getting soft,” Dylan said to Connor.
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re going to give me crap for not being here. Whatever,” I teased them back.
