by Toni Aleo
Kirby’s lips curve, and he pulls me up into his chest before holding me close to him. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my lips against his jaw as he nuzzles his nose in my hair. Our heartbeats slow together as we both try to regulate our breathing. He glides his lips along my temple, looking for my mouth, so I turn to meet his lips in a heated fury. My whole body is trembling, and the way I feel is indescribable. He presses his forehead into mine, and I open my eyes to meet his. They’re so soft, so sweet, and everything inside me feels like it’s flying.
“I had a really bad day,” he admits, his eyes searching mine. “But like always, you change it with just a look.”
I cup his jaw, running my thumb over his bottom lip. “I had a pretty great day, but you… Oh Kirby, I can’t even.”
He grins, trapping my thumb with his teeth. Around my thumb, he says, “I don’t want you to leave.”
My stomach clenches, and my heart nearly stops as I gaze into this man’s gorgeous eyes. “I don’t want to, but—”
“Stay. Let me love you all night.”
Oh my heart. Oh my fear. Oh my fucking everything. I try to catch my breath, and then I find myself nodding. “Don’t be mad if I can’t.”
He kisses my thumb. “What if we come stay with you?” My lips curve, and I can’t with how supportive he is. “Show you it’s fun to sleep with me.”
He wants so badly for me to be here. “It isn’t that I don’t want to sleep with you, Kirby. It’s the fear of not being in my bed, in my safe haven.”
Kirby’s eyes burn into mine, and in a low, sexy tone, he whispers, “Let me be your safe haven.”
Oh my God. I want that. I do, but it scares the shit out of me. As I gaze into his eyes, though, I don’t know how to tell him that. I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t know if I can. I don’t even know if I want to. So, without answering, I capture his mouth with mine, kissing him hard and with gusto in the hope it’ll distract him until I figure out how to sleep with him, in his house.
I don’t want to lose him.
I want him to be my safe haven.
I just don’t know how to let that happen, to give away that control. This is why I was terrified to get into a relationship, especially with someone as amazing as Kirby.
Problem is, I’m here. And now, I’ve gotta figure it out.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kirby
* * *
I can tell Jaylin is nervous.
I shouldn’t have asked her to stay. I said I wouldn’t. I said I’d go at her speed, but after what happened on the couch, I don’t want her to leave. Ever. She brought a bag; I know it was mainly to change out of that “fuck me stupid” outfit she came over in. Good God, those pieces of lace were downright sinful, and if I didn’t have a little one here, I would ask Jaylin to wear that thing all day.
Jaylin moves through the kitchen, gathering things to cook and talking a million miles a minute. Celeste sits on her hip, holding on but grinning from ear to ear. It’s a sight I crave on the darkest of nights. When I’m doubting myself or our relationship, all I have to do is go to this mental picture of my lady holding my girl. Within seconds, I remember who I am. I’m not going to play it off that Lilly’s words from earlier aren’t fucking with me, they are, but at least I’m able to push them to the side. I’m not dwelling on them anymore. I’m able to remember who the hell I am.
Especially when Jaylin and Celeste look at me.
“She said she was scared to tell me because she was worried about my opinion of her. Can you believe that? My opinion of her? She’s the most unbelievable boss. I look up to her. I wouldn’t think any differently, despite her sexual orientation. You know?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t see that happening. Not with how high of a pedestal you keep her on.”
“Exactly,” she agrees, coming to me and handing off Celeste. I take her with a grin, and she squeals in excitement. “Oh my. Someone is happy Daddy’s home.”
“Yeah, she is,” I agree, kissing CC hard on the cheek as she climbs up my lap, trying to get the cup on the table. I push it back. “So, lunch went well? Better than you expected?”
“So much better,” she says on an exhale as she chops some vegetables. “I wasn’t ready to defend our relationship to her yet.”
“You’re always ready to defend, sweetheart.”
She thinks that over, holding out the knife like she’s talking with it. With a grin, she agrees, “You’re right.” I scoff as she continues to cut. “I just didn’t want to.”
“Understandable. Though, I don’t know why it matters.”
She sighs heavily. “’Cause Willa has an opinion about us.”
“I wish you’d elaborate more on that so I can figure out if I need to fire her or not,” I mention since she has kept the conversation they had to herself. I know it wasn’t good because neither of them talks about the other now, but Jaylin promises me it’s nothing to worry about.
Of course, I do.
When it comes to Jaylin, I want things to be easy for her. I don’t want any challenges. She works entirely too hard, has been through enough, and I don’t want to be the cause of any bullshit.
She scoffs, pointing the knife at me. “You will not fire her. She’s a great lawyer. She just chose the wrong battle, and I had to remind her who I am.”
Fuck, her confidence is intoxicating. “Damn, you are sexy.”
She gives me a wink that awakens all the desire I’m trying really hard to hold back. Doesn’t work, though. Not when it comes to her. “Thanks. You aren’t too bad yourself. A DILF, for sure.” I snort as she flashes me a wide grin. “But yeah, it was a good lunch. Though I do think I owe it to her to tell her about us, I just don’t know when.”
“Maybe after Willa and I win?”
She considers that. “Yeah, maybe.” She continues to think for a second and then shoots me a look. “Also, we do have a small issue.”
I perk my brow. “Which is?”
“My parents want to meet you. Invited us to dinner at our earliest convenience.”
“Okay. Monday, I only have practice.”
She seems surprised. “That doesn’t freak you out? Meeting them?”
I shake my head. “Not at all. It’s a part of the progression of our relationship.” I move my hands as if I’m building something, but she doesn’t seem convinced.
Jaylin continues to eye me. “What if they don’t like you?”
I shrug. “That’s their problem. I’m with you until you don’t want me.”
Her lips quirk as she lays down the knife before coming over and taking my chin in her fingers. Celeste laughs as she smacks my face, but Jaylin’s and my eyes are locked, and nothing can break that. “I adore you. Greatly.”
My lips curve. “Adore me, huh?”
She nods. “Greatly.”
“Same, Jay. Maybe more than greatly.”
Her eyes sparkle. “Really?”
“Totally.”
She leans down, kissing my mouth, which means she gets smacked by Celeste too. We both laugh happily, and I feel so fucking complete. As she moves away, going back to the vegetables, I smack her ass, and she flashes me a cheerful grin before she starts to chop once more. “So, Monday, then?”
“Yup, if that’s good for you.”
“Fine with me. I’ll call her after dinner.”
“Awesome.” I put Celeste on the floor, making sure everything is picked up so it doesn’t end up in her mouth. She starts to scoot back to the living room, and I follow, leaning on the island so I can watch her and Jaylin at the same time. “So, you think they won’t like me?”
“My dad will,” she says immediately, not looking at me. “But my mom is dead set on me marrying a black doctor.”
“Eh, she may have to settle for a white hockey player,” I say with a wink, and she grins.
“I said pretty much the same and then tried to explain hockey. I failed, so you may need to pick up the slack on that.”
“I got you, baby,” I promise, and the grin that sits on her lips enthralls me. “I actually need to get you to come to a game. Maybe with Aviva?”
She nods. “I could do that.”
“Or we can watch hockey, and I can teach it all to you.”
“That would be fun, too.”
“Or, even better, I can take you and Celeste skating.”
She makes a face. “Um, I don’t know about that.”
I laugh loudly. “New goal. Get you on a sheet of ice.”
She doesn’t seem convinced. “I feel more confident on grass. Can we play on grass?”
I scoff. “No, ice is the best. I promise. You’ll love the smell of the ice.”
“It smells?”
I find myself grinning like a fool. I love a clean sheet of ice. It’s one of my favorite things. “Yeah, like awesomeness.”
“I’ll take your word for it, but I guess you’re right, I should give your sport a try.”
“Agreed,” I say, moving my gaze from where Celeste is playing with some squishy puck to Jaylin. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”
“I’m sure I’ll fall a lot.”
“I’ll catch you,” I say with a wink. She doesn’t seem convinced but agrees nonetheless.
“Fine, I’ll subject myself to the embarrassment as long as you tell me why your day was so shitty,” she challenges, her eyes intrusive and her expression toeing the line of going all lawyer on me.
She asked before, and I deflected easily. I don’t like admitting to anyone, especially the woman I’m with, that I struggle with anxiety. But as I told her before when I spoke about meeting her parents, it’s part of the progression of our relationship. If she is going to love me—soon, I hope—then she’s going to have to know all about me. I don’t want to give her a false impression that I have a normal chemical balance in my brain because I don’t. Nothing wrong with that, but some don’t understand it, and I want to explain myself rather than have her assume.
I lick my lips nervously as I turn my gaze on Celeste. She loves me no matter what, so it’s easier to admit my truth this way. “I talked to Lilly.”
“Excuse me? What? When?”
“This morning, actually,” I confess, and the chopping stops.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Did you tell Willa?” I can hear the annoyance in her voice.
Still unable to look at her, I say, “I texted Willa what was discussed but nothing more.”
“Nothing more?” she asks. When I don’t elaborate, she demands, “Kirby, look at me.”
I swallow hard since looking at her is the last thing I want to do now. When I do, our eyes meet, and she tilts her head to the side. “What happened?”
I rehash the whole conversation, and Jaylin listens. With every word, I can see that annoyance morph more into pure anger. Her eyes narrow to slits, and she crosses her arms over her chest as she stands there listening. “And you know she only is saying that to be a hateful person and none of it is true, correct?”
I want to nod. I want to lie. I want to act like her words had no effect on me, but instead, I say, “Honestly, Jay, I have a tendency of thinking the same thing about myself, so hearing it fucked with me.”
“What? Why? Kirby, you’re incredible. You’re such a kind, smart, and gorgeous man. Perfect father and fantastic boyfriend. How can you think anything different?”
I’m unable to speak, my heart is pounding like mad, and then I see realization move across her face.
“You want to help Evan so much because you deal with the same thing.”
It’s an insane sensation to have someone just get you. To understand you and respect you. I love her so much. “I do, not to the magnitude that he does because I’ve learned coping skills and I know what I need to do to make the thoughts go away, but Lilly has always known what to say to cut me down and make me feel small. She plays on all the shit that hurts me.”
She nods. “It’s completely unfair that she does that, and I’m sorry she behaves that way. What can I do to make it better?”
I meet her gaze. “Just being here makes it better, Jay,” I admit, and she walks over to me, wrapping her arms around me. “I tend to jump to the worst-case scenario, and I often fear I’m not good enough for anyone to stay for. I think that’s why it took so long for me to really fight for you.”
She cups my face, gazing up at me. “We are good. I promise you, Kirby. Our relationship is sound. I mean, I told my mom about you. I even called you my boyfriend—or manfriend, I can’t remember—but I admitted to being in a relationship with you. Don’t question us.”
I grin, cupping her ass in my hands. “I try not to. I know I asked you to stay and I know you’re not ready, but I worry that’s one of those things that’ll fuck with me. Like, why can’t I be your safe haven? I go over it again and again. How can I make it better for you because I don’t want you to leave? Ever. I want you here. Forever—” I pause, pressing my lips together. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like I’m guilting you. I’m not. I just want you. All the time.”
She runs her fingers along my jaw, her eyes soft. But I can see the fear in them. “I want the same, Kirby. I do. But the sleeping-over thing is a shitshow for me. I swear I am trying. I stay here all day, but then it gets to nighttime, and I freak. I just feel so exposed, not in my bed. Maybe I need to go back to therapy for it.”
“I’ve done a lot of therapy.”
“I have too,” she says grudgingly. “I didn’t like it that much. Hated it, actually.”
“I’ll go with you,” I volunteer, holding her close. “If it helps you. Though, I’m unsure if that’s allowed.”
She grins. “I don’t know. I’m not truly committed to the therapy thing, not my jam. I don’t like talking about things I can’t defeat.”
“I hear that, but we can’t succeed without figuring out what is holding us back. And sometimes a therapist is the one to help with that.”
She holds my gaze. “Or maybe it takes the help of an incredible man.”
I kiss her nose. “I can be that for you.”
“You already are,” she whispers against my lips. “I wonder…I may need you to get me liquored up so I can’t drive.”
My eyes dance with hers. “I can arrange that.”
“I bet you can,” she laughs, leaning into me. “I’m trying. I promise.”
“I know,” I say as confidently as I can. “I wanted you to know my struggles—”
“Don’t call it that. I don’t call a chemical imbalance in your brain a struggle. It’s an obstacle, and fuck that obstacle—you can beat it.”
She gives me such confidence. “I can. I know I can. I just get in my head.”
“Yes. And I get it. You’ve been left behind a lot and no one has ever put you first, but Kirby, I will. I can, no problem. And, ugh, okay, so I wasn’t going to tell you this because doing so makes it really, really real, but the reason I don’t want Willa telling Feliciana about us isn’t because I’m worried how it will make me look. Or that I have to defend us.”
I eye her, confused. “Then what is it?”
“If they asked me to choose between you and my job, I know it’s early in our relationship and that I won’t sleep here and that I may be terrified of being in a relationship, but—” She pauses, her eyes searching mine. “But I wouldn’t be able to choose my job over you.”
Talk about being hit harder than ever. I feel as if I’m playing goalie without pads, letting Chandler beam me with pucks, but it feels so damn good. I gaze down into her brown depths, falling deeper and deeper in love with her. “Really?”
“Really. I should have realized it all those times I left my office in the middle of the day with no thought at all except just to be with you or Celeste. You two have wiggled your way to the number one position in my life, and I’m honestly okay with it. I never thought it would happen since I love my job—but I want it. My demons are just that, demons. But I will beat them, and I will find my safe hav
en. With you. I just need some time.”
I lean toward her, capturing her mouth with mine as my heart pounds in my chest. I can feel hers pounding just as hard, and I couldn’t imagine this moment to be any better. This is working; we’re building a beautiful relationship, and I couldn’t be happier.
As I pull back, not far enough for our lips not to touch but enough to breathe, I open my eyes to meet hers. “I have something else to confess to you, Jaylin.”
Her lashes kiss her cheeks as she cups my jaw. “Should I put this down on the record? Or is it just between you and me?”
I grin, running my fingers along her collarbone. “On the record.”
“Oh, so it’s official?”
“Extremely.”
“Okay, what is it?”
My eyes get lost in hers; my body trembles with the need and want I have for her. My heart is going crazy in my chest, and with everything inside me, I proudly announce, “I’m falling for you. Hard.”
She takes in a sharp breath, her lips curving as she nods. Her eyes are a bit glossy as she leans forward, holding me close as her lips touch my bottom lip. She may say it in a whisper, but I know she means it. I know she feels it like I do.
“Same, Kirb. Same.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jaylin
* * *
It’s been a long fucking day.
Actually, a long week.
Kirby’s season is in full swing, and he got tickets for me to the first home game. I’m actually really excited to go, not only because I get to go with Jean and Celeste but because I get to see Kirby kick ass live. I have no clue what is happening on the TV since I watch the games with Celeste and Jean and they don’t know anything about it, but it seems super cool. I find him extremely sexy when I see him play on TV. No telling how he’ll make me feel live. Probably over-the-top horny, but I’m ready. Thrilled.
