by Sam Destiny
“What else could you want?” he wanted to know.
“Nothing less than your heart and soul,” she admitted because it was what she wanted. She wouldn’t agree to take less than everything when it came to Jam. Secretly, she hoped this whole thing would offer Jam some kind of closure. If somehow, by luck or fate or whatever you wanted to call it, they got Alessandro back, Jam’s business with the Karmisons would be over. They’d no longer have anything on him.
“Aly …” he started then stopped himself. His eyes left her face, going down his bare arms and the scars visible there. For a very long time, he was quiet, almost making Aly wish she had shut up.
“I’m sorry, Jam, you don’t …” She broke off as he lifted his haunted eyes to hers.
“No, you’re right. You need me whole and not broken. I’m not ready to go to a psychologist, but I want you to know … understand how …” He breathed deeply a few times, and Aly wasn’t sure if she should be touching him or not.
As it was, he took the decision from her by getting up and pulling over a long sleeve shirt and his jeans. She noticed he didn’t button them up, and even though she shouldn’t think about anything but his pain, she couldn’t help but lick her lips.
Shaking her head, she focused on him while he walked over to the window. The sun was setting, sending a red glow into the bedroom. Jam’s blond hair looked as if it was on fire, his eyes having an almost dangerous hue. The light made the green appear almost black.
He leaned his hands against the window frame, taking a deep breath.
“Jamison,” she whispered, not exactly sure what she wanted to say, but he only shook his head.
“It was a party. Collene wanted to show off how well we worked together …”
Aly sat back on the bed, pulling Jam’s sweater close. She had a feeling this was going to be a story she wasn’t ready to hear naked.
Jam watched the water, realizing it was almost on fire. The sunset was one of the most beautiful he had ever seen, yet it was almost telling. Aly was going to hate him after this. His world would go down in flames, and he was the one putting the match to the gasoline.
“I usually didn’t drink when I was around her, but that night … God, Aly, it was too much. I think I was drunk before most of her friends really showed. She made me wear a suit, or better just the tie and the shirt, dress pants … you know.” He shrugged, his throat feeling clogged. He suddenly wasn’t sure he could tell the story anymore. Or that he should. Luckily, Aly had decided to stay away from him. He wouldn’t be able to deal with her touching him. Just the memory of this evening made him feel dirty.
Pushing away from the window, he thought about how he shouldn’t be telling her the story there, in her bedroom, her sanctuary.
“We should go somewhere else,” he stated, panic making his voice sound high-pitched.
“We’re staying right here, Jamison. Pace all you want, maybe even stop telling the story, but don’t run away,” she pleaded, and Jam swallowed. He couldn’t look at her.
“Aly, you and I shouldn’t be together. I’m darker than dark, and you are the brightest star out there. I …” He trailed off, rubbing his hands over the sleeves as if it made the dirt go away.
He needed to get it out now or he was never going to finish.
“She was pissed I was drunk, but her friends loved me. Everyone wanted me. I was the best trophy she had. I guess she figured it was time for punishment. I guess I figured it was time for punishment. Either way, I took a girl to her bedroom. I thought maybe, just maybe, Collene would be tired of me if she found me with someone else …” Her gasp made him pause.
“Jam, if the scars on your body are any indication, she was likely to kill you for disobeying like that,” she cried, and he slowly nodded. She knew pretty well the most likely scenario.
“I didn’t care. You see now how weak I am? I thought it would have been the easy way out.” Oh God, he had never admitted that out loud.
“Weak? You stayed with her because of me. Thea Karmison told me when she left. All the people she would’ve hurt when instead hurting you …” She shook her head, and Jam turned away just enough so he could see her face in the mirror without being obvious about it.
“The girl tied me up. Handcuffs on the bed.” He rubbed his wrists, remembering too well the burning he had felt the next morning. “That girl … shit, I don’t even remember her name. She went over to the door and said she’d just turn off the light. Next thing I know, Collene is kneeling over me. Of course, I was naked. How else can you get kinky?” Had he ever hated himself more than he did at that moment, seeing Aly shudder? His voice dripped with sarcasm. Getting into some extra-special sex had not been on his agenda that night. He grabbed her dressing table, worrying that his tight grip would splinter it.
“I was drunk. I thought maybe nothing would happen. Hell, how often do you hear that drunk guys can’t manage to get it up? Of course, it was just my luck that my body decided it needed some action. After all, there never had been any up until that point. At least not from the moment I started dating that bitch. Frankly, she knew how to do it right, too. I guess she didn’t stay abstinent the way I did. Anyway, she …” He gritted his teeth until his ears were ringing.
“I get the idea. She abused you sexually. You were drunk and cuffed to the bed.”
“I pretended it was you.” His voice was barely a whisper. “It was the only thing that helped to get me through it. You were my happy place. You’ve always been my happy place even though you never deserved my mess. Alessandro is the result of that night. As much as I hate what she did, the moment I knew she was expecting my child, all I wanted was to make sure the baby would be okay.” It had been the only thought driving him from the second she had presented him with the result. She had even blackmailed him, but that was something Aly didn’t need to know. As it was, she was crying silent tears, no longer looking at him. He just saw it through the mirror, her hand pressed against her forehead, the dark hair hiding her wet cheeks. He needed to scrub his skin clean even though he wanted nothing more than to walk over and take her in his arms.
Walking back, he hit the wall next to the door and then turned, stumbling to her bathroom. Tearing the shirt off, he threw it on the floor. Jam was breathing hard, not able to control his body’s reaction. It always ended that way. Every time he thought about that night, he started to shake until he almost wanted to throw up. Sometimes, he wondered if that was how women felt after they had been violated. Only he should have been stronger than that.
He turned the water in the shower on until steam filled the room then he grabbed the nailbrush, rubbing his lower arm under the hot water. His skin burned almost instantly, but in contrast to all the other times, it didn’t soothe the feeling of hatred.
“Fuck,” he growled, not being able to wash the images from his mind. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” The steaming water turned colder and small hands wrapped around his, halting his movements.
“Jam,” Aly whispered, her voice thick with tears. He couldn’t look at her. There was no need for her to tell him to get out. He knew he didn’t deserve to be with her.
“Just a second,” he pleaded, but her hands just turned him away from her, placing his hands against the cold tiles. The jeans he wore stuck to his legs uncomfortably, and he could feel the sweater she still wore was getting soaked. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against the cooling porcelain.
The water was falling on his shoulders, running down his back in calming rivers. Suddenly, a soft sponge pressed against his skin, never ceasing to draw slow circles until his ragged breath evened out.
“Turn,” Aly ordered quietly. He did, looking at her face while she focused on his skin, cleansing him more thoroughly than he ever had been able to.
“You’re amazing,” she said loud enough for him to hear over the running water. “You are brave.” She kissed his chest, dropping the sponge. “You are incredible.” Aly let her hands roam over his chest, his shoulders, down h
is arms. “And you are mine. This wasn’t your fault. None of this was.” She gave him a slow smile.
“You still want me?” Why the hell was his voice so rough?
“Are you kidding me? You wear jeans in the shower. They’re molded to your body. There’s nothing more sexy than this!” She winked and Jam grinned, reaching out to cup the back of her neck and draw her in. Wet and soaked as she was, she still was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
“Besides the jeans, though,” she mumbled, pulling back until he was looking at her, “I love you, Jam. I never stopped. So please, whatever you will have to deal with, whatever comes, don’t be afraid I’ll leave or resent you.”
He watched her face for a long moment and then picked her up, kissing her with as much love and need as he felt. They stood under the shower, both half-dressed yet fully bare, but he didn’t care. Obviously, neither did she as she grabbed his shoulders, his hair, whatever she could reach and hold onto. He wanted to have her just that bit closer, feeling the need to become one with her. It was there, at that moment, Jam decided to make this right eventually. Once the dust had settled and their lives had calmed down a little, they needed to make adjustments. Big adjustments.
“What are you suddenly smiling about?” Aly asked, nibbling on his jaw while softly humming in appreciation.
“I should’ve known you’re the most amazing person in this world, Alessia. I just … ten years is a long time,” he whispered against her lip and then felt his heart double its speed as she broke out into a happy laughter.
“Ten years is a lifetime for your son, but for me, it’s just another decade I wish I could have spent with you. None of this was your fault. None of this was mine. It just is what it is, and we can’t change it. We can decide, though, where we are going from here, handsome. The way I see it is you decided to go forward, so let’s make sure there’s something to walk to.”
She brushed her fingertips across his cheek, down his neck, and along his shoulders. He shivered without really being able to help it while the water still ran down their bodies.
“Let me make you happy,” he pleaded, and she smiled, only nodding.
Together, they left the bathroom after getting rid of the wet clothes. Aly looked at him over her shoulder, the dark hair almost black after the shower. Her eyes were shining with hope as she winked and then dropped the terry cloth to the floor moving forward to the bed.
Jam couldn’t help it, reaching out to pull her from her crawling position back against his body. She stretched against him, leaning her head back as he cupped her breast from behind while gently bending her head back a little further, kissing the side of her throat. She moaned as he teased her nipples; hard little pebbles against his palm. They were a perfect fit for him, and he couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much this woman meant to him.
He had sacrificed it all for her, and now, she was ready to make it all worthwhile.
Aly could finally put a name to an emotion she had always seen on Jam’s face, but never once had been able to name—self-hatred. As much as he should know that none of this was his fault, he thought he had deserved every bit of the treatment Collene had reserved for him.
Aly couldn’t wait to get a word in with that abusive bitch, yet she knew that had to wait. The moment Jam pulled her back against him, cupping her breasts, all thought fled her mind, though. He was gentle with her, just like the first few times they had been intimate, but something about his movements was different. It was as if he had a purpose suddenly, and Aly loved it.
She could feel his erection probing her back. As much as she wanted to turn around and grab on to it, Jam had her in a body lock, almost wrapping his body fully around hers. His fingers teased her breasts before wandering lower, and his tongue and lips teased the side of her neck, her earlobe, and then her lips as she turned to him.
She spread her legs just a little farther for him, knowing that she wanted him like a starving woman wanted food. His left hand found her mound, cupping it before gently letting his fingers part her lips and stroke her clit. She instantly shivered, holding her breath to fully enjoy the sensation.
“Aly, you’re so wet for me,” Jam mumbled next to her ear. “Don’t you wish I could push a finger into you and find that exact spot? You know the one that will make you writhe under my hands? Don’t you wish I could push my cock into you deep and give you that orgasm you are heading to?”
Who knew the man could be a naughty talker? Aly certainly wasn’t going to complain about his newfound dirty mouth.
“How about you stop talking and let your actions follow?” she asked, breathless. She was trembling all over while Jam’s index finger kept a regular rhythm, teasing her clit until her knees threatened to give out.
“Just a few more minutes,” Jam promised, now placing one arm around her middle, holding her to him when she couldn’t hold herself up any longer. “Place your arms around my neck,” he whispered and she did, feeling how he pushed two fingers ever so slowly into her before letting them glide back out and across her tight little bud.
“Jamison,” she gasped, somewhere between a plea and a protest.
“Right here,” he replied in a husky voice that tickled her nerve endings as if it was something tangible. “How about we bend you forward now and I let my cock slowly push in you until you can feel me everywhere inside you?” He wanted to know, and she instantly wanted to move, but he just chuckled, holding her back. “Kiss me first,” he pleaded, and she did, turning her head enough so she could lick his tongue with her own, tease and taste him at least a little bit. He was hard against her, so hard, but his patience didn’t seem to wane.
Another flip with his fingertip against her clit, another dip of his fingers into her … it just didn’t stop. Eventually, she reached the point where she started to move her hips against him just to get a little more friction. She just needed a tiny bit more and her world would shatter.
Finally, Jam bent her forward, pulling her hips back against him. She closed her eyes in anticipation, but all he did was lean in to kiss her spine and run his hands up and down her sides. She wiggled her body against him, hearing him chuckle.
“Impatient much?” he asked.
“If you don’t hurry, I’ll finish myself,” she grumbled, finally feeling how he lined up with her and then moved his hips ever so slightly. She wouldn’t have it, trying to take over, but he instantly held on to her.
“No, Alessia, this is my dance. I’m leading,” he fussed, and she let her head hang in resignation. This anticipation was killing her. Jam lowered his body to hers until he could kiss her neck, being fully buried in her now, withdrawing as he licked his way down her spine, only to push back in and gently let his chin and, therefore, his scruff tickle her skin. The sensations exploded against her skin as he repeated the procedure again and again. Eventually, she reached between her legs, finding his balls and gently cupping them. Instantly, he hissed, freezing in position while she gently massaged her newfound treasure.
“You’re not playin’ fair,” he gritted out, and she laughed a throaty laugh, not stopping her movements.
“Stop torturing me then,” she answered, and finally, he began a rhythm she liked. Reaching around her stomach, he pulled her up again, her back pressing against his stomach. His movement didn’t cease as he brought his attention back to her breasts. Aly was ready to burst.
“Jam, please,” she whimpered and then felt how he kissed her shoulder and her neck before gently biting her earlobe. “Do it, Aly. Make yourself come,” he ordered, and she gasped, bringing a shaking hand between her legs. She felt his erection against her fingertips, slippery from her own arousal, and it was almost all she needed.
“Shit, Aly,” Jam grunted, taking her just that bit harder while she alternated between brushing her clit and his cock with her hand. “I can’t hold out much longer,” he admitted, and she exhaled.
“Come for me, Jam,” she whispered, and he did, giving one hard thrust that ma
de her cry out, too. The world came apart in a shower of sparkles and black dots. It took a moment until she remembered where she was, actually finding herself beneath Jam on the bed, his body pressing her into the mattress.
“You know, if we get Alessandro back, we can’t do these stunts anymore,” he mumbled against her skin, kissing her back before moving away to get a washcloth. Aly didn’t move, waiting until he returned. Just like the gentleman he was, he cleaned her up, too, then drew her into his arms.
“We still can. You just can’t be that loud anymore,” she teased, and he poked her stomach.
“Me? I think it was you screaming my name there at the end.” He grinned and Aly laughed, but then took a deep breath. She wished her son was home now already. It wasn’t exactly easy to forget that he was gone, but with Jam around, she sometimes had moments where she felt as if she could finally catch up on what she had missed out on when taking care of Alessandro. Maybe things would have been different for her if Jam’s child really were hers, too. Maybe she didn’t deserve a boy like Alessandro if one handsome man made her forget him, but Jamison wasn’t just anyone.
He’d always been the only one for her and, with the way she felt, this would never change.
Jam drove the streets he knew too well, his mind back on the coast with Alessia.
“You've been awfully quiet,” Shannon commented, and Jam only nodded. He felt as if he was a different guy from when he had left less than a week prior. He couldn't believe he had told Aly about Alessandro's conception, and she hadn’t thrown him out. In fact, she had done everything right, and he felt free. It was as if he had been suffocating without even realizing it, and she saved him.
“Aly knows,” he announced, and Shannon waited. She seemingly didn't know what exactly Aly knew.
“Good,” she answered diplomatically.
