by Sam Destiny
“Jam, whatever happens tonight, you need to remember I’m not letting you get away that easy. I want you to tell me what was going on back then. I want to know what’s going on with you now. If you didn’t think Collene would show up, why didn’t you just walk up to my door, meet Lesso, and then leave again? Why –”
He hushed her with his finger on her lips, invading her personal space on purpose again. “One night, Aly. Give us that. Please. No heavy topics. I think you need some little lovin’, lady.” He smiled, and she watched him for a moment.
“Why me? Why now?” she asked, and Jam nuzzled her neck right below her ear, feeling her shiver in response.
“It was always you. And now because, for one night, I’m trying to pretend I’m free of my past,” he explained, hoping she’d finally shut up and let him hold her. He almost grinned as she pressed her lips together in an obvious attempt to keep herself from speaking.
Reaching around him, she pulled open a drawer and handed him a pack of matches. “Candles, now,” she instructed, her voice softened with a smile. Never in the last ten years had he imagined he’d be taking orders from a woman again, but with Aly, it was different. Alessia never would treat him as Collene had treated him.
“On my way, Ma’am.” He grinned and then left the kitchen.
Aly released the breath she hadn’t been aware she held. What he was offering tempted her and even if she now tried to pretend to think about the pros and cons, she knew it was futile. Her heart jumped at the opportunity he presented, and she wanted nothing more than to cuddle in his arms. Would she be able to go back? Most likely not. This was like a dream coming true, and who in the hell was able to ever forget that? She knew, though, that as much as she was obviously still feeling for him, this couldn’t be more until he stopped making cryptic remarks and started spilling the truth. She shouldn’t believe one word of it always having been her for him, but no matter how often she said that to herself, her foolish heart instantly had taken the words in as universal truth. And how could it not with the way his green eyes had begged her to trust him?
“Ugh, Jamison Loane, you will be the death of me,” she mumbled before deciding there was no reason two consenting adults needed to be lonely.
She grabbed his glass of wine and found him in front of her personal gallery. He actually reached out to touch a picture of her, one Alessandro had insisted on, and it made her heart crack just a little. Eventually, he moved over to the sofa, looking almost unreal in the soft candlelight.
“You’re such a damn handsome man,” she commented, walking over to him. She placed the glasses on the coffee table, wanting to sit down next to him, but he pulled her on his lap, cuddling her close.
“Tell me about your café,” Jam pleaded quietly, his breath washing over her neck in a way that made her want to purr.
“It’s just a café. Small reading corners, a couple of tables, couches, armchairs … everything people didn’t want anymore found a home in my little shop.” She smiled, thinking fondly of the green monster that stood in the back where not everyone could see it right away. A girl from town, Summer, had turned it into her little corner of heaven and had actually started the decorating in the shop. Every now and then, she’d bring in new quotes and tape them to the wall, naming the book and the author in case one of these quotes caught another patron’s attention. Others had followed the example and now it was just something people mentioned when talking about her shop. “Besides Alessandro, it’s my life. You should come and see it, Jam,” she whispered, turning enough so she could look at him.
“Your eyes are shining when you talk about it. What’s it called?” He almost made it impossible for her to think. His fingertips had started out circling the spot behind her ear before caressing her neck. Now, they were dipping below her neckline, giving her goosebumps.
“A’s Salvation.” Jam’s finger stopped, and she met his gaze. It was obvious that he knew and understood what the ‘A’ meant.
“No one knows what it stands for, do they?” he eventually asked and resumed his caressing. Aly moved so she could place her legs over his, resting her head against his shoulder while she snuck her hand around his hip, ever so slightly lifting his shirt so she could feel his skin under hers. She felt him stiffen, but since he didn’t comment on it or stop her, she just kept going.
“They always assume it stands for Alessia, and I never bother to correct them. Why should I? No one needs to know it’s your son’s name in there. That little side shop allows me to keep him here and happy. It made it possible for me to buy this house, even though it was a steal. Sometimes, it feels as if Alessandro is the grandchild Dorly never got,” she explained, not letting her hand wander off his abs and chest. Both were firm, just as she had guessed they’d be. Out of impulse, she kissed his cheek and then nuzzled his neck for a few seconds. This was nice, and she had no trouble seeing herself and in a position like this with him more often.
“Jam?” she eventually whispered and then moved again so she was sitting right in front of him.
“Aly?” His voice was nothing more than a rough whisper while he looked at her expectantly. She framed his face, taking every little thing in. There were the dimples she knew so well, no matter if they were hidden underneath a day-old scruff. There was a tiny scar right next to his upper lip, and she could still remember how swollen it had been. The split had barely healed when Jam had opened it again with one careless action or the other. Her thumb brushed over it, and his eyes clouded with pain.
“Does it still hurt?” she wondered, and Jam ground his teeth. She could see it in the way his jaw was working, and she knew it by the way his fingertips were digging into her hips.
“Just the memory of it does,” he answered cryptically.
“Wasn’t it a football injury? Or was it something else?” Aly could remember the cut, but had no recollection of how he had gotten it. His expression darkened, and she was sure he mumbled ‘or something else’ under his breath, but when she asked him to repeat, he just shook his head, raising his own hand to bring it to her face.
“I’m no longer the pretty boy you used to know, am I?”
“No,” she agreed, cupping his cheek as Jam’s eyes left her face. “You’re no longer a boy. As I said earlier, you’re a damn handsome man.”
“That’s just because you can’t see my scars,” he told her and then leaned in to kiss her forehead ever so gently. People said a forehead kiss expressed longing, and after this touch of his lips to her skin, she knew it was true. He was holding himself back, and she had no idea why.
For a moment, she thought about asking him to show her what he meant, but they had agreed to skip all the questions. Something about him appeared almost self-conscious.
“Tell me your biggest regret,” she pleaded, and for a moment, it seemed as if Jam would protest, but then he bit his cheek.
“I regret most not having gotten you pregnant back then,” he replied, and Aly laughed.
“You’re such a romantic,” she fussed, and he grinned even more.
“What can I say? I was meant to be Casanova, but then the role was already taken.” She nodded, still laughing.
“You just regret not being my first,” she then accused, and he sobered considerably.
“I regret not being your anything.” She knew she was staring at him open-mouthed, and the humor came back to his eyes as he playfully touched the tip of her nose. “What’s yours?”
Only half an hour ago, she would have said it was leaving Greg behind, or not forcing Jam to see Alessandro earlier, but now her answer was a different one.
“Not getting pregnant by you back then,” she answered because it was the truth. She had taken Alessandro with her because she had wanted Jam’s kid so bad and never saw a chance for it. Nothing had changed about the fact she wanted his children. It was crazy. Who in the hell fell in love with ‘the one’ before ever reaching puberty? No one—that was who.
Jam pulled her close, kissing her
softly. He handled her as if she was the most delicate thing ever. “Thanks for being here,” Aly whispered as she leaned into him, listening to his heartbeat. The quick rhythm mirrored her own.
“Thanks for having me,” he replied, kissing the top of her head.
Jam knew Aly had fallen asleep, and as much as he wanted to stay, he couldn’t risk her waking up before him. “Hey,” he said, shifting her so he could watch her face. She just snuggled closer, though, making him smile.
“Not yet,” she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.
“Where’s your bedroom?” he wanted to know, and she didn’t even bother to open her eyes.
“Upstairs. Not the one with the rockets,” she explained, and he lifted her off the couch and carried her upstairs. He opened the first door and found it chaotic and covered in rockets. Even the bed was painted with them.
“Not rockets,” she said another time, and he realized she was watching him now. He chuckled, kissing her cheek before moving out of the room again and on to the next door. “Nope,” Aly mumbled, cuddling into his arms again. So it was the last one on the right that belonged to her, and once he opened it, he realized why. It was the smallest room and her bed barely fit, yet there was a balcony. She most likely wanted to give Alessandro the biggest room.
“It’s been forever since any man slept in a bed with me,” she whispered as he placed her on the pillows. As much as it pained him that he wouldn’t be with her during the night, he still needed to go.
“I’ll be right back,” he lied as she cuddled deeper into the blanket and then smiled.
“Okay.” It was barely a breath, but he could still hear the satisfaction in the word. Only once he was sure she was fast asleep, Jam left the house. Once outside, he pulled his cell out since he had promised Greg to contact him.
“Tell me she is fine,” Greg pleaded the moment he had answered the phone.
“You never told me that you sent her pictures of us,” Jam instantly shot back, and Greg groaned.
“I didn’t think you’d get that close to her that fast. I never told her that you gave me the money, and you never knew she had your pictures. I hoped she’d teach Alessandro about you. Did she?”
“He looked at me and called me daddy. It’s as if I was just gone for a week or two. I know nothing about him besides that he loves rockets. I was so scared someone would overhear us and … why did you allow me to stay away from him for so long?” Jam knew it wasn’t Greg’s fault, but he still couldn’t help but lash out. He regretted all the time he had missed not only with his son but also with the woman who raised him.
“Honestly? I have a few reasons, dude. I know I never wanted that boy to stay with his real mother, and I supported the decision of handing him over to my sister, but that doesn’t mean I was going to allow her to get locked up for it. Plus, Jamison Loane, you have a dark secret. Until you spill those beans, you will not get the okay from me to have anything with my sister. It suited me just right that you never thought about going to see her.”
Jam actually had to sit down. “What?”
“I’m a guy. And you’re a guy. We don’t do that emotional talk, but you’ve been living with me since you left Collene. That makes ten years. I ain’t gay or anything, and I sure as hell don’t need you running around naked, but honestly, you’re always wearing a shirt. You dress in the bathroom. What guy does that? We sling a towel around our hips and then we walk to our rooms. Besides that, you lost your Jamison-ness. You used to be cocky and smiley and all flirty. Then Collene happened and you changed forever.” Jam stared at the phone and then knocked it against his leg.
“Who the hell are you?”
“Funny, Jam,” Greg growled, and Jam rolled his eyes.
“I gave away my only son, who was abused by his mother when he wasn’t even a year old. Of course, I changed,” he snapped and then wondered why it had taken him to leave for Greg to say what he had on his mind.
“You were different even before that, Jam.”
“She wanted to hurt Aly.”
Greg stayed silent for a moment. “Who?” It was obvious he already knew.
“Aly had just turned sixteen. I knew I was falling head over heels for her. There was this party, remember? The one at the mayor’s home? I stood next to Collene and her mother. Aly came in and I just mentioned that one day she’d be the most beautiful thing Tarance High had ever known. You should have seen the look on Collene’s face, Greg.” Jam closed his eyes as anger surged through him. “It didn’t take long, and I saw Collene gunning for Alessia. Right there at the party. She kept bumping into Aly until I could see your sister’s face contorting with pain. Elbows, kicks, pushing her into tables … I couldn’t take it, especially after Aly left and cried her eyes out in the mayor’s garden. I watched her for a few minutes until I heard Collene and her friends coming. She talked about blue eyes and how well they’d look on Aly. I stepped in her way and told her no one was as pretty as she was and that I’d been in love with her forever.”
“Collene always was after you. You were missing in her little collection. It was almost like an obsession. I don’t think you ever showed any interest in her until that night,” Greg mumbled.
“Nope.”
“Because you wanted Aly.” It was a recap rather than a question.
“I knew exactly what I was going to say to you. I swear I had an awesome case to plead.” Greg laughed shortly, just as Jam had hoped. “That night changed it all. I kissed Collene then and there, and Aly was forgotten. She never really returned to being cruel to anyone else, either, so I thought what was my happiness against everyone else’s?” It was weird. He had never said that out loud, and it was scarily liberating.
“Yeah, that would have probably changed me, too,” Greg finally said. “So what’s the plan now? Collene hasn’t appeared, and no one knows where she is. Her mother seems relieved, and her father is furious.” Jam remembered her mother well. She was a timid little woman and probably the only one who ever had been remotely nice in their house.
“Collene isn’t here, either. Aly’s still safe and so is Alessandro. I should probably come back and –”
“Maybe you should stay and win Aly over. This can be your second chance, Jam. Especially if you spent the last decade being unhappy because Collene’s a fucking bitch. How did you ever get yourself to sleep with her?” Jam could almost hear the shuddering over the phone.
“She was a beautiful girl, no matter how she treated others.” The lie slid off his tongue easily.
“Damn, Jam.” Greg sighed, and Jam pinched the bridge of his nose. He hated the lies, but by now, they were almost as much part of him as his left hand or right foot. “Anyway, how about staying there?”
“Never, Greg. She deserves someone better. You should want someone better for her,” he whispered, looking up at the star-covered sky.
“You two had secret feelings for each other for ten fucking years. You stayed away from her to protect her. Now, she doesn’t need to be protected from anything any longer, and you can leave it all behind.” His best friend had no idea. Jamison couldn’t ever leave the past behind, especially not when he was wearing the evidence all over his body.
“I’m gonna go now. The lady who’s letting me stay in her house is demanding. Half of her house needs fixing and I have to get up early. I just came from Aly’s place and needed someone to talk to.”
Greg stayed silent on the other end, and Jam figured he had finally overdone it on the emotional front. “Uh, yeah, anyway, I …” He checked his watch, realizing with utter shock that it was three in the morning. “Damn, why are you even awake?”
Finally, Greg laughed. “I used the time your ass was out of the house and had a lady friend over. She was a disaster, so I ended up playing computer games. You got lucky.”
“This time, at least,” Jam commented, getting up again and turning. To the right was the house he wished he could return to, and to the left was the house he’d most likely lie awake i
n now until the sun came up. He shook his head and then went to Dorly’s house.
“Later, dude,” he said and hung up. He felt drained. Only after hanging up did he think about the fact Greg would most likely mention his little story to Aly. It was the last thing Jam wanted, but it was too late now. He wouldn’t call his best friend back to accuse him of gossiping. Besides, maybe, just maybe, he’d tell Alessia about this part. After all, it was possible just to retell part of his story. It had worked well with her brother. With that thought in mind, Jam went to bed, almost smiling.
The morning was slow, and Aly walked along the walls of her café. She had read those quotes times and times again, yet she loved each and every one of them. It didn’t matter if they were from Airicka Phoenix, an indie author sadly not enough people knew, or Shakespeare, who everyone knew. She loved them all and, by now, could recite each one to perfection.
“I didn’t even think about the fact that today is Monday. How can you let Lesso stay over at someone else’s place on a school night?” Aly turned, disappointment and anger churning in her stomach.
“Good morning to you, too, Jamison Loane! How dare you come in like that after last night?” she asked, outrage evident in her voice. “It obviously was nice enough to cuddle me and promise me a night when you never intended to give me that full night. Then again, in the morning everything looks different. Oh, you didn’t even wait until morning!” She was hurt, very much so, and didn’t care he suddenly tried to act like a father, even though that should bother her far more.
“Aly, you don’t understand –”
“Of course, I don’t because you won’t tell me. No serious talk, remember? No asking questions. No nothing, Aly. You get to save my son and go to prison if they ever realize it, but you don’t get to have answers or a single night with me. So no, I don’t understand. And just FYI, your son has off today. The school has some teacher education thing, and he’s going to be …” The door jingled and Alessandro came in, beaming at her, totally ignoring his father. “ … here in no time,” she finished, kneeling to catch Lesso and hug him tight.
