“You need to call your sister.” He handed her his card with Sheila’s number on the back.
She looked down and shook her head “yes”. Zander didn’t know if he really believed she would.
She walked to the door and opened it and then turned around.
“Goodbye, Zander,” she said and was gone.
Zander stared after her. Was that a goodbye, we’ll see you soon or was it goodbye, it was nice knowing you?
Zander wasn’t quite sure.
26
Breckenridge, Colorado--Thursday, October 31, 1985
Over a month went by and Zander heard nothing from Sara Jane. That’s what he would call her now. Although he didn’t really know which person she really was.
He had been checking with his answering service twice and three times a day just to make sure she hadn’t tried to contact him. Fats had finally moved his pickup and sold it to a junk dealer. Zander was amazed that he got any money for it at all. He thought maybe he would have to pay someone to take it off his hands.
He had made the call to Montrose to tell Lilly she was free to do whatever she wanted. The man who called himself Van was no longer an issue. Zander doubted if he would ever share all the details of really happened.
He had left a message on Dee Dee’s answering machine. That should really be all she needed to know right now. Just two weeks ago he would never even have done that, but now there was no threat to Lilly any longer.
He wondered what he would do about Lilly if she returned to Breckenridge. He still had feelings for her and it would be complicated with Sara Jane back in the picture.
*****
Zander went in to work early. He thought he would call his answering service again to see if Sara Jane had called but Jo was busy on the phone when he arrived. It sounded like she was on the phone with one of her beer distributors and it wasn’t going well. Zander decided to stop eavesdropping and get some work done. There was no ice in the ice bunkers so he went to the back and began filling the blue plastic ice buckets. He filled the ice bunkers and as he was closing the sliding stainless steel lids, Jo walked out of the office.
“Where do these guys get these drivers? The guy never even stopped here this week and I saw the truck in town. It wasn’t the first time this happened and I told them so.”
“It’s their job,” Zander agreed.
“Well I think I got the poor guy fired. They weren’t happy especially when I told them I would be taking out their kegs if things didn’t change. They like to sell their beer.”
“Yes, they do but so do you.”
“You don’t have to be so pragmatic about it. Men. Always want to be problem solvers. Don’t you know sometimes we just need to vent?” Jo asked.
“I’ll try to keep that in mind.” Zander grinned.
“You’re early. What’s the occasion?”
“Thought I’d use the phone if is was alright with you.”
“Why don’t you get your own phone? I pay you enough to afford your own telephone.”
“It’s not the cost. I just don’t want to be on the grid.”
“So you just get to be a pain-in-the-ass for the rest of us,” Jo said, but Zander could see she was joking.
“I’d be happy to massage that pain out of your ass for you any time,” Zander said and then ducked when Jo threw a box of straws at him.
“Go use the phone before I decide to take you up on that offer,” she said and grabbed broom and pretended to sweep him into the office.
Zander went in and closed the door.
There were three messages and he listened to each of them in order. The first was Lilly returning his call. She was excited and wanted to hear the whole story. Zander wondered why he thought he could get by not telling her everything. She was still staying with Dee Dee and would until it was decided what she was going to do and where she was going to go. She also said she would be coming up to see Zander soon but she would let him know when that was going to be. She left Dee Dee’s number and told Zander to call her soon. Zander thought he wouldn’t mind seeing Lilly again and in his mind she was already undressed.
The second call was from Sara Jane. Zander played it over three times just to listen to her voice. She sounded happy. Things were going well. She would be selling the Cripple Creek property and already had it listed. The cars were going to be auctioned and the auctioneer had said they would bring top dollar. She didn’t quite have the fate of salons worked out but she had some ideas. Things seemed to be slowing down and as soon as she could figure out how to handle the young girls Van had kidnapped from Mexico, she would come back to Frisco to see him.
Zander thought that last part sounded iffy at best. He hoped she wasn’t planning to keep running the business as usual. He didn’t think she would do that especially since she said she wanted out of it. He needed to talk to her in person. She hadn’t left a phone number so Zander called her cell phone number and left a message.
The last call was from his father. It was short and to the point:
“Zander call home. It’s an emergency.”
Zander paused for a moment. He hadn’t talked to his mom or dad in a long time. He never had much to say to either of them and they certainly didn’t know what to say to Zander. This was unlike his father. He never called. Zander was dreading what was on the other end of the line as he dialed his father’s business number. He would be there because it was a workday.
The phone rang twice and his father picked up.
“Zee’s Hospers Radio, TV and Appliance.”
“Dad.”
“Sander!”
As far as Zander knew his mother and father were the only people in the entire world that called him Sander.
“What’s wrong, dad?”
Silence.
“Dad are you there?”
“It’s your mother Sander. Cancer.” Zander could hear him crying quietly.
“What do you need me to do, dad?”
“Come home, son. She needs you.” And his father hung up.
Zander was stunned. He always knew there could be a call like this but his parents were strong. They would live forever. How naïve, Zander thought to himself.
The moment he walked back into the bar, Jo knew there was something very wrong.
“What’s the matter, Zander?” she asked rushing over to him.
“Zander sat on a bar stool, “My dad said my mom’s got cancer. I don’t know what to do.”
Jo put both hands on his face. “You go home, right now, today. Your parents need you. That’s what families do. You are the only child they have and now you need to do the right thing.”
Zander couldn’t argue.
“I’m not going to be able to make there tonight. It will be too late. Maybe I’ll stay with Jasper. Could you give him a call? What about work?” he asked through his lack of focus.
“I’ll take care of everything. You go home and throw some things together and get going.”
Zander did what he was told. Sometimes a man needed to be directed, wanted to be, really.
*****
Zander pulled into the Glass Onion parking lot just past 8:00. The parking lot was full. Zander guessed the college kids were out showing everyone else how to party. Thursday’s had become the new Friday with these kids.
Donna was tending bar and saw Zander try to make his way toward her.
“You might as well just turn around and go over to Jasper’s. He’s expecting you.” Donna smiled at Zander and he knew she knew the situation.
Zander gave her the Boy Scout salute and went right back out to the parking lot. He didn’t like being around all the noise and college bullshit any more.
Soon he was driving up Jasper’s lane. The house was lit up and the outside lights were on. It was all very welcoming.
Zander hadn’t even come to a stop and Jasper was trying to open his door.
“We’ve been waiting for you. Where have you been?”
“Jasper it t
akes at least nine hours to drive here from Frisco.”
“Well, come inside, Sandy has dinner waiting fore you.”
“I don’t think I’m very hungry,” Zander replied until he got inside.
Sandy had made chicken and noodles. It was one of Zander’s favorite comfort foods and she knew it. He sat down at the kitchen table and it was three helpings later before he could even say anything. Sandy just kept on dishing out the food and Zander didn’t insult her by not eating. Finally he had enough.
“Stop. If I eat one more bite I’ll burst,” he said as Sandy was trying to dish him another plateful.
“Leave the boy some room for brandy,” Jasper said to Sandy.
Zander pushed his plate away and Sandy picked it up.
“Thank you so much. That was terrific. I haven’t had chicken and noodles forever. I needed it.”
Sandy just smiled and took the plate away.
“Let’s have some brandy by the window,” Jasper said and took Zander by the arm.
“No cigars in the house you two,” Sandy yelled from the kitchen.
Jasper poured two brandy snifters almost full of some kind of brandy. Zander didn’t care what kind it was because Jasper poured only the best.
The two friends sipped their drinks and looked out the window at the frozen lake below. Finally after some time had passed Zander turned to Jasper and began to share what had happened over the last few weeks. He didn’t stop until he got to the part when he called his father. He choked up a little and just stopped.
Jasper looked out the window and then told Zander he knew about his mother. Jo had told him.
“Sometimes life just jolts us so we remember we are not on this earth forever,” Jasper said.
“I don’t know, seems like lately I’m just spinning my wheels. I look at other people my age and see what they have and what they’ve accomplished and I feel lost.”
“Don’t be in such an all-fired hurry to be somebody,” Jasper huffed.
“Jasper, I’m thirty-five and what do I have to show for it?”
“No one should have fame or fortune until after they are forty. It’s a prescription for disaster.”
“I’m not sure I agree,” Zander replied simply.
“All you have to do is look at these kids who make it in sports or the music industry while they are still teenagers. What happens to them? Drugs, alcohol, people take advantage of them and they end up penny-less and worse. Look at all the child stars who are completely screwed up.”
“It doesn’t happen to everyone,” Zander countered.
“They have to be pretty well grounded and have a family in the picture with strong support. No I’d say those are the exceptions not the norm.”
“What about Sara Jane? She survived and is in the process of making things right.”
Jasper thought for a moment and then put his hand on Zander’s shoulder.
“Let me tell you something and you can take it for what it’s worth. I don’t have all the answers but I’ve been around for a long time and have seen a lot of things. I’ve found that when the tit’s that big, it is almost impossible to get weaned.”
Zander smiled. He didn’t know what else to do.
“You always have one hell of a way of explaining things.” Zander said but underneath he knew exactly what Jasper was saying.
“It’s what I do. Look, don’t worry about all this shit. That’s all it is anyway. Things happen and you have no control over them. Concentrate on what you do have control over, the rest of it follows along whether we like it or not.”
Zander thought of Sara Jane and wondered if she could actually follow through or if the money had become so important that she couldn’t live without what she felt it made her.
Sandy yelled from the kitchen:
“Hey, you boys, it’s after 11:00. Breakfast is at 7:00 so you better both go to bed. Zander still has a drive before he get’s home tomorrow.”
“The boss has spoken.” Jasper smiled.
They tossed back the last of the brandy and Zander felt warm inside. He wasn’t sure it was the brandy either.
27
Omaha Nebraska--Friday, November 1, 1985
Zander was dreaming pleasant dreams of Sara Jane and Lilly when he felt someone shaking him.
“Zander, wake up.” It was Jasper.
“What? What time is it? Did I oversleep?”
“No, it’s 6:00 but we got a phone call from Jo. Your answering service called her and said there was an emergency something about your parents. Get dressed. Sandy has breakfast for you and you can be on your way.” Jasper left the room.
Zander was still groggy and decided to take a quick shower. He kept it cold on purpose. When he was ready, he went out in the kitchen. Jasper and Sandy were sitting at the table. When Zander came in, Sandy stood up and got a plate and began filling it with breakfast.
“Not too much, Sandy. I don’t know if I’m that hungry.”
“You will eat and I won’t hear another thing about it,” Sandy said, always in charge.
“Yes, mother,” Zander said inappropriately.
“Sleep okay?” Jasper asked.
“I haven’t slept that good in weeks. What was the emergency Jo called about?”
“That’s all we know,” Sandy replied.
“It sounds like something my dad would do to get me there faster,” Zander said more to himself.
Jasper shot a look at Sandy while Zander ate breakfast unaware.
After breakfast, Zander got his things from the guest room making sure to make up his bed. When he finished, he walked into the kitchen carrying his backpack. Sandy handed him a sandwich she had made up and a bottle of water.
“I thought you might want to get home as quickly as possible and made this so you wouldn’t have to stop,” Sandy said.
“Does she ever treat me this good?” Jasper asked smiling.
“Oh you hush,” Sandy said and left the room.
“If you need anything just call. Now you’d better shove off. I’ve got to get to the Onion,” Jasper said.
Zander had a huge desire to give him a hug but shook his hand instead. He got into the T-Bird and was on his way back to Hospers. He couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d been home. It was too bad he waited to go back under these circumstances.
*****
Zander arrived in Hospers a little after 10:00. He drove down Main Street and noticed his father store wasn’t open. That was unusual. He always opened by 7:00 every morning. Maybe something was wrong after all.
His parent’s street was just a few blocks away and when he turned onto it, there were cars lined up in the driveway. Out front there was a Sheriff’s cruiser parked next to the curb. Zander parked behind it. When he got out of the T-Bird he noticed a deputy coming toward him. This wasn’t good.
“Are you Sander Van Zee?” he asked.
“Yes. What’s wrong?”
“There was a car accident last night involving your parents. I’m very sorry to have to give you the news like this but they were both killed instantly.”
Zander went weak in the knees. The deputy put his arm around him.
“I think you’d better go inside and sit down.”
“Who are all these people?” Zander wondered.
“Friends and family mostly. Some neighbors and some of his customers I think. They all feel really bad,” the deputy answered.
Zander went along with the deputy supporting him. It was all he could do. His legs didn’t seem to be working.
When they went inside his parent’s home, he saw faces but they didn’t register. Who were they and what were they doing here? He heard people telling him how sorry they were and what a tragedy it all was.
Zander sat in the living room in a winged back chair just staring at the grandfather clock. The pendulum swung left and then right. How curious it was and he wondered why he had never noticed it before.
28
Hospers, Iowa--Saturday, N
ovember 2, 1985
Zander woke up at 7:30. His arrival at Hospers was only a blur. People kept coming to the house all day and all night. They brought their condolences and food, a lot of food. The counters and refrigerator had no room for anything more and still it came. Zander wanted to scream. He knew he shouldn’t because people were just trying to help. That’s what they did in small towns in Iowa.
Somehow Zander had found his old room and gotten himself into bed. He noticed he hadn’t taken off his clothes. When he looked around the room he noticed everything was pretty much the same as when he had left it twenty years ago. His trophies and sports letters were on the shelf above his bed and even some of the clothes he had left were hanging in his closet. Something was different however. On the bulletin board were articles from the local paper about some of the musicals he had been in. There was even something about him graduating and taking a vocal position. Zander wondered who put that up there. Was it his mother or father? He would never know. That’s when the grief struck. He buried his head in the pillow and let go.
*****
When the feelings had run their course, Zander sat up in his bed. He wondered why he had tried to muffle his pain in the pillow. Who would have really cared if he had shown some grief? He guessed it was because his generation thought emotion was weakness. No man ever showed what he was feeling. If you wore your heart on your sleeve you were a pussy or gay. That word gay made him cringe. Didn’t it mean happy? Zander was in a play once called “Our Hearts Were Young and Gay”. Would they have to change the name of that play now that the word meant something totally different? He had a few students in his classes that were gay. Some of them didn’t even know it but Zander could usually tell those that were struggling with it. He always thought it was sad that society put such a huge burden on these kids. It wasn’t as if they chose that lifestyle. Who, in their right mind, would want to put up with that entire social stigma on purpose? He thought that maybe someday society would be more accepting. He hoped so anyway.
*****
It was close to 8:00 when he got out of bed and showered. He turned the water as hot as he could stand because he wanted to feel something. He wanted out of this numbness. When he was ready to face the day he went to the kitchen.
Always a Kicker Page 24
