Sam stared at her, baffled. “Jessica? What’s wrong?”
Jessica didn’t have a good record in reading people, and right now she wasn’t in any frame of mind to make promises to anyone, especially a detective. She pushed herself from his protective embrace, feeling the warmth of his hands on her arms disappear. “I can’t believe I just did that.” Pressing her lips together, she awkwardly tugged at the shoulder of her hospital gown to blot her lips. “I’m sorry…”
“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
She took a deep breath, shaking her head. “No, I’m just so confused right now.” She realized her pain medicine hadn’t worked, and clicked the button again, noticing it beeped this time. Maybe she’d pressed the button too soon. She wanted the medicine to numb the pain in her heart as well. “My daughter is missing, and the last thing I should be doing is kissing a cop.”
Sam didn’t move. “Look at me, Jessica.”
She felt a sudden chill and then his hands again covered her bare arms, rubbing gently.
“Please,” he whispered.
When she gathered the courage to look up, his eyes were gentle and understanding. Warm and comforting.
“I know this seems sudden, and I don’t blame you for feeling confused and frightened—”
“Frightened is an understatement.” Jessica felt her pain disappear and the morphine relax her body. Her confidence slipped a notch when she glanced at his strong jaw and full lips. Samuel Vance was as near perfection as any human she’d ever met. “You are the most—” she closed her eyes and turned away, wishing he’d give her some distance, wishing that morphine didn’t feel like truth serum right now “—the most intriguing man I’ve ever met, Sam, but we’re so different, and this is a really bad time to start a relationship.”
“This started long before Amy’s kidnapping, didn’t it. Or was I imagining things?” Sam quirked one eyebrow.
“Imagining what, exactly?”
“That you acted totally different when we met at Adam and Kate’s engagement party than when you were out with those other men?”
Jessica stared at him, not quite believing her ears. When she’d seen him at the Stagecoach Café, she hadn’t even made the connection between the officer that had responded to the accident and the detective she had seen recently. She recalled the Sam Vance who’d responded to her accident. That cop had been arrogant enough to push a grieving woman. It wasn’t easy to see this loving side of him.
“How did I act differently?”
“You questioning my observation skills?” His tight-lipped smile oozed with confidence.
She felt her face heat up. “I’m questioning your analysis. I didn’t intentionally act any differently with you. And while we’re at it, I have a few observations of my own.”
“Such as?”
“Oh no you don’t, you haven’t answered my first question yet. What makes you think I’m interested in you?”
Sam backed away slightly and stared at her as if he didn’t like being questioned. She waited patiently, meeting his gaze, despite the fact that she knew her eyes must look terrible from crying.
“You don’t put on any fronts with me. With the other guys, you were always smiling, a little too happy…” He paused and looked into her eyes. “At first, I was sure it meant that you hated me, and enjoyed their company. But then—” he cleared his throat “—I realized you were nervous around me. With them, it was part of the sales pitch, so to speak.”
Jessica felt her heart beat double time as the truth tumbled from his lips.
“You didn’t have a personal investment at stake,” he said. “And one isn’t normally nervous unless emotion of some kind is involved.”
Jessica pulled her lower lip between her teeth. It was frightening to have someone able to read her so precisely. “Okay. So?” And I’m still nervous around you, she silently acknowledged. She couldn’t even deny his accusations. She may as well have admitted how quickly she’d fallen for him and elevated him to hero status.
“So, you told me never to lie to you,” he said calmly.
“I meant with the search for Amy.” She’d heard enough truth for today. Sam Vance couldn’t be in love with her. And sooner or later, he’d realize it.
The corner of Sam’s lip twitched. “Never pretty much covers everything in my book. And I want to ask the same of you.”
Jessica backed away, a hoarse whisper all she could manage. “There are some things best left in the past, Sam. Things I don’t want to talk about.”
“You think I’ll change my mind about how I feel?”
“Maybe you should.” Sam didn’t want to know everything about her and she definitely didn’t want him to. It seemed like her life had been one poor decision after another. No matter what Sam said, there were some things that were better left in the past.
Surprisingly, Sam didn’t seem angry or hurt, just tired. “You had an observation?”
How could she ask such a personal question after refusing to be open with him? “Never mind.” She grabbed the rail of the bed and shifted, prompting Sam to move. She pushed the button to raise the head of the bed to support her back, but hit the TV button instead. She fumbled with the control, finally content to mute the sound rather than wait for it to scroll past all the channels to “off” mode.
Through the interruption Sam showed no sign of relenting. “If I can’t answer, I’ll tell you. Regardless of my promise, there are plenty of questions I flat out can’t answer. There are times I’m obligated to reserve the truth until it has to be told. Doesn’t change my vow. Trust is one challenge of being involved with a law enforcement officer. I won’t ever lie to you. Now, what was your question?”
Sam took her breath away. He surprised her. Everyone described him as strong and silent. This man had just bared his heart to her. She wished she could come up with a different question, but changing the focus of her brain wasn’t in her control right now.
“How long were you and Detective Hilliard together? And how long since you broke up?”
His thick eyebrows flinched. His voice was courteous but patronizing. “We dated quite a while.”
The truth wasn’t quite so easy now, she noticed. “How long is ‘quite a while’?”
“Who’s the detective here?” Sam smiled, and she relaxed. “A few years. She didn’t, and doesn’t, want children. I do. The split was very friendly. After all, we have to work together.”
“When?” Jessica didn’t want someone expecting her to pick up the pieces and try to put them back together, because especially right now, she didn’t have the strength to do that for anyone. At the same time, she couldn’t expect someone else to pick her up and put her back together. Which was exactly why she couldn’t fall in love with Sam. He deserved someone who had the strength to support him after a bad day. She wasn’t sure she did.
Sam’s gaze didn’t stray. “We struggled to stay together for a month or two after your accident. I couldn’t get Amy out of my head because she reminded me of my niece, and the fact that Natalie never got another chance to be with her dad. Travis has never been the same. I’ve prayed every day that you wouldn’t have to go through that, too.”
As if he could read the warning signals going off in her head, he continued. “I came so close to listening to the other officers that night when they told me there wasn’t any baby. I couldn’t explain, even at the debriefing, why I was so certain that Amy was out there somewhere. About a month later, Becky pushed the issue of kids, and I realized just how determined she was not to bring kids into the world. We’ve both been much happier since we came to terms with reality. It doesn’t work, forcing a relationship between two people who aren’t meant to be together.”
“And you think we’d be different? I see my family maybe once a year, and you probably see yours every day or two. I have a past that I can’t even talk about, and your life is squeaky clean.” She looked at him, sad that for once in her life she couldn’t accept a nice surprise. �
��It’s clear that I can hardly meet the needs of my daughter and myself, let alone anyone else.”
“Everyone has issues now and then.” The sun’s rays illuminated the entire room, shedding the light on their discussion as well.
“Some more than others. Get real, Sam. You could never—” Love had seemed almost like a dream a while ago, but now, it was the worst nightmare she could imagine. “Face it, I’m hardly the type you’d take to church meetings.”
“You think we vote people in and out or something?” Sam backed away. She’d hit a nerve. “We’re not so different. Your cup may be half empty, mine’s half full. And I haven’t met a Christian yet that’s perfect.”
Jessica turned away. “Look in the mirror.”
A quick knock on the door interrupted, and Kate Darling stepped through the door. “I heard you were here, Jessica. I’m so sorry about Amy.” Kate placed the blood pressure cuff on Jessica’s arm and began the routine check.
“Thanks,” Jessica muttered, glancing at Sam, wondering how he’d handle the interruption.
Kate had an odd smile on her face. “Hi, Sam. How are you doing?” She held up a finger, silencing everyone while she released the pressure and watched the dial.
“Good to see you’re feeling well enough to be back to work. How’s Adam feeling?” Sam’s mellow baritone was controlled. It was clear that he didn’t want Kate here, but he was far too polite to send her away.
Kate rubbed her shoulder. “We’re getting better every day.”
“How are the wedding plans coming along?” Jessica asked, longing for a happier subject as the thermometer was placed in her ear.
“Wonderful, until this happened. I was going to bring the music over this week, Sam,” Kate said hesitantly as she placed everything back into the vitals cart. “Do you think you’ll still be able to play at the wedding?”
Jessica struggled again with her image of Sam, this time as a musician—a Christian cop who played the piano. She lowered her head and closed her eyes, listening as Kate and Sam discussed the musical selections for the wedding.
“Drop them by my parents’ house, Kate. It’s closer, and I’ll probably be there more than my own house this week.”
“Sounds good.” She recorded Jessica’s vitals, then headed toward the door. “I need to get on with rounds. I’ll see you in a while, Jessica.”
Sam’s voice was calm and his gaze steady, though he stood up and started pacing the room. “As we were discussing, I’m far from perfect. It’s probably selfish of me to burden you with my feelings at a time like this.”
“You’re right about that,” she muttered. “I can’t think about anything except that Amy is missing, Sam. I just can’t.” The pain medication hadn’t done a thing, and she reached for the button again, except in her confusion, she pressed the call button instead. “See how confused I am?” She yanked on one cord, then another, until she found the right one and pressed it.
“I can see that you’re confused. You’re even confusing me. I’m sorry if I misread your feelings.”
“No, you didn’t. It’s frightening to see how you know me better than I know myself.” She rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “I think they exchanged my painkiller for truth serum. You wouldn’t have had anything to do with that, would you?” She peeked up at Sam, ready for his arrogant smile.
He smoothed the sheet and sat down again, his mouth curved with tenderness. He beckoned her into his arms. “There’s nothing wrong with needing to be held once in a while. And I won’t mention this again until you’re ready. I’m sorry that I’ve upset you. I just wanted you to know why I can’t walk away from you, or the investigation.”
Sam wrapped her carefully in his embrace. Jessica closed her eyes, her mind spinning in bewilderment. Did he need to be held, or was he, again, reading her mind? “I hope Deanne is giving Amy lots of hugs. She likes hugs, too,” she said.
Jessica couldn’t recall being held this tenderly since her own childhood. No kisses, no ulterior motives, just comfort from one friend to another.
“I’m falling in love with you, Jessica. And I won’t stop looking until we find Amy.”
No, her inner voice screamed, you can’t love me. Not now.
“Heavenly Father,” Sam said softly. “Embrace Jessica and Amy with Your comfort and love until Amy’s back home and in our arms. Amen.”
When Jessica opened her eyes she saw Amy’s picture on the television and gasped.
Sam jumped away and looked at her. “What is it?”
She pointed to the television. Sam turned around and his shoulders dropped. “Turn it up.” He pulled the cell phone from his belt and dialed a number from memory.
Jessica frantically searched for the mute button on the television, but couldn’t find it in time. “Have they found her? What were they saying?”
Chapter Thirteen
A determined knock on the door preceded the entrance of the surgeon and the nurse, Kate Darling. “Good morning, Jessica.” Dr. Reinhart nodded to Sam.
“Morning.” Jessica let go of Sam and shifted in the bed, turning her full attention to the doctor. Sam stepped away. “How soon can I go home?”
“That will depend on a lot of factors,” he said, looking at her over the rim of his glasses. “I hear you’ve had a rough night,” he said, tucking her file under his arm.
Jessica nodded. “That’s for sure.”
The surgeon patted her shoulder. “I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. I’ll keep both of you in my prayers.” He asked Jessica several questions about her level of pain from the surgery and her emotions from the additional stress of the kidnapping.
“I think I’m doing okay, considering.” She didn’t mention the added factor of a budding romance on top of everything else.
“If you feel like it’s getting to be too much, or are having trouble sleeping, let me know. We can give you something to help. If you’ll roll to your side, we’ll see how the incision is doing and see if we can consider letting you go home today. That is, as long as you have help.” He looked at Sam, and Kate broke into a smile.
“You’re aware that the press has already been here hounding Jessica,” Sam offered.
Jessica glared at Sam before turning her back to him and the doctor. She had to appear calm and in control or they wouldn’t let her go. She had to hold herself together.
“Yes, Detective, I’m aware of that. Unfortunately, if Mrs. Mathers is doing well, we can’t justify a longer stay. She’d probably rest as much if not more at home. Jessica, I presume you arranged for someone to help you take care of the wound, cleaning it and so forth, as instructed.”
“She has help,” Sam answered, before she had a chance to explain that her help had run off with her daughter. “She’ll be staying with my parents, Lidia and Maxwell Vance. They’ve had lots of experience taking care of injuries with four kids.”
“Of course, Max is Henry’s brother. We were sorry to lose such a talented surgeon as your uncle.” He studied Sam a moment, then smiled. “You must be Sam, then. I saw that article in the paper a couple of weeks ago. Keep up the good work, Detective. Come here and I’ll show you how to take care of this wound, and you can instruct your mother. Okay, Jessica?” The surgeon touched her arm and leaned over her shoulder. “Okay?” he whispered.
She nodded. What choice did she have? She’d asked Deanne to help her after she returned home, and Deanne had taken Amy. She shuddered.
“We’re going to remove the gauze and clean it before we let you leave.” He opened Jessica’s gown from the neck to her waist and folded the top edge over her arm. He carefully removed the dressing. “Looks good. No sign of infection. Sam, wash your hands and come here so I can show you what to do.” She listened as Dr. Reinhart cleaned the wound and explained to Sam what the surgery had entailed. She felt Sam’s tentative touch replace the skilled hands of the surgeon.
“How’re you doing, Jessica?” the doctor asked.
“Fine.”
&nb
sp; Kate ripped open the new dressing and dropped the used bandage into the red receptacle. She proceeded to check Jessica’s vitals. “Are you sure you have adequate care at home?” Kate asked, and Jessica nodded. Right now, she couldn’t think beyond Sam and his family.
Sam asked detailed questions with childlike curiosity.
“Hey, careful back there, you’re not going to open it up for a third time, no matter how interesting it sounds.”
Sam laughed softly.
She turned her attention back to Kate with an apology. Certain that Lidia would be glad to help, since she’d practically adopted her in recent months, Jessica answered, “Yes, I’m sure Lidia won’t mind, and with the kidnapping, Sam wants to stick close in case new information comes in.” Though Sam had intervened without her consent, it did make sense, and she would have more freedom and privacy at the Vance house than in the hospital. If she ended up going with Sam to find Amy, he would probably do the wound treatment anyway.
Though she’d had several male nurses over the past few years, it was different having Sam touching her incision, even with the doctor’s instructions.
“Jessica, how’s your stomach feeling?”
“Rumbling. Can I eat this morning?”
“We’ll try a soft diet. If you have no problems, I’ll release you this afternoon.”
The doctor sat down and discussed the stress Jessica would be under and reminded her to take it easy. Another nurse popped her head inside the door, “Detective Hilliard is here to talk with Mrs. Mathers.”
“Yes, let her in,” Jessica ordered, anxious for some news. “We saw something on the television just a few minutes ago. Have you found her?” She could hear raucous voices outside her door. “Who’s out there?”
Becky walked around to face her. “No, I’m sorry, we haven’t found her. That was the Amber Alert. It’s helped having the picture. How are you feeling, Jessica?”
Finding Amy Page 11
