by Stacy M Wray
Looking up from his game, he asks me, “Dude, what are you doing here? Did Mom and Dad know you were coming? They went into town to see a movie.” He swears under his breath as he’s gunned down by someone in his game.
“No, I didn’t tell them. So, no date tonight?” I ask again.
Still not taking his eyes off the screen, he says, “Do I look like I have a date tonight?”
“Good. You’re coming with me to Smitty’s because I just had the day from hell, and I intend on doing my best to forget all about it.”
He finally stops his game. “What’s going on?”
“Don’t really want to talk about it yet. You game?”
Without any hesitation, he says, “Sure, just let me get my shoes on.” He throws the game controller on the seat beside him and goes to get his shoes off the back porch step.
Climbing in my truck, we make our way into town. Smitty’s isn’t all that busy, and we pull into a spot on the side of the bar and walk inside. I look around and see a couple of people I know, but I’m not in the mood to socialize, sliding into a booth near the back. Luke does the same.
The waitress comes to our table, eyeing the both of us, and flirtatiously asks, “What’ll it be, boys?”
Not really wanting to look her in the eye, I tell her, “Just bring us a pitcher of whatever’s on tap and keep it coming.”
“Sure thing, sweetie.” She saunters off to get our pitcher.
“So are you going to fill me in on your shit-fest day?” Luke asks.
I sigh and say, “Well, I guess I should fill you in on this past week.” He nods, patiently waiting for me to continue. “When I came back for the library’s opening day, Addie and I had a long talk about how things ended, and it turns out that I jumped to conclusions that weren’t true. I threw away our relationship based on an assumption. That gives me a sick feeling just admitting to that.” The waitress drops off our pitcher and Luke pours us both a beer.
“So you guys are back together?” he asks, full of excitement. My whole family would love to see us together. Guess I’m going to disappoint them once again.
“Well, we were for a few days,” I tell him bitterly, downing half my mug. He’s got a confused expression on his face.
“What happened?” he asks. “What could have possibly happened to come between you after all that time apart?”
I scoff at his question. “You want to know what fucking came between us? I’ll tell you – her husband. She’s fucking married. That’s what came between us,” I tell him, my voice raising an octave or two.
His eyes widen with the appearance of shock on his face. “What? I thought you said she wasn’t married. You said she wasn’t wearing a ring. I don’t get it,” Luke says, baffled by the whole situation.
I shake my head and say, “She wasn’t wearing a ring and her last name is still Winters. She pulled the wool right over my eyes.” I’m so disgusted with myself right now.
“Alright, so back up a minute. How did you find out? And what was her explanation?”
“She left in the middle of the night, leaving a note saying she’d explain everything when she got back. But in the process, she took my phone instead of hers. Thinking she might need me, I used the ‘find my phone’ tracker on my computer and went to find her at some hospital in Hartford. I saw her in a room with a bunch of people, and when I asked the nurse at the desk, she said she was in there with her husband and that she came once a week.” I hate regurgitating all of this again since it hurt enough the first time around.
Luke is smiling at me for some reason, and I raise my eyebrows in question. “What’s so funny?” I ask him, wondering what he could remotely find humorous about what I just said.
“That’s pretty ingenious tracking her with your phone. Like something out of a movie.” He chuckles at his comment.
This irritates me even more. “This isn’t a fucking movie, Luke – this is my life we’re talking about here, and right now it’s fucked up.”
He wipes the grin off of his face and says, “Yeah, sorry, man. I just thought that was clever.” He takes a long drink from his mug and then asks, “So what did she say to all of that? Why didn’t she tell you?”
“I didn’t give her the chance – I booked. I was so shocked that I had to get out of there. Frankly, I don’t know how she can explain away what I found out.” I slump in the booth seat and stare into my beer, not believing my life had come back to this. It’s like a repeat of ten years ago, and I don’t think I can handle it.
“Why wouldn’t you confront her, Trey? If it were me, I wouldn’t have left without at least talking to her.”
I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable about his question. I defensively respond, “I was too pissed off. No explanation could have changed the fact that she’s married and just spent the last several days playing house with me. That’s fucked up, Luke.”
I finish off my beer and pour another. Just as I top off Luke’s, I see Amanda approaching our table. She’s dressed to the nines, every curve of her body accentuated, and she’s got a sexy smirk on her face as she looks me in the eye. She stops at our table and puts her hands on her hips. “I saw your truck in the parking lot. Why didn’t you tell me you were in town?” She has this sexy pout thing going on. I can see Luke rolling his eyes across the table. He never was a big fan of me hanging around Amanda.
“It was kind of spur of the moment. Where’s Jackson?” I ask, not really knowing what to say to her.
“As soon as I saw your truck, I got a babysitter. Thought we could hang out.” She finally looks over to Luke and says, “Hi, Luke.”
He mumbles, ”Hey.”
She makes a move to slide in my side of the booth, saying, “Scoot over.” She makes sure her thigh touches mine; she’s that close. A scowl crosses Luke’s face and she chooses to ignore it.
“So what brings you back in town, Trey?” she practically purrs.
I give her a half-shrug and say, “Long story.”
“Well, I’ve got all night. Jackson is spending the night at my mom’s.”
I shift in my seat a bit, thinking this is getting weird. She’s putting off a dangerous vibe.
Luke chugs the rest of his beer and slams his mug on the table, as if to prove a point. “You ready, Trey?”
I look at him in surprise but say, “Yeah, I guess.”
“I just got here. I’ll take him home, Luke. You go on ahead,” Amanda offers.
Luke is starting to lose his patience and adds, “Trey drove and he’s my ride.”
“You can take my truck, Luke,” I tell him, handing him my keys. I’m not ready to go home yet. He looks at me as if to say, “are you kidding me?” which I chose to ignore.
He snatches the keys and says, “Suit yourself. Later.”
I notice Amanda’s smug look, but I don’t really care; our pitcher is near empty and that just won’t do. I’m not even close to erasing today.
She makes no move to sit on the other side and asks, “So are you going to tell me your long story?”
“No.” Our waitress plops another pitcher down, giving Amanda a dirty look.
“Can you bring another mug?” Amanda asks the waitress. She leaves and returns with one without even responding, Amanda oblivious to her rudeness.
I pour beer into her mug and top off my own. I know I’ll regret this in the morning, but right now I don’t give a shit.
After Amanda has almost finished her beer, she has the courage to ask, “Does your bad mood have anything to do with Adelyn?” I flinch at the mention of her name, probably giving myself away. I don’t answer her. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’ I told you this would happen, Trey.” Her hand lands on my thigh as she says this, making me chug my beer for something else to concentrate on.
After another whole pitcher, I’m feeling no pain since I don’t think Amanda consumed hardly any. She suggests it’s time to go, and I settle our tab with Amanda’s help, being that my vision is a little impaired.<
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I’m wobbly getting out to Amanda’s car, but I make it with her arms wrapped around me. Damn, she really smells good – something sort of tropical.
She gets me tucked into her car and gets in the driver’s side. She looks over and smiles at me and says, “You just take it easy, Big Guy. Amanda is going to take good care of you.”
My eyes are closed on the drive home, and I notice when the car stops. Opening my eyes, I see we aren’t at the farm but at Amanda’s. “You forgot to take me home,” I slur.
She gives me a knowing look. “Do you really want to walk into your parent’s house sloppy drunk?”
I shake my head. At least I think it moved. I’m not sure.
Getting out of the car, Amanda walks to my side to help me out. I practically stumble through her door. She gets me on the couch and says she’s going to get me some water.
She returns and I willingly drink it. Setting the glass down, she climbs on my lap, straddling me. The contact to my crotch doesn’t go unnoticed. “What are you doing, Amanda?” I ask her with my eyes closed.
“Come on, Trey. I know you find me attractive. Don’t you think it’s time you acted on it?” Her behind is grinding into me just the slightest bit as she says this. Red flags should be going up, but damn does it feel good.
Her lips are brushing mine, as if she’s testing the waters. I respond to her and her tongue is in my mouth instantly. We exchange a sloppy, all-over-the-place kind of kiss. My hands are on her breasts immediately, eliciting a long moan from her.
She quickly removes her shirt and bra; I can’t quite believe what’s been laid out before me. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t stop myself in my drunken state. I don’t care enough to stop it and my hands are all over those gorgeous breasts, kneading them roughly.
I flinch when I feel her hand on my crotch, stroking me up and down. I get lost in the moment and take her breast in my mouth, sucking and nipping. Then I hear, “I’ve always wanted this, Trey.”
My face still buried in her chest, I mumble into her flesh, “God, Addie, you feel so good.”
I feel her freeze and in an icy tone, she says, “Who did you just call me?”
Suddenly my face looks up to hers. Confused, I respond, “Huh?”
She climbs off my lap, covering herself. “You just called me Addie, asshole.” She retrieves her clothing and stomps off to her room, throwing over her shoulder, “Just sleep it off, Trey.”
Relieved that this situation has now ended, I know I’ve just made a huge mistake in crossing the line with Amanda. Shit! Could this day get any worse?
Knowing I don’t want to be here another minute longer, I spot Amanda’s phone and call Luke. He answers on like the sixth ring, and I know he was probably asleep. “Yeah?” he answers in a raspy voice.
Hoping he’s not too pissed at me for waking him up, I say, “Hey, I need you to come get me.”
He sighs heavily into the phone. “Where are you?” he asks in an extremely exasperated voice.
I hesitate. “I’m at Amanda’s.” I cringe, knowing what he’s thinking.
He says in a biting tone, “I could’ve guessed that. Be there in a few minutes.”
I wait for him outside, not wanting any more reminders of what just took place in that room. Now that I’m sobering up, I’m so pissed at myself for being a colossal ass.
Hearing his truck coming down the dark road, I walk to the edge of the drive, so he doesn’t have to pull in. He stops long enough for me to climb in, and we’re off again.
He shoots me a look and says, “I don’t even want to know.” I can tell he’s thoroughly disgusted with the situation. Or maybe it’s just me.
I look out the window and tell him, “Nothing happened. Well, not much, anyway.”
He doesn’t respond and we drive the rest of the way home in silence. This suits me just fine.
The next morning I hightail it to Burlington to get to the job site with the hangover I’m nursing. It’s going to be another shit day.
chapter twenty-two
ADELYN
I can’t believe I got the dates mixed up, feeling like the most horrible person alive. Here I am so deliriously happy that Trey and I are trying to make things work again and I almost miss this day. It’s the one-year date of my husband’s accident. According to Rex’s living will, his wishes to have the life support be removed are being carried out, and now it’s just a matter of time. I guess we all knew it would end like this. We’ve had many months to prepare, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I think back to the days when we first met, and he was trying to win me over. I smile at his tenacity because he wouldn’t take no for an answer. It had been good in the beginning and even in the middle. I should have given him more of me, but I never stopped loving Trey, and I know that wasn’t fair to Rex. I keep beating myself up over that fact.
The tears start to fall now and I realize there’s a lot of commotion going on in the room. The heart monitor has gone flat and the physician has just announced the time of death. His mother begins sobbing loudly while his dad holds on to her for dear life. I can’t take any more because I really do feel like an imposter. I feel like only the people that loved him unconditionally should be in the room, and I slip out into the hallway.
After the first few months, I always thought that this is how it would end up, but it’s still so damn hard. I wish I would have had the chance to talk to Trey about this before I left. I intended to, but I thought I had more time. We were so careful, trying not to get too heavy too quickly, concentrating more on just getting to know each other again. I just want to feel his arms around me right now.
Pulling out my cell phone, I’m tempted to call him but know I can’t. I can’t try to explain any of this on the phone. I think about sending him a text just to tell him I’m thinking of him. I tap my phone. Shit! In my haste to get here, I grabbed Trey’s phone. Since I know Trey’s password, I could send him a text, but I don’t know what to say.
I just pray he knows I will honor what I wrote in my note to him, and that I will explain everything when I get back.
*****
Since Rex’s family knew this day was coming, all funeral arrangements had been put into place already, and the funeral was the following day.
It’s such a hot, humid day as we all gather around the gravesite. A few of his family members wanted to speak, and they were such lovely words. I’m thankful I never said otherwise, and that he can take his secret to his grave. I’m just glad he’s at peace now.
There’s a luncheon at the church following the service, but I don’t feel like I belong. I don’t want to be there as his wife, I would rather be there as his friend. I need to be by myself for a while and decide to drive to a nearby park to gather my thoughts.
Finding a bench that’s encompassed in shade, I take a seat and take in the solitude. There’s hardly anyone around and I relish the silence.
I decide to call my parents and tell them what’s happened. They will be upset that they weren’t here for me, but there just wasn’t time for all of that.
My mom answers like she doesn’t know it’s me, and I realize she doesn’t recognize Trey’s phone number showing up on her screen.
“Mom, it’s me. I’m on Trey’s phone. Look…I just wanted to call and tell you…well, we just buried Rex. They took him off of life support yesterday.” I can hardly get the words out.
“Adelyn, you told us that wasn’t for another week. What happened?” She sounds so worried. I love this woman so much. Hearing her voice makes me feel so much better.
“Leave it to me to get the dates mixed up, Mom. I left Trey in the middle of the night with nothing but a note telling him I would explain everything when I got back. I hadn’t even had a chance to tell him about Rex yet –I feel just horrible about all of this.” Now the tears are streaming down my face.
“Oh, Addie, I feel awful that we aren’t there for you. And I wish you could have had a chance to speak with
Trey about this – it’s not going to be easy for him to hear.” I know she’s right. How would I feel if out of nowhere, Trey informed me he was married and hadn’t even mentioned it to me? All of a sudden, the magnitude of the situation hits me, and I feel like I can’t breathe. This is bad, really bad.
“Mom, I think I really screwed up. I should have told him all of this right away, but we both wanted to take it a day at a time, without dredging up the last ten years until we were ready. I don’t think my situation should have been lumped in there though. How could I have been so stupid?” I sigh heavily, wiping my tears, as I watch a guy toss a Frisbee to his dog off in the distance.
“Whatever you do, Addie, please don’t drive upset. Why don’t you give yourself a chance to sleep on it before going back to Trey’s?”
She’s right. This day has already made me so exhausted. I promise I won’t head back until tomorrow.
*****
I awake the next morning with a feeling of peace, not relief, but of true peace, something I haven’t experienced in quite some time.
I’m actually relieved I don’t have my phone, and I don’t have to worry about receiving phone calls or texts from Rex’s family, letting me know how insensitive it was of me not going to the luncheon after the funeral. I will no longer let them judge me since they have no idea what took place between Rex and me and, frankly, it’s none of their business. I hope they can find peace with all of this someday also.
I’m not planning on being away long, needing to get back to handle all of Rex’s estate affairs. I know it will be a few days before the will is read, not that I’m concerned about it. I’m aware that Rex had a very large life insurance policy. I plan on paying off the mortgage but other than that, I don’t need the rest of the money. I considered giving it to his family, but they have more than they know what to do with.
After much consideration, I have decided to donate the balance to a family I met at the hospital, anonymously that is. They have been in and out of the hospital due to the fact their young daughter has cancer. It breaks my heart every time I see that’s she’s been admitted again.
