by K. C. Mills
“What up, Kiz?”
“You busy?” she asked
“I answered, didn't I?”
My response made her suck her teeth and me chuckle. “Why can't you just answer the right way, Jock? I swear.”
“My bad, Kiz. Whatcha need, though?”
“Do we have your son tonight?”
“Our son, and no. Why?”
“Jock, you need to quit with that. I’m not claiming that girl’s son. He has a mother,” Kizzie said with a little too much attitude.
“You're not claiming our son, Kizzie? What type of shit is that?”
“You know what I mean, Jahari. I’m not trying to be anybody’s mother, but you know I got love for him. He’s just not mine, no matter how many times you say that, and you better stop playing with that girl before she fuck around and shoot your stupid ass.”
I laughed because that was extremely funny. “Man, she ain't gon’ do shit but just be mad.”
“Whatever, but since it's just us tonight, I was wondering if we could go out to eat. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Here we go with this bullshit. Every time Kizzie called herself wanting to talk, she always wanted to go out because she thought that us being in public would prevent me from showing my ass if I wasn't feeling what she had to say. That shit never worked, so I didn't know why she kept trying it.
“Talk about what, Kiz? We can talk now.”
“It's nothing, but I just want to go out. It's been a minute with everything going on, and you’ve been so busy, so can we just go out tonight?”
“Yeah, aight, but if you come at me with some bullshit I’m still gon’ embarrass your ass, so don't act crazy when I do,” I said with a smirk.
I could see Hollis out the corner of my eye shaking his head and laughing. Everybody knew how I rolled. Couldn't nobody check me, so fuck trying to control my reactions about some shit I didn't like.
“Whatever, I’ll see you when you get home. Don't be late, okay.”
“I won’t be late, damn. Man, chill. I'm ’bout to go meet up with Siah, and then I’m heading that way.”
“Okay, I should be there by then.”
I ended the call and Hollis was staring right at me with a damn smirk on his face.
“What, nigga?” I asked, mugging him.
“Nothing, damn.” He laughed.
“Yo, I’m out though. Just hit me if you need anything.”
“Nah, I’m good. Besides, I don't want Kizzie cussing my ass out for making your ass late or some shit like that.”
“Fuck you, Hollis, you can be me when you grow up. I know that’s what you really want, so just give it some time, little homie.”
“Why the fuck would I wanna be your whipped ass, nigga? I gets plenty of pussy, so I’ll let you have that shit.”
“What the fuck ever,” I said and waved him off as I made my way to my car, but Hollis called my name.
“Yo, hold up, I meant to ask you this shit earlier. What the fuck is up with Royce?” That piqued my interest and had my sensors going off since Royce was already on my radar.
“What you mean?”
“He came by here the other day asking ’bout our sales and the changes we made. I didn't think much of it until Brodie told me he did the same shit over there.”
“What’d you tell him?”
“Shit, you know me, I don't trust nobody, bruh. I told him we good, but I didn't tell him shit ’bout our operations over here. That nigga got mad as hell, was like fuck you, and stomped off. Shit didn't feel right.”
“Aight ’preciate it. Hit me if you see him around again. We got eyes on him, but I can tell that nigga ain't gon’ be breathing much longer. We just need to figure out what he’s up to first.” I admitted out loud, but more thinking to myself.
“Shit, you know I got you.”
A few minutes later, I was in my car with that shit heavy on my mind. If Royce was asking a bunch of questions about our operations, that meant he was likely feeding information to someone. Question was who? My first guess was Laken, but I couldn't figure out a connection with the two of them. Either way I was ‘bout to hit Siah up so that we could figure out our next move. Royce would catch a bullet before he fucked us over and I put my life on that.
*****
The second I entered Siah’s office I knew something was up. He was sitting behind his desk staring off into space like he was deep in thought. It even took him a minute to realize I had walked through the door, and that wasn't like him. Siah was always on his shit, so whatever was in his head was weighing on him pretty heavy.
“What up, yo, you looked stressed?”
Siah didn't say a word, he just lifted his phone from off his desk and extended it toward me. I walked over to him, took it from his hand before I got comfortable in one of the chairs that faced him.
“Where’s this?” I asked after scrolling through pictures of Royce getting out of his car and then entering a nice ass building.
“That’s Laken’s spot. Our people just sent me those.”
“I figured that shit, but you just confirmed it. Hollis and Brodie both said that he’s been asking questions about sales and operations. He don't know shit since we shut him out, and they didn't tell him anything, but I knew if he was asking that he was feeding it to somebody.” I could feel my temple pulsing and my trigger finger itching.
“We need to take care of that.” Siah spoke calmly. The average person likely wouldn't have picked up on the fact that he was currently like a ticking bomb. I knew him, though, just like he knew me, and we were both ready to take a life.
“How you wanna handle it?” I asked. I was good with just rolling up on that nigga and popping off on him, but Siah worked differently. I knew he was gonna want answers, and he was also going to want Royce to suffer instead of a quick, easy death.
“We need to get our hands on him and have a conversation. Problem is, he likely don't trust either one of us right now, especially if he’s partnered up with Laken.”
“So what’s the move?”
“Let me think on it, but for now, we keep things as they are. I don't want to tip him off. Make sure our spots are covered. He might not know shit, but he thinks he does, so we need to be prepared for him to make a move. We’ll deal with him after we get back from Miami”
I could feel the smirk forming. I loved shit like this. Niggas were always plotting, but I was always on my shit and ten steps ahead. Royce couldn't touch us and I could guarantee that. “Shit, you know how I operate. He can't do shit.”
Siah’s dumb ass laughed. “You know I ain't worried ’bout that. I just put it out there.”
“So that new shit we’re getting is killing the game. We’re damn near doubling business in some areas, and tripling in others. We need to stick with that.”
“Shit, it's whatever. I just have to figure out where to put this money. We making that shit faster than I can hide it.”
“That's a good problem to have, shit, I know you’re not complaining.”
“Hell no, but we have to eventually account for it,” Siah said with a grin.
“That’s your business, man. I do my thing and you do yours. Put on one of those fancy ass suits and go open up some new shit, bruh.”
“Your dumb ass. It don't work like that, and I’m already stressed the fuck out with what we got now. How the hell am I supposed to add some new shit?”
The look he gave me made me laugh. He was serious as hell, but I didn't give a fuck. That was his thing, so he was gonna have to figure it out. “The fuck if I know. Hire some people or something.”
“Yeah, aight, but we also have to consider that more business with Mayo means more contact with Claudia.”
I gave Siah’s ass a death stare. I knew that shit was gon’ come back and bite us in the ass. Because of Nonie, Claudia was gon’ be a problem. Claudia didn't mean shit to him, but he meant a lot to her, and last thing we needed was a fucked up situation because this nigga couldn't
keep his dick in his pants. I couldn't really blame him because he hooked up with Claudia way before he knew the connection with Mayo, but he kept fucking her, so now here we were.
“Yo, handle that shit. Don't let it be a problem ’cause that’s money we can't afford to lose,” was all I had to say on the matter. I didn’t know how he was gon’ do that shit, but it needed to be done one way or another.
Siah leaned back and his hand moved across his head before he looked up at me. “Shit, I’m trying, but I don't know how. She already hit me up asking me to meet her. I been avoiding her, but I can't do that shit forever. I’ll figure it out, though. I mean, she knows who I am, so she knows we were never gon’ be exclusive, but that don't stop her from expecting to be in my rotation. A fucking rotation that I don't have anymore because of Nonie. Fuck, I’ll figure it out.”
This nigga was stressed the fuck out. I chuckled because I wouldn't want to be his ass right now. Losing Nonie wasn't an option, and losing business wasn't either. What I didn't get was why he couldn't just keep hitting Claudia off if it meant keeping the peace. Shit, his ass was gon’ have to just take one for the team.
“Yeah, you do that. God luck, my nigga. Just let me know when you decided about Royce. I’m heading home to go deal with Kizzie’s crazy ass,” I said and stood.
“You ain't shit for that.” He laughed about my response to his Claudia situation and then moved on to Kizzie. “The fuck you do now?”
“I didn't do shit, but she’s on that we need to talk bullshit. She wants to go out because she thinks it will stop me from going in on her if we're surrounded by people.” I laughed just thinking about it.
“She should know better than that by now.”
“Exactly. What's up with you, though? You talk to Nonie yet?”
Siah leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. I raised my eyebrows and peered at him because I knew he was about to say some crazy shit. “What, nigga, talk?” I said, sitting back down. His silence let me know that this was about to be serious.
“We talked, and I told her that I’d let everything go and it would just be us.”
I blinked a few times and just stared at this fool because I knew I couldn't be hearing him right. That’s why the fuck he was stressing over this Claudia situation. It made sense now, and that really complicated things.
“You told her what?”
“Nigga, you heard me. I’m locking shit down.”
It took me a minute to react, but I could guarantee that me laughing wasn't what he wanted to hear.
“The fuck you laughing for? Haven't you been preaching that shit from the day you met her, and now you laughing like that shit is funny.” Siah pointed at me with a scowl on his face. His ass was stressed, I could see it in his expression.
“Yo, chill the fuck out. I’m laughing ’cause you just screwed yourself. Do I want you to do right by sis? Hell yeah. She deserves that, but do I think you can? Fuck no. Ain't no way in hell you can just be with one person, Siah. You my man a hundred grand, but you like pussy on demand. You now it and I know it. I mean that’s cool and everything, but I think you just fucked up.”
“How you gon’ sit here and tell me some shit like that when you were the main one telling me to get shit right and do right by Nonie. Now you saying that I screwed myself. The fuck is that bullshit?”
“Nigga, I want you to get your shit together, I swear. I just don't think you can, and once you put it out there that you’re going to, shit changes. Before, Nonie couldn't really say shit because you weren't making any promises. She didn't like you fucking around, but you were up front about what it was. Shit changes now because you gave her expectations and made promises. When your ass can't deliver, she’s gonna walk. So do I think you screwed yourself? Hell, fuck, yeah, but you know I got you though. I’ll be on your ass if I see you ’bout to do some dumb shit. I’m not gon’ let you fuck sis over like that, so don't come at me when I shut your ass down, and I mean that.”
Siah just stared at me like he wanted to rock the shit outta me. “Yo, I’m good. I want this shit to work, so I’ll make it work. I’m not about to lose the one good thing I have going for me over some random bitches. Trust me, I know what it is, and they might be good for one night, but Pretty is riding with me ’til the wheels fall off. Ain't nobody ever gon’ hold me down like she’s gon’ hold me down, and I know it.”
“That’s if you don't fuck up,” I said with a smirk.
“You ain't shit. How you gon’ be my peoples and not have faith in me?” Siah glared at me.
“’Cause I know you, muthafucker. If you say you got it then you got it, but I’m glad you finally got your head right.”
Siah chuckled. “Let's just hope I can keep it right.”
I dapped him and left to head home and deal with Kizzie. Things like this were easy for me, so I had no issues making that decision. With Siah, he had been the way he was for so long, that I knew it was going to be a struggle for him to keep his shit together. I knew he was down for Nonie, and I hoped that would be enough to make shit work. I guess time would tell, but for now, he was determined to do the right thing.
I just hoped it didn't cost him the one person who was truly down for him because he made a decision before he was ready for it.
Kizzie
I walked around Jock's house in my bra and panties like the place belonged to me. I felt at home there, so it might as well be mine, which was why this conversation that I was about to have with Jock was going to be hard. Yeah, I liked being there with him, but it was his place, not mine. It felt right and he hadn't mentioned anything about me leaving, but he also hadn't mentioned anything about me staying. Things were good with us, and I didn't want to mess that up by rushing things.
It had been a few weeks since the whole Red situation and it still bothered me a little. I would wake up in the middle of the night like I could feel his body on mine, forcing himself on me. It felt so real to me each time, like I could smell his cologne and taste his lips as he forced them against mine. Just as quickly as those memories came, they left me when I saw his body collapse onto mine and heard Jock’s voice yelling for me to wake up.
I would jump up in a panic, trembling and shaking. Jock would hold my body against his until I calmed down and felt safe again. I hated the way that made me feel. Red was gone, but every other night he was there with me.
Someone having that type of hold on you affects you in ways you could never image, and I couldn't really explain that to Jock. It wasn't like he asked me to, but I could tell that it bothered him just as much, even though he never spoke on it. Jock was good like that; he just did what he had to do to take care of the situations. He never questioned anything, he just acted.
That was the thing I loved about him. With Jock, I never had to worry about anything. His actions answered any questions or doubts that I had, and that was scary to me. Scary because my mother always told me that no man would love me like that without wanting something in return. She had me convinced that the images of love and commitment I saw on movies and TV were just that, images. That doesn't exist, Kiz. No man will ever love a woman that way, so protect your heart and get what you can. It's the best way to never get hurt.
All my life I believed that, and now here Jock was proving her wrong. Yet, I still struggled with believing that it was real, that he wouldn't change. My walls stayed up and I battled with myself about whether or not I wanted to accept him for who he was.
I knew I cared about Jock. Hell, I probably even loved him. I wasn't really sure what love was, but I knew what I felt for him was strong. That was the main reason why I didn't take that pill. It would have damaged us. It was likely that Jock would have gotten over it. I also knew that just the idea of me taking away the possibility of us having a child, would have changed him, and I couldn't do that. Thank God I didn't end up pregnant because I really didn't believe that I could be someone's mother, but I did care enough about Jock to let it be what it was goin
g to be.
I won that round, but you better believe that I wasn't making that mistake again. I religiously took my birth control and made sure Jock strapped up. He complained damn near every time, but with the threat of that or nothing, of course he cooperated.
Now if I could just figure out what my next move was, then I could breathe a little easier. After searching Jock's closet, which now housed both of our clothes, mine tossed on the floor, in suitcase and on the shelves, while his hung neatly throughout his closet, I decided on a pair of light ripped tomboy jeans and a pale pink graphic tee that had the word perfection printed on the front.
I slipped into my clothes and then sprayed my body with Jock’s favorite coconut lime scent. Every little bit counted right now, and I needed to be on Jock’s good side. Wanting to be comfortable, I decided on a pair of Nikes and brushed my hair into a loose side ponytail before I added sliver hope earrings, bangles, and a few rings to compliment my look. As I was checking the finished product in Jock's mirror, I heard the front door open and then close.
A few moments later, Jock walked through his bedroom smelling like he had just finished a blunt. He moved past me pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it on the bed before he doubled back and pecked me on my lips. I could taste the spearmint from the gum he had in his mouth, but held my head back because the smell of weed on his body was so strong.
“Why you frowning like that?”
“Because I just got dressed, and I don't want that smell on me.” I stepped back further and Jock laughed.
“Man, chill. It's not gon’ get on you. Let me hop in the shower real quick so I can match your fly though, and then we can head out.” He winked at me before he dropped his jeans, stepped out of his boxers, and then headed to the bathroom. I was just about to leave the room and grab a bottle of water when he called out to me.
“Kiz, get me a towel and washcloth, please.”
I sucked my teeth because I knew he just wanted me to see him naked. It didn't matter though, because I had just gotten dressed and I wasn't about to redo that process. I walked into the bathroom and Jock was already in the shower. I strolled over to the linen closet and grabbed him a towel and washcloth before heading his way. After folding the towel over the rail on the wall, I held my hand over the top of the glass enclosure and extended the washcloth to him while my eyes traced his body. His head was under the water with his eyes closed, so he couldn't see me standing there and called my name again.
