Jase took an exit and pulled into a gas station with a convenience store. He parked in a spot where the eighteen-wheelers parked. The younger man turned to look at him and smiled. "I didn't pay for your rehab, Dan. I would have if I had that kind of cash, but I'm not the guilty party on this one.
“You need to talk to your bosses when we get back to Holloway. You hungry? I need to fill up the tank," Jase told him.
Dan wasn't really surprised Matt and Tim had done something of the sort, and he knew for a fact things were going to be awkward when he went back to work, which reminded him. He hopped out of the pickup and walked around where Jase was fueling the truck. "I'm gonna get a tea. You want somethin'?"
"I like those flavored teas like they served at the lodge. Kayley and I are becoming addicted to flavored teas, but don't get worried, I make sure she has the flavored green teas with no caffeine.
"We've been experimenting at home with trying to make a pitcher of it, but we can't get the flavor right. We went to Sam's Club with Miss Katie and bought a couple of cases of assorted teas," Jase explained as he smiled at Danny, reminding the older man the reason why he'd fallen in love with the brunette in the first place.
"Your favorite?" Dan asked.
"Peach, as a matter of fact."
Danny chuckled as he turned to walk into the little market, heading to the restroom first. After business was finished, he stopped at the cooler to pick up two bottles of flavored tea. When he got to the cash register, he asked for a pack of cigarettes which was a new, horrible habit, but it gave him something else to focus on besides the craving for alcohol. If caffeine and cigarettes were his new addiction? He'd figure it out. He didn't know anyone who could live a vice-free life anyway.
Dan walked out onto the porch of the store and opened the pack of Marlboro Reds, pulling one out and holding it between his teeth as he struck the match from the book he'd taken from the counter.
After that first gratifying puff, he exhaled. He knew it was a disgusting habit he hoped Jase would learn to tolerate until he got to the point where he could let it go. It was as unhealthy as alcohol, but it had helped him deal with the times when he needed something. A lot of the guests…as the staff called them at the rehab facility…picked up the habit in Utah. After three months, it had become a part of him.
He saw Jase eyeing him with a smirk. He'd finished filling the tank and walked over to the porch where Danny was standing, taking the cigarette from him to take a long draw. "Ahh," he released as he exhaled.
Jase handed it back to Dan with a kiss on the cheek as he went inside to head to the men's room. It was a surprise for Dan, but it showed him how much they had to relearn about each other.
Once they were back on the road, Danny turned to him. "So, you smoke now?" He knew it sounded hypocritical, but they needed to catch up…and change the subject from Dan's stay at rehab.
Jase chuckled as he opened his tea and took a hearty swig. "That's about the tamest thing I smoked, but yeah. I mean, I can take it or leave it, but sometimes when I'm nervous or upset, a cigarette calms me a bit. I mostly smoke OPC's, and I really try to limit it because it makes the workouts murder. You hooked on them? You didn't smoke before, right?"
Dan laughed. "As you might guess, I picked it up in rehab because it seemed like everybody there smoked. Fuck, they had most of the group meetin's outside since everybody smoked. I forget what they called it, but it's like tradin' one bad habit for another. I won't smoke in front of Kayley, and I'll try to taper off…what's OPC's? I don't know that brand," Danny replied.
Jase chuckled. "Other people's cigarettes. If I don't buy them, then I can say I'm not a smoker. Anyway, maybe we can share packs until we're both ready to quit. So, you have a schedule of meetings in the area yet?"
"I'll look 'em up on my computer when I get home. Where's Kayley?" Dan asked, feeling ashamed he hadn't asked about her earlier. Dan knew for sure there were a lot of people who were in their corner, so he was sure Kayley had been well cared for while he was gone, but he wanted to see her as soon as possible.
"School just started, so she rides the bus to Miss Katie's. They're taking care of her right now since I flew out to get you. She was staying with me previously, and we got her room at my place all set up. Surprise! It's spring green and pink," Jase explained with a laugh.
Danny couldn't hold the laugh either. After he calmed down, he reached over the console and took Jase's hand. "This okay?" he asked. The younger man nodded with a grin on his face.
After a few minutes of allowing himself to feel the warmth he'd missed more than anything in his life, Dan cleared his throat. "Do you think she hates me for this?"
Jase turned to look at him, slowing down the truck to take the next exit. He pulled into a commuter parking lot and shifted into park, all without letting go of Danny's hand, which was reassuring.
"I can guarantee you she doesn't hate you, Dan. She loves you so much, and she's worried you won't want her to live with you when you get back. She feels she's to blame for not being able to care for you, and I've already found a lady I think you should take her to see, but I won't overstep my bounds.
“I told her that you love her more than anything, but she feels some of the responsibility for all of this because she used to bring you beers when you asked," Jase explained.
Danny blanched at the answer, knowing it was the truth and feeling the shame settle into his soul. Kayley was an eight-year-old child, and he'd made her a bartender. The guilt was like quicksand.
He glanced at his watch to see it was just after five. "Can we get back on the road? There's a meeting at 'Good Shepherd' at six and I need to go," he stated.
Jase nodded and returned to the highway, turning up the radio for the station they both agreed they liked. It was an oldies station, and it helped them avoid the silence between them.
Danny wondered if they'd ever get back to the relationship they'd had, but if they didn't, at least he knew he had a good friend who loved him. If that was all he could hope for, it would be enough…it had to be because he had to get well for his daughter. That was his first priority, as it would always be.
When Jase pulled into the parking lot of "Good Shepherd Church," Danny started to bolt. Jase grabbed his hand to hold him still so he could tell him something.
"Take the keys because I'm within walking distance from here. Ask Pastor Stu how to find my place. I'll take you home to your house after you're done at the meeting. It'll be fine, Dan," Jase told him as he released his hand and hopped out of the truck, shoving his hands into his pockets as he went north on Rolling Hills Lane.
Dan looked at the keys in his hand before he took a deep breath. It was yet another step for him to go to a meeting in his hometown. He'd gone a couple of times before he'd gone to rehab, but he hadn't really participated in them because he was doing what other people insisted he should. The meeting he was about to attend was definitely his coming out party in a whole different way.
Daniel Johnson walked into the church basement where he knew the meeting was held and he saw some familiar faces. When Pastor Stu walked up and extended his hand with a big smile, Danny took it in gratitude. The man had tried to help him, back when Danny refused to acknowledge the reality in which he was living as an alcoholic, but he was still grateful for the pastor's attempts to help.
"Hi, Pastor Stu. I want to apologize to you for how shitty…I mean…" he stammered, knowing it wasn't exactly appropriate to curse at a man of the cloth.
Pastor Stu held up his thumb, which had a black thumbnail. "See that? I actually blew an F-bomb when that hammer collided with my thumb. I was just tryin' to secure a shutter and it got away from me. We all drop a little course language from time to time, Daniel. How was Utah?"
"It was…exactly what I needed. I truly appreciate what you, Phil, and Javie tried to do for me, but I guess my skull's thick enough I needed the tough-love experience. You're my first amends, and I mean it, Pastor. I appreciate the help you offered, an
d I'm sorry I didn't listen when you tried to offer a helping hand in the beginning," Danny explained as quietly as he could.
Pastor Stu shook his hand enthusiastically. "I accept your apology, Dan. I hope if you need anything, you'll feel you can call me. Jason and Kayley have become regulars in my congregation. I hope you'll find your way to joining them, but no pressure. One thing at a time," the kind man told him as he walked to the front of the room to call the meeting to order.
Dan looked around, seeing Phil and Javie sitting in the row across from him. When they saw him, they quickly moved and embraced him. "Oh, God, I'm so glad you're home," Phil whispered as the three of them sort of rocked together.
"We've missed you, but your daughter has become our adopted niece and Jason? Geez, he's great," Javie whispered.
They all heard a throat clear, so they quickly sat down and turned to the front. "Now that I have everyone's attention, I'd like to welcome you to…" Pastor Stu began.
After a few people stood to tell their stories, Danny Johnson took a deep breath before he stood to approach the podium. He thought about things for a minute because admitting shit to people he knew wasn't easy so he assumed admitting things to people he didn't now wouldn't be any easier, but they were all there for a reason. Seeing one of the kids who worked for him at the Circle C made it real.
"Hi, my name is Danny, and I'm an…I'm an alcoholic," he stated.
"Hi, Danny," was the response. He looked out at the crowd and didn't feel judged. He felt acceptance and support, which was what he really needed.
After the meeting, he went to the back of the room to get a cup of coffee. He was craving a cigarette, so he headed for the back door when he felt a peck on his shoulder.
He turned to see Adam Horvath, one of his ranch hands, looking very worried. "I'm goin' out for a smoke? You wanna talk, come with me," he stated. The younger man, who was still in college and only worked at the ranch part-time, nodded as he grabbed his own cup of coffee and followed Danny upstairs.
They settled away from the group of smokers who were at the top of the stairs, and after Adam lit a cigarette of his own, he exhaled. "I heard you went to help out at a ranch in Utah. One of Matt's bulls was sold to a ranch out there, and you went to show the new owner how to train it for the rodeo circuit. That true?"
Dan chuckled. "Well, you heard me share, so you think that's why I was in Utah?"
The younger man took a sip of the coffee, frowning. "Who makes this shit? It's always burned. Anyway, will this hurt my job at the ranch? I'm goin' to start vet school in the fall, and I hope to come back to the area to work with Bart. Do you think people will hold this against me?" the kid asked him.
"How do you know Bart Grant?" Dan asked.
When Adam lifted an eyebrow, Danny laughed. "Jesus, how many fuckin' queers live in this part of the country? Kid, this isn't a big deal to me, obviously. When did you start drinkin'?" Danny asked, knowing the young man was about Jase's age.
"Alcohol isn't my vice. I was a drug addict when I was in high school…oxycodone. My parents sent my ass to rehab when I was sixteen and then sent me out here to live with my uncle to finish high school.
"I graduated high school with good grades and got admitted to UVA for my undergrad. I'm gonna attending Virginia-Maryland College of Veterinary Medicine in Blacksburg. I don't want to fuck up my future, Dan. Bart and I met at a seminar he held regarding insemination programs and we hit it off. I fell in love with him, and I don't want to disappoint him," the younger man explained.
"Kiddo, you got no worries from me. My lips are sealed, but maybe if you and Grant wanna get together with me and Jase sometime, we could get dinner or somethin'?" Danny asked.
The kid relaxed and nodded as they finished their smokes and coffee. They exchanged numbers before Adam went to his little Honda, waving at Danny before he got inside.
Dan felt a hand on his shoulder, turning to see Phil and Javie with bright smiles. "We've missed you, Hefe! How was Utah?" Phil asked.
"How about we get together later in the week and I give you the story? I need to see my girl. I had Jase drop me here, so raincheck?" he asked.
Both men hugged him and nodded in agreement. Danny was surprised about how much acceptance he'd felt on so many fronts, but he wanted to get home to Kayley and Jase. They had a life to pick-up, after all.
Chapter Twenty
"I'm sending you the fix, Kenneth. It should take care of the circular glitch, okay? I've run it through a simulation a few times and it seems to work, but you let me know," Jase told his coworker as he sent an e-mail with an attachment regarding a security issue they'd discovered on a clients' server.
"Got it, Jase. I'll call you if there's a problem," his counterpart offered before they signed off on the call.
Jase pulled off the headset and turned off his computer. It was eight o'clock on Thursday night. He’d worked a very long day because the company he’d signed on with had an office on the West Coast with issues. He didn't get paid for overtime…salary work was hell.
He walked down the hallway of the three-bedroom house he'd rented after he'd graduated from college and relocated in Holloway. If anyone had told him he'd live in a rinky-dink, redneck town because he was in love with a cowboy, he'd have laughed at them when he was eighteen, but the curves, spirals, and slopes his life had taken weren't anything he'd ever expected.
Jase went to the fridge to grab a bottle of peach tea, chugging half of it. He was hungry, so he reached into the fridge again to retrieve the sandwich Kayley had made him earlier in the day when she got off the bus at his house.
Jason Langston didn't work between three and six so he could give Kayley all of his attention. Danny went to meetings every day, and Jase was supportive of it because he wanted the man to have a decent shot at battling his demons.
Jase was doing his best to be a supportive friend because anything more serious wasn't appropriate at the time. Dan was trying his damnedest to be the best dad he could and balance the other things in his life…his job and his sobriety…and Jase would applaud his efforts and accept his place at the bottom of the list. Oh, he wanted whatever he could have of Danny because he'd been without him once and that hadn't gone well at all.
They had dinner together on Saturday nights, and they alternated between Danny's place and Jase's. Kayley seemed to be doing well with the sharing arrangement, and that was all they wanted. Her well-being was of the utmost importance to both of them.
Jase heard a knock, and it surprised him. He walked down the hallway to open the door, seeing Henry Sachs standing there. They'd worked together, briefly, at the Circle C and the Katydid. The last he'd heard about the guy, he was going to UT-Austin, which was a school Jase had declined.
"Oh, hey! How are you doing, Henry? Come on in," Jase invited, not quite sure what the guy was doing at his door. It was the weekend before Halloween, and Jase thought he'd heard from Katie that the kid was a senior in college. He should be partying his ass off, just as Jase had done when he was in school in Georgia.
The two of them went into the house and ended up in the kitchen. Jase felt it was safer because the light was brighter, and Henry was damn good looking. Jase couldn't remember the last time he'd had any physical contact with anyone, but the good-looking guy in front of him was making him do the math in his head.
"How's Texas? I hated living down there," Jase offered as they sat down at the table.
"I like it well enough. How the hell did you lap me?" Henry asked as he pulled out a round container of Copenhagen, holding it up to Jase.
Jase knew the look on his face far too well. "Look, I really get grossed out by guys who do that so if you need to, this will be a short visit, okay? I'm still in love with Danny, and we're taking things slow. If you're just looking to get fucked or fuck? I'm not your guy, Henry. I can be your friend, but that's it," Jase explained.
He watched as the boy picked up one of the napkins in the holder on the table and cleaned out the chew in
his jaw. Jase was grateful because it really did make him sick to his stomach to see anyone who used it.
Jase rose from the chair to offer Henry a bottle of water and pointed to the sink for him to rinse his mouth. After the handsome Henry Sachs sat down at the table, the younger man seemed to settle into something he needed to get off his chest.
"How'd so many of us queers end up at that ranch?" the younger man asked as he pulled a ring off his finger and spun it around, not looking at Jase.
"Well, I was only there for about an hour, total, but if you're asking about how we all ended up in the family, I'd say it's by God's grace. Many people believe we're Satan's spawn, and I can't say there weren't times when I wondered about it myself, but nobody likes a self-hating queer. However, I've been going to church at 'Good Shepherd' and the pastor is really great.
"The way he explains things is really kind of beautiful. The old testament of the Bible has verses in Leviticus many people interpret to mean all of us homos are on the bullet train to hell, but that's only one, very misguided interpretation of the verses.
“You busy on Sunday morning? I can pick you up for church and we can go to the diner for breakfast after?" Jase offered, then he added, "this isn't a date. We're just becoming friends, okay? I mean, if your boyfriend would be okay with it."
He saw Henry's face flush and a slow smile finally appear. "God, I wish he'd come home with me for the weekend. He's absolutely gorgeous, and he hates that I dip, so I've been tryin' to quit, but I was nervous about comin' here because I needed someone to talk to about shit.
"My guy's name is Troy, and his birthday is this weekend. I invited him to come home with me to meet my parents and I told him we'd celebrate his birthday here with friends, but he said 'no'. He doesn't want to meet my parents because he's decided we're just in a relationship right now because it's convenient for me. He believes when I graduate, I'll leave him behind without lookin' back.
Loving the Broken Man (The Cowboys of Katydid Farm Book 3) Page 20
