by Toni Aleo
“Well, if you knew how to fucking drive!” she screams, but I don’t dare look at her.
Not only has Nico never looked me in the eye, but he has never said this much to me while doing so. A grin comes over his sweet face as he says, “Aviva changed everything for me. She became what I realized I always wanted. A companion. So, really, you gotta ask yourself. Do you want your independence to be your companion, or do you want Kirby?”
I suck in a deep breath as his words burn into my soul. I don’t want independence to be my companion. It’s lonely a lot of the time, and that life sure as hell doesn’t include Celeste. Before I can even comment, agree, or disagree, Aviva yells through another contraction, “He loves you and only wants you! Always has! Always will! Motherfucker, get this kid out of me!”
Nico and I don’t dare laugh; we like living. I feel tears burning my eyes as I hold Aviva’s hand in mine. They brought me the clarity I needed. I’m surprised at how supportive Nico is, but I’m also thankful. I don’t want to throw away this beautiful thing I have with Kirby and Celeste. Truth is, I can’t, and I sure as hell won’t allow some woman who doesn’t deserve the love of my family to ruin it.
Yeah, I said it.
My family.
Kirby, Celeste, and me.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Kirby
* * *
I didn’t sleep at all.
Not even a wink.
I wanted to text Jaylin, try to talk to her, but I decided we needed to think, choose our words more carefully. For her, I’m sure she has already thought it out and is good to go. But for me, I went through every single potential scenario. I prepared for the rejection, for her to tell me she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. That she doesn’t want to deal with my baby mama drama or even be with a dad anymore. It was my greatest fear going into this relationship. Once I got past it, I honestly didn’t think it would come back into play. But with the way she looked at me, like she was so torn over whether our love for each other was enough…
Not only did it piss me off, but it scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
Never once did the idea that Lilly would come back ever enter my mind. I never prepared for this, which is unlike me, but I am beyond happy with Celeste and Jaylin. They are my family, and I didn’t expect to ever have to deal with Lilly again.
I think that’s where I messed up. We didn’t discuss what would happen if she did come back into my life. We only discussed our future, what we wanted, and never gave thought to Lilly and her selfish tendencies. I can’t believe her. I can’t even begin to comprehend letting her around my child. She abandoned her. She didn’t want her, so why should she get to be in her life now?
It isn’t right.
And it pisses me off. I spent the night preparing myself to see this relationship with Jaylin all the way through the way I want. Deep in my heart, I believe Jaylin will come to her senses and realize I don’t want anyone but her. Yes, it will be hard to share custody with Lilly if that happens, but I don’t want to be with her. I don’t want to be tied to her any more than I am through Celeste.
It’s such a beautiful feeling to be with a woman because she wants me. Because I am enough for her. Not because I have money or I knocked her up. I don’t go through the day terrified that Jaylin is cheating on me or spending all my money. Instead, I am excited to see her, be with her, and enjoy the little family we have made. We may look different, we may come from different worlds, but no matter what, our souls are connected. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself so I don’t lose my mind. I know she feels we’re moving fast. I also know she hasn’t slept with me in my bed, but she is mine, I am hers, and Celeste is ours.
It’s that simple.
I brush Celeste’s hair up in a short little ponytail as she plays with some blocks and sings with Dora. I didn’t even think Dora was on TV anymore, but apparently I was wrong. And of course, she loves that monkey. Jaylin jokes that Celeste will be a zookeeper with her love of animals, but I’m kinda hoping she’ll want to be a lawyer. If my super-intelligent, hot-ass lawyer girlfriend will stay in my life and not leave me because of my crazy baby mama drama. Man, I knew this was all too good to be true. Guys like me, with the kind of past I have, don’t get girls like her.
Oh look, my anxiety is back to play some more.
I roll my eyes as I put a bow in Celeste’s hair and then make sure her little dress fits her right before putting on her tights. Once she’s dressed, I go to pack her bag. We’re only heading to the hospital to see Nico and Aviva’s new baby, but no telling what could happen. The kid loves to poop. I’m packing bottles when my phone sounds. I pull it out to see it’s Jaylin.
My heart jumps into my throat.
I hit answer so fast, I almost drop the phone. I grab it quickly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she says, pausing, and I almost lose my mind.
“Hey.”
She chuckles softly. “Hey. Um…wow, I don’t know why I’m being weird.”
“’Cause we need to talk things out,” I suggest, knowing it’s true but dreading the unknown.
“Exactly,” she says on a sigh. “I should have called earlier.”
“From what I hear, you’ve been running ragged getting Callie there.”
I can hear the smile in her voice when she answers. “I did. Finally had to call her RA.”
I chuckle nervously as I wait for her to say something else. I don’t have to wait long.
“Are you coming up here to see the baby?”
“I am.” I move to add some diapers to the bag. “I’m packing Celeste’s bag and then heading that way.”
“Okay, don’t forget her paci. I left it on the nightstand.”
“Ah,” I say, running back into the room to grab it so I don’t forget. “Got it.”
“Also, don’t put her in those moccasin shoes. They don’t fit right. Put her in her UGG boots I got her.”
I reach for her boots before I leave the room. “Done.”
“Did you pull her hair up?”
“I did. She’s wearing the outfit you had picked out for today.”
“Good. Listen—”
“No. Can I say something?” I ask, but then I don’t wait for her to answer. “Jaylin, I love you.”
I hear the emotion in her voice as she whispers, “I love you more.” She lets out a sigh. “We really need to talk.”
I don’t know if I like the sound of that. My anxiety is screaming “Talk now!” but this isn’t the kind of thing we can discuss over the phone. “I’m on my way up there.”
When the doorbell sounds, she asks, “You expecting company?”
“No, and it better not be fucking Lilly.” But of course, when I look out the window, I see the car Lilly drove last night. “Fuck me, it is.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“Yeah. Can I take you to lunch after we see the baby?”
“I would love that.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in a few.”
“All right, but don’t kill your ex. And if you do, call me first. I’ll bail you out and represent you. I’ll get you off.” She says it as a joke, but her voice is strained.
“Man, I hit the lottery with you.”
“Yeah, you did,” she says ever so softly. “As did I with you. And Celeste, of course.”
“Well, of course,” I agree as I pull the door open to my baby mama. “But let me deal with her, and I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay. Love you.”
“I love you more,” I say proudly, much to Lilly’s annoyance, before I hang up.
She looks up at me, her eyes in slits as she pushes back her blond hair. “Is that her?”
“If you mean my incredible girlfriend, yes, it is.”
“Whatever,” she says, walking past me and into the living room.
“I didn’t welcome you in,” I say to her, but she ignores me, going to where Celeste is sitting. I leave the door open because she’s leaving and move past h
er to grab my daughter before she can. “I’m not playing, Lilly. You need to leave.”
Her eyes are on Celeste. “She looks so much like you now.”
“Well, she is my kid.”
“But with my eye color,” she observes, but I’m over it.
“For real. You need to leave,” I say sternly.
She shakes her head. “Can I please have a second?”
“One,” I count like the childish dude I can be when I want. “Leave. You aren’t welcome here. If you want to see her, I’ll see you in court.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t,” she says, meeting my gaze. “I look at her, and I feel absolutely nothing.”
My stomach clenches. “What?”
“I had this monster plan of coming back, getting you back, and playing family, but I can’t do it,” she says, shaking her head. “I can’t. I don’t want to be a mother, and I sure as hell don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t want me.”
I blink. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
There is no remorse in her expression. “I never wanted kids. Hell, at one time, you didn’t want them either.”
“Because I didn’t want to put my kid through what I went through. But when it happened, I stepped up, and I became a dad, ultimately falling in love with not only my daughter but with being a father. I would never do what you have done to her, but somehow you are doing it twice. Thankfully, she’s young and won’t remember a lick of this.”
She nods, her eyes on Celeste again. “Marc called this morning and wants to work it out with me. But before I agreed, I wanted to see her. I wanted to see you. And like I thought, I don’t want this.”
“Yay?” I say sarcastically. “What the fuck? Get out.”
She looks back at me. “I’m going to go to my lawyer’s office and sign over my rights. Marc doesn’t want to deal with a baby, and he suspects you won’t be one of those easygoing dads who goes along with whatever.”
“I’m not. My kid is everything to me.”
“Exactly, and since I don’t want kids either, it’s fine. I’m good.”
I can’t seem to process what she is saying. Again, the pain of her rejection of my daughter sears through me like a really bad case of heartburn. How could she not want her? I don’t care if she doesn’t want me, but Celeste, she’s an angel.
“She’s in good hands and will be loved right. Way better than I could ever do.” Lilly reaches out, about to run her finger along Celeste’s arm, but Celeste tucks her arm into the crook between her body and my armpit. She looks at me, confused, before looking back at Lilly. I’m speechless as Lilly’s eyes meet mine once more.
“Is it serious with her? The girlfriend?”
“Yes.”
“And she’s good to Celeste?”
“Loves her like she’s hers.”
She nods. “Good. That’s really good. Have a good life.”
And just like she did before, she walks out without a backward glance. I stand in my living room, my daughter resting her face on my chest, almost in the exact position last time Lilly left us like this. Only, last time, I was sad, not only for my daughter but for myself. That’s not the case anymore. Celeste doesn’t need Lilly; she has me. She has Jaylin.
Lilly will never be in our lives again.
But Jaylin always will.
When we walk into Aviva’s room, Celeste is holding the new baby balloons while I hold the big vase of flowers I got Aviva. In my back pocket is a Snickers for Nico, but of course, I don’t even see Aviva, Nico, or the new baby. My eyes go right to Jaylin. She stands by the window, typing something on her phone, looking every bit the successful, gorgeous woman she is. She has her hair pulled up in a high bun, a shirt that reads “New Aunt,” and jeans. I can tell she hasn’t slept a wink, but I find her irresistible. She looks up from her phone as Celeste squeals at the sight of Jaylin.
“There’s my girl!” she gushes as she comes over, and Celeste opens and closes her palm for Jaylin. I grab the strings of the balloons before they float away. I grin as Celeste reaches up for her, and my grin grows when Jaylin leans in to kiss me softly on my lips. Before she reaches for Celeste, she says, “Hey there.”
“Hey,” I say, kissing the side of her mouth. Celeste wastes no time and openmouth kisses Jaylin’s cheek, much to her pleasure. She laughs loudly as she cuddles her hard.
“Look at you, looking all adorably perfect! Wanna meet your future boyfriend?”
I groan. “It’s a boy! Damn it, he’s gonna be like Nico, and I’ll be the one trying to hide Celeste away like he does Callie.”
From the chair in the corner, Callie laughs. “Yeah, even in college, he’s trying to keep the boys away.”
Nico points to her. “I’m succeeding.”
“For now,” she teases, and the room erupts in laughter. Well, everyone but Nico.
I walk over to check out the little dude. He’s all pink and wrapped tightly in a blanket. I glance at Celeste, who is watching him intently. “Aw, those Merryweather genes are strong.”
Aviva nods. “So strong. I do all the work, and he comes out looking just like him.”
Nico kisses her temple as he gazes down at his son. I’ve never seen Nico so happy in my life. I don’t even think he’ll want the Snickers in my pocket. “What did you guys name him?”
Aviva beams up at me. “Nicolas Vance Merryweather, but he’ll go by Vance.”
“That’s a mouthful,” I say, and then I instantly regret it. “Oh, wait. Dart isn’t here.”
“Unfortunately,” Callie jokes, and Nico glares.
“I will send you back to Nashville.”
More laughter ensues as all the attention goes back to Vance. He sure is cute. “I miss when Celeste was that small.”
“She was a darling baby,” Aviva says, and then proving he is nothing like Celeste, Vance lets out one hell of wail. “Oh, he’s hungry.”
Vance’s wail scares Celeste, and she covers her ears as she cries out, her face turning red and the tears quickly starting to fall. Nico’s eyes widen and I can tell he’s about to freak out, so I hand him the Snickers. “I’m gonna get her out of here.”
“I’ll go with you,” Jaylin volunteers as she follows me out.
“Thanks! Leave me with the new parents and the screaming kid!” Callie yells at us, but we ignore her, shutting the door behind us. Jaylin holds Celeste close to her chest as she heads down the hall. I’m unsure where we’re going, but I follow her into a bridge made of glass. You can see all of downtown, and I bet it is a spectacular view at night. Not that I’m thinking much about that; I’m wondering if Jaylin is about to break up with me. Yeah, we were good in the room, but was that all for show? Shit, I hate the way my mind works.
Jaylin stops midway as soon as Celeste has calmed down, and she turns to me. Her eyes meet mine, and without much warning, or maybe I didn’t realize we were doing this right now, she says, “I’m sorry I just left last night.”
My heart kicks into gear. Okay. Here we go. I’m either walking out of here without her or with her. Really want the latter. “It was a lot to take in with Lilly just showing up like that. We never really discussed what we’d do if she came back.”
“Exactly,” she says, pointing to me. “I think we just assumed she was gone and we were going to keep being us. Don’t get me wrong, I love us, but she freaked me out.”
“I know. I’m sorry about that. She freaked me out too.”
“Still, I shouldn’t have left things the way I did. I know you need to talk things out and be certain, but I got so emotional and started thinking I was losing who I am as a person.”
“I don’t think that at all,” I say, shaking my head. “If anything, I think you’re the best version of yourself when you’re with me.”
She smiles. “I agree with you, but I wasn’t thinking clearly last night. I was thinking Lilly was going to take my future from me or, at least, really fuck it up.”
“Never. I wouldn’t let that happen
,” I promise, and she nods.
“I know, and I told myself that. As Aviva was having the baby, my mind kept floating back to you. How I wished you were here. How I wished it were me having the baby with you. How I wanted to spend my whole life with you and Celeste, no matter what.” My heart stops dead in my chest as she holds my gaze. “I know things will get messy with Lilly, but I don’t care. It will suck to trade weekends or whatever arrangement we set up. But as long as it’s we, then I’m there. I want to be there with you, every step of the way. I want to be at every birthday, every Christmas. I want a life with you two. If Lilly is in it, then she is—as long as you are mine and only mine.”
The weight of the world falls off my chest. I step to Jaylin, pulling her into me by her hips as our eyes stay locked. “Lilly is at the lawyer’s office right now, signing away her rights. You can have all you want and more, minus one crazy baby mama.”
Her eyes widen. “Really? How?”
I shrug, but then I shake my head. I’ve done really well not letting Lilly’s rejection get to me, and I refuse to allow it to ruin this moment with my lady. “She doesn’t matter. Only we do. The two people who really love Celeste.”
On cue, Celeste lays her hands on each of our cheeks.
“And each other,” Jaylin adds, and I smile.
“And each other.”
She smiles widely at me. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t. You don’t have to apologize—”
“But I do,” she insists, her eyes burning into mine. “I shouldn’t have acted like that. You need more than that. You stayed up all night, didn’t you?”
“I did,” I admit, and she nods.
“See? I knew I should have called. I should have eased your concerns. That’s my fault, and I’m sorry.”
“You were upset.”
“Yes, but I shouldn’t take it out on you. It wasn’t your fault.”
I kiss her top lip. “I’m only worried about our future.”
