“Yeah, I don’t think we want a long engagement.” Kate glanced at Joel and he nodded his head in agreement. They hadn’t discussed it, but Kate felt like there was no point in waiting. She finally knew they were both in love with each other.
“Well obviously I’m back next week for Christmas. But after that I won’t be back until March. Does that work or is it too soon?”
“March sounds perfect to me – of course I’ll have to check with Joel.” Joel nodded his head again.
“Can you put him on speaker? I assume he’s there with you now,” Nathan asked Kate and she pushed the button.
“You’re on speaker, Nathan.”
“G’day man!” Nathan said. “Congrats. Great news.”
“Thanks mate,” Joel replied. “I was just hoping she was going to say yes!”
“Ah, you should never have doubted,” Nathan said. “I heard how she spoke about you when I was over there and I knew she was in love. Sounds like it was you that took some convincing.”
“Not at all. I just needed to get the timing right,” Joel replied.
“Well just as well you did or I would have had to come over there and give you a piece of my mind!”
The two men laughed.
“Nathan mate, I know we haven’t even met but you’re going to be my brother-in-law and family means everything to me – how would you feel about being in my wedding party?” Joel asked.
“Oh man, I’d be thrilled. Yeah, thanks for asking. Hey, does that mean I get to plan your bucks’ night then?”
“Ah, we might need to talk about that!” Joel laughed again.
“Anyway guys, I gotta run. It’s great news. Kate, I’ll bet Mum and Dad were stoked.”
“Yes, they were. Mum hasn’t stopped talking and she’s probably sitting at home on Pinterest right now coming up with all the arrangements,” Kate laughed.
“Ah that’d be right,” Nathan laughed back. “I’m really happy for you, Kate. You deserve someone like Joel. I know he’s going to be very good for you. And Joel?”
“Yeah?”
“If you don’t take good care of my sister …” Nathan let the words hang in the air.
“Yeah, yeah, I know … I’ll be found at the bottom of the harbor!” Joel joked in reply.
“Good. We understand each other perfectly.”
Chapter 39
By the time they arrived back at Kate’s house, she was exhausted. She was still riding the wave of the emotional high she was on, but something was stirring in her, unsettling her. The day’s surprises weren’t over yet. Although Joel might not have any more up his sleeve, Kate had a big one. Unfortunately she knew it wasn’t going to be the sort of surprise Joel would be expecting.
They sat down side by side on the couch and the mood between them was relaxed and comfortable. Kate took a deep breath and exhaled. She knew it was finally time to tell him the secret she’d kept locked inside for so long. There was a full moon outside and a cool breeze pushed the sheer curtains aside, casting shadows across their bodies. Kate shivered slightly and twisted the new ring on her finger, watching as it caught the light.
“Are you too cold? I can close the windows,” Joel said.
“No, it’s fine,” she replied. She wasn’t cold. It was fear that had caused a cold sweat to break out.
The heavy lump in her gut made its way to her throat and she tried to swallow but it felt like it was lodged there. Although she was scared of the consequences of revealing her secret, Kate knew the timing was right. If she and Joel were to have any sort of future together she needed to be honest with him. No more secrets. Now was the time for the next chapter in her life.
“Joel?” She licked her lips and cleared her throat.
“Yeah.”
“I have something to tell you. It’s something I’m really ashamed of. It’s a secret I’ve kept from you.”
Even to her own ears there was a raw pain to her voice. She kept her eyes downcast. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. The chill that gripped her deepened.
Joel changed position on the couch and his fingers reached out to connect with her chin. He turned her face so that she would look at him. “There’s nothing you could tell me that you should be ashamed of.” Despite his words, he was frowning at her and she nearly lost her resolve.
“Kate?”
His hands reached out and tried to pull her toward him. She knew she was sitting as stiff as a board but couldn’t bring herself to relax. It was now or never.
“I was pregnant,” she blurted out.
“Was?” His voice sounded unfamiliar as huskiness deepened it.
She instantly realized he must have thought she meant recently. “When I was with Marcus,” she added quickly. She still couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye.
Beside her she felt Joel relax slightly, but when she risked a glance at him she could still see the shadows that had fallen in front of his eyes. Shock and worry were written across his face.
“What happened? Did you lose the baby?” He frowned.
“Marcus lost the baby. Only it wasn’t a baby according to him.”
“I’m not following.”
“Marcus made me ‘terminate’ the pregnancy.” Her fingers made quotation marks in the air.
Joel’s sharp intake of breath and the way he reached out and pulled her toward him reassured her that it was okay to continue. She was safe.
“Oh god, Kate, no.”
“I was twelve weeks pregnant and my body was just starting to show the signs. I somehow managed to keep it a secret from him from the moment I found out. Thank goodness I didn’t get any morning sickness. I just didn’t know how I was going to tell him. We’d never discussed having a baby and somehow I just knew he’d think the timing wasn’t right. It wasn’t planned, and everything Marcus did was always planned. When I finally told him, he went off his head and blamed me for not being careful enough. He told me I had to book in to the clinic that day. I didn’t know who to turn to so I just went along with him. He can be so convincing. I was so in love with him and I thought he knew what was best for us both. It wasn’t until afterward …”
Kate felt the familiar tickle in the back of her throat and needles of pain shot through her eyes as the tears started to form. She blinked rapidly, but it didn’t work. The tears flowed freely. Joel held her tight, rubbing his hand down her back, kissing the top of her head. She heard him murmuring in her hair but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Eventually the flood of tears slowed to a trickle and she looked at him with bloodshot eyes.
“The following day Marcus said I was supposed to just get on with my life like nothing had changed, but I felt so sad and empty and I knew that day I’d just made the biggest mistake ever. I wish with all my heart I had done things differently – stood up to him maybe – but at the time I didn’t think terminating a pregnancy was such a big deal. I was an emotional wreck for months afterward. I guess I still am in some ways. Every time I see a baby or a pregnant mother …” Kate’s words trailed off again.
Joel remained silent but his eyes conveyed his love.
“I blamed Marcus you know, but I realize now that I went along with what he wanted. I could have said no. But I was always pro-choice too, like he was. I was the one waving the banner high – whatever a woman wants to do, it’s her choice. It’s her body. Her life.” Kate stifled a small sob. “But my baby had no choice. And I deeply regret that.”
“Couldn’t you have left him then? You could have had the baby and raised it on your own. Plenty of women have done that.”
“At the time I didn’t think I could. I didn’t think I was strong enough. I couldn’t imagine being a single mother and trying to work as well. It wasn’t until afterward that I realized how much I really had wanted that baby. I don’t know, maybe I could have left him.” Kate shrugged her shoulders. “Who knows? Hindsight is always a wonderful thing, isn’t it?”
“You can’t change what’s happened, Kate. N
ow the hard part is learning to live with your choice and forgive yourself.”
“One day I will want another baby, Joel, and although I know no other baby will replace the one I lost, I never want to forget that I already had one.”
Joel sighed as he looked deep into Kate’s eyes. “I wish I could take away your pain. What can I do or say to make this any easier for you?”
“Tell me that you still love me. Hold me.”
“Oh Katie my love, of course I love you.” He started rubbing her back again. “None of this makes me love you any less. I’m sorry you felt you’ve had to keep this a secret and I’m sorry you feel guilty about it, Kate, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I adore you.”
*
“What is that?”
It was Monday morning, two days before Christmas and Kate was at work. She was helping with a patient when Stephanie asked the question.
“What is what?” Kate looked around her, wondering what Stephanie was referring to.
“That flippin’ huge rock on your finger, mate!”
Ignoring the patient in the bed that she was attending to, Stephanie picked up Kate’s left hand. “You got engaged? Is it real?”
Kate blushed. “Um, yes.”
“And you didn’t tell us,” Stephanie exclaimed.
“Not yet. But I guess now you know.”
“Who is the lucky young man then?” the patient asked Kate.
“Is it Joel?” Stephanie asked.
“Who else would it be?” Kate replied.
“Well I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve been keeping track of your love life. I knew you two were friends and I saw the way he kissed you after the fun run but wow. Engaged. So soon. You kept that pretty quiet. When did you two even start dating?” Kate had to laugh at Stephanie’s blunt and forthright manner.
“Um, not long ago.” Kate hesitated, unsure that she wanted to admit that they had only officially been dating for a very short period of time.
“Have you set a date for the wedding yet?”
“Not yet,” Kate replied. “It’s all happened quite suddenly. It was a total surprise. But we’re not going to have a long engagement. I guess when you know the person is right for you, why wait?”
Kate hoped she sounded convincing. She expected that she would have a difficult job explaining the quick engagement to some people. While most were likely to be thrilled with the news, she figured many would be shocked with the speed of Joel’s proposal.
“Good on you, dear,” the patient in the bed interrupted. “I proposed to my wife after only knowing her for two weeks, then I went off to war and we didn’t see each other for three long years. When I arrived back home we married the following month. Sixty-seven years later we’re still madly in love. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re rushing things.”
“Thank you, Mr. Waldron,” Kate said. “I’ll keep that advice in mind.”
“So is the news official? When are you going to start letting people know?” Stephanie asked.
“I suppose I might as well tell everyone at morning tea,” Kate said, “otherwise I’m sure you’ll let it slip out and the gossip train will gather speed.” Kate smiled at Stephanie so that she knew she was teasing.
“My lips are sealed. But mate, honestly, I’m thrilled for you. Joel is an awesome guy from a top family. I know the two of you will be very happy together.”
“Thanks, I appreciate you saying that,” Kate answered.
An hour later Kate gathered the staff together for an impromptu meeting at the central nurses’ desk. She could see the curious stares and she knew the staff would be wondering what she was about to say. She had a sudden thought that they might think she was about to announce her resignation.
“I’ll keep this brief,” Kate said, smiling around at the group. “As you know, about eight months ago I moved to Birrangulla knowing no one. What many of you don’t know is that I moved here after the break-up of a long-term relationship. I arrived with lots of baggage and it’s safe to say I was running away and saw this chance as a bit of an Escape to the Country moment. Since I arrived, as most of you know, I have become very good friends with Joel O’Connor and his family. Well …” Kate paused and took a deep breath before extending out her left hand. “Joel and I got engaged on the weekend!” The words came out in a rush and Kate heard the surprised voices of the staff as they reacted excitedly to her announcement.
“Congrats, Kate.”
“Awesome news.”
“Well done!”
There were hugs and handshakes all around as the staff leaned in closer to appraise the ring and ask Kate the appropriate questions.
“How did he propose?”
“How many carats is that diamond – it’s huge!”
“He’s a great guy – you’ll make a great couple.”
She caught sight of Amanda, smiling in the background, her eyes wide and shiny behind her red-framed glasses.
“I told you Kate, it just takes time.”
Epilogue
Kate arrived at the church just after eight o’clock at night on Christmas Eve. The day had been incredibly hot and the forecast for Christmas Day was for even hotter weather. The threat of bushfires was high, but thankfully by the time she parked her car a cool breeze had arrived. She was glad they’d chosen a date in March for their wedding when the weather would be cooler.
Kate was working Christmas morning and then spending the rest of the day with Joel’s family in Birrangulla. She was then heading back to Sydney with Joel for a low key Boxing Day lunch with her parents. Of course she knew her mum, and there was no hope that the celebrations would be kept simple. As well as celebrating Christmas, they’d be rejoicing over Kate’s engagement. Thankfully the Kennedys didn’t have a large extended family so Kate knew the event wouldn’t get too out of control. Nathan was flying back from Western Australia for the week and she was looking forward to sitting around the pool at her parents’ house, relaxing. She couldn’t wait to see how well her brother and Joel got along.
While she was in Sydney she was also looking forward to catching up with some of her former work colleagues and friends, especially Melissa, who was desperate to meet Joel. Kate planned to use her time in Sydney to find a dress for herself and her bridesmaids. She would use local people in Birrangulla for her flowers and everything else associated with the wedding. It was still early days and she really hadn’t had time to make any plans. Plus she expected she’d be doing plenty of that with her mum once she arrived in Sydney.
The gentle wind whistled through the ancient pine trees, causing the hundreds of candles that lined the path to the door of the church to flicker in their glass containers. Someone had gone to an incredible amount of trouble and Kate took a moment to appreciate the work that had gone into the decorations. Overhead the nearly full moon glowed a blood orange color.
As Joel had promised, this Christmas was going to forever hold a special meaning in Kate’s heart. She was looking forward to celebrating with Joel and his family – the family that she was about to become part of. She was also excited about attending her first community carols service and so far, even just arriving at the church, she wasn’t disappointed with the event. The effect of the candles was stunning and the entrance to the church had been decorated with Christmas wreaths and red ribbons, adding to the festive atmosphere.
Kate heard the sound of an organ being played and she smiled, recognizing the tune of the familiar Christmas carol. She paused at the doors to the church and closed her eyes for a moment, tipping her head back and reflecting on the past few months and her whirlwind romance with Joel. She opened her eyes and her gaze wandered slowly from left to right. An old bell stood beside the front door and it took everything within her to resist ringing it and telling the world how happy she was.
In three short months she and Joel would be married!
As she stood on the steps of the church she knew with immediate clarity where she wanted to get married.
She wanted her wedding to be held right here in the beautiful red-brick church just meters from the gate to her home. Her happy place. She could hardly wait to tell Joel. She had been so sure she wanted a garden wedding at the mansion in the Blue Mountains but now she realized she wanted to get married near her new home, and this old church was perfect.
Kate stepped across the white-tiled entrance and entered the building. She stood for a moment and looked around, surveying the beautiful picture that was unfolding in front of her. In the candlelight, the small space was almost full of people sitting shoulder to shoulder in the pews. In the darkness it was hard to make out their faces.
The timber floor sloped gradually down toward the front of the church, and a center aisle gave Kate only two choices as to which side to sit. Kate’s attention was caught by the beautiful Christmas tree that had been set up at the altar. She stood transfixed. The tree glittered with hundreds of decorations and fairy lights. It made her tree look amateurish in comparison. Stained glass windows further added to the beauty and atmosphere. Her feet echoed on the floorboards as the music continued to draw her inside. With each step she imagined how many people had walked across the same boards and sat in the dark timber pews throughout the nearly one hundred and fifty years of the church’s history.
It was a beautiful building – perfect for the Christmas Eve service, and perfect for their wedding.
If she’d realized how many people would turn out for the service she would have arrived earlier. She was thankful Joel had said he would get there early and save her a seat. She smiled and greeted people as she walked down the aisle, recognizing many of them from work. Others were familiar faces she’d seen around town. During the past year she’d met some very resilient folk – everyone from tough-as-nails old characters to those more suited to parading around in their pearls. As Belinda had told Kate at her interview, Birrangulla was full of people from all walks of life.
Intensive Care: Escape to the Country Page 31
