The father and mother of Joseph Moriarty had put all their hopes on to the one child they could have, along with the burden of their ill health and dwindling prospects. He was left to work at what he did not want to be, a farmer who did not have a farmer’s instinct, not the first one of the Moriartys to be born that way. The best fields had been sold over four generations, leaving him with the ones that brought more in the way of work than reward. His only means of income, unless he would walk into the world with nothing, was to work them. They could not be sold. He turned his back on anything like hope for a future. He turned his back on the reputation for romantic notions the Moriartys were once famous for and it did not make his farming any better.
A wife had never fitted into Joseph Moriarty’s plans. There had been no one willing to take on the sourness and the lack of prospects. Until Noreen who, like Joseph, was afraid to leave the town for uncertainty. Though brave within it, she had spent little of her life beyond it. What could not be seen, well, it was glorious until you came to live it, so those who had been to beyond and come back had said.
Noreen had wanted to go beyond, but only with company. None had offered to take her. So Noreen stood in front of Joseph Moriarty long enough for him to notice what there was in her he needed. Some said that she had already got reason to need to be wed. If she had, she had lost it by the time Joseph looked back at her. She fooled herself at the prospect of the big house and the fields with the fine views of sea and harbour. She had romantic notions about helping Joseph in them and turning his bad temper around. Noreen was a fish gutter, not a farmer’s daughter. Any farmer’s daughter would have told her fields with fine views of sea and mountains are bad fields. No farmer wants the soil such scenery offers.
They had been married after ten o’clock Mass, with only her family in attendance. His were all dead and other relatives wanted nothing to do with him. Noreen paid for tea and scones for the women in the Harbour View Hotel. The men bought their own pints. Joseph sat among them but did not speak. She had thought they might go somewhere for the day afterwards. But he was keen to be home.
‘There’s a bed in the back room for you,’ Joseph said, sitting down at the kitchen table, not offering to carry her small suitcase.
A cloud of dust rose from the sheet when she lifted it on to the mattress. Fine echoes of laughter and loving times rose along with it. This bed had not been used in a long time. There was to be no pretence of love. Joseph Moriarty had married Noreen for the work in her. In that same night she would beat out the dust of lives gone and her own hope of times to come.
‘Where will I find a wardrobe?’ she called out to him.
‘Your family might give us one as a wedding present,’ he laughed without joy. ‘Haven’t I given the roof?’
Noreen née Byrne, now Moriarty, put an apron over her new dress to make a start. She had expected nothing and got worse than that.
‘Have you any kind of soap?’ she asked him, standing over the sink, staring at her reflection in the clear water. It seemed it had changed since morning.
‘Have you not brought any soap?’ he enquired. ‘Do you not wash yourself?’
‘Household soap, Joseph, for the kitchen.’
He pointed to a press.
She wished now she had gone off with one of the casual labourers who came into the town, or one of the actors in the fit-up theatres who spoke so well.
‘Well,’ she thought, six hours after marrying him. ‘There’s always the hope that he might die before me.’
And he did, but it took many years and by that time she had already lost herself.
‘I suppose I do have a present for you.’
Noreen spilt some of the hot tea she had made for them, having scrubbed the kitchen around his seated form. It smelt of carbolic, the windows opened wide to let in the betraying sunshine, which gave it all the appearance of a happy place.
‘There’s a plot out the back you might do something useful with.’
He also gave her six hens to look after. From that day on he took the surplus and left her the six. When one died he cursed Noreen as if she had wrung its neck herself. What she got from him on that first day was all she got.
She was left alone at night in the back room. Occasionally he would push open the door. He was not the first for Noreen but he was the roughest and he did not like her to make a sound.
* * *
The child, Carmel, came into the world quickly – as if not to cause trouble. She did not cry until they tried to put shoes on her.
An only child, her companions came out of her imagination. Her dreams were filled with kind people who could only love her since she had created them and she had not a spiteful bone.
‘Get wise to the world, girl, or it’ll walk all over you!’ Noreen tried to teach her when they were not under Joseph’s eye.
Once they had left him. Noreen’s family had sent her back, warning her they would tell Joseph the next time. They reminded her how lucky she was to have married a farmer.
After that day Carmel did not meet or know her grandparents who lived three miles away in another world. Joseph did not like his wife and child to go into town unless it was absolutely necessary. He did not like to pay for shoes or clothes.
Noreen’s last pair of tights laddered just before her daughter was born. She made dresses for her girl out of her own clothes and was left with little to wear for herself. She did not go into town if she could help it.
When Joseph had drink on his breath or a look in his eye the child had been taught to go to the barn until she was called. Sometimes Noreen was not well enough to come out for her, so she slipped into the night and learned the ways of a cat, prowling until the first light.
That was how Eddie Burns came to know her, a streak of flame through Gamble’s wood, hiding and watching him with her green eyes, from a safe distance. They did not say hello to each other over the years that they turned into man and woman. What was between them needed no words.
Welcome, Eddie. There’s a place beside Carmel for him, as there has always been.
* * *
Eddie left school at thirteen to take over his uncle’s window-cleaning round. He could cycle over thirty miles a day, which did not worry him as he liked his own company and his work did not take him out on wet and windy days. On those days he liked to walk through the wood and feel her watching him. In bad weather, woodland gives the best shelter, without a soul to disturb it.
Carmel was rarely to be seen in Scarna. People would have forgotten her mother only they caught an occasional glimpse of her in early morning or late evening, shopping for a few bits. Their hearts went out to the big woman reduced to a bag of bones. Joseph was seen more often in the town and avoided. The word on their girl was that she was simple.
Noreen tried to put manners on Carmel, but there was no reason for her to keep them. They were far enough away from the town for her to grow up without a friend. On the days Noreen got her to school, by dragging her, the teachers sent her home by lunchtime. They could not keep her at a desk and she took off her shoes continually.
When they asked her a question she would not answer them. She did not write well and could barely read.
She would only be seen near the town when the fit-ups came. The travelling theatres brought life and colour and dreams into the grey hours that made Scarna days. The town would see Carmel and Noreen then, slipping into the back row when the performances had started. Dreaming with the town and aching with the town for the stories that happened on makeshift stages – Noreen and Carmel were seen and not noticed. The town had its mind and heart on the stories too.
Carmel watched one woman one year, a woman called Sive who played the leads in plays best forgotten in a way she could never be. Carmel watched her on stage and in the town from a discreet distance.
The woman called Sive had seemed more fine and free than any woman. She had sauntered through the town with men all following with reasons to talk to her, with women a
ll watching their men. She had caught Carmel watching once, out walking on the Shore Road. Her male company was not pleased when she had called Carmel over and touched her hair and said, ‘Like fire.’
From that day, Carmel was allowed to follow her. Until the day when Carmel went to the theatre tent and found it gone.
This was one week in a life which went on in a manner where little changes, until Eddie’s eighteenth birthday. His father took him for his first pint to the Slip Inn on the harbour front at Scarna – where fishermen and farmers met in a back bar where no stranger stayed for more than one drink. Too many eyes on them; even enemies in the town of Scarna united against the unknown who entered. The men were talking of Joseph Moriarty, who had just been asked to leave.
If the drinking men did not bait him, and they tried not to, he would rise to imagined insults. That night’s had been a concern about the state of Joseph’s crop in Stone’s Throw Field, which ran right along the shoreline. The only thing that could grow in it was cabbage. The rubbery leaves fought the salt winds well, but the first, tender shoots were not able for the fight in the same way.
The farmer whose family had acquired good Moriarty fields in other years and done well from them, put it to him, ‘No way a cabbage will raise its head now, Joseph. Not after the fourth week of salt winds. This is no summer.’
‘Is that right?’ Joseph had spoken back, with a calm they all knew to come before a blow-up.
A good foot or two of space round him cleared, the enquirer drew back also. From behind him, someone who knew his face could not be seen, said, ‘Mark you, everyone loves a bit of salt on their cabbage.’
The laughter lasted for as long as it took for Joseph to rise and belt the initial enquirer. Belt the smugness his fat and happy fields gave him.
It was done quickly – four lifted him and four put him outside and bolted the door as Eddie and his father came through it.
‘Why do you keep him as a customer?’ one asked the barman. The barman did not have to answer that Joseph was in most nights and worth the trouble for that reason.
The usual insults were thrown at Joseph’s back once he was safely gone. Then the conversation turned to his family and they talked of the daughter, who roamed at will, as they would one of the beasts they farmed.
‘A fine thing, well stacked at the front.’
‘You’d have to hobble her to keep her still.’
‘Don’t go getting ideas about Carmel, lads. She has the colouring of a fox and she scrawms like one too!’ Poker O’Toole cackled. He was forty if a day.
‘And how would you know?’ Eddie asked.
‘Well I tried to get acquainted with the mite once. I went home the beach way and came across her, in her nip, having a wash in the sea. In the dead of night! Took off like that when she saw me,’ he clicked his fingers sharply. ‘When I caught up on her she took the arm off me, bit into it she did.’
Eddie was not outspoken on any occasion and did not utter a sound as he smacked his fist home, nor did he say a word, but left with the stunned silence still about them all.
His father looked long and hard at the door his son had just walked out of. The men took no offence and Poker was out cold so could take none either. They all put it down to Eddie being unused to the drink.
* * *
On this night Carmel was sixteen years old, sitting over a dinner which she had not eaten. Her father at his full height was two inches shorter than her and took great exception to this. She had been ordered to get him some more meat. As she stood up, he said into his meal, ‘I can’t see how she could be mine.’
‘She’s yours,’ Noreen answered. ‘My side are all tall. She takes after me.’
‘That she does, which is why she has not worked a day in her life. No child with my blood would miss a day’s work if they could help it.’
Noreen finished his sentence off in her mind. ‘I’ve tried to get her work. They don’t want to take on a slow one.’
‘No child with my blood would be slow.’
It ended with him telling Noreen he would give her money to feed only two people in future. And starve some sense and inclination to work into the lazy trollop. Carmel faded from the room. Her mother still told her to leave, always. Carmel had not the sense to realize it was beatings meant for her that Noreen was taking. She had the sense to know the more she stayed away the better it seemed for them all.
* * *
When Eddie found Carmel she was asleep, curled up into the trunk of a great oak. He got the sense if he moved nearer it would crush him to protect her. She was more part of this world than his own. And he would have left her if she had not stirred then. Once her eyes opened she held her arms out to him. Her milky white flesh shone in the moonlight on this soft night full of kind stars. He knew it would be better to wait but the salt of her skin drove him to a thirst. He drank more than his first pint that night.
Her legs were strong and she wrapped them around his waist, locking him into her hot darkness and not a word out of her but groans and moans. Not soft whispers but wild, feverish gasps that brought the night sky in around them so that neither could breathe. They could be free with themselves since there was no one around to hear but the woodland creatures.
His head fell between her breasts and he put his hand on a rose pink nipple reaching towards the stars. She grew cold beneath him and shifted, and he looked into her eyes, afraid that he would find a bitter fear in them, but he saw she had been filled in the same way he had been.
Still, when he gathered her, shivering, into him he felt hot tears on his cheek and found they were his own. What he had done with her was what other men wanted and she was not wise enough to the world to stop them.
‘There are other men who want this from you, Carmel,’ he said into her soft hair. ‘It’s my job to keep them away.’
Carmel did not hear. She had fallen asleep to the drum of his heart.
3 ∼ Roaming Done
AM I RIGHT to tell them, Carmel? You, loved for the first time in dark-night moments that turned golden.
You gave birth to me and I never knew the inner workings of your heart.
Eddie was the only person for you.
My mother. Her hair is red, her skin as pale as the white-gold rays of the sun. Her eyes glimmer in the dark. Green, with flecks of gold, reminding us that the sun is in her.
Her feet walked her own way from the earliest day; she was not one to be pointed away from her fate. Her toes so broad and flat she had to wear brogues from the men’s section of the shoe shop. These big feet looked like they were not part of Carmel, who was tall and thin like a willow.
Once Eddie and Carmel began their loving no power in the world could stop it.
‘Keep away from the woods, Carmel,’ he told her. ‘Unless I am with you, don’t go near the beach. Don’t go anywhere you shouldn’t.’
And to please him she stopped her day roaming and waited for night before joining him.
* * *
There was some part of Eddie that did not belong with Carmel, but with the narrow town. He would not be seen with the slow Moriarty girl and her big feet in men’s shoes. He had been taught that decent girls did not behave in such a way. But he had not been taught that one true to her feelings did. And he felt that true love and it found a way into his bones. It frightened him that his bones were now not his own but called out for her.
Carmel, under Eddie’s instruction, stayed close to home. Carmel stayed under the constant eye of her father now. Since no one would employ her she was put to work in his fields.
The glimmering girl was replaced by a deep, mournful shadow that bore sorrow as a friend. A lost, hollow woman with a worn mouth. The only vibrant thing left was her hair. My mother could set fire to the world around her with that.
* * *
‘Who would marry this one, the whore from Hoar Rock?’ Joseph cut through the heart of the mother and the daughter with these regular words and rants. ‘Who would take on a laz
y, idle, useless good-for-nothing trollop, just like her mother before her? It was a sad day the day I got saddled with you pair,’ this spat at them with fine, dry pellets of spit that had no moisture or feeling in them above contempt.
The whore of Hoar Rock, the baby in her belly. Her father now adding blows to the words.
‘You should burn for what you have done,’ he told Carmel, who the heron had saved for this fate. They were in the kitchen. Carmel’s hair full of the cooked food she had not eaten the night before.
The night before Joseph had gone from the table into the pub. The night before Noreen asked her daughter if there was something she should tell her mother. It could not be hidden on such a thin frame. Carmel did not know, so Noreen had to tell her. The pair might then have held each other tight against the near future and what it held, but with Joseph near and between them, they had not held each other in a long time.
Noreen now only felt despair that the daughter had allowed another man to take the only thing she had been able to make sure Carmel kept. She thought of the nights when she had stood between Joseph and his daughter’s door. For one moment she wanted Carmel to have suffered as she had suffered, to learn that to give willingly is to give foolishly. For willing women of that time were led to places where only the foolish go.
Then she cried out and she did not wish it any more, she did not wish for her flesh and blood to know all that she had known and she knew she would once more put herself in the way of the punishment.
When Joseph came home, she told Carmel she would tell him and Carmel lit out the back door.
‘Whose is the dinner?’ he wanted to know when he came in.
‘Carmel’s. She was not hungry.’
‘Then let it sit there and she can have it for breakfast. I don’t put good food on the table for it not to be eaten.’
Noreen, knowing that every moment they waited was a moment in which he might realize for himself, told him why he had more reason to be angry than a dinner.
She bowed her head and waited. He said nothing, took the belt off his trousers and went to sit, in this spot that I am sitting in now, by the fire. By morning he had not let the belt out of his hand. Noreen was out looking all night for her daughter, to tell her not to come home. But she was not used to the night and was afraid of it and could not go into its darkest places where Carmel found most comfort and Noreen felt most fear.
The Lost Souls' Reunion Page 2
