By the time I finished washing, drying and then violently folding and putting away my clothes it was only early evening, but at least some of my grief had burned off. Overwhelmed by exhaustion, I plopped down onto the fresh sheets and absorbed their warmth. They no longer smelled of Devlin, something I regretted, but at least they were encouraging my mind to drift off into sleep. This time I welcomed the drowsiness with open arms.
I dreamed of the woman and the young man again, my parents, and watched as they swung me between the two of them. The toddler version of myself squealed and laughed as they lifted her high into the air. Wherever we were was bright and sunny and warm, free of faelah, the Daramorr and memories of my murdered friend, but when I woke in the morning, my pillow case was damp with the tears I had shed in my sleep.
For two days I moped around my apartment, wasting time online and watching movies on my laptop. At some point I walked into town and bought a new cell phone and visited a hardware store to get an extra set of keys made. I even baked a cake and cleaned out the cupboards, but I was ready to burst out of my skin. I gave Claire a call, wondering when the next Earth Bound meeting might be and to ask whether she knew about Evan. She was able to fill me in on the details Kelly hadn’t been privy to. Evan’s body was to be sent back east and buried in his hometown cemetery. There would be no funeral for me to attend but the members of Earth Bound were planning a memorial service the next day.
We gathered at noon in a local park and shared stories about Evan’s life. None of us knew too much about him, but knowing that he had a few friends among us helped ease my spirit. It would take much more, however, to douse that low burning well of hatred and guilt that had started only a few days before.
On several occasions during those last lingering days of winter break I was severely tempted to return to the dolmarehn near the waterfall and sneak back into the Otherworld, eager to check if Devlin had returned to the Weald. Yet every time I grabbed my jacket and headed toward the door, the wound in my chest reminded me I should wait. It was healing, that much I could say, and it no longer hurt so much if I tried to lift anything. And although Enorah believed the Daramorr and his sister had gone into hiding, the memory of my ordeal was still too fresh in my mind. I might hate them and want to kill them myself, but I still feared them.
I resumed my work schedule Monday and was pleased to learn that the new woman Margie had hired was nothing like Moira. A week passed, then another, all the while my injuries, both internal and external, healing marvelously as I wondered what was going on in the Otherworld. I had finally been left in peace by all those who dwell in Eile, both good and bad, and I was growing restless. How strange it was, to feel like something was missing when only a few short months ago I had prayed for my life to return to normal. Of course, that was before I knew part of me belonged to that extraordinary and wonderful place. Perhaps that was what was causing my anxiety. Well, that and the prolonged absence of a certain tall blond warrior with brilliant blue eyes.
During the first week of February, it was brought to my attention that I hadn’t been very good at hiding my thoughts.
“All right Robyn, spill,” Kelly piped, hopping up onto the counter and nearly scaring me half to death. Her legs dangled beside me, and she cradled a huge mug of coffee in her hands. She was still on her lunch break, and I was trying to finish restocking so I could take mine. In reality, I had been trying to work myself into a stupor over the past several days. If I was exhausted beyond all measure, then I wouldn’t have time to think about Devlin’s continued absence.
“What do you mean?” I asked, viciously dumping sugar into a dispenser.
“Oh, come on! You’ve been shuffling around here like a zombie all week, if not longer. I know it’s because of a guy. It always is. Now talk missy. It will make you feel better. Is it about Evan?”
“No,” I responded, then let out a sigh. “I mean, yeah I’m still upset about him but I’ve come to terms with it.”
Kelly nodded and sipped her coffee. “I wonder if the cops will ever figure out what really happened. Might give you some closure.”
I remained silent and continued with my chore.
“So,” my friend proclaimed, regaining some of her earlier cheer, “if your dour mood isn’t about Evan, then who?”
I ground my teeth together. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about Devlin. I was having a hard enough time not thinking about him.
“There’s no guy, Kelly,” I growled.
She only arched an eyebrow at me. Yeah. Fooling her was not going to work. I released an overly dramatic sigh and threw back my head.
“Fine. There was a guy, but he moved away, okay?”
“How far away?”
Ugh, she was really going to push this, wasn’t she?
“Across the country,” I snapped, screwing the lid back onto the sugar dispenser with more force than necessary. I slid it aside and went for the nutmeg.
“Robyn, let’s look at the broad picture here. So this guy that you like so much lives in a different state, right?”
I nodded, humoring her. A way different state.
“And have you told him that you love him?”
That slapped me right out of my mediocre attempt at avoiding the conversation. Setting the nutmeg aside, I turned and took her in. She was still sitting on the counter with her coffee, looking at me with that mildly serious expression she often adopted whenever we discussed something important.
“I’m sorry?” was my eventual response because, let’s face it, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Okay, I’m not trying to stir up bad feelings or butt into business that isn’t my own, but I’ve seen you with him before. Blond hair, blue eyes, about eight feet tall? You didn’t just look at him like he was a piece of eye candy breezing through, not like the way you looked at Moira’s brother. There was something more there, something deeper. You’re in love with him, I can tell you are, so don’t try to deny it.”
“What’s your point?” I gritted as I grabbed the nutmeg and sugar and shoved them back in one of the cabinets, fighting against the sudden prickling chill that crawled over my skin.
“My point is, what do you have here that is tying you down? I mean, you have me and Margie and Jonathon and a few other friends, but do you even visit your parents anymore?”
I opened my mouth to argue with her, but then her words sunk in. She was right. Thanks to my parents’ bizarre opinions regarding human nature, I was no longer the daughter they had hoped to raise. For the first time during this whole lecture, I stopped what I was doing and thought about what Kelly was saying. Here in the mortal world, I was just Robyn, the sad little orphan struggling to make something of herself. But in the Otherworld? I might still have family there, people related to me by blood. A mother who might actually want me around.
Even if Devlin didn’t care about me as much as Enorah thought he did, there might be a new life waiting for me in Eile. And what about Meghan? Maybe I could live with her and Cade for a while until I found my relatives. Good grief, Robyn, two years ago you were rolling around in self-pity because Meghan got to live there and you didn’t. Now’s your chance to have the life you've always dreamed of. What’s holding you back?
But I knew, even before the wave of unease rippled through me, what was keeping me lashed tightly to my benign, ordinary life in the mortal world: fear. I was terrified of leaving what I knew behind in order to try my hand at surviving in a world completely foreign to me, a world where people like Mikael and Moira and faelah existed. But most of all, I was afraid of opening my heart up to Devlin; of allowing myself to be loved and to give that love in return, especially if that love was unwanted.
“Isn’t he worth it, Robyn?”
I blinked. Oh, Kelly was saying something again.
“Huh?”
“Isn’t he worth it? Isn’t he worth taking a chance for? You can always come back here and pick up your old life. I’m sure Margie would underst
and, and you could always pick up with your classes at Cuesta next year. But do you want to ignore your heart and give up this chance? Can you live with regret for the rest of your life?”
For a long, desperate minute I let those words sink in. No, I couldn’t. And I wouldn’t. She was right, and not just about Devlin. This life I was living was a good one, but since when had I simply settled for mundane and safe? For the first time in my life, the only person I had to answer to was myself, so why was I delaying the inevitable? I locked eyes with Kelly. My vision blurred, but I could see her smile.
“At least give him a call, Robyn. See where he stands. You deserve a chance at happiness.”
I was ready to charge right out of the Green Tea Leaf, get into my car, and drive to that dolmarehn but then my common sense pulled me back down to earth.
“This weekend I’ll try calling him,” I finally said with a small smile.
Kelly brightened. “That’s the spirit!”
“Now let me finish wiping down the counter so I can go on my lunch break,” I complained, slapping at Kelly with a dish towel.
Laughing, she hopped down from her perch. The bell above the door jangled, and my co-worker sidled over to take care of the new arrival.
I proceeded to dust crumbs and coffee stains from the counter, but then Kelly tentatively called my name. I glanced up, and my heart nearly stopped beating. As if our conversation had conjured him up out of thin air, Devlin stood in front of the counter, his composure cool and collected. Those blue eyes of his held mine, but I was far too befuddled and shocked to detect any emotion in them. He looked good, but of course he always looked good, and he appeared more rested than the last time I’d seen him. Despite his calm, outward appearance, that sharp awareness that always clung to him was still there.
“I think you ought to take your lunch break now,” Kelly said, her voice dripping with delight.
“But you have ten more minutes left of yours,” was my oh-so brilliant response.
“I’ll live,” she breathed, shoving me toward the gap in the counter.
As I hastily undid my apron, she hissed in my ear, “Now’s the time to tell him!”
Oh, I’m sure she thought so, but I wasn’t so certain. For all I knew, Devlin was here to thank me for all my help and to bid his farewells. But if so, Kelly had a point. I needed to tell him how I felt or I would regret it for the rest of my life. I had never backed down from a challenge and I wouldn’t start now, no matter how daunting it might be.
I glanced at the window as I made my way toward Devlin. Grey clouds hung in the sky, and it looked like the rain wasn’t quite done for the day. Good. No one would be lingering outside.
“Let’s go down to the creek,” I said quietly, brushing past Devlin without even looking at him.
Without a word, he followed me. I stepped through the door and turned right, crossing the small parking lot adjacent to the building. The sound of rushing water below greeted me as I took the first step down the concrete steps that led to the creek. I assumed Devlin was behind me, but I never glanced back to check. I was working up the nerve for the conversation that would begin the second my feet greeted the pebbles below.
I reached the water’s edge and turned around, Devlin coming to a stop a few yards away from me. I expected him to speak first, but all he did was stand there, staring at me as if I might sprout wings and fly away. It was extremely irritating, not knowing his thoughts. Finally, I couldn’t take the silence any longer. Ducking my head, I shoved my hands in the back pockets of my jeans and took a deep breath, fighting the urge to fling myself at him and melt into his comforting embrace.
“Obviously you aren’t going to talk,” I managed, “so I guess I’ll be the one initiating this conversation. I want to thank you for saving my life a few weeks ago. Enorah told me all about it, and although I think you are an idiot for not chasing after Mikael and Moira while you had the chance, I can’t say I’m sorry that you didn’t.”
I took a moment to gauge his reaction. Still that same calm, emotionless look. I bit my cheek before continuing on.
“Secondly, as I’m sure you know, I’m now aware that I am Lorehnin.” I gave a light chuckle. Look at me, acting all nonchalant about my heritage. As if finding out I had Otherworldly ancestors was like learning my blood type. I swallowed hard and forced myself to concentrate on the big picture. “Makes sense why the Daramorr was so interested in me,” I continued. “Apparently you were right to be suspicious of my weird magic, though I honestly had no idea about my heritage, I swear it.”
Still, Devlin remained silent. He shifted his weight and crossed his arms over his chest like he was waiting for something. It was as if he knew that the spark that existed between us was moments away from blazing to life, and that my words would be the fuel to feed it.
You can do this Robyn, you who has never shown fear. You, who fended off Otherworldly monsters and sauntered into the den of the Daramorr on your own. You survived an attempt on your life and bravely faced the real world with so much on your mind, it should be easy, this part. The reciting of a few words to a man who, although still remains a huge mystery to you, is also someone you trust without question. No matter how he takes your declaration, he will not be cruel.
“There is something more you need to know,” I said, my voice catching a little.
Strength Robyn, show strength. I cleared my throat and took a long, slow breath. After all, that’s what one did before jumping into the deep end.
I lifted my chin and looked him in the eye.
“I have not known you long, but in the time we’ve spent together, you have come to mean more to me than any other person I know. Where I come from, for a girl to admit these kinds of feelings to a guy can mean the end to whatever relationship they have. And if the moment isn’t right, it can ruin everything.”
I paused and took a deep breath, dropping my eyes to the pewter and grey pebbles at my feet. I could get through this. I had to.
“After all I’ve been through this past year, I have come to realize that the right moment is when you are sure of how you feel, and I’m sure, Devlin.”
My eyes lifted to his once again and I noticed the blue ice had melted a little. I took advantage of this slight show of compassion. “I am in love with you, Devlin O’Brolaigh, and whether or not you feel the same way, I wanted you to know.”
For several lingering seconds he stood there, immobile, unflinching, well-controlled. Then, as if some change in the direction of the wind brought it on, he moved. I hardly had time to react as he lifted me up into an embrace and my gasp of protest came to an end when his mouth descended upon mine. Heat and desire flashed through me, and I had to wrap my arms around him to keep from falling over. Oh, this kiss was so reminiscent of the one we’d shared on New Year’s Eve, only there was no hint of anger now. All I could feel was affection, passion and love. And didn’t that just make my heart race faster.
Long before I was ready, Devlin relented but didn’t pull away completely.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered against my lips, kissing me once more. “I’m so sorry, Robyn.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. Now can we get back to what we were doing before?
He reached up a hand and brushed my hair away from my face, his fingers lingering on the lavender streak. “The Daramorr should never have laid a finger on you.”
I shook my head in protest. He wasn’t to blame.
“It was my fault,” he murmured, still holding me close. “I should have paid closer attention; I should have known he was planning something. A man’s first duty is to protect the ones he loves, and I failed you.”
That took me aback. Even though his current display of affection proved as much, hearing the words meant even more. I pulled away from him, just enough so that I could read his whole expression. A lazy smile graced his face, the mask of controlled emotions long gone.
“The ones he loves?” I managed.
That smile only grew as he leane
d in to nip my ear. Shivers that had nothing to do with the crisp air rippled through me.
“I love you as well, Robyn Dunbarre, my feisty, stubborn girl,” he whispered into my ear. “I have nothing to offer you, but I love you nonetheless.”
I beamed. “Oh, yes you do, and lucky for you it is the only thing I want from you.”
And then I stood on my toes so I could kiss him again.
I thought about everything that frightened me and all those things that had made me reluctant of late, loving Devlin being one of them. In the past six months, so many tendrils of my life had been twisted and warped, to the point that I hardly recognized it any longer. I had been hunted by faelah, completely disowned by my parents, bewitched and nearly murdered by a sadist from the Otherworld, and tempted by a Lorehnin warrior who I apparently couldn’t resist. Caution had become a necessary norm in my life.
And it’s about time to throw that caution to the wind, I told myself, locking my arms around Devlin’s neck and fully giving in to his kiss. Sensible, responsible Robyn has run her course. And I was more than ready to be reckless and wild once again.
-Epilogue-
Home
Six weeks later …
The bed felt empty when I woke up, so I flung my arm out to make sure Devlin was beside me. To my great disappointment, my hand only met cool, rumpled sheets. Sighing my discontent, I cracked open an eyelid and peered at the window. The light streaming through the curtains was weak and grey. Just about dawn, would be my guess. Time to get up. Life in the Weald started early, and it was something I found myself getting used to rather quickly.
I crawled out of bed and found a clean set of clothes in the dresser Devlin and I shared. A pair of old jeans and a T-shirt featuring one of my favorite punk bands. I smiled. There were just some comforts from my old life I wasn’t ready to give up, and adjusting to life in the Otherworld was hard enough. Instead of business courses at Cuesta and hot showers to clean away the evidence of a stressful schedule, I became a student in Enorah’s daily defense lessons and took primitive showers beside the creek. In the afternoons, I helped some of the younger kids with reading, writing and basic math skills, and I was always volunteering to help with the large communal dinners. No more movies on my laptop or lazy afternoons at the Green Tea Leaf, only food cooked over an open fire and hard work.
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